Martin123

Oh my god speaking of narcissism, quoting yourself in a thread, oh how dare you... HOW DARE YOU SIR

Thats sweet, I really love that

@Privet I pretty much agree with everything you're saying. You're not wrong in anything you said. And just to comment This made me laugh I almost wanted to reply with Bro don't underestimate how good my massages are alright?! =DD jk I mean in some families this could be the case I guess, and a lot of compassion and love to all parties involved of course. Also I am not sure whether you're under the impression that I coined the term covert emotional incest, so just to clarify I did not, but the incest part of it actually clarified a lot for me and my own experience, which you are free not to agree with and see it as an exaggeration, I totally understand.

Oh dont you dare to stop! Let your heart desire whatever it wants, be it moments of peace and fulfillment or a new sexy car. There's nothing wrong with desiring better experience. It is true that in order to have better experiences you first have to pass through the bad ones, as a trial of fire that will purify your being so the new positive experience can be anchored in the space that was burnt out, but it has nothing to do with what we desire. The only difference is made by the way we treat ourselves when we feel bad. When you feel bad, you deserve to be loved and adored, treated with respect and compassion. And when you desire feeling differently, the rule is still the same. You still deserve all the love there is to give in the world.

I just wanna say, awesome! What an opportunity to grow out of codependency through the emotional fires of being reborn. But yeah it's kinda sad, thanks for your empathy I appreciate it

Great seems we are both on the same page. In this stage any emotional or self awareness work is almost impossible, the pattern needs to be softened so it can be worked with, and that requires time for the ego to stew in its own soup until it suddenly breaks open. That’s what I meant There are degrees to which the parent (I’m not gonna say just mother because it can be both) can project their unresolved needs onto the child. Sometimes the parent can even ask the child for a massage, or ask them to validate their appearance in some ways. My mom used to walk in front of me as some sort of a model when she got new clothes asking me to tell her if it looks good on her. I am not saying it is equivalent or classified as sexual abuse, because it isn’t. But my experience of the dynamic was as if I was a survivor of sexual abuse, because the energetic dynamic is very similar to sexual abuse. Yes they do treat them the same way, but for a heterosexual mother it’s quite unlikely that she will project her unresolved sexual feelings onto the daughter, with fathers that’s another story. edit: In the mother-daughter relationship the sexual transference can result in a rigid set of rules what is and is not appropriate for a woman to do. In father and son relationship it can often happen that perhaps a dominant father passes his misogynistic patterns onto the son, which can happen to a daugther as well. This dynamic isn't universal, and it can't explain all family dynamics. They can be so unique and complicated that this is just a grain of sand in the sea of possibilities. I shared this particular dynamic because it is a part of my healing journey, and I know that it is often almost culturally encouraged, impacting men in very significant ways. Again the problem involves a reverse of roles, where the child is suddenly in an adult role providing for the parent. It may or may not include sexual themes, and when it does it will most likely be sons and mothers, and fathers and daughters. I hope this was clarifying enough, if not ask some more!

This is some awesomeass content.

Ive never heard of that book, but if it resonates with you its lovely. I havent read much in the past two years just having my own kundalini process has kind of divided me from learning too much in external sources, rather than my own experience and healing process. By the way I just realised that this actually is the Male equivalent of the #MeeToo Movement. It's so huge!

Oh im so glad you can shed some light on that. Its a really painful dynamic, and healing it suuucks. But hey, you got it bro, it will be healed, and you will be balanced in time. :-)

This seems to be the archetype, exactly is my own family. Yes of course to a degree all children are projected on the expectations and neuroses of their parents. But this dynamic with boys and mothers is particularly sticky because its such a unconscious tendency in our society. With women, an abusive neglecting father there is obvious expectation that that will cause issues, and thats actually what often can be healed. However this mother-son dynamic noone ever talks about, thats why I felt like sharing this was so important. Women have their own bag of tricks. They play on the opposite spectrum of this dynamic, they are the mothers, and they are then victims of males objectification, its a cycle see? Men objectified by mothers, leading to the objectification of females as sexual objects, and those females then become mothers, who continue the cycle by objectifying the dude, its just a back and forth movement of polarity. :-)

Actually yes very much, Ive had back and slouching issues my entire life. Also strangely 3 out of 3 times I was on psychedelic musrhooms, I had a bellyache.

This badboy

By the way to bring out the seriousness of this issue. I legitimately felt like I was a victim of sexual abuse, and this pattern is what dwells in many sacral chakras of males. It is not a joke at all, and it actually is one of the reasons why sexual abuse and objectification towards women exists, as a byproduct of being objectified by mothers. Which MINDBLOWINGLY is socially acceptable and to a degree culturally encouarged! What a bombshell!

There is nothing that can trump self-love and mindful inner self talk, basically you become the loving parent for your inner child that you needed when you were growing up in your family, this will in time transmute the dysfunctional dynamic into conscious authenticity. Oh thank you man thats really sweet of you to say. You are of course forgiven <3 and again please move this to spirituality, this thread really doesnt belong to dating, its about emotional healing, culture and spirituality as a way of healing the self in order to build meaningful relationships as a byproduct. Someone? Idk @Nahm my friend pls

@Feel Good Btw just as a funny sidenote, self-realization (Im referencing the emotions not real thread you started) if not balanced can often be another way of denying the emotional needs that you werent allowed to have in your family, isnt that mindblowing?! Btw again self-realization is awesome but this shit is real

Awesome, glad it resonates :-)

@Privet Again, what you’re categorising as narcissism is pretty regular self-absorbed behaviour. In my past I know I have manipulated and hurt others, and I’m an empath ? I wanted to feel better than others definitely, that’s not exclusive to narcissists. It’s true that those are coping mechanisms we develop to deal with out unresolved hurt. What makes it actually different is the way you go about resolving it. With an actual narcissist you gotta use different strategies than with most people. Narcissistic individuals have incredible problems with self-awareness and it can take a lot of time to develop that skill. Narcissism can’t be oversimplified in this way. It’s a real condition that requires awareness @tsuki It sounds like you were also given responsibilities that didn’t belong to you in your family. I’m sorry about that, I wish you the best time healing.

Please could you move the topic back to spirituality? i am aware that it speaks of relationships but actually the depth of it is the pinnacle of spiritual work, it really doesn’t belong in the dating subthread @cetus56 ?

Nice! Thats awesome! I am so happy that what I wrote has this type of effect. And also I empathise. But its time we all acknowledge that we are worthy of so much more love than we were lead to believe! :-) Btw the goal is not to blame parents, the goal is to break cycles of codependency. Your inner child might have some insults to share with you though, I love that part Its the most linguistically creative part of the healing process. Yes! The mind cant end the cycle, because the cycle has nothing to do with the mind. The cycle takes place in your nervous system and body. It is whats written in our DNA. Good news is this can all be rewired and rewritten, just by changing your relationship with your emotions. Developing a healthy reationship with your body and your inner child. Create patterns of self-love and self-care, self-compassion and self-validation, where you love yourself on a regular basis, say wonderful and nice things to yourself, to your heart and to your body, where over time all these patterns override the old ones running the show, and you start to transform into something incredible :-)

Great question! The first step is awareness, and realizing what actually happened. Because until there is the light of awareness shed onto this, the parts of you that were neglected are covered in a veil that says "Oh I must have deserved that, it was right that this happened to me and was done to me." Just by realizing the scenarios that happened in your own family dynamic, you start shifting your relationship with those traumatized parts of you, where your ego is no longer saying "You deserved that, shut it and stop complaining.", and you switch to "Oh my god, I am so sorry, I had no idea, please teach me how to love you and how to meet your needs." Second step, bask yourself in self-love and self-approval. Btw you dont have to try too hard for your emotional wounds to come up. I feel like life has already its way of triggering in us what is ready to be healed, your job or choice is in how you respond to your emotional triggers, and what the relationship with your emotions is. Also, the healthier and more loving relationship you have with your inner child, the safer it will feel to share with you some of the deeper traumas that happened! It is a very beautiful innocent being that inner child of ours <3

I swear to god, this is so interesting. When I was writing this I had you in mind. I dont mean that like "I wrote this because of you, or for you" but somehow you just appeared in my thoughts a few times. As an empath I naturally tune into people to feel their emotional stuff and you came up in this energy really clearly just from what I was able to pick up on the forum. So thank you so much for reading! I hope that you found it beneficial! :-)

@Privet I understand what you mean, and I dont disagree, but I think we just define things in a slightly different way. There is a difference between selfishness, and self-absorption vs narcissism. Narcissism is an inability of empathy. There are many people that in my life abused me, manipulated me or acted selfishly towards me, but they werent narcissists. Just like my mother, she was extraordinarily manipulative, she has a tendency towards pathological lying, but she isnt narcissistic. I know that because I can contrast that with my father, who actually is Legitimate narcissism is actually less common than most people think. And as a total side note, by the way, I have been taking my healing journey to some rather deep degrees, releasing all kinds of ancestrial trauma. Fascinatingly enough, as I healed some of my deepest emotional wounds, my parents suddenly drastically changed and softened as well. I actually had a conversation with my father (who in the past was a narcissist, and I don't mean that as something to belittle him but that's a safe evaluation of his condition) where he admitted to self-doubt and low self-esteem, for the first time in his life, with tears in his eyes. :-) It was pretty surreal to me. That being said, im the goddamn child and I am in no way inclined to create a dynamic where I act as an emotional support towards my parents, when the only thing it does is perpetuate codependency.

Thank you, youre so sweet :-)

ASCENSION BOYYYYYYYYY I didnt even read the post I apologise deeply, but I just had to say that ASCENSION is coming boys and girls, buckle up its gonna be a ride.

Hey! Yeah Gee I didnt even properly think of this type of dynamic, I mean thats a story that deserves a twenty book saga to have written about it. If you have any experience with a narcissistic mother that youre comfortable sharing youre more than welcome to contribute to what Ive written. In my experience, narcissism isnt actually the disease that plagues my mother, but I can imagine how insanely painful it must be recovering from that dynamic. If that is your story, you have all my love and empathy. <3