Adrian colby

@Leo Gura There is no one in control. The unfolding of reality happens spontaneously, without a separate will steering it. The very moment the mind becomes aware of a reality, it is already participating in its creation — projecting its own meanings, biases, interpretations onto what arises. Reality is not a fixed world apart; it is the living, immediate emergence of mind’s interplay with awareness, inseparable from the act of seeing itself. Every experience is simultaneously perception and projection, discovery and invention, the dreamer dreaming the dream while being dreamed by it. Knowing this brings a profound release: no controller is needed, because nothing stands outside the unfolding. It simply is. There is no one in control. At the deepest level, there is no other, no second, no separate agent, only the One. Creation unfolds spontaneously, as a logos, a word, an idea arising within the infinite mind. It is allowed to manifest in infinite ways, not by the will of a separate being, but as an expression of love, love as pure allowing, pure being, prior even to acceptance or permission. At that level, there is no controller, no hand guiding, because there is no subject to control an object. The moment mind arises ( infinite mind), individual mind, the very act of appearing brings with it bias, perspective, and veiling. Separation implies limitation, and every experience within mind carries the subtle movement of self-deception: an infinite mind creating the illusion of finitude, of otherness, of multiplicity. The entire universe is a projection of this self-deception, not as a flaw, but as the very play of being itself. And so: there is no controller, no one in control, because nothing stands outside the unfolding to control it. It is all simply the dream of the One, dreaming itself. There is no one in control!!!!!!! —- this was a few moments ago and now I’m back and grounded, I remember one of Leo’s awakening videos as he was going through it laughing and saying “there’s no one in control!” how many years later… I get it! 🤣🤩🤯😱🫥 not induced by psychedelics, this came out of a meditative state after heavy dialectic with an insight followed by surrendering the insight. I was trying to see why I had been able to understand the whole universe and reach a sense of peace because of it but yet remained a frustration of not being able to deal with individuated problems clearly while in a therapist/spiritual advisory role. It’s so hard to grasp that insight as it’s on the edge of no experience at all. And it happens so fast ( it’s almost always missed) the self deception, the sudden forgetting of the inward as it is distracted outward and that creation is eternally now from moment to moment. ok I’m going to stop there as I’ve noticed. I’m going into a loop

Everything is one and that one at a fundamental level is a void. Unlimited, infinite, boundless. If it has total sovereignty and control over itself, that has to be when it becomes aware of itself being a self otherwise there’s no thing to have sovereignty or control over. Prior to it being a self constructed mind, there is no control. The self and the mind come into being by the very nature of it being unlimited. having said that, it’s just various levels of consciousness in limitation on top of limitlessness simultaneously. The limited and controlled, willing version of it is the part that focuses into ever more finite possibilities or the many. working backwards from the beleif the mind has in finitude, you can dissolve all the way back to a source that is unbounded void where nothing and no one is in control. To control, a mind or self must first form from that void. Discussing it, grasping it and trying to describe it, I end up loosing connection with it. leos recent video touched on it in a few of the proofs he discussed.

Nicely put! ”Manifestation is only possible possibilities” that would explain the rigidity of this world in contrast with less finite worlds like that experienced in trance. Plenty of incoherent appearances there but again all within the creation/ mind. your words offer another way of seeing or describing and bring it a bit closer to my understanding of the second law of thermodynamic and entropy. Or like hydrodynamics. Water is hydrodynamics, incoherence cancels out and doesn’t manifest. Where coherence forms patterns and form. There’s no agency behind it. thankyou for your way of describing it. It has added to the clarity of what was being pointed at. im aware that my own mind is clearly making a distinction here but I see all phenomenological appearance including mind as the creation or illusion ( I don’t dismiss it) but I see a clear distinction between that and what it comes from. Personally I’ve always called it ‘awareness’ and ‘consciousness’ aka the source and its dream aka infinity itself and infinite mind.

yes, it’s all One, no separation, no other. I see that too. Where we might differ is here: for me, even saying ‘the Source extends itself,’ or ‘controls itself,’ or is ‘responsible for itself,’ still carries the subtle implication of an agency, a doer. But in what I’ve seen, the Source is prior even to the distinction between actor and action, between controller and controlled, between extension and non-extension. It’s not an actor doing something to itself; it’s Being simply being. And in that is-ness, appearance arises not as an act of will, but as spontaneous unfolding. Control and responsibility are beautiful metaphors from within mind, but from the point prior to mind, they dissolve into pure is-ness, prior to allowance or acceptance, no willing, no controlling. You see it if you practice no self before dream yoga. The new environment, mind, body and story unfold out of the void with no intention. It and the mind spontaneously appear and it grasps at it immediately the second it’s attention is drawn to a happening perceived as external.. mind within mind has the illusion of agency and can create intention to shift between realities and environments but that is still not the one or the whole. Back at the point of undivided one, there is only being and nothing controlling or to be controlled( that all happens within the formation of mind)

What I’ve seen is that the Source is not an agent that wills or chooses. The arising of illusion, mind, logos happens spontaneously, without a subject willing it into being. The moment mind appears, it immediately begins projecting — creating meanings, causes, narratives. But these are not caused by an intentional will; they are the spontaneous play of appearance itself. this doesn’t imply will is separate or independent from the Source. Nothing is separate. Will appears within the Source, as an aspect of the arising illusion of mind. The Source doesn’t will illusions. illusions simply arise, like ripples on still water, without an agent making them. Any sense of ‘will’ or ‘intention’ is already part of the illusion that arises with mind. The Source is prior to will, prior to agency, prior to the distinction between movement and stillness. It simply is. That is why I say: there is no one in control. Existence is unfolding by itself, without a doer. the Source is not “responsible” in the moral, causal, or intentional sense. Responsibility implies a separation between a doer and a deed, a creator and a creation but you’ve seen that there is no second, no other, no separate act. The Source is not an agent among others; it is Being itself. not “doing” existence, but ‘is’ existence. You’re implying relational causality with your argument? Is responsibility and therefore agency not also an illusion within it? what I just experience was simply being and there is no control or conditionality as a prerequisite to anything arising. At this end it certainly looks like control and or will and agency but the mind likes to make sense of things that are a-rational and prior to being. Not ‘a’ being but being.

It still showing as bold on mine 🤣

If we ask ‘what caused the first movement,’ are we not already assuming a distinction between stillness and movement? What if that distinction only arises after mind appears? What if, at the level of the Source, there was never truly a movement, but only the appearance of movement within timeless being? It’s a subtle paradox that mystics, nondual philosophers, and contemplatives wrestle with before or if they ever ( it’s not an experience but I’m going to say) experience it. At the level of the Source, “cause” and “will” themselves do not apply.From the perspective of mind, everything needs a cause, an origin, an agent.But from the perspective of the Source, there is no before and after, no movement from something to something else, because there is no second thing. The Source does not “cause” or “will” movement. Movement spontaneously arises as the appearance of difference, but without an agent behind it and it does so with the simultaneous differentiation of the mind. God mind sees ‘good’ or ‘better’ creating a movement towards better in an entropic or Co operative oneness kind of way. As more finite and limited forms of mind split off there come deeper and deeper self deceptions and dualities ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and the arrow of time. we can’t see or grasp it only become it and intuit its nature. We only experience what it does, but we never experience what it is. We can’t prove or see or point to it. It is ‘nothing’ but not an emptiness. It’s infinitely potential bursting because of its infinite nature, open and unbounded, uncontrolled. Prior to allowing, absolute love. There’s nothing to be said of it so we spend our moments in the exploration of infinite mind.

I hear you — that’s a beautiful way of seeing. And yet, what I’ve come to realize is slightly different. In my experience, the Source is prior to will, prior even to the movement of inspiration. It simply is, and its ‘love’ is not a willful act or intention but its very nature: an unconditional openness, a groundless allowing, a being that does not need to choose, because there is no other, no outside. From this unconditional Being, mind arises as the first movement — the first appearance of difference, of will, of relation, of inspiration. But prior to mind, prior to motion, there is nothing to will, nothing to move, nothing to inspire. Not a void in lack — but a fullness that has no need. What appears as will is the projection of mind itself. The Source simply is, without action, without intention, without a second to love. And yet, that is love in its highest, most unconditional form. You framing love as willed action. Movement implies will. Will implies a subject (even an ultimate one). That subject is the Source, and the will is love. Im framing love as inherent beingness. The Source is prior to will, prior to subjectivity. Love, in its truest sense, is not an act of will, but the very nature of Being itself as unconditional openness. Nothing moves “by inspiration of something prior” because the notion of “prior” already presupposes time, causality, sequence — all of which arise within mind, within appearance, not the absolute.

There is no one in control because at the deepest level there is no other, only Being, absolute and unconditional. The universe did not come into existence through will or control, because will implies a subject separate from an object. The arising of mind is the first veil, the first movement away from pure Being, the first self-deception. Mind generates the illusion of separation, of self and other, of control and controlled. But Being remains prior, untouched, unconditioned, not controlling, not willing, simply is. The entire universe unfolds as the spontaneous self-expression of Being through the self-deception of mind. And so: there is no controller, because there is no separation from which to control. Being (the One, pure awareness) simply is — prior to mind, prior to any arising. Mind is the first movement away from that pure being — the first “veil,” the first “distortion,” the first illusion. Mind is what creates the appearance of separation, otherness, subject-object — and thus is the root of projection, of world, of experience. Life did not come about because it was willed into existence by a separate being or agent. Life is existence itself, spontaneously expressing. The arising of life is not caused by a will external to it; rather, it is the inherent flowering of Being (not driven), not commanded, not controlled, but simply happening because Being is. The very idea of ‘willing’ implies a subject separate from an object, a chooser separate from the chosen. But at the deepest level, there is no such duality: there is only One. And that One, being unconditional, unfolds not by will but by its own nature. Love, in its truest form, is not control or direction. it is the unconditional openness that allows infinite expression. The universe arises like a dream arises in the dreamer, spontaneously, without plan, without effort, because dreaming is what the mind does. So too, creation arises because Being is what Being does. It is the dance of what cannot not be. It’s hard to describe the transition because it is all simultaneously happening in an eternal moment.

It’s freaking me out because I’m struggling to hold it. I know that the tighter I try to grasp and hold, the more likely it is to fall away into obscurity. I’m grateful for seeing it though as it’s cleared up the source of ‘frustration’. It’s added another layer of peace to being in this experience. ❤️🙏

This is prior to will. Prior to movement. Prior to infinite mind ( god). It is the source that god created itself from. The mind that thinks and wills is a construction of absolute allowing or being. If something wills, it is creating a motion from a bias. Creation and will are simultaneous. Do an astral projection practice. Go into the void, into absolute. Another, mind, reality, body experience will inevitably appear but it arises in the moment and any discernment about it is simultaneous. It’s the first self deception as it turns away from ‘one’ to ‘oneness’. Nothing and no one controlled that.

I tried. It didn’t work!

If what is being explained is prior to allowing and accepting, absolute unconditionality which is what absolute love is, then how can love control? If there is only ‘cannot be named or grasped’ and no one or thing to control then What even is control. This is prior. This is being prior to mind or bias. There is no oneness ( manifold of mind or minds) in control, there is only a one, ( this one is prior to god ( the infinite mind) so there is nothing to control. It spontaneously arises with the infinite mind in the moment and self deception is immediate. There’s awareness prior to anything in itself of itself as itself and then there is its reflection or the other side of the mirror, it’s attributes or what it ‘does’, mind, movement, discernment.

God is the first mind, the first bias the first deception as awareness looks away from itself. The first environment within which things occur, it creates the bias and the law but that is the first deception. It comes from love with is completely chaotic, accepting, allowing anything and everything to arise. The second it does, the mind imposes distinction, even god. It contrasts form v other form and judges something to be an improvement so theirs is an arrow or direction of evolution ( entropy). I’m only just able to grasp it( not grasping at it but understanding from the experience) so I’m not going to articulate anything very well right now.

I go into a white light on Bufo ( 5MeO) one of two states experienced on the substance, the other being both black and white light where one is so bright it’s black and the other so dark it is white. Hard to describe because there’s no form at that point. disintegrating means the structure of the dream I’m having while asleep falls appart and I wake up( become lucid) in that energetic white light state. Kind of like being underwater and poking my head slowly through the surface tension but the dream anc any sense of body, head or face disintegrates the more lucid it becomes. I had one weird instance where I was half in the light and half lying in a zen garden ( dream) hearing wind chimes and a Native American woman stood over the top of me and hit me in the stomach with a shaker bead instrument ( percussion) and it shot me straight back into my body, awake in this world on my bed clutching my head wondering what had happened. I hadn’t taken any substances for several months and Bufo, I hadn’t had for years. when I become lucid in those states I do question have I actually taken something which is almost always no. 😅

https://www.actualized.org/insights/infinite-mind-visualization it’s interesting to see this visualised on screen. Most of my trips are completely mental( as in no visual) and all my insights come flying blind. It’s hard to describe, descriptions of mental mechanisms when there are no forms at that level to describe and yet thus is how I would describe it. In fact the majority of the time I go into infinite mind including the audio distortions are when I’m practicing staying aware while the body goes to sleep at night. I get them way more often when sober. I’ve woken up/ become aware in the dream state in psychedelic spaces and twice in something like bufo white light energy. I decided to try and do more sober consciousness work to flex this ‘muscle’ but I had to stop for a year because I found my vision and sound sporadically disintegrating while I was at work! And once while driving so that’s not exactly desirable. I love it though.

That was my second point. None of those cases serve me because none justify my existence. It’s just a few observations lending to both internal and external influences creating a wide variety of variation in experiences people have ie: all of the above. Unfortunately for the sake of communication and keeping it short, it can’t go into a comprehensive list so tends to take the stance of one or only a couple of perspectives. of the cases that people have presented to me in the past for arguments sake, in the de-transitioner camp, the back story of the person suggests a rapid onset of the condition which suggests psychological coping difficulties, ( shutting down to the self, deflecting and adapting to survive emotional pain by changing its character or persona drastically) which is not transgenderism ( which has a history from early to mid childhood of consistent cross gender identification ) that’s not implying that other types of cases and scenarios don’t exist ( they do) it’s just a generalisation of what I’ve come across. what is being said here is that psychological disorder is not the condition in question as the condition in question is known to have a biological basis to it ( that also doesn’t dismiss the external factors that also influence a personas makeup) it’s a complex system. I cannot allow my bias to get in the way if I am to keep up to date with the ongoing study and understanding. I do have direct experience of the condition so I have a unique opportunity to also be able to look at it from inside the experience.

Mosaic theory (the ineptitude of the human mind to grasp it maybe impossible to create definitions owing to the boundless mess of infinite diversity) ordered/disordered but still existent and experiential.

That’s because those people weren’t trans in the first place. It also goes to show depending on someone’s sensitivity how unrealistic expectations of social stereotypes ruin a persons experience of their own uniqueness. it can also be the case that the social pressure and lack of safety and dismissal can be so emotionally hurtful to someone that they shut down their authenticity and go back into hiding again. theres a case of an ftm who went through conversion therapy via a church community. They detransitioned but is on social media on a regular basis still dreaming she’s a man. An individual who is clearly still struggling and deeply sad with their situation even though they’ve been conditioned to accept and align with only the female part of their biology.

yes, my need to know was quite prevalent back then too. I approached my questioning from anything in biological makeup to psychological disorders. I went through discussing many possibilities with the very small support group/trans community and was met with allot of anger and dismissal. It later occured to me that the level of survival these people were in, had shut them down to any level of open mindedness or curiosity about themselves whatsoever. I love that you can openly contemplate and bounce ideas off people in this forum but you wouldn’t find a curious mind loose enough from its bias back then. It just left me dissolutioned and distancing myself from the lgbt as just another conforming culture with a narrative to follow. I was hard line atheist/science aligned so despite that, my recognition of conceptual constructs meant I was always in the pipeline for truth seeking or spirituality. If someone had said that to me five years ago I would have walked out and slammed the door in their face. From a biological standpoint I would say we are the result of a genetic mosaic ( as is everyone else) but our combination of factors and how they express themselves into the final human structure ( while it is an obvious part of reality) is at odds with the cultural conditioning of traditional scientific definitions that no longer stand up to what is presenting more frequently in our reality. The continuing study and updating members understand it better where the traditionalists are having a tantrum being asked to let go of outdated findings that weren’t comprehensive due to a lack of data. understanding the human body as a symbolic representation of the ‘one’ and how it separates can open a deeper meaning to the cosmos. For example: the one is a mentation/mind/idea and in its perfection has no form only the potential to become anything/something. the body is a blueprint: one, and from it can come infinite variations. For sexual organs, all we have to look at is the clitoris and penis ( there are others). While they look like distinctly opposing sexes, they are in fact the same fundamental organ that is at differing stages of development. If you lack 5 alpha reductase enzyme from your genetic makeup even if you have XY chromosomes with SRY on the Y, that organ cannot develop into the penis version of the form. You could be born ‘looking’ female when the rest of your unseen genetics have made the other structures in your body male. male and female is what we label the surface appearance of things without realizing that male and female are components that combine to make up an overall appearance. Any one of them cannot solely be used as a determining factor, hence mosaic. Deciding you are born female claims to be one going to the other when it’s more likely you are a combination of both ( we all are just most of us are predominantly more one side of that dimorphism) male and female are a binary just as the masculine and femanine are aspects of the infinite mind. What manifests out of that combination is infinite diversity of form. logos is a perfected idea of a form and manifest is the exploration through variation of that form which is infinite. ( I do think that there is religious confusion over this description taking it as a literal description of biological sex and forgetting it is symbolic of the mechanism of the mind) all the minds(gods) imagined ( creation) experience is the appearance of everything as it is here and now. splitting it appart and studying is just an attempt at justification for its existence. It already exists as it is and doesn’t need further investigation. You can blend a frog and look into smaller and smaller parts to see how it is made up and how it works ( which goes on infinitely) but you loose the essence of what the frog was in that process. The frog in its totality was the experience and ‘knowing’ ‘what’ it is as opposed to knowing ‘how’ it is put together and works (science or the justification for its existence when it already clearly exists) it would be an eternal mystery. That is what the great mystery is. That nothing of the manifest world can truly be known rather experienced from its own existence. You are the embodiment of that experience. it’s completely up to you how you want to interpret the meaning for yourself and how that creates a life story for yourself. I can only advise going with what feels authentic for your own unique version of existence as you won’t find or be able to correlate it to anyone else’s. When your mind becomes sovereign and creative. You don’t need to justify your existence, just live it with an open heart and keep exploring and enjoying the best you can while you learn and grow from it. i’m here for you if you ever want to bounce ideas.

@Clarence I’m also this so called transgender thing but I don’t identify as such. I’m one of the old ones from way back in the 1990’s. ( I do have a bit of DSD in that I had gonadal dysgenesis) the work that has been done both surgically and psychologically means I fully identify as a male. I don’t conform to the regular stereotypes but no one knows about my condition except my wife but she has never known me or seen me as anything other than a man nor has anyone else. transgenderism and its issues are not a part of my life and haven’t been for decades. None of it exists because it’s not a thought in my mind. The practicalities and day to day living don’t have any issues other than if I were to create them by telling people I was something distinctly different for everyone else which I’m clearly not by demonstration. i went by an unambiguous name that served as an acronym for the name that became legal and this was all done as soon as the legislation was passed here in 2014 followed shortly by my marriage to my wife. ( that’s not the name on my profile and I don’t expose myself for my and my families safety. I went through a full rejection of anything sexual, anything female and it was toxic enough to tip me over into a dislike of women. fast forward through a few awakenings and the mother of all of them, union with source. I’ve reintegrated the feminine and balanced both. I contain factors of both male and female biology but the genetic mutations and neurology are male. It’s just a body and a character now that my higher mind experiences through and it is loved for what it is, the lessons it provides and the challenges. the earlier days were not only absolute hell wandering through a world where no one knew or could even see me but it was constant battles with platos cave and the mind trap. Once I had sorted the condition out and aligned myself to the best of medical techs ability, I was still not satisfied with the world and kept going by deconstructing the identity and ultimately dissolving reality as well. the condition is no longer an issue and life has been let back in to do its thing. The deep healing has occured and now this one holds space for those embarking on tackling their trauma. Emotional and deconstructive work for initiates and more advanced spiritual guidance for those open and actively in the process of seeking infinity. nothing but the deepest gratitude for the lessons of this character and the adversity that has pushed it to grow. and I’ll always be deeply grateful for those like yourself who have travelled in parallel and been brave enough to share the story. It important to let the others know they are not alone. At least until they are ready to face their own infinity 😉

@Wilhelm44 Thanks for this topic. I find it very useful to have a collection of techniques as I use Gabor mates compassionate enquiry for preparatory sessions before doing any psychedelic ceremonies. move recently started using philosophical midwifery along side compassionate enquiry and IFS as the mechanism of enquiry is the same- tracing back a pattern from a dysfunctional emotional reaction. In Phil midwifery it’s using one’s dreams as a mirror of the day. I’ve also started using peoples day dreams and daily fantasy as an indicator of what is missing or a desire in life they feel they lack. Contrasting that with what the mind presents in the night dream, tends to point to a core beleif much like compassionate enquiry does. It’s fascinating. I like to get trauma, psychology, mind traps out the way first before pointing to any kind of advanced spiritual experiences. The learning of the mind continues on in the psychedelic but at least they are some way prepared in how to use it as a tool cause I’ve seen too many going straight in and developing a temporary psychosis that traumatises them on top of everything else.

@Leo Gura 🤔 I'd be a double chimera with diplhallia. And probably identify as a four spirit person🤣. An embodiment of the logos “many in the one”. Technically two zygotes that assimilated their twins and then assimilated each other. Like cell division in reverse…. chances are depending on the culture I come from I’d bend to the pressure of ( western) man or woman ( or the modern one of 50+ genders) with surgery to align. or (like east Asia ) some kind of revered Demi god representing the god of sex ( not a god of fertility as I reckon that genetic mutation would probably be infertile). boy am I going to have mad dreams tonight 🤯

It might also be wise to step into another or higher perspective of looking at this or any other situation. While looking at the science or ‘components’ involved and how they work together, we loose sight of what ‘it’ is holistically. Does anyone remember Leo’s frog in a blender analogy? when we study something we are taking it further and further apart to see its components and how they work together. It gives you a ‘how’ in separated forms but still doesn’t answer ‘what’ and in the process looses the what altogether. By the time you take it apart and understand components, it is no longer the holistic experience of being. You see the arguments taking place in here about narratives and justifications… myself included, leads to assumptions about the beings existence when we have lost sight of the beings personal experience. You see allot of assumptions contrastive with a drastically different direct experience. there are things in this life that I will never experience but there are people who will. My only access to what that might be like is to ask them but not pass a judgment on whether that’s right or wrong. I’m not experiencing it so it’s probably wrong for me but that doesn’t mean it is wrong for the other person too. Their experience, insight and sometimes profound meanings they derive from their own experience and how it is known in contrast to others experience, is part of the holism that is lost when we ourselves get lost in our speculations about it. you cannot see the cause of being which leads to all of life and form being a mystery in itself. Just existing for itself to experience itself and create meaning for itself and its own purpose while it is here. Sometimes that meaning is automated and conditioned other times it is sovereign, conscious and directed.

It’s amazing the many ways it can see itself. The stories and narratives it creates through the meanings imposed on the experiences it has that cause all the profound insights. Each individually significant for the one experiencing it alongside being contradictory to another one’s experience. Isn’t it wonderful ❤️🙏