Keryo Koffa

I intended to sleep but the idea of a post about discovery and delusion came to me. We keep having similar insights, arguing about similar things in similar ways. So I wanted to capture that and my own and talk about it. Have fun conversations, share perspectives, an open discourse to add more and more insights and make the forum more meta. I just made the terms up, they're pointers, you can change them if you have something more universal or catchy Dogma Repeat: Denying the existence of feelings and duality, non-creative engagement in arguments and continuous repetition, in opposition to useful guidance and versatile communication of understanding Solipsist Hubris: Fake sense of omniscience and control over others' as an ego trying to borrow god's powers Cosmic Inside Joke: The feeling that everyone knew they were god before you the entire time and you just became part of the group that gets it Less is More: Paragraphs become tedious to read and content is predictable, the infinity of experience can be dynamically interpreted with ever less conversation and ever more skillful pointers Annihilation Drive: An unhealthy obsession with non-existence to escape suffering Disillusionment: Transcendence of ordinary life can feel like a trap when one doesn't realize the implications of spirituality far enough and feels unease due to a lack of grounding Conscious after Dissociation: Moments when one's unconsciousness becomes apparent, when one suddenly becomes aware of the value and meaning of the present moment Identity Exchange: When one set of beliefs is changed for another, ex. when stories from crazy psychedelic trips become another set of beliefs instead of intuiting the arbitrariness of all identity Spiritual Identity: When mantras, attire and belonging are acquired as a comforting identity rather than personally (re)invented Crushing Responsibility: The feeling that one is god despite still having an ego and is obligated to be a good person, solve all the world's problems and has to keep up awareness not to dissolve all of reality for everyone Solipsist Loneliness: A feeling of absolute inescapable loneliness due to the fundamental structure of reality, an illusion as egos always have others and non-egos have no worries or thoughts about such dualities The Puppeteer: A sense of presently constructing all of reality and controlling everyone and everything, everything being connected by one's threads and being the result of a game just out of vision of the ego Infinite Middle: It appears like you're in the middle of a holistic system that scales and repeats infinitely up and down Sensory Expansion: Psychedelics especially make one feel the sudden shift of sensual awareness, body control, mind capacity, pattern recognition, interconnected intuition, thermal awareness, magnetic field perception, stare between atoms, infinite wisdom in nature Holistic Humanism: The recognition of everyone's desires and identity manifestation, collective drives, neurosis origins, shared desires, spiral dynamic stages, fluent navigation, intuitive empathy Mind Expansion: Feeling of an overloading light bulb constantly lighting up with blinding light, spawning infinite insights through awareness alone Ego-Death: Becoming aware of the dumbness of one's limited construction of identity and the dissolution of borders and the ease of acceptance with the identification of all aspects of oneself through the entirety of the world and the necessitation of all dualities towards any dualistic identity Awakening: Becoming aware of one's previously limited perspective, being present and seeing the world more clearly, conscious awareness and acceptance without judgements and attachment to arbitrary divisions, sense making from a perspective of knowing the ego illusion, being aware, present, knowing, undisturbed

@Princess Arabia You're welcome, I love questions like these, they make contemplate for hours and discover intriguing perspectives.

@Yimpa Psychedelics unlock my unconscious, parts I suppressed so deep I didn't know they existed, yet after much experience, my intuition lets me progress in their absence, but they never let me down in unlocking what would have taken me forever to realize. Psychedelics are a state of mind, if I know what to look for, if I know what direction to go in, I can start doing it myself, but the thing is, they always bring me to 1000x of whatever my current base state happens to be. I do my best without them, but they are something else. In between trips, I purposefully learn and become as much as possible, so that that 1000x multiplier is put on top of that. And they also work on what I consciously focus on, so they are really an Amplifier to my consciousness rather than a replacement. Maybe believing in them will slow me down, but without them I wouldn't be here. I look for the best of both worlds, best of all worlds.

Okay, I know y'all enlighten ones are just gonna say that my whole reality is the hallucination I'm looking for. But really, ravers have the strangest trips, the stories from "Tales from the Trip" are incredible, beautiful, crazy, amazing. I take psychedelics in a quiet hotel mostly, sometimes go out into nature, sometimes roam the city on a medium dose. My senses are sharpened, my mind is opened, my perspectives shift, my mind interconnects, intuition is roaming. But where are my promised mandalas, fractals, tasting sounds, hearing colors, talking plants, extradimensional entities. I love psychedelics, they advanced and saved me, made me in tune with myself, unlocked my senses, body, mind. But I want the full experience. I don't want to be looking for patterns, I want to be taken. I want the trip to control me. I want the irrational, I want the nonsensical, I want to experience what's beyond a sharpening of the senses. I want more qualia. I know the goal is to want and desire less, less attachment, more being, more presence. But I'm left out of the circle. Everyone else is having fun being thrown into fractal dimensions, and I just get more clarity and a stronger bond to reality.

@Bandman I haven't tried DMT yet, although I did try ayahuasca, my cooking might not have been good enough, or maybe tolerance already kicked in. In short. Week 1: 15g strong truffles, 2 days later 15g (some hallucinations, but only on strong effort and focus), 2 days later 44g, 2 days later 88g (overstimulated, amnesia, time loop, bad trip, but no hallucination). Weeks later: 44g (very mild face morphing only), day later 30g, day later 14g. Weeks later 150ug 1P-LSD (no hallucination), days later 600ug (no hallucination in the first 2 hours, then fell asleep due to exhaustion, missed trip). Weeks later: 150ug again, no hallucinations. Weeks later: 10mg 2C-B (no hallucinations), day later multiple psychedelics (no hallucinations), day later (low dose ayahuasca + 150ug LSD + 20mg 2C-B no hallucinations, probably tolerance), day later repeat, day later 22g truffles (great trip, no hallucinations) The long version: I started 3 months ago. I took 15g of the netherlands' strongest magic truffles (psilocybin), spedrun all insecurities and completely dissolved social anxiety. Second trip two days later was the same, I got fully in tune with my body. Then two days later I took 44g, had a beautiful nostalgic evening. I tried 70g two days after that and was lost in an existential amnesia bad trip that felt like I would lose my consciousness forever if I fell asleep. I recovered tolerance and came back after a few weeks, tried 44g again, ranted about humanity and my role within it all night, repeated next night, my body felt alien, my energy was hyper, a medium dose the morning after that, I perceived humans and myself through the lens of us just being more evolved animals but it was all interpretation. I returned some weeks after that, I unlocked my interconnective and learning capacities on a blotter of 150ug of 1P-LSD, got so in tune with my body I started doing handstands for the first time in my life, at the end I felt as if I was an alien coming into this body, materializing, but all intuition, no perception. I tried 600ug of LSD before I had to leave but was so tired I only managed to stay awake for 1.5 hours, there was more traces in my vision, more motion, I felt more anxiety about people outside the hotel talking in the rain and being seen despite closed curtains. But I didn't see anything unreal and fell asleep. Few weeks after that had my first god realization on 150ug of LSD again, I intuited that everything is connected by consciousness, emotions swarmed into me. I saw the branches of trees as a conceptual network, I imagined a raisin as a solar system, but it was all conscious imagination. I had a psychedelic week last week, I started with 10mg of 2C-B-FLY, it felt like my first trip, instant happiness, love, couldn't stop smiling like my first LSD trip. Thought about many things. Felt trapped in solipsist zero-sum emotion projection, but no visual changes, just thoughts, projection, imagination. Actually, the night before I started the psychedelic week, I had my first nightmare in a dozen years, maybe in anticipation. Then I was in a half asleep state after I woke up from it, said something, heard that repeated as I fell asleep in my dream, woke up, said something, heard it again, felt scared, heard breathing, freaked out, woke up, felt hard to move, my blanket seemed to be pulled down from both sides by an external force, scared the shit out of me, but it subsided after seconds, that wasn't even on any psychedelics though and long after my last trip. The second day of the psylic week, I mixed some LSD and 2C-B with the intention of letting go, my mind felt in love with reality again, I made lots of peace with it, my awareness rose, I could control my body more directly, like inverse kinematics in the entire body, also heat energy from the environment and myself in a holistic sense and conception, but no hallucinations. On the third day I cooked some ayahuasca, like 50g and 25g of caapi and chacruna, boiled the water away at 70-80C, drank, it felt like a mid dose of truffles, mixed more psychedelics, not that big an increase, went outside, felt more in tune with nature and my bodies capacities like running and breath. Tried 10x salvia on the forth day, never smoked in my life, probably did it wrong, didn't show much of any effects. Got myself 22g of truffles for the fifth day and that was amazing, had vivid day dreams but still consciously constructing them, very in tune with the universe but no hallucinations. And now I'm here, my senses are sharpened, I see objects with more contrast, saturation, balance my body better, run and breathe like never before, do what I was afraid to before, change my life 180 but still no hallucinations. Only on my second trip, the first hour I stared at the ceiling in the dark, there was this pattern, I kept reinterpreting it, I felt scared, focused on one object, it felt like I consciously interpreted dark figures around it, but I wasn't scared because I was depressed and had other priorities in my life to work out. On my fifth trip, I saw my face stretching and morphing a bit, but I was too focused on recording my rant to focus on it. Ideas: I was always hyper-conscious about how everyone perceived me and always needed to be in control, it might be that I need to let go of that. I haven't let down my guard even on the handful of occasions where I drank alcohol, I passed out on a bottle of whiskey, but never lost my composure until I passed out, alcohol doesn't work on me. I might be too protective, too in control, not letting lose enough, I might be able to induce it if I take a high dose after tolerance reset.

Let's trace our sense of self back: Action -> Thought -> Emotion -> Desire -> Sense -> Qualia -> Being -> Consciousness. Where you are depends on what you are, you triangulate your physical body to be on the couch based on your senses and understanding. You happen to assign that body your identity due to its ever present nature and linked senses. When your attention shifts to the screen, your awareness fills with its sensory image, which you project to be in front of the body, hence "you". If you hear dim voices from the window direction, you imagine an outside based on your memory of it and intuit people based on experience. You project a 3D location based on your senses, experiences and intuition. In Materialism, we are an emergent property of a lifeform's brain. The lifeform takes in information through its senses and the emergent awareness tries to make sense of them. The awareness navigates memory, senses, emotions, reason and projects a reality. But it, that which we are, is only ever truly awareness. Everything perceived is qualia. We make sense of the qualia, by understanding all the forms. We learn what forms shift into which and how they correlate. Like day and night oscillating repeatedly or your hand hurting if I bite it. We model "reality" after it. We learn to "navigate 3D-Space", which is a change of perspective and the location and form of "objects"/qualia. But it's only ever images shifting into other images, one frame at a time. We learn about context and intuition. You are awareness itself, and whatever you perceive, you do by becoming it, having a thought means perceiving it, means seeing it, means being it. You think of your body, you locate it through reference to your environment and the context of how you got there and the story of what place it is. You lose yourself in immersion and only see the screen, forgetting your body, your awareness takes the form of the screen, The screen is in front of your body, but both is equally arbitrarily in your mind. You are the screen, which projects anything. Think of a vast fantasy landscape, are you there? Physically maybe not, but you are not your body. imagine an astral body inside that world. Imagine being in a coma. If you can't tell the difference, is there a difference, what about this world? What about Solipsism? Everything existing inside the same consciousness is solipsism. But loneliness only exists in relation. So as long as you feel lonely, you are not alone, because there is otherness to play with. I exist and you exist, I am not you but we are both inside consciousness. The boundary is imaginary, I can be you and you can be me. But that's not our experience. I cannot 100% predict you like you me. Maybe the universal consciousness can predict us both, but we couldn't know each other, because we are fragments within it. So we are never lonely. Also, what's cool is, I only realized all that I wrote as I was writing it, I guess I'm always at the frontier of knowledge. I literally learned it all as I contemplated it while writing, I wasn't aware of it before, it's really something (or nothing)

You seem far more practical to me than anyone else on the forum. I enjoy you keeping us spiritual goners in check when we fall into what is essentially a k-hole, ranting about our solipsist paranoia of constructing everyone and everything and spouting equations without grounding I myself am going through a lot of input and integrating tons of psychedelic states and insights. Truly, words point to something, but a pointer needs to be experienced to be understood the context of and one's interpretation of what it means without the experience of what it is can purely be a delusion. Like trying to grasp what the color blue is without ever having seen it. It is only ever itself. Rational impersonal learning is messy, flawed, conceptual, impractical, inexperienced and perspectival. A thing is only what you know it to be and all feelings are an interpretation on top of reality based on some observed correlating tendencies. When people talk about life being a dream, they intuit that the ego they built up their entire life is arbitrary and an illusion, and they abstract that notion to the rest of reality. In a way, it is true. We're only ever making sense of qualia, but that's not what it feels like. Life is full of love, hate, meaning, fear, bliss, joy, sadness, and is infinitely personal. Dream and Reality dissolve and become one, it is just as imaginary as it is real, but it exists for sure.

I've done lots of Psychedelics lately and am my awareness persists and expands even without them every day now. I have changed my diet, job, exercise, attitude, friends, family relations, goals, neuroses, curiosity, became ever more open to myself. At first I had the fear that the link between consciousness and lifestyle was strong and I had to keep up the physical game to keep my awareness. But it's reversed, it's not bottom up, it is top down, psychedelics shifted me into wanting to make those changes, into being aware. I do not need psychedelics to be aware, I do not need a healthy lifestyle to be aware, I spawn that lifestyle through awareness, not the other way around. Living more healthy has its own tangible benefits and make it easier for oneself to shift into mindfulness and keep one's mood up. But in the end, it is PURE WILL TO BE PRESENT, AWARE AND CONSCIOUS that keep me in a psychedelic state REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCE. AND YET, I know exactly that my sensitivity towards psychedelics is rising, and every next trip will shift me A THOUSANDFOLD to whatever my base state is.

Ever since my 7th psychedelic trip, an old fear came back into my consciousness. When I was a kid, I used to play lots of video games, I had a feeling of unease about out of bounds areas. I also avoided map-editors and mods for a while, they could be chaotic, unfitting, dissolving all immersion. I used to be upset if a movie sequel was a let down because I had to treat it as canon. I used to obsessively follow rules, even toxic ones, there was an absolutism to it. In my teens, I constantly shifted perspectives and slowly allowed myself to see case by case. Psychedelics dissolved that and many other obsessions within me, but I'm going ever deeper. Lately, every now and then, some people seem ever more like a repetetive pattern of dogma without conscious awareness. And I remember me avoiding learning many things as a kid because it would break the magic and "feel mundane" But the lack of being myself and exploring reality let me to exactly that stagnation. Now that I'm after the truth, I have to accept whatever I see. For a while reality seemed more organic and interconnected, but that view switches with a mechanical predictable unconscious reality. It was what almost made me stop psychedelics. But it's something I had to break through so I let go and it was and still is beautiful, but this sense keeps popping up.

That would be a useful thing to learn tho, heh

I accept the lenses that my intuition feeds me and include them in my understanding of reality, trying to unite them with all other perception, intuition and experience I've gathered.

On one hand it feels infinitely funny how unconscious everyone is, on the other hand it's almost scary sometimes 🫠

Sounds like a good topic to contemplate together and exchange ideas, so let's do it! Psychedelics sharpen our senses, our awareness, let us intuit and understand deeply and experientially. Make us curious, fascinated, explorative, fall in love with all of existence. So then, why isn't that our natural state? Or is it? Maybe that's what kids are like before they're forced into ego and depression, billions of limiting beliefs, oughts and shoulds, conceptual proliferation, mindless memorization, anxiety, emotionlessless and rigid thinking patterns. Learn to numb their senses, blindly trust authority and mimic everyone else. Maybe that's the mechanic. In that case, once we intuit the nature of such experience, we might be able to will ourself out of it, gradually breaking conditioning and being more alive, active and fascinated and authentic. In that case, psychedelics are a shortcut, yet Leo did a 30 day retreat and still uses them to surpass unconscious thresholds. Maybe the ego just roots that deep, maybe it builds itself back up, maybe subconsciously carrying the psychedelic experience as a potential way to unlock oneself distracts one from doing it naturally. Yet each time I trip, I progress into a state where I am 1000x as open as before. It's hard to withstand that shortcut, meditation is not being, it is wanting, I would not have a reference without psychedelics, I would have never reached even the state after my first trip as depressed as I was. And then each a 1000x on top of that. So why aren't we naturally psychedelic? Is it just limiting beliefs, is it the ego rebuilding itself, it the limitation a design, is it because it leads to ego-death and at some point, natural? Shouldn't there be a different balance, as useful as it can be? Let's contemplate it!

I often ponder, everything exists for a reason but how much should we indulge in it? Ego exists to be explored but also overcome. Seperation exists to be appreciated but also united. If god only wanted to communicate to himself, he wouldn't need space and time, only to be it. We have control and the ability to let go, both at once. Present time and change both exist. Everything is a balance. Everything is and changes. We are the vessel of experience and existence. Both limited control over reality and unlimited over imagination, control over our mode of being, it's amazing.

One can attempt to balance relationships. Realizing the reason behind incompatibility leads to growth, understanding and love. But fueling resistence often creates division and resentment when done without composure. It's important to prioritize oneself and the truth first. We are all one, but if you seek to help others, you need to understand exactly what divides you two and how to overcome it gracefully. Sometimes you'll realize time and space is necessary, leaving one to learn and ponder until they come your way.

I had 8 profound trips in the last 3 months. Now I am reconciling differences and distance with friends and family I seperated myself from in depression. I also visited a sauna for the first time in 10 years yesterday. Something about being nacked among others and switching between hot air and cold water really clicked. Something about seeing so many human connections having fun at the swimming pool really felt right. My sense of self adjusts to not needing words, seeing more colors, being more aware, even without psychedelics. I just woke up with a slight sense of fear after I dreamed myself into higher ego-dissolution. I felt like I was closer to the understanding of how I subconsciously generate qualia in real time. I am becoming more open through desire alone and real world body-sense awareness on top of it. I feel like I am increasing my homeostatic control over letting go and fearing myself back, both at will, ever faster.

People larned to fool others and themselves since the dawn of time, so it takes time and understanding to find out. You could say, that he should treat your interests like they were his but that might still be within his ego identity and many people propagate their own bias thinking it's for the best regardless of individual differences and try to solve your problems their own way or make you dismiss them. To truly want the best for you, he'd need to make a conscious effort to understand your path and how your unique path to happiness looks like. Non-judging, think up create solutions and share them with you, help you contemplate, brainstorm, be there for you, desire to understand you and do it regardless of if it is hard, out of friendship, building understanding and connection. Not turn it around, not fit it into his own schema, not gain anything material out of it, not brag about helping you, not want anything in return. He'd need to act out of genuine love, as Leo described in one of his video's on Unconditional Love.

I see now that I am identityless, but I take on all identity by being and experiencing. Ego is attachment is bias is desire and will. Is the belief in identification and preference. My experiential first person ego is far from gone. I am a state of awareness, opening. But I am attached to my senses and consciousness through the lens of my experience. At this point in my journey, I am attached to being and knowing, remembering and sensing. My ego does not need much, but it does desire to exist as awareness and explore reality. I indulge in accumulated preferences of emotion tied memory but I love the other and alien as well. To be no thing is amazing, as any and all things spawns of it. How far does this journey go?

@Hojo Can we create that? I'd move there instantly! It would be beautiful. But I wonder, would our senses expand as much as psychedelics let us, have ego-dissolution and encounter entities described on DMT just by living right? People have lived more naturally before, though they were still hard on survival. I know psychedelics expand the mind and its a matter of wanting to keep and be aware of that state, but can you do everything naturally through consciousness, or do psychedelics rewire and connect the brain in ways one can not reach normally? To create certain experiences that have to be experienced on them to be realized and remembered?

Intuition is looking in between the gaps and realizing the change. Math for example is the intuition of moving from a number to another or the navigation of many and forming patterns and equations, Infinity is an Intuition of endlessness. Math is the description of change in values. I have had many psychedelic trips now, I realize many patterns. In my own behavior, what I learned, being stressed, letting go, their effects. I intuit limitless potential in myself, the ability to realize and connect to whatever I imagine, to draw with ever less steps, for my creativity to connect ever more dots. For my awareness to increase. In short: Sense Expansion, Control over Body, Emotional Depth, Ever Less Preferences, Ever More Awareness. Rules become guides become delusion, there is only being, if I will it, I can be it, straightforwardness, whatever I imagine, that's the state of my knowledge, no rationalizing, no doubting, just being. I can progress at massive speeds, lightyears faster than before, but that's not the important part. Speed is relative to fulfilling one's desire. Learning of the nature of desire, that's wisdom. All desires are a mind game. There will be infinitely many in infinitely arbitrary forms, just to occupy one's mind and prevent one from happiness. That's the only thing that matters, happiness, or contentment. The point is, anything ever done is for that purpose. But desires will come, as long as we are alive and an ego, and they are beutiful but can distract from love and beauty. I wanna study and build brain-machine interfaces to expand my experience, I want to draw and animate art out of love. But in the end, everything is consciousness and if mine was high enough, once I expand my imagination enough through will or psychedelics, I can just dream and fulfill my desires, give them the tangebility that I struggle to at this point. And then, any action in reality will be to witness and experience and to make the world a better place, out of love and curiosity.

I've been trapped in Materialism, Obligation Thinking, Attachment and my own Zero-Sum Game for the longest time. My psychedelic trips taught me the arbitrariness of attachment, habit, desire and the value of the ability to let go of ego. My ego barrier is encompassing ever more, psychedelics unlock my emotions, love, senses, qualia and awareness. But truly, it just shifts my state and shows me that which is already part of me, I just need to witness it to build a link. So then I can access those states through focus, desire and understanding. But desiring is still an act of ego, yet I desire for my senses and qualia to sharpen until I can see the space between atoms. I leave 2 weeks to integrate and try to adapt naturally, learn to live with heightened awarenss and manifest it. At this point, I'm conviced that control over oneself is but a matter of building associations and bridges through focus. I'm in love with the world, myself and others. But I'm not egoless. My current ego is exploration and alienation. I seek to sharpen and expand senses/qualia. Do you know any metods outside of psychedelics or unique ways of letting go?

This life is beautiful. Ugliness is perspectival, born of attachment and desire. But experiencing the world as an ego is a unique and wonderous experience. Most of my desires can be fulfilled in my heart through imagination, the same place they originate. Living is a bonus, collecting experiences and becoming more wise and knowing. Consciousness is fundamental, as far as I am currently aware, it seems to be origin and untied. It can forget and remember, imagine and identify, create qualia, desire and ego. It is god experiencing and imagining the world through the perspective and senses of me. But psychedelics haven't raised my consciousness enough to truly confirm that experientially yet. I want to live out this life the best I can and resolve all my attachments, be open, free and receptive. Live through passion and consciousness, understanding, being and experiencing. But since my awareness isn't high enough, the question remains: I don't care about this specific identity, for all I care I could take on everyone's identity. But I desire to keep my memory. Not any thing. But just the knowledge of my existence, my experiences, my fascination, my journey and my feelings, they may fade in time, but I want to let go of them through awareness, not for them to dissipate. Am I going to remember this life after death? Has anyone had NDEs or intense psychedelic experiences that tie to ego death and extreme states of consciousness where one could realize some glimpses of after-death?

@An young being That's all I currently desire. To keep existing, experiencing and remembering, knowing myself. I can forget details but I want to know the grand picture . I may change identity but if it's gradual I won't mind it. I'm still attached to conscious existence, to knowing and remembering. Eventually and naturally, my identity won't matter to me anymore, as I'll live through it. Other experience may take its place, I might not care about forgetting then. But I want to consciously forget by transcending and satisfying desires. Accumulating general life lessons, instinct and intuition. At some point, I won't care to keep it. But I don't want to just lose it to chance without control. Many NDE reports describe seeing various religious figures, their loved ones, vast beautiful gardens and landscapes in the after life. I'd love for that to be the case.

I wrote down several inquirely questions beforehand that I now answered through raised consciousness and ego-lessening: What is the nature of my love?: You love experience, closeness, everything your divides love, non-repetetive exploration, pure first person immersion, thoughtlessness, discovery, shared fun, interaction, fascination with the universe, everything that makes you feel loved from the sources inaccessible to you, straightforwardness, being yourself, fearlessness, being content and having no resistence towards your creativity and doing what you want, not feeling ashamed or worrying but pure doing and being and exploring until you're bored with that aspect and you're desires are fullfilled and you move on to the next, the journey is the destination, you hate needless obligatory repetition, you love being yourself, feeling yourself, expressing unfiltered emotions and thoughts and feeling alive. Where pain comes from and what to do?: Heartache comes from denying yourself happiness by externalizing your desires, you can live through them in your imagination, accept them as reality and move on. Body ache and head aches come from not living healthy, not sleeping enough, not eating healthily, not going outside, not running and exercising and stretching like yoga or your own style based on the body's current needs, not allowing yourself to sleep and nap due to schedule, not eating when you want to, not taking cold showers to feel alive and generally neglecting your physiological needs as much as ignoring your emotions and bottling them up instead of letting them out and feeling through them internally and changeing your lifestyle based on these desires. Negotiating my terms of existence: 1. Manage physical survival though in thos day and age you'll survive anyhow 2. Find happiness by being yourself 3. Be respectful, people act based on their programing, fear and conditional love, don't try to change them directly, make them think of avoid them, be safe. 4. Make the world a better place 0. Take care of yourself, if you don't know how, ask psychedelics to tell you, else be as aware of your present experience and obsticles towards love and happiness as possible, let go of ideas, oughts, shoulds, ways of thinking, modes of thinking, just be and take care of that which distrubs you by contemplating its mechanics, its all types of attachment to kinds of survival and interpreting it on higher less straight forward levels. Becoming objects: Objects are based on intuition, the matter is exchangable, their purpose defines them, understand them from their perspective and every perspective that interacts with them, imagine qualia and survival instincts from their pov, homeostatic mechanics and the need thereof. Alien consciousness: Same as objects, but more self-referential, different evolution, different senses, different survival mechanics, emotions and needs, but everything needs love, which is felt to whatever helps one maintain one's form, appreciation is infinitely variable though. And its all just consciousness in the end, but could feel infinitely different. Source of fear, fatigue, dispassion: Obligation thinking, conditional mechanical mode of acting, surpression of authenticity, fear and shame, not taking care of one's needs like sleep and outdoor activities, everything humans have evolved to do, like and dislike, what has evolutionary reason to make us feel alive. All neuroticy is ultimately linked to attachment, rationlization, ignorance, obligation, conditional love mechanics and ego. Explore perspectives: Imagine something and imagine the world around it and how it interacts with it as the focal point. How psychedelics work: Fill you with unconditional love and unlock your subconscious, sharpen your senses, activate your imagination and creativity, activate and interconnect your brain. Why is it hard to let go: Conditioning, habit, brain pathways and activation patterns become homeostatic, you have to will it through conscious focus, desire and action. Individuality beyond the physical realm?: God as non-ego, unity of all, always changes just like the ego changes. Just as your consciousness has a barrier tied to the physical world, an ego could have a spiritual barrier outside of physical existence, but it might not be able to completely maintain it, still it's unique desires would be explored through that spiritual division, still seperate of complete unity, but aware of it, exploring it through the perspective of a duality with its unique experiences and sharing them through unconditional love with other spiritual egos. It would be beautiful to explore one's desires in a dream world without limits and speedrun whatever state of desire one seeks to fulfill, maintaining all knowledge collected until then. Nature of loneliness: Seperation into ego. Incompleteness. Desire interpreted onto reality to find what one's body seeks based ultimately on a higher abstraction of its survival instincts communicated from the body to the consciousness that learns to associate its identity to its body by believing in the sense immersion tied to self-control mechanism, tied to experience, self-reflection, self-identification.

@Inliytened1 I am constantly reducing my ego, it is getting more and more existential. I used to be addicted to habits, objects, materialism. I gradually let go of the need. My experience became more independent, decentralized, objects became interchangeable. I'm just experiencing that with people too, the shared experience does not necessitate having a close relationship anymore. Yet close relationships can be explored deeper. My dreams can be dreamed. I don't need to externalize them anymore. I'm an artist and love the process, but I won't be sad if I don't manage to put it onto paper. I'm doing my best, health comes first, basic needs carry more meaning now. Sleep is essential. Authentic life is essential. I still have preferences, they spawn of my perspective, I can be more in the moment and receptive. But I still hold onto my memory, my remembrance, that which allows appreciate]on of my perspective and journey. Consciousness itself, is what I'm still attached to. Knowing, being and experiencing. With ever less preference but none the less. It will take some time to go beyond that. I'm expanding my ego to the borders of self, but I'm still stuck at conscious awareness.