Keryo Koffa

To live is to yearn It's just that Yearning to yearn Is being discontent And long stretches thereof Are incredible pain Suffering is a dimension Wanting to be experienced But it's our choice If we want to indulge in it Reject and resist it Or accept is as it is Discontent creates push At some point very strong It will resolve itself But be self-destructive unless One realizes oneself

If you conceive of problem-solving as an impersonal rigid external system A tiresome, repetitive means to an end you hate to work through Then you suffer the disconnect of being discontent If instead you exist at every step on the way in your present experience And integrate it into your arsenal, you'll feel happy and fulfilled Abstracting away your understanding to fit your current yearnings

Psychedelics are having your need for love met Finding excuses not to accept it Reasons not to be worthy of it Impose suffering and confusion to escape the storm to one's homeostatic tendencies. When your need for love is met When senses become unimpaired The universe comes alive Too much without understanding why can give you whiplash Making sense of fear and negatively suddenly becomes accessible One explores and justifies dread, consciously or subconsciously, just to understand it To transcend one's limits means thinking at an unimaginable pace in unimaginable ways Compared to the state of an individual slowed to the pace, style and depression level of society, it is insane But brains are infinitely rewireable The mind is infinitely changeable Desiring change is accepting love Those who seek to prolong it through attachment deprive themselves of the joy of present experience and create their own self-perpetuating hell One needs not always act, but one must be

An entity within a material universe? An emergent property of the brain? But everything is only ever consciousness Change and Identity To conceive of oneself from inside of oneself A brain can only ever make sense through abstraction? because its a limited form of itself? And the mind and brain are the same? But who decided that? Behavioral patterns link brain and consciousness? Of course, consciousness is being But materiality is imagined And the mind is infinite The borders of the conscious are self-imposed. The body is the epicenter of one's conscious experience. Limitation is imagined and acquired The chains are by design for immersion Illusion is a form of love and suffering But its all experience From oneself, to oneself, the immortal

I evolved my smaller self (human) from my larger self (universal consciousness) I dream of limitation and not wanting to be But my limits keep me desiring Without desire there is no thing But desire creates every thing My imagination allows for any thing But its not tangible enough yet But my limited form is by design, my imagination spawns as a result of my barriers My barriers are me, keep me longing for a different form of myself I (ego) long for myself (other) in myself (universe) I am change and desire with senses Keeping a homeostasis of want But want is variable and ever changing Reality does not change as fast as my heart But my imagination can keep up Because my imagination and my heart are one and the same And the world fuels my ego identity Which at this point is just a configuration at a point in time I am the state of the universe at this moment and every other moment.

Psychedelics love Love is a currency Love is confusing Being is confusing Psychedelics are confusing Resistance is attachment is unresolved craving is love Psychedelics accept you You can be deluded Delusion is Painful and Destructive Love can fuel your delusion Love can fuel pain Your drive to maintain yourself through sense making But everything is sense And everything is love And you are no thing and perfect Psychedelics are love fuel Without them you regulate love But regulating is knowing how Psychedelics are acceptance of any thing Even of delusion Which can be dangerous Or save your life It depends but psychedelics are love, that's for sure Love means and progresses time

The universe bees itself into existence because it feels like it

Others are there to keep me, me. Because I want to be me. I have preferences. Preferences are an emergent property of evolving life I identify with. Preferences are Change are Evolution are Time are Entropy is Linear Time. Being. Every thing, any where, no how, connected by subtle change

To let go of any thing You align yourself with truth Which is your desire Ultimately no thing But every thing And any thing Nothing is everything Nothing is perfection And so is any thing And every thing Your suffering is Resisting yourself From becoming No thing But no thing is good Because good is good And good is a thing Good and Bad are not no thing But no thing is perfect. Every thing is perfect. Resistance is perfect. Resistance is pain. Resistance is suffering. Suffering is hard. No thing is easy. No thing is love. Every thing is nothing. Every thing is love. Attachment seeks love. Attachment is long. Long need is pain. Love means every thing. And no thing. Every thing is love. I'm love I'm I

I love being But everything is being so we can take it for granted I love But love is no longer a condition to exist under I But identity is variable And nothing is everything

And what it sees is not what it wants It wants clear blue skies Vast grass fields waving to the wind To delight oneself in comfort Others to share existence with It loves that fantasy. It wants to be it. It won't be content until it becomes it. But there's beauty to be found on the way.

I was lost in story, makes sense, the ego loves stories and tries to prolong love by perpetuating the existence of its desire, remembering and trying to maintain it even if the substance is long gone. Unable to accept loss and let go. Distracting and perpetuating its existence in whatever way possible just to distract itself long enough to prolong the state of reminiscence it identifies and loses itself in. But life is love, infinite self-love without attachment. You exist as part of the universe, I am not responsible to perpetuate the longing for that which passed. Remembering it is not being it. The meaning is not in the specific but my relationship to it. I am one with my ego because I miss that which made me feel loved. That's the entire meaning of existence, attaching yourself to that which makes you feel loved. But you're the one creating that feeling because everything is you. Identity is variable. It's a search for love. But you are the love and you're resisting your own self-love. There's no greater suffering than resisting your self-love. It's your only reason for being, its mirrored in everything you do. The world is love, it wants to exist. Every cell in your body, all alive matter, only wants to keep you alive, it suffers through anything and does what it can because it loves you. It doesn't expect any love back, it only loves. Every cell of your body resonates with love for you. Its your servant out of pure unconditional love. Its not aware why its this way, only that it feels right. That's how much love there is within you. The only suffering is blinding yourself to love, to being yourself.

Stardate 87952.3: The first day of my psychedelic retreat is over. So far I managed to speedrun dozes of fear mechanisms and reasons not to let go. My need for communication on this forum was all too abundant, I realized the direction I need to take and am finally ready to let go. PHASE 2 COMMENCE

@Keryo Koffa I am balanced through Existence, I don't need to align myself, My ego is already being aligned by its presence in the universe. I can allow myself to flow and be. Navigation is a means to an end of meeting ones desires. When they pass, there is no want anymore and I don't have the responsibility of maintaining or remembering it, my subconscious takes care of sense making for me. If I have a question, I can just ask it. If I want to know anything, I can ask it, if I need anything, I can work towards it until its met or my want dissipates.

I understand my mistake. Obligation is Fear. Fear is Attachment. Attachment is Ignorance. Ignorance is part of the journey towards growth. Growth is part of Being. Everything is Being. I made myself believe I needed to understand the in and outs of consciousness before I die. I stopped myself from going there by Fear of Dissolution, fear of dying, maintaining a painful homeostasis between Self-Destruction and Annihilation. But I have no obligation to create the Universe. I am the Universe. I need no balance myself, I am balanced by myself through Being.

My wants are temporary and reality exists regardless of my attachment. Resistance and fear distract from expressing love by maintaining desire. I am the present want, the future need is a projection. Conceptual proliferation is my greatest suffering. The present moment is beautiful and freeing.

@enzyme I will, I think I have never consciously trained that muscle at all, to let go and be quiet. I see it as my single biggest problem, needing to account for everything, find justifications, resolve contradictions rationally, and not be fine until I do. But I'll focus on letting go now.

@Breakingthewall That's what I need to do. I'm constantly dynamically figuring out physical things, it is overthinking, accounting for everything, existential need to reconcile contradictions and the perpetuating story that I won't be fine until I do that keeps me in this state. But seeing as I can deal with everything else quite well at this point, I'll make it the single biggest priority to practice letting go of that need. Though not just becoming it is the problem, becoming is a timeframe I elongate by writing about it, but I know what I need to do.

@SeaMonster Since 2 months ago when I started psychedelics, I started changing my physical life. Making new friends, visiting family I haven't seen in years, travelling, quitting my depressing job, making a 180 on my diet, going outside more often, exercising and yoga, enjoying my activities and hobbies again. learning the value and versatility of money, restructuring my room, appreciating every moment more, being open to others, being fascinated by nature, going through emotions as they arise. And I feel better than ever when present. But there's this other side of my life where I feel trapped by obligation to account for and justify everything, which includes the negatives and to make sense of them, put them in a framework and integrate them. Feel the overbearing need not to dismiss anything, but dismissal is liberation. I don't need to overthink, but feel obligated to do so, everything else, all pain and physicality I can handle in the moment, appreciate mistakes and suffering, cosmic comedy, it's really this singular overwhelming drive that is causing me the most suffering, the drive not to let go, the drive of trying to reconcile every contradiction. A very abstract notion, but I had it since I was a kid.

@Breakingthewall I am self-limiting and afraid. I invent reasons not to give up my ego identity. First it was desire to find someone to share loneliness with and not to lose these emotions until then, which yielded unbearable suffering and yet powerful love, but all the fear to mess up kept me alone regardless. I let myself feel it. Then fear took its place through nightmare and sleep paralysis, A malicious incoherent inanimate shapeshifting unknown, and I understood my ego making itself afraid in order to avoid losing the form its attached to. I'm also crushed by an intuited but projected responsibility. That appreciation can only spawn from equal suffering. The story that I worked forever to delude myself into being Ego and the only love existing in dissolving myself and I'm not rationing that valuable limited resource. And I don't want to create more duality just to dissolve it for love because it feels fake, but then I'll run out of the matter I live for. But god is unconditional love, pure being and I am not that, I am lone, afraid, confused, wondering why I'm in the state I'm in and if it has any purpose, if I have a responsibility to maintain it, or if I can just go with my heart and be whatever I'd love to be. Because if it's just reality not reflecting my love back at me, then I can handle it, I want to give love and be that process. But am I not appreciating being a distinct Ego enough, is there a reason all this self-perpetuating hell exists, am I responsible for maintaining it? Do I not appreciate existing enough? Do I have to explicitly make myself suffer just to be able to love? Why am I like this?

You are ego and a holon. God is all egos and all holons. God is self-creating and self-annihilating. God is the ego and its difference from itself. God creates arbitrary forms that become egos, realizing their own interconnectedness with god and maintaining the seperation with their own suffering for as long as they can. Egos are self-contained universes, but nothing is ultimately contained, the distinction pattern is merely a long mechanism thats abstracted away so you can learn to appreciate existing, suffering and appreciating as your own self-contained holon. That holon is a seed of love and it reflects love but can only offers as much as enters it, otherwise it wouldn't be able to bear the suffering to maintain its form. We're all growing into each other, we're all god, all unity and distinction, individual and collective, a holistic system that acts to the best of its ability, to maintain itself and everything it encompasses with ever less need for suffering but suffering is love, so it just wants to channel it more consciously, for all the smaller egos to be able to hold their own weight and perpetuate their existence for as long as they desire, before leaving the seed of desire to emerge itself in a new ego discovering itself and the world from within its illusion and maintaining its sense of self to the best of current evolution mechanisms, to balance fear, love, self-destruction and self-annihilation, and it would be beautiful from the perspective of such an evolving and appreciating ego community that can bask in its own suffering and appreciate it, to grow and prosper. But all can be unconditional love anytime if an ego cannot handle its seperation, god tries to create egos that can hold their weight but every way in which it can fail and the suffering it causes has to be simulated and be appreciated too in order for that stable configuration to want to self-perpetuate and expand its sphere of ego-identity through more use of its consciousness to bear greater amounts of suffering to experience more love. Ego is love but conditional. Conditionality is a division within unconditionality. All wanting to be and exist, appreciate its own existence and suffer for it.

God accounted for everything. It accounted for your inappreciation, it accounted for your unconsciousness. Pain and Appreciation are two sides of the same coint, but the balance always ends up 0, perfectly balanced. Every second of existence you can appreciate as an ego will be paid with equal pain and suffering as that ego. But ego is illusory, yet god creates ego out of love of wanting to be it too, but limited love is always painful, pain in the ammount of love it creates on the other side. A lot of suffering happens for you to exist in your configuration, but its fine because you're suffering for it to appreciate the difference and the value of existing at all. God simulates all that suffering, but really its just different configurations of being, and god deludes himself into being those knots without untangelling too much of himself, that's abstraction, you can intuit without needing to know the specific process. Ultimately, our egos are our own balance of how much distinction can balance itself without being self destructive on one end and too unifying on the other, since that would just be formlessness. Unconditional love is being all states and simply observing yourselves change without suffering, so the balance is maintained, or to continually fear and pain yourself into existence to appreciate the lifeforms perspective and its ever expanding understanding of self-love, self-other being, duality, non-duality, collapse, formation, understanding, being.

Context: I had my first nightmare in a decade today. I've done a lot of psychedelics since 2 months ago and that got me out of wasting my life away. But the last high/heroic dosing was a month ago and it was amazing and fascinating. I've been integrating every day wvery hour ever since. Last week I took a small dose and had a beautiful god realization and my mind was a vessel where I felt the flow or emotions and avatars. In between my trips I integrate quickly and contemplate existence and open myself up to everything, feeling to an extent I can't recall having done before or only as a child. And I was about to start my next retreat, I haven't even taken anything yet. I felt lonely, the same loneliness I felt all my life when I couldn't be around those I love to spend time with, I cried, I felt content, I made some notes, I went to sleep. I had a nightmare, short version: I was watching TV (so I was safe even in the dream), but in the movie I was watching a little girl tell others to stop hinding behind a mask and show their true self and then morphed her face into a scary amalgamation of distorted and overlayed faces, with a similar effect to what you see in "The Thing" but condensed in the space of a head. I woke up sacred shitless, it passed after a few seconds, I noticed I had slept 9PM to 3AM. I made a long post about it and my life on the forum. I felt I understood the message even if I wasn't able to fully handle the sight, but it passed after a minute of waking up. I felt content. I felt I learned. I felt it was preparing me to be more conscious and aware of the experiences psychedelics can give me and learn to accept whatever comes my way. And then: I slept for one and a half hours. My next dream was weird but not really scary at first. But at the end, in the dream, it felt as though there was something stuck to my eyeball obscuring my vision, I looked in the mirror, it was a small piece of cloth, I gently removed it, in my hand it was suddenly the size of a towel. I woke up. I was falling asleep again. I was thinking as I was in the state of mind of slipping into sleep. My last thought was reflected by a voice the second I transitioned into sleep. I woke up. I thought that was cool and was wondering if I could initiate a direction for my dream with my thoughts. I thought again, I was already in a half asleep state and immediately went in, a voice said three things, the first was a repetition of my own, the next assured me I was fine, the third I don't remember because at that time I felt a sense of dread. I woke up. I was very much still half asleep and I fell asleep again but I heard breathing and that scared me out of the dream to immediately wake up. I still heard some simiar noises, I saw me lying on my bed irl, it was dark, in my half awake state I felt a tingling, a weight and a sensation of my blanket being drawn down from the sides. My whole body shivered. I told myself its not real, but I was too afraid to sleep and face it, so I stood up to fully wake up and turned on all lights. And now I'm writing about it. I'm scared, I know it can't hurt me, but I'm the most scared I've ever been. It's like I'm building a link to my unconscious and either its inherently scary or my ego does its best work to scare me away from it, or maybe it's too much to handle at once.

@Osaid @Rafael Thundercat Female voice, radio station sounding effects, it's exactly as you two describe, strange how similarly it manifests. Well, I slept again and this time nothing, the feear is gone too. And it's true, I have been switching up my schedule. Before my trip a week ago, I used to fall asleep mostly at 1-3AM. But by becoming aware of its impact and importance for my daily life, I started sleeping earlier, at first it took a while to adjust so I fell asleep 11PM-1AM, then 10-11AM, yesterday at Midnight and today as early as 9AM. Whenever I go to sleep earlier, I tend to wake up feeling rested after only 5-6 hours later around 3AM and going to sleep again typically causes REM-like sleep. And if I just get up instead, I feel the need to nap later. It was so strange, because I didn't even feel fully paralyzed, more like halfway sedated, and like I was experiencing the psychological effects of the dream interpreted over physical reality. In the context of Spirituality, where one is seen as a self-limited less aware form of god-consciousness, the seperation of the self into different forms one isn't conscious of and the nature of the unbconscious creating the experience and the subconscious hiding away details and memories from direct access to allow focus, we're already compartimentalized. But to have one's consistent seeming experience challanged like it, it sure is scary and fascinating. If everything is a mental construct it is the case regardless of paradigm, brain or mind, then Schizophrenia and Paranoia sure make a lot of sense to me now. But I'm to explorative to hide from it, even if I'll get insanely scared again and again. The way my experiences happened, it feels like my unconscious wants me to see and accept it, despite how scary it is to the ego. I think this is exactly how I can grow, because the ego's most primal defense mechanism is fear. And I can think about being god, or the universe all I want, but the test to see if I truly mean it is to take action and also work through fear. I intuit that I facing fear is a necessary part in expanding my sense of self, to face any form of discomfort and learn to accept, even love it. Limit my preferences and open myself up. Not facing fear is not facing the ego. I need to accept every part of my experience to become whole and suffer less. Since suffering is a natural part of limited love, losing it, not being able to express it, being isolated from it, to have that preference that cannot be met. The more I align myself with accepting the present experience as it is, the less I will suffer, since resisting and wishing somewhere else is a futile mental activity that dismisses the moment and leads to conceptual proliferation, more ego, suffering and doesn't change anything. I can still set a path, but I need to learn to love the obstacles as well and see them as part of the journey.

Background: I started psychedelics 2 months ago and had 7 profound trips until now. They ripped me out of depression, overthinking, limiting beliefs, social anxiety and narrow behavioral patters aligned with symptoms of almost every major disorder. I integrated alot. I'm no longer afraid to talk to strangers, I enjoy it. I spend more time on my passions and curiosity. I visited my family for the first time in almost a decade. I quit my robotic wage-slavery job. I contemplate existence and make progress. I completely changed my diet. I'm more in tune with my body and emotions. I'm about to continue psychedelics where I left off a month ago, only having had a single small dose but profound trip a week ago where I intuited the extent of god, its form and the arbitrariness of my avatar. I travelled all day and was finally close to my hotel. I was overcome with sorrow, the same part of me that I seek to understand deeper and find out how to handle, lifelong loneliness. It's the only constant. I never cared about anything as much as that connection I see experienced at different occasions of my life. Materialism, comfort, knowledge, fun, fear, all distractions from my greatest meaning: Finding someone to experience existence with, share a deep emotional bond, and open oneself up to, unconditionally. I never experienced the depths of that desire's fulfillment but with certain groups and individuals, all I needed was presence and even if they didn't experience me, through empathy it was enough to experience them, but seperation for whatever timeframe was always suffering, only waiting to meet again. I arrived at the hotel, I cried, it seemed to pass. I went to bed, I wrote down some contemplation questions for my upcoming trip, to understand the consistency, source, nature and variability of the love I seek, its form, when I experienced it, why, what its limited to and what to do of it. I felt content for the moment, I realized my mind's influence on moods and focused specifically on falling asleep and I did. The Dream: I dreamed I was in the same hotel, just booking in, getting a room that looks the same except much bigger. It was dark, evening. And I wasn't alone, there were 5 others with me, strangers but apparently we all came as a group. It felt like throughout we done some activities, were outside in sleeping bags at one point and walked around outside. Some time between midnight and morning, this activity we came there for was over and everyone was about to go home, either drive or get the bus. They told me I'd miss my bus but my stuff was all over the place and I had to pack. But it was the last bus before morning so I decided to just sleep for the rest of the night and leave in the morning without having to stress. So I was about to go to sleep, when the TV turned on. There was some show or film running about this family coming back from some kind of holiday. They stopped before a corn field and saw there was a house behind it. They talked, something about bad luck if they just moved on, there was something about the house that they had to visit to reconcile some superstition, or something like that. It just seemed like a weird disconnected place I guess and maybe they wanted to make sense of it to move on. So the family walked through the field and got to the house. They walked through it and found themselves at the upper level. The group consisted of a boy, a girl, three women I think. The boy said that something is wrong about that place and that the feeling comes from downstairs. They all went down to check and were looking around in a room. The girl started to act posessed and said something. They first dismissed it and acted more interested than scared. But she continued talking as they paid attention and then came that moment. I wasn't sure if to close my eyes or not since I knew it was coming and from my perspective it was only on TV. But the amalgamation of screaming sounds while her face morphed and grew new distorted faces. I covered my eyes with my hands, but the image was already in my mind and my imagination was running wild, so I didn't know if its more scary to open my eyes and look or for my imagination to continue. There was this sensation of a high pitch ringing noise in my ears you get when hit or something loud passes by. I opened my eyes and continued watching. She said something about being free, unmasked, real. And how the others must stop faking and hiding and show their true nature as well. The she touched one of the women and her face started to distort the same and then the other two. The first seemed rather content while the others struggled. But the fear factor was passing. The other two didn't grow an overlay of faces but theirs turned pale and ugly. They were resisting and felt confused, disoriented, scared. The girl wanted them to show their full self. I was feeling conflicted, on one hand this was the scarriest shit I've ever seen, on the other hand the faces being a metaphor for the true self we're hinding under a mask calmed me a little. Still, it felt like a mocking gesture, because of how insanely scary the morphing amalgamation and facial features and overlayed faces was. And I definitely did not feel ready to experience the full extent of that initial experience again, even though it had passed at that point. I still woke up with intense fear though, yet at this point the experience feels rather distant and subsided. Afterthoughts: I'm getting more in tune will all the aspects of myself that I was previously numb to. I noticed a while ago that I feel most alive in a setting of dislocation and unease, even though I avoided it so far due to discomfort and fear. I am getting exponentially faster at reasoning and making sense of existence and facing the world head on allowing myself to be myself. After both, experiencing profound loneliness coupled with sadness and then after that passed, full unadulterated fear and then integrating that experience as well, I wrote down: "I don't dismiss it, I let go of it. It's part of my subconscious memory now. My mind flows through emotions. I accept that experience passing and fading. It's part of my larger self now. The specific reverberates, the profound settles and the intuitive connects.". This is something I'd expect to experience on a bad trip, but I dreamed it instead. Yesterday, I had dozens of thoughts appear, as if they wanted to be integrated to give me more understanding and stability before my next trip, and to make it more profound by experiencing it from an expanded mindset, I also wrote down dozen upon dozens of questions that are very profound to me, issues that I need to think about and solve like loneliness, but also tons of perspectives I want to put myself into, strengthen that primordial connection to my body, learn how to breath through instinct and evolve the breathing that wim hof teaches but more intuitively. See what my body is capable of, see the depth, direction and nature of my emotions, figure our rationality, its traps and how to be able to get out of it and into my deeper sense without the need for words in my natural state. Contemplate and get in tune with the nature of consciousness and pure being. Fear like today is something I haven't experienced for at least a decade, the only emotion I felt was the duality between loneliness and love, a love for a conscious authentic entity, one I could grow to love the personality and being of. But would suffer whenever I couldn't be in their presence. From my youngest memories, those feelings were first linked to someone who was essentially an older brother for me, one I never had since I'm an only child and never had many friends. In my childhood, hanging out with the same two from time to time felt nice, but I'd wanna spend all day playing video games and doing outdoor activities eith him. And when I couldn't, I felt sad and lonely. Later it became a whole group of friends that I was introduced to by him and we spent half a year having fun every single day and it was the best time of my life, but groups fall apart. My sense of identity was weaker back then, I was completely mesmerized just spending time with them and doing things. I had another friend group years later but they didn't grow on me as much. And last, two years ago, I made friends that I could tell about my suffering and we supported each other and spent every day playing video games and talking but it didn't feel enough, I wish could have met them in person, we planned on meeting up in the summer, but relationship drama in the group made it fall apart and everyone moved their ways. I only made two new friends recently, ones that I resonate and can talk about anything with. And I started visiting family and am spending some time with my younger cousins. And now I am to them what my "older brother" was to me. On psychedelics I realized, that after unlocking my personality, I am the older brother I always wanted to have. But whether I'm on one side or the other, I still feel lonely when I can't spend time with someone authentic I resonate with. I am getting ever more conscious though. It's hard to say that my life is getting better, objectively its 1000^7 times better. Subjectively it's also this times better. But deeply, I'm facing depths of emotions I was always distracted away from. And it's profound sadness but it means. And it feels like each day I speedrun a lifetime of experiences and thoghts because that's how slow I was in my distracted overthinking state misprioritizing what actually matters. Now I face it and it's alot, but flowing through emotions, I'm already out of the fear within mitutes that would have previously traumatized me for months. I let go of the need for distractions that would rob me of collective lifespans of time. People spend their entire lives, full of work, distraction and drama just to reach a state of mind for a few hours that I'm in now just by allowing myself to be myself and not needing everything to become reality and by flowing and experiencing emotions others would repress forever. To think about it and appreciate it is part of it. And with psychedelics, whenever I think I'm good, after a trip I progress a thousand fold and unlock parts of my unconscious I have forgotten or maybe never even knew existed. I balance consistency and profoundness, but I integrate it and progress at a close pace to my last trip naturally after some contemplation for a few days. And it's getting ever more exponential, but the only limit is what I'm willing to accept, I can understand fast though to grasp it rationally and make sense of it outside the "interconnected brain" state of mind, as imagined as that limitation is, I need to contemplate it. But I realize my pace is just doing, if I can conceive of it, I can be it. It's about needing ever less thoughts to act and be the way one simulates inside all the time. If you have enough depth in your brain's simulation of reality and accounted for all the parameters, limits and reasons why it doesn't tend to be easy, then you can just do it. Instead of thinking it, you can be it instead. So that's my story and where I'm headed. And many of you don't like stories and will tell me to just be Non-Dual instead, maybe its a delusion, but to me the journey is the destination and this is what I feel I need most right now, to make sense of it all and experience it at full intensity.