Puer Aeternus

So wired for truth despite most people not caring about it, irregardless of gender? Perhaps I'm thick, but don't think you're really connecting your points here anyways? You just talked about hunter gather survival conditions and how some other species were matriarchal. Men are more truthful because hunter gatherers lived in patriarchal societies? Don't really see how this connects. Not sure who you're talking to. Or why the wording feels like I'm back in the 2010s and just scrolled past a owning SJWs with cold hard facts videos. Don't make me get more of my science out guysss. IMO Leo has already steel manned this position well on his blog and with more than just the scientific lens. But you can give it a shot at expanding on your perspective more if you like. However, I'm suspicious of pointing broadly to science. Especially this evolutionary psychology vibe. It can all sound very rational and convincing, but much of it is guesswork and storytelling about things that aren't necessarily within easy grasp for direct study. Even if it's relevant, there's other factors at play making things more complicated now.

Maaaaate. Shush. Don't give them ideas. Don't tell the missionaries. I'd like go South America and experience the Amazon in pristine condition. Macheteing through the underbrush into a society of banana cult pyramid scheming primates would soil my childhood dream.

I enjoy the thoughtfulness and detail you always put into your messages on the forum here. It's consistently very nice to read!

Would it be helpful to connect it to something you already have interest in or prior experience with? Granted, it still has to be relevant enough in the field so don't get too crazy obscure with it. Like make a general list of your interests. Can you connect with any of that? Any life altering experiences or disabilities you have? Could potentially apply meditation to that. Is there any research areas/sub-fields within meditation you're interested in? You could just read through other peoples research and expand off of where you see any holes/interesting new possibilities not yet explored. If doing that is allowed in the profession of course. Are you interested in a specific type of meditation or technique? You could focus on that and trying to see how that produces a certain desired outcome. What psychedelics can you test with? Any? Can you combine them with meditation in novel ways and test the results, comparing and contrasting outcomes?

All sounds like good stuff! Ya never know how they are with your deposit when you're trying to move out. Landlord fuckery is common. The six month lease is a nice option even if you don't take it, having to sign a whole year contract drives me a little batty every time. Up the butt, as god has willed it🙏

Double message idk why this has happened whoops

Yuh, if you don't want to go through Google reviews as well. Look on your local subreddit if there hopefully is one! If there is, likely someone has already asked about locksmiths. If you see a decent number of people chiming in with good experiences on a place, it's pretty solid. Just do the classic Google search "Reddit locksmith *your city's subreddit name*" I like this method for local recommendations in general. I'll always use it to find a mechanic or something similar.

Let's gooooooooo!! Congratulations mate. Top floor means less bugs but warmer temperatures, especially in the summer. Personally I said fuck them bugs get me to the top.

GG boys This could REALLY kick things off in so many ways. But even if orange man wasn't president, I still feel it would've been inevitable.

Dude I used to think everyone was like me period until I realized I was one crazy bitch! Ways people are different is very interesting to me and I'm still sooo bad at even grasping it.

The ultimate answer we await

As long as I maintain cognitive function you mustn't hold back. It's a win if you re-arrange me in a way that even fewer people will desire interaction with me after

Mostly similar to yours. Don't really use music to switch my mood, for me it's an amplifier I put on when I'm already in a certain mood! When I'm neutral and listening to music, it rarely affects me. Even if it's emotionally provocative, it'll just ping off me. I do have a few exceptions where I use music to alter my mood though. 1. Am going to the gym and want to swap from neutral to caveman hype brain. 2. I'm processing hard things, am sitting deeply in my body, and want relaxing music as an extra layer of stability. Though I haven't felt the need to do this one in awhile. 3. When I'm feeling neutral but suddenly have a craving to listen to one of my favorites. It'll send me from 0-100 real quick.

Awww! No wonder you know! Ohnoes, I'm becoming slightly emotionally invested in this outcome. My dome must be booped with the cinderblock of truth to return to my senses.

Ya, I think Natasha is probably right here with her perspective Seems like irregardless of your choice, it will be up to you to initiate and lead in the direction you choose out of this situation.

Sounds a bit confusing, like a lot of this is her own insecurity. She complains about it but still goes back with you? Seems like kind of an annoying game to play, like she's blaming you for her own lack of boundaries. Or she's trying to steer you into a relationship. Also, who is the one initiating most of these times in this scenario? The wording makes it seem like she is, which is doubly weird. How often is she initiating in general versus you? Also what do you mean you are not boyfriend/girlfriend yet? It's been six months, do you want to date this woman or not? I feel like that answers how invested you should be. If you'd like to date her. Then yes put in the extra effort of course so it's more like a proper relationship where you might not have sex all the time. If you don't know or aren't interested. Then the line on what you should do is thinner. If you're FWB, maybe you're friends too but the primary motive for this relationship is sex. It's pretty clear what she wants.. Or at least what she says she does! More bonding time, more physical intimacy but without sexual intimacy coming into play so often. You can humor her and do more of that. But if you don't want to date and she's turning you into an emotional support and starts having less sex. It's time for you to re-negotiate.. but I can imagine how well that would probably go.

I've had some struggle periods when sad music was my comforter. I think listening to positive music would've just felt like forcing it in those moments and rather inauthentic. Sometimes amplification is useful. So I think it's difficult to say! To me it's very personal and very dependant on the situation. But I do think you have some points. I can see how it can cause unnecessary lingering. Something can definitely be said for using music to boost the mood too! But yeah- If I want some endearing and cute music to lift the vibe, Mag Bay is my go to

Meh. Nah, not weak. People get all gaslighty about suicide, oooh it's cause you're weak. Nope. There's just no visible light at the end of the tunnel. People can get stuck in unbearable circumstances. And I remember yours from previous posts. It's no damn tea party.

PFFFF

Tsk tsk missed a generational hating spree because the servers went to shit during the towards seconds I was going to rant. Jokes on them babyyyy only takes ten minutes for my hateful clip to reload!!! Practice session 2 . 0 !!!! I hate people whose sole purpose on planet earth seems to be desiring to breed. I simply do not understand it, and I swear EVERY TIME it's always the fuckers who definitely shouldn't be within 50 meters of a child let alone making their own little gremlins organically I hate being raised by absolutely clueless people that didn't take a singular fuck off second to contemplate if it was worth birthing me into this shit hole. Mom you've hated every job you've ever worked but noooooo lets have a little lizard just so that he can go through all that too. GENIUS, ABSOLUTE FUCKING GENIUS. I hate that every single thing I buy is probably harvested from some worker making pennies on the hour laboring sixteen hours a day, and that it's basically inescapable or I have to do literally obscene amounts of research, just to MAYBE avoid this I hate how rotten it all is to the core. How humans are, how corruption populates every single aspect of life. We really cannot have nice things, we cannot have pure things. Because we are THAT fundamentally stupid. I hate going to the grocery store and knowing that all the aisles are filled with poisonous, toxic shit. I hate how stupid the people responsible are and that they're usually not even mentally well lit enough to clock the manipulation and end up poisoning themselves too. I hate the university system. I hate the exorbitant expenses, but even if it was affordable you're still asking me to waste for years of my life jumping through hoops memorizing things I will immediately forget, exercising the bare minimum critical thinking because it's not really about understanding. It's about regurgitation. I hate family gatherings. I hate pretending to like everyone and give a singular shit when some of these people I'd really not like to talk to. But oh nooooo it's a social game you have to play! Grandma will get upset! Grandma.. can lmao. She can fuck off! Did I say I hate people? Is it not clear that I hate people? I really hate people. I hate how people are well meaning sacks of poo who believe they're the good guys no matter how face deep in manure they are. Walking around, acting special, mate you have turd all over your face. Take a bath and stop being such an ignorant wanker. I hate owning a car, I hate parking lots. I hate that scenic American cities look like a business park.. ah the beautiful view of Dollar Tree, McDonald's, and Walmart. It's like the landscape is a physical representation of how stupid we are. I hate how miserable people like to make themselves. Stuck in some shit and never change, they never change, they have to get smacked with their stupidity one thousand times over the same thing they're messing up before they'll even consider changing their ways.

The signals cannot be more mixed.. You're connected to everything by source. The person on the street, my neighbors window cactus, even the stray pube on my floor that I need to sweep up. All you and you are it. But then, flip People are exhausting and I cannot be asked to deal with them. Losing interest. My values do not align with this place and they don't value me or understand what I have to offer. My way through this life is profound self-sufficiency on all levels. Flip, flip, flip My personality had no solidity, it was whatever was most pleasing to the immediate person I was talking to. Two legged chameleon vibes lick, lick. I was the crazy one, everyone else was normal. There was always a sense I better fit in or else they'd find out what I was and hurt me. What "I" was, I didn't really understand. Until I started to in a hefty amount of time. Deconstructing it all was a bitch and a half and I was gaslighting myself roughly half the time. Until the tables spun round and it all came to me. I wasn't the crazy one, I mean I am but. But what I'd once tried to FORCE myself to fit into was a dysfunctional mirage. I was different, needs/lifestyles misaligned, incomprehensible to those around me. One that could never just fit. And so, with this shift. I've been building. The machine elves have been working over time laying brick walls for the sake of my protection from the world. Ego lifting weights and doing lines of protein powder. Letting go of co-dependent desires, working through pain. Towards a future where I provide as much for myself as humanly possible and feel safe. One where I'm content but alone. It's zapped much of my humanly desire for socializing. To seek less externally. And yet.. I can't help but wonder, if it's all delusion? If I'm just tricking myself all over again. That it's just more traumatic goop, defensey mechanismo. It's not quite right. Because. The expansive experiences I've had.. quite the opposite vibe. Sometimes they return to me in open moments and I can integrate them further. Feeling so vast, connected, peaceful. Not a wall in sight. How to balance the transcendence while being stuck in human form and the limitations that brings? Flip flipping between these poles is super confusing and disorienting. How to integrate the two. I still reside mostly in separation, but I wonder how differently I'd be at the opposite end of the pole? Would my whole way of living flip on its head and I become a nearly unrecognizable person? Big questions.

HAHAHA This is amusing. So you're telling me, I can be the BIGGEST hater Or as Razard clarified, the strongest disliker. And through being the strongest disliker, I shall burn through this sensation. May it be fun until it isn't. Then I will know what's probably on the other side. Thanks for that one, I think I'll be using it in the future

@Never_give_up hey boss! That's a lot of stuff, I'm feeling for you man. Just sounds rather exhausting innit. Lacking the energy but still having to push on, exhausting. In my experiences, addictions are coping mechanisms for your root problems. Trying to cut off the addiction- may be necessary, even stabilizing sometimes. But if you just cut it off and don't have a better way to cope, it's just going to replace with something new. Got to get down to that pain, whatever that may be. And that's not easy. Nooope. I'm not really sure what you need but I'm curious what things you've tried in the past to deal with all this?? And I will say. This is a facade. People almost always pretend to be better than they actually are. It's a secret game everyone plays. Maybe they superficially are doing more than you, but there are secret struggles happening behind the scenes that you'd never know. Take care and best to you!

Though I'll give you two points! 1. I've used some pretty colorful language because I keep seeing variations of this take, and I'm quite irritated and tired of it. That has spilled through here. 2. I've partially crusaded that frustration here and you've been on the receiving end of my wider frustration when that really just isn't fair to you! I do think I've made good counter-points behind it all though. But I do apologize for the first two!

*Posts observations publicly* Whaaa- you don't like them? Nono don't argue against me, take your drama awayyyy! If you don't want pushback don't post. That being said, you should start that marketing thread. Does sound interesting!