Geezee

Meditating daily is an absolute necessity for me. Most of my clean streaks have been broken because of skipping the practise for a day or two. I just feel so much better throughout the day when I've meditated in the morning. I've also noticed how my social skills and energy improve as well. I'm more productive during the day and socializing is so much easier...

So I've had a porn addiction for 10 years or so. Tried to quit using almost every method in the book. Nofap, EasyPeasy, meditation, you name it I've probably tried it. The longest I've went without porn since getting addicted is 2 months. That was probably the happiest, confident and most productive period of my life. It's been 4 years since then and I've grown and learnt a lot on the way. I'm a self-aware, spiritually inclined person due to having a long, but irregular meditation habit. I've done research into addiction and sexual trauma and I think I may be addicted because of sexual trauma as a child. At the least it played a part in it. I've been reading the book "Complex PTSD" by Pete Walker and it's been eye-opening so far. I'm writing this journal as a form of accountability, posting daily insights and experiences, and also to try something new. I'm open to feedback and advice. I've also been trying to get into game, or at least improving my sex life. I've had girlfriends in the past and have learnt that dating seriously is not for me and so casual relationships would be the only way to get my sexual needs met. The problem is my porn addiction getting in the way of that. I'm more anxious, and less confident when I've been on a porn streak. I just feel more numb to life and it negatively affects almost every part of my life. I'm hopeful though and I'm excited to see how far I can go with this...