Anlib

Write down your workout week if you want more help. your muscles will not get weaker as long as you eat well. Sound like the issue is more on the wrists. What of the following things above have you REALLY followed up with?

In my my resent meditaion session I got the insight that I don't give a fuck about my familymembers and that a big part of my childhood was i big fat lie. My mom put me into soccer when I was 6 and I played it till I was 14, I HAVE NEVER LIKED SOCCER? Even tho it has been a pretty big part of my identity. I always tell myself that I like my childhood friends but I actually don't. I see how the manupilations I have accounterd by my dad, he give shit to me but NEVER any emotional atunement, but how I still have attatched to him because otherwise he would be angry because of lack of appreciation. This might be an overexaturation, but still. Altho if the people around me would stop all the comtact with me I think I would start to "love" them again... haha

I get what you wanted me to realize. The main objektive is raising awareness and go through all the stages of development and realize how I lie in every stage and how the lies are creating suffering for me, the higher developed I become, the healthier my ego/lies become.

It's just ideas upon ideas upon ideas, and that too was an idea. It's just bullshit and mental masturbation.

Yeah ofc the levels of conscuiousness are different, but still, whether something is judged good or bad is dependent on someones awareness. If someone with mediocre awareness is judgeing something, what makes him more than someone below or higher? There are different perspectives no matter were your awareness is at, but the ultimate goal is to see that your ideas is just ideas, not truth because truth is not something you know, it's something you become aware of. The only difference you made was to involve the collective ego, which does'nt make it more true at all.

For example, the reason I commented was not to make you know something, it was for my own egoic desires and needs.

That's one of tye few and only ways your ego works, if you would not meditate, your ego would still find 1000 of ways to feel superior. The "TRUTH" is that meditation is an action like any other action. Like raping a child. Or jumping off a cliff. It has no direct meaning, only the ego says so. Meditation does not makes you a better human being, even if you ego STRONGLY wanna belive that

@Leo Gura ok, but if I relate this to myself I see this consciousness work as an escape from the work I think I have to do on myself. I have low self-esteem in many areas of my life. I have no good grades from high school and I have never been good in school. The area of my lige that's always been in control is my physical health. I have no overwehlming addictions in my life. I medditate atleast 1.5 hrs every day. The thing im looking for now in my life is like the dark night of the soul kind of thing, where my psyche in in da purge so to speak, because I know that I have alot of unresolved trauma, and I know what the trauma is but I don't feel THAT BAD when I think of it. I know I am underdeveloped in many ways, but I also have enough mindfulness to see all the suffering it would create to chase all these thinngs: money, sex, success etc. The only possible true value I can see is getting serious with studies, but all the other shit just do not motivate me. I am 20 years old What do you think I should do?

The thing I was thinking of was: awareness is curative. How can someone with high concsiousness be a crack addict? Why are'nt they just feeling the withdrawal sympthom and recognoze that there is no on to suffer?

@Leo Gura so just because you are enlightent, does'nt mean that you have high concsiousness? Spirutual purification is not "synonymous" with enlightenment?

ANSWER THE QUESTION LEO, HAHA?

What do you mean by REAL in this case? To continue self honesty as you said in the frase above? Or do you mean life purpose? When you said that I should take 100% responsibility for my emotions, wich I almost never do, it helped me getting much more real with my agenda. But when im practicing this it's really like taking of the mask and seing the psykopath face underneth it all. I just wanna scream as tho none of this was my fault. It's really hard to be mindfull on how I create the anger and such in this situation, because my whole fucking body tensed up as I wrote the things above, my heartrate increased and it was a wierd sensatioin my body. And my mind went insane, as this is your profession you probably understand what I mean. And it's also hard to be mindful because so much of my effort goes to revealing the lies. But I can ofc go back after being self honest and work on it

Real personal development might just mean develop mastery over manipulating circumstanses in your life. It seems that's the only choice I have. You can't manipulate with high awareness right? It would feel empty, which is the same emptiness you think you fill when you manipulate people.

I am now obsessivly waiting for Leo answerimg my question. I have looked up LAs timezone so he should probably be awake soon because the time is 06:25 in LA. I am not writing down the truth brecause of truth. I am writing it down because it benefits me.

The only reason I posted this post was the get aproval of leo, and so that Leo can answer this question. I don't give a fuck about any other answer in this forum. I either don't care about Leo. The only reason I like Leo is because he has said things in his videos that makes me feel good about my life. And the reason I think this is to get all the fucking shit out of my life. And the reason I write this is to feel superior. The only reason I have developed a charming/humor is to manipulate people in my life and because of deeper emotional issues I had in my childhood. I don't give a fuck if the people around me having a good time. All i care about is me. My dirty manipulative ego that don't give a fuck about anyone. I could not live without my lies. my whole body is shaking now, and the reason I wrote that is to make Leo say that it is a part of the spirutual purification and that it's healthy for me. And the reason I wrote that is to feel good about myself. Now when I post this, I see myself getting honored by the forum, for being such a radical honest person and seing several people liking this post. The ego trap is fucking insane. I AM SUCH A CONCSIOUS PERSON. That was i lie and that was a lie and that was a lie and that was a lie and that was a lie.

And what would be thw worst meaning I could assign the the insights above? @Leo Gura

@Leo Gura yeah it can be hard to blame others for the patterns I have created. What do you mean by being careful with the emotional reactions? In the form that I get angry and blame others?

The most important thing is time under tension. Focusing on your muscels while lifting is very important, but right now your muscels proably are so small that it can be hard focusing on them. The best rep range is 8 reps. Every rep should take you 5 seconds, 1sec contract, 4 sec extract. Always end with a dropset, meaning, lower the weight about 25%, till you cant lift it anymore. Do the compound exersises meaning, benchpress, deadlift and squats. Don't always do that reprange, but like 70% of the time. Fininsh your workout with a 3x20 set 1 sec contract 3 seconds extract. If you wan't to learn more check this out: http://www.benpakulski.com/ or his youtube channel good luck

I just read that the emotionall scards from childhood are most likely gonna sit, just don't be victimized by them. Is this really true? I mean ofc I will remember the things that has happend to me, but if I develop myself and raise my awareness and let the emotions out when I become conscious of it, will it still affekt me?

That's what the model is about, different levels of consciousness. There are stages over and under stage yellow, right?

It's impossible to question a belief without going meta because the mind want's it certenty. Do I always have to question the belief till nothing? I can't just unknow something I have known. Is it the attatchment to the belief that has to change? Just because you question a belief deeply does'nt mean it will disolve. What type of believs needs to be questioned? You can't really question everything. But some of the fundamentals are ofc the classic inquiry questions. But other than that? My mind get's so fucking wierd when I try doing this, haha. https://www.actualized.org/articles/the-mechanics-of-belief

Is it possible?

@Leo Gura no but how about faping, if I do that 4 times a week, is that ok? I mean even if i would have sex every day I would probably crave it more than if I just jerked of every second day?

Hi, I just did my first determination sitting for 2 hours. At the end of the session I got the inquiry questions, and O ofc started to dive deeper. I don't know what it came from, but I just started to repeat slowly for my self "the voice" "the voice" and watched it with my awareness, and it was really helpful. I just wanted to share what happend and see if someone more experienced think of it. Hopefully it atleast will be helpful for some newbie out there like me

For example, if I wanna develop myself through orange, do I need to aquire all the success and material things first? It does'nt work to realize that you don't need it and just skip the stage right?:) I don't understand how the actuall development process works. @Leo Gura