cle103

Member
  • Content count

    359
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by cle103

  1. @Leo Gura @peanutspathtotruth @karkaore @Charlotte Thank yall ??
  2. @OBEler 5g‘s of mushrooms was the breakthrough. I‘ve done 2 Al Lad trips and the rest were mushroom. Regarding the breakthrough, it was really intense. Kinda like being struck by lightening (or what I imagine it to be like). You can read my report here if you want: Would I recommend it? Absolutely. If you are ready to surrender completely.
  3. @AncestorOfAisle6 For me, my baseline increased tremendously. I've done 13 trips in the last 3 years. However the changes were exponential ever since my first breakthrough to absolute infinity. This was 3 months ago and it was the day, the real journey started. Since then, I truly felt my day to day consciousness rising. Main differences since then: 1. I know what I am shooting for. 2. I am much more aware of my breath and body tensions which basically makes my life a constant lightly meditative state (which is pretty pleasurable). 3. I am much more loving. Like 10x since the breakthrough. More respecting of others, animals and all life forms. Don't expect one trip to do that for you. This takes work and most likely a good dozen trips.
  4. Hey guys, I've been meditating alot on my breath for the last months (using Culasada's stage model) and I've been noticing some interesting changes which also pose the above question. A couple of nights ago I was lying down getting ready to sleep after meditation and my mind just stopped completely. Like zero thoughts. I then was sucked into something that seemed like swirl of consciousness which was also profound as it wiped away the feeling of the body. However it stopped after a minute or so. Ever since then I've been focussing on the breath even more throughout the day (I also do breath work and Kriya Yoga). Which poses my question: How do you breath properly? I am serious. There's alot of conflicting advice. Some ppl. say to breathe into your stomach. Some say to expand your full torso... Same in breath work: Do you breathe only through your nose? Only through your mouth? Or does it not matter? I've heard all 3 answers from seemingly legit experts (Wim Hof, Laird Hammilton, ...). As for my direct experience: In daily life I feel that if I breathe with my whole torso I also move my shoulders upward a bit which is not good. However if I only breathe into my belly it doesn't seem optimal either (most likely either takes more practice). Note: Focussing on the breath throughout the day is immensely calming, even meditative. My day feels like low level meditation when I don't forget to check in with my breath regularly. In my view this has immense potential as I feel it's essential to make life your practice as well. Regarding breath work: Breathing only in through the nose seems really forceful when you want to go balls deep (bc. the breath would otherwise take alot longer compared to mouth breathing). So what is your experience? If I remember correctly @Leo Gura wanted to shoot a video on the proper way of breathing (maybe he could spill the beans ). - Cheers
  5. @d0ornokey Yup, pretty much all of them can be found on the forum ?
  6. I’ve counted them all up: This was my 13th ride on the psychedelic ferry. And it was an insightful one to say the least. If you want to skip straight to the trip, please feel free. However to those interested, I will provide some background. The last 4 of my trips really go together. It all started in April when I decided to trip again after a half year off. This one trip changed my life. And it told me 2 things (besides many others) that are crucial: Psychedlics are your path. Your path is the one of energy and purification. The subsequent trip was my first breakthrough to absolute infinity. And my last trip was a deeper insight into the mechanics of God and me becoming aware of the “One Eyeball seeing”. If you’re interested you can read them here (I’ve labeled them for my own reference): Creativity and Beauty | #10 Infinity | #11 The Pixel | #12 Now on to lucky number 13. Man. Where to begin. I will start off with the method of administration. I ground up the shrooms, put them in a tea bag and then followed @Nahm's Ginzing™ tea procedure. It worked like a charm and the peak was even longer than usual (felt like years but must have been a good solid hour of hanging around in the God Head). My intentions where: Who is aware of the “Pixel” (= God/the one eyeball seeing/that which within all dimensions and so on are contained)? What is the energy part of “Energy and Purification” (I figured out purification in #12). What is my role in this life time? The Trip: Like the last time I began a conversation with God after the come up. Again it asked me: “What do you want to learn?”. Again I stated my intentions. Again it showed me my impurities. Again I surrendered and admitted what I was suppressing (in this case feelings for a girl). Then again the real trip began. It started with my 3rd intention: “What is my role in this life time?” I also asked: “What is my medium or mode of creation?”. God proceded to state: “Art”. It was that simple. I tried to question it. I pondered it. But there was no fucking around. My life purpose is art. My soul’s yearning is creation. I am half warrior, half artist. It even showed me that my body was made out of the two halves (left = artistic, right = warrior) with my heart being the one of a warrior. It also showed me how to use my left hand. Following were visions of me living my purpose. I saw my designs and artworks on shirts and canvases. It also showed me sharing insights. It was beautiful. And what was also remarkable: I always kinda knew that I was an artist. And a particular scene came to mind: In Germany if you finish your school you go for a last test where you have to pick 4 classes which count double and will be tested extensively. I took art as my last one. And I got a B- for my sculpture. Years ago I could not belief why my teacher would do that as we were pretty close and the sculpture was good (imo lol). I then realized that this was his final teaching. I pretty much copied the sculpture I did in class months ago and with this grade he taught me to be original. He taught me I could do better than this. What a man. It turns out there are two modes of creativity: Copying something - Re-creation. Tapping into true imagination and God’s creativity - Creation. Don’t get me wrong, most art is copied and still great. However true creativity is something else entirely. That’s the art which moves mountains. Btw. I also revisited on of my first trips where encountered a Balrog in the realms of consciousness. Of course I don't know, but it seems that either the makers of the Lord of the Rings movies, or Tolkien himself has pounded some mushrooms. After that, this part of the trip seemed finished and proceeded to go pee. Once I returned I lied down and set my mind to the “Who is aware of the Pixel?” question. However I was put off by some roof worker hammering on top of my flat. Then something happended which still takes my breath away: There was a voice out of nowhere which said: “You know you can stop the noise, right?”. I was like: “What the fuck, how?”. It answered: “Remember”. The hammering stopped in that instance. What. The. Fuck. There is no “How”. God just wills it. I am remembering more and more how I built all of this. And how I engineered all of this so I forgot I did this. It is so ingenious. Holy fuck. I looked at my hand. I wanted to change it. It changed into a claw of some sort. Almost like a pig foot. I wanted to make it green and alien. I realized that there was an invisible “lock” on that. I couldn’t do it. HOWEVER I also realized that this lock was imaginary. It was my limiting belief (forget the personal development mumbo jumbo). And if I surrendered this belief I could literally turn my hand into a tentacle. Holy fuck. However now the real mindfuck commenced. I asked: “Who is aware of God?” “How can God be aware of itself”? The answer was: There is NOTHING to be aware of. Perception is a lie. Fuck. . I really wanted to use less swear words to keep this report classy but man… what a mindfuck. Later I also asked: What are all these thoughts in my head and what is the ego? The answer: Thoughts come from the field of infinite potential (which is HERE and NOW). They are made out of the one “stuff” call it consciousness. And they are illusory. That means: They create separation. God uses thoughts so you perceive yourself as other so that God can look at itself. Then it made itself forget that it did that so that Trump doesn't turn all cats into chickens, or worse And if theses thoughts recede you go back into oneness aka no separation. Holy fuck. It really does nothing to read this in a book. You gotta experience it first hand. Mushrooms taught me that over and over: If you read, it’s heresay. If you gain insight from the hand to hand combat of existence, it’s wisdom. Books are still crucial but there is no comparison. Then there was only one intention left: What is energy? The answer: There is nothing which is not energy. There is only one “stuff”. I really wanted to learn more, what the role of energy is for awakening, what the Kundalini is and so forth but I was to exhausted at this point. I just stayed in the Godhead, setting my intent to heal existence and ask some more questions however the main part of the trip was over. Only one more thing: If you think God is this serious, nihilistic “thing”... get that out of your head. God is playful and even humorous (yet also brutal in some sense that it uses evolution as its playground and paintbox). It played around in this trip. It joked at the beginning why I would not want to see some aliens (my intent was set on the above 3 things). And it also showed me how silly this notion is: We are humans. Living on rock. This rock is inhabitable by accident. Somehow life poofs into existence which is of course proven by science. And this rock is the only one which has intelligent live on it. Yeah, sure. Cool story bro. There are no accidents. None. Thank you. P.S. I planned to trip monthly but this is getting pretty intense and exhausting. If one of you experienced psychonauts has some insight into picking your pace and so on, I would be grateful. P.P.S. You might wonder, what these insights change in ones day to day life. Aren't they just some psychedelic "state"? Well no. What I can say with absolute certainty is that I've done 1-3 years of growing in the last 4 months. I am much more aware of the ego's trickery and I feel like I am becoming an embodiment of Love. I also feel much more joy on a daily basis. I respect every life form ten times more (e.g. if there is a pigeon or crow in my way, I step aside so I do not disturb it and I also watch my step avoiding to step on ants and so on).
  7. @Leo Gura Thanks! The potential is undeniable. I‘m only 21, there is no way in hell I could have grown as much without psychedelics. I am truly beginning to learn how to live. Btw thx for your example as well! Without it I would‘ve denied this path.
  8. @Commodent Ok thanks. What do you think about breath work? And what are your sources?
  9. @Bluebird @sidaz10 Thank you. I will give it another go.
  10. Thanks man! Can you help me with this one? Situation: My boss bought bottles of champagne whilst some coworkers were still waiting for their pay. He should not have done that (imo). Is it true? Yes, he did that. But no, the last sentence is not true as he did what he did and that is the truth. How do I react? I get triggered as a stage green dude. I get angry. I can feel it in my stomach and then spreading through my body. Who would I be without that thought? I would be calm, relaxed, doing my work. Turnarounds: He should have bought champagne instead of paying the team? That just does not feel true to me. Can you assist?
  11. @Truth Addict Yeah I know that feeling haha. I had it a couple times when meditating. Literal fear of death. When I get scared in a dream I can decide to wake up which is cool, however when you‘re near an enlightenment experience you‘d wanna let go (easier said than done... I haven‘t been able to do that yet).
  12. Hey guys, I just had a pretty crazy experience and I can't sleep anymore so I thought I might write a forum post about it lol. I've been experimenting with my dreams on and off for the last months (just for fun). I just set an intention and then see what happens (let's dream something crazy tonight, shall we? = crazy dreams, etc.). Before I went to sleep yesterday/today I set the intent to dream something beautiful and so it began (first I wanted to dream sth. else but my intuition came in and changed it for me)... The dream began crystal clear. I was in the same room where I am sleeping and I was looking out of the window. Then it happened. I just realized that I could get enlightened RIGHT NOW. There was no way to it. I just had to be it. In that same instance it hit me (quite literally). I suddenly fell flat down (or so I think) as I lost touch of my body. Then there were darkness and exploding colors. Then there was just emptiness. When I awoke from that period (I think I was still dreaming at this point or sth. in between) I tried to think. I had to really try actively. And the main thing I noticed was that I could not worry at all. Reason being that all thoughts of worry included the fiction of "me". Like, I couldn't do it if someone put a gun to my head. It was just a fiction. And who gets worried about a fictional character? I was still there. Nothing changed. There was just no me. I quite honestly don't know if at that point I was dreaming or in waking consciousness at that point as my dream was happening in the exact same room but who cares about that duality anyway. Then after some time my (way too excited) ego came back into effect. I just wanted to share that with you. - Cheers
  13. Hey guys, all of this could be coincidence, however I still wanted to share this and maybe someone knows what's up. Over the last months I've been noticing that I have some really strange imbalances between my right and left side of the body. Here are some examples: My left side is stronger than my right (I'm right handed). My left side is quite a bit more flexible (even though I also sleep on that side). Right now I have a minor cold and only my left side is congested (for real, I only blow my left nostril and have a headache on the left side of my head). In congruence with that: My left eye is constantly tearing up for no reason whatsoever (since I got the cold). I have two very distinct birthmarks on my left side. I also have a scar on my left hand that's there since birth. Again, all of this could be total coincidence. No, I didn't have an accident. However if someone of you know sth. about all of this, please share. I know it's important to balance out the body and I also know that left = thinking (in general) whereas right = emotion. And if this should have sth. to do with it, I'm an INTJ (Myers Briggs, however I have also worked quite alot on my emotions over the last year(s)). - Cheers
  14. Thanks for the reply! I will research Louise Hay. I don‘t think it‘s a stroke since most of these things have been present for a long time or even birth.
  15. Astrology seems fun... never gotten really into it. I'm a late Cancer (18th July). Anything you can tell me about that?
  16. Got it. If you chant "Om" at each chakra (up and down the spine) that would be KP3.
  17. @Leo Gura Do you do only Kriya Pranayama 3 or do you do 12 KP 1, 12 KP2, 12 KP3 as JC recommends?
  18. Hey guys, earlier this day I took one tab of AL-LAD (approx. 150 μg) and I thought I'd share my experience. I took it on an empty stomach after waking up. The onset was about 60 minutes. This was my 8th psychedelic experience (6x shrooms, 2x AL-LAD). The evening before I set the following intentions: Grow as a person and integrate past traumas. What is Truth? What should I eat (what is the proper diet for me) (yes, seriously). All of the above got addressed in the trip. So I'll go through them one by one. 1. Starting with the least important - What should I eat? I'll keep it short, bc. the other topics are more juicy: I never had struggles with my diet, however the last days my stomach was kinda upset. So I set the intention to investigate further. In short the answer was: Be more aware. Eat even less (not none) dairy and less processed stuff. I had a piece of chocolate mid-trip plus a banana and I just realized how perfectly nourishing the fruit was, whereas the chocolate was SO sweet it was almost disgusting. 2. Grow as a person and integrate past traumas. This was an interesting one. I had two past memories come up. In one there was a kid trying to bully me (I was 6 or so). However he was the loner and I was with my friend. He never got through to me and I just realized that he wanted to belong to us and that he just wanted to be loved. I didn't even know that this was a trauma (!) as I almost forgot about the memory and never would've thought it would be traumatic. However, and that was the most interesting part, I visited this particular scene again and I saw that a part of me splintered off there. And when I went through it the fragment re-integrated with me. This was absolutely fascinating (months before I read Teal Swan's Completion Process and it felt exactly as she describes it). Then there was a different scene where I was about 15 or 16 and someone I knew for years wanted to pick a fight with me and my group of friends. We did not want to fight him and his friend so we left the football field where the scene took place. As I visited the field again I saw how it could have ended. There was blood and violence. I realized that it was wise for us to leave and that this person was so full of pain that chances are rare he will be saved, ever. That was sad, as he wanted to be loved as well but had so much pain, that I could never do anything but send him love. This love theme expanded as I realized that everything that "evil" people do is for love. I had a crystal clear image of Hitler and I saw the suffering he inflicted but I could not hate him. There was only love. 2.1. Fear of Spiders Whilst on the topic of love and hate, I also confronted my fear of spiders. I'm not hysterical about it but I keep a good distance from them. Again I was sent to a past memory where there was a particulary "beautiful" fella sitting in our basement (I was about 17 I think). I tried to catch it but it was about 2-3 inches big and in the final moment I chickened out as my "friend" ran for his life (probably going on a mission to kill some rats lol). In this scene I switched perspectives and became the spider and re-experienced the exact scene from it's point of view (try telling that your therapist). I don't know if that cured my anxiety forever as I haven't seen a spider yet but it definitely showed me a different perspective (image how scary a human is for a spider). And also realized how irrational (this) fear is. 3. What is Truth? Now we get into the meat of this trip. Oh, boy. About 2.5 hours in I realized that the ONLY thing worth pursuing in life is Truth. There is nothing else. Everything else is a misguided search for Truth or just plain distraction (both are the same in the end). I thought about my life and career - Distraction. Pursuing sex and women - Truth! Just kidding... a heaping pile of distraction. Health and fitness - Whilst it's important to take care of your meat vehicle it is ultimately a distraction. EVEN happiness is a distraction! I realized that there is nothing left to do but to search for Truth. So I went on my way. I might have asked "What is Truth" one million times in the 8 hours that the trip lasted (not kidding!). Unfortunately I didn't find it... but I learned a lot: What if Truth is ugly - Would you still want it? What if Truth is immeasurable suffering - Would you still want it? What if Truth is pure insanity - Would you still want it? What if Truth is A LIE? - Would you still want it? What if Truth is death? - Would you still want it? The answer is yes (at least it was for me). I went trough them one by one. I was shown immense suffering (being eaten alive in the most painful way). I was also shown insanity. And I also confronted the possibility that Truth could be a lie (that was a tricky one). With the last one I had the sensation that something was slitting my throat. I was ready to die and tried. I wanted to let go but I just could not. So I just banged my head against the wall over and over again, trying to think my way to Truth. I also looked at my hand for about two hours and saw all kinds of weird shit happen (visuals, morphing, one time there was an eye on one of my fingers and at one time my hand disappeared literally for a couple of seconds). I realized that Truth could only be HERE and NOW. As everything else is illusion (room/space, time, ...). But I did not break through. This was frustrating to say the least. However between my last trip and this trip I got a real sense for what true self inquiry is. If done properly it happens by itself. No thinking. The question emerges in silence and gets answered in silence not thought. Thought can only bring you to the edge. You can either try to brute force it by thinking and asking over and over again (as I did here)... hoping for the ego to give the f up... or you can do it in silence (much more productive). All in all... The main thing I got out of this is that Truth is the only worthwhile pursuit (not to say that nothing else matters but it kind of does lol). I am humbled and thankful for the lessons learned but not satisfied. Hope you enjoyed! Much love. - Cheers P.S. One of the trippiest things I've ever done in my entire life is to look into the mirror whilst on the substance. Get real close. Look yourself in the eyes. See your own reflection in your own pupils. Realize that it's a reflection of a reflection of whatever. Realize that you've never seen your body for real. Freak the f out.
  19. @Leo Gura Now you spoilered me Just kidding. Yes. That's the problem I guess. I had the conceptual understanding plus various mystical experiences but never a clear cut direct experience of Truth. @Nahm Team spider ? @who chit Yes, exactly! That's what I tried for a full year. No effect at all. Now I just remain seated after I do my Kundalini meditation and self inquiry happens by itself. So much more productive.
  20. @Leo Gura Earlier you said you'd recommend 24 KP's/Session with the technique described in the "basic book". Do you only do KP3 or KP1 & 2 as well (like it's recommended in the book)? Also: Have you tried stopping the breath at every chakra? It's an alternative/recommended technique.
  21. Hey guys, this is the third time it happened to me and I wanted to get your thoughts on this: Yesterday I was meditating in total darkness late at night (my fav. time and setting). I was doing my usual routine that my coach gave me (self love, meta, chakra work). After I was finished I noticed that my mind was extremely calm. First there were some thoughts but I could clearly observe that those were not "mine" or "me". Then all thinking stopped. There was nothing. And after a minute or so this thought emerged by itself: "Wait! What is me?" And that freaked me the fuck out. There was no me. As this was noticed noticed my heart started POUNDING. I never experienced anything like this. I was sweating and panicking. I heard Leo talk about that this happens when you're on a brink of an awakening, however I could not break through. It felt literally like I was dying. I was scared shitless. I thought about my family and how they would miss me. It was intense. And when my heart beat increased even further I had the feeling that the inside flipped outside... That there was no body anymore, only me. The heartbeat, the rapid breathing happened within "me". As I said, this happened twice before but never that intense. How do you actually break through in such a situation? Thanks for your feedback. - Cheers
  22. @non_nothing Thanks! Adyashanti is great. @Nahm Hmm, interesting. It always sounds so easy, if I think about it now I'd say "Just surrender" but when my identity actually is on the line it's so much harder. I'll try next time. Thank you. @Leo Gura Yup, shit happens. I'll interpret this as "keep going" or is there anything else you'd point me to? @Oktillo Yeah, so much to learn. You describe the same feeling I get on shrooms. We're just petty monkeys with some fancy technology