Adrian colby

I would like to weigh in on this discussion even if it was a while ago because I just got asked a question if all humans have a soul. It came after they attended a lecture where the speaker was going on about non-conscious players… but if everything is consciousness, there’s no way that anything in existence is ‘not’ that. the only thing that is, is awareness that is the container and witness of everything created. What is created and to be known and explored is consciousness. the word consciousness means ‘with-knowing’. so consciousness, is a self created mind within awareness. It has a masculine (conscious, thought/idea, penetrative, impressing) part and a feminine ( subconscious, ocean, womb, receptive, impressionable part) part. One impresses on the other creating a movement, like a stone thrown into still water creating ripples. Energy that moves/radiates. We label this energy emotion within us and emotion prompts us to take action and ‘do’ something or manifest into a reality that feeds back to us as perceptions. the manifest reality can be described as the child that results from the interaction between the masculine and femanine aspects of the mind. The child is like a pattern that emerges from the ocean of consciousness. none of the forms that arise are the awareness which is the absolute truth witnessing it all but the question is, the part that retains impressions and uses it to evolve the mind. I would say as awareness is the totology, consciousness is an infinite mind which some call god and it is the god/mind/head that evolves while awareness stays the same. As everything created, experienced, perceived, is consciousness, there can’t be anything in the creation that is not “a conscious player”. what I think the speaker is saying is that some people are consciously aware of themselves but some people are not consciously aware of themselves but they make the mistake of equating this to some people having no soul or animating force. I suspect he’s trying to frame his reality in south a way as to dismiss certain types of people and so actually caught himself in a dualistic mindset that is related to this ‘great awakening’ pseudo Christian conspiracy. any thoughts?

@AION @AION your footer link to Neville Goddard just “synchronicitied” me 🤣👆🥰.

Thanks for that. I’ll have a read. 👍🙏

I came across this video around a week ago before I read the last blog( watched videos) post and found it interesting. What I reckon is his hypothesis on how we ended up in a patriarchy. Not neccessarily how we got to the misunderstanding and discrimination of some humans by other humans but the history of sexual biology and why we have diverse variation. my take from it is that we’ve evolved past the ability to physically adapt because of tools and higher level/ conceptual language so we now evolve socially, culturally, personality with a wide range of genetic mutations creating a pool of possible solutions/or adaptations to situations in a societal landscape. The backlash is coming from a prior culture with less personality, less open mindedness and I say that because of neurological research into gender or sexual orientation variation that shows, not a specific structure relating to sex ( even though it is there in some cases) but rather structures related to open mindedness where the wider range of identity that has appeared over the last 20 years has been as a loosening of attachment to conceptual frameworks and acceptance of differentiation throughout the species ( which has always been there but hidden under adherence to stereotypes). freedom would be attained by the fight for rights in other words creating a framework within which people can live and thrive. It is freedom by the very limitations imposed to prevent people from intruding on other people’s personal boundaries. For lived and expressed freedom to exist there must be limitations, boundaries for it to operate in. Complete freedom would be the freedom to do whatever including the prevention of life to thrive. If humanity was completely free, it would destroy itself.

@Verg0 I like the helicopter/ mountain climb analogy. once you get the glimpse and maybe a couple of other realisations and insights about how the reality is created, there is no need or purpose to go into that state or chase that state again while trying to master or experience being a human ( or any other form). The experience is the climb and taking in all the smaller experiences along the way. Enjoying exploring the things you come across ( and getting to know them/ discover them or dare I say creating them as you attach a narrative while dissecting them further) even getting to the peak by climbing you are not going to sit there forever. You eventually go back down into the various different things that fragment and separate to greater degrees the further down the mountain you go till you find a civilisation of beings, plants, animal, elements, stories and concepts blanketing them all while all of it derived from the very uniform substance/minerals at the peak of the mountain. my own journey has shown what ‘is’ and how it works. There’s nothing more to do but descend back into the dream/illusion/reality and ‘evolve’ the mind through the adversity of the experiences. the relation to others has become about teaching the fundamentals of the mind ( thought, emotion, action/reaction) to guide people away from suffering ( mental anguish and its distinction from injury that doesn’t necessitate suffering) so it frees them to explore in whatever way they choose be it seeking the absolute or just creating a business, family, traveling the world, inventing something or expressing through the arts. It’s up to them and none of my concern. I just choose that as a purpose to guide and help while I am here doing my own work. I could keep doing psychedelics but at some point it turns into bypassing personal work and chasing bliss states which I know I can create while sober. It’s all in the level to which the mind is entrenched in belief. But I also don’t rule it out as sometimes it’s a nice bit of respite to go home every now and then. I also don’t really teach or speak much about advanced spirituality anymore as it doesn’t help anyone so I just explore it by myself. Being that it is a direct experiential of the absolute at that level there is no one else to tell so it is a pointless exercise if others have not or do not experience it for themselves. What I find is Most people are just trying to liberate themselves from trauma and behaviour patterns or trying to escape their reality because they can’t cope but they don’t even know most of the problem is coming from them. Cracking that cage open for someone is a difficult task especially when what is in the cage is likely to bite you out of fear. I liked your video and there are certainly some nice ways of phrasing various things that I would find useful when guiding others ( especially those who insist psychedelics show you the truth and get lost in conspiracy and delusion) seeing it as something of an external story Co opted by the ego and continuing to refuse self Inquiry or even the severe lack of integration or help I’ve come across in plant medicine retreats or communities.

You can transcend and see it all as the one and when you come back you can experience it all because it is one. It doesn’t matter what you choose, the thing is that you have consciously chosen your preferences through which to experience life. Those preferences tie in with what opens your greatest potential ( and yes that means ego, bias, unique frequency, these are a part of you). when a person doesn’t choose consciously and just acts out of subconscious conditioning, repeating mistakes or falling into disharmonious patterns that conflict with others, it causes chaos individually and collectively. the difference is that the former knows what he is doing and has the ability to change when it doesn’t work. The later is stuck and blames the external world for their own lack of not knowing themselves. the later can also blame the former for making conscious choices to live their life experience by, because they are not actually enlightened and don’t recognise enlightenment. the former can point out all the mechanisms behind how reality relates to reality but it will always be mired by a particular perspective. A perspective that was consciously chosen by looking through multiple perspective to gain a higher vantage point. the deeper the former goes into the understanding of the infinite possibilities to understand, the further away they grow from others who will no longer be able to relate to them. This does not mean they are wrong, it means they have continued to develop where others have not.

I’ve found this to be the biggest problem in teaching and helping participants integrate after psychedelic ceremony. no matter what they are opened up to, they always fall back into beleif and the ego reforms Co opting everything to their own benefit. I’ve found I’ve had no choice but to go right back to basics and council through emotional deconstruction back to the thought or perception that caused the emotion in the first place. This means I am no longer willing to teach advanced spirituality because the people I’m working with are so far behind it’s not worth the arguments and severe anger/ emotional outbursts and insults. It doesn’t help them or me. 🙄

Sometimes I wonder if there are actual harmonised consciousness streams. i wrote this essay and uploaded it about two weeks ago. im now listening to Leo’s post modernism 2, hearing similar concepts including the reference to using the tool to analyse the tool looping back on itself 🤣. theres no real point to this comment, I’m just amusing myself. thanks for the continued contemplation and sharing @Leo Gura.

Just happened to come across this and thought it was an interesting window into Elon’s character. https://youtu.be/9BDmC5u_MLE?feature=shared

I completely agree with the latest blog post’s observations about the authoritarian trajectory and the spiritual warnings that seem to have gone unheeded. It’s disheartening, but also a reminder of how easily humanity can miss the opportunity to change its course when the majority remains unaware of their own power to shape reality through their choices, attitudes, and awareness. Over the last five years, I’ve often used the term ‘false light’ to describe the allure of narratives that claim to offer truth but ultimately pull people further away from their own inner realization. The drastic polarization we’ve witnessed—where individuals flip from leftist ‘woke’ ideals to conspiracy-driven alt-right thinking—highlights how people can be manipulated when they lack personal awareness. It reminds me of the New Age warnings about a ‘pole shift,’ not of the Earths magnetic field itself, but of political and spiritual polarity within humanity. Instead of awakening to their own inner mechanisms, many have simply traded one external narrative for another, still rooted in victimhood and self-validation. Through plant medicine ceremonies and in spiritual communities, I’ve seen how emotional attachments block the self-awareness needed to break free from these cycles. It’s made me realize the importance of going back to basics—addressing the unawakened stages with compassion and offering spaces where people can slowly untangle their conditioning. Small, intimate sessions that guide people back to their inner awareness seem to be the most effective way forward. For me, it’s about helping others turn away from external stories and frameworks that dominate their reality and begin seeing from multiple perspectives. This isn’t a battle to win but a journey of fostering understanding, encouraging people to move beyond survival instincts, anger, and victimhood. Even in the face of chaos, I believe it’s possible to find peace and return to love, compassion, and clarity—qualities that remain steadfast when we remember the source within. No matter the external story, I remain committed to creating spaces for contemplation and temporary refuge. The work is ongoing, but I believe it matters more than ever as the storm approaches.

Thanks for responding and for sharing your interpretation. I notice that when you quoted my line, you removed “and no longer grasped” from the sentence, which changed its meaning and context. I don’t know if this was intentional to express something you were already thinking, not in context with what I was expressing, or if it was mistaken and you assumed I meant something else? When I said “back to life in an effortless flow and no longer being grasped,” I was referring to the release of mental apprehension—letting go of the tension and resistance that constrict us. This isn’t about negating physical happenings, which occur regardless of our inner state, but about the mental patterns that amplify suffering. I do appreciate your emphasis on the underlying reality and the unconditional nature of freedom. it’s an important perspective. However, I wonder if this skips over the ground from which someone who perceives themselves as trapped must start in order to untangle that mental mess. For someone caught in cycles of resistance or conditioned thinking, realizing that freedom begins with recognizing and releasing those traps. Would you agree that, for someone still entangled in their mental constructs, acknowledging and working through those constructs is necessary before they can realize the freedom you describe? This is the difference between suffering and injury, where suffering arises from mental apprehension while injury is simply something that happens. Injury doesn’t necessitate suffering; it exists independently as part of life. Then on the other hand suffering can sometimes lead to injury because of the way the mind contracts around experience. If you’re referring to this freedom as the release from the mind’s traps, constructs, and conditioning, then are we not talking about the same thing?

I’m just responding to the topic. it’s something that has also occurred to me after going through the transcendence after the negation of everything to reach an absolute. I see ( or experience) enlightenment not as the upmost realisation but as the balancing of integrating all facets of everything on the way back down from absolute to duality. Integrating what is learned or (unlearned) about reality back into the lived experience so that it becomes an effortless flow and no longer grasped. Understanding the formation of all thought and idea, the formation of dualities and being able to balance them. Creating preferences to have experiences instead of seeing one’s self or character at the mercy of it all.

It’s synchronistic for me that Leo posted about the sovereign movement on his blog now. I came into spirituality/personal development after a sober awakening experience that happened after a conceptual/reality deconstruction process about 5 years ago. I find it interesting to learn about the different perspectives and mindsets that people get into and in the interest of staying with “direct experience” I had the opportunity to get into one of these groups ( in Ireland) and so I thought I would contribute what I witnessed. while the sovereignty movement is associated with the libertarian movement, the libertarian movement often gets into trouble with “the system” because of an entitled, uninformed or dualistic mindset accompanied with a lack of taking personal responsibility. In a lot of the American videos on YouTube, the individuals have committed an act against another person and in some cases ‘murder’. They use the sovereignty argument to try and shirk personal responsibility for their own behaviour. to me, it’s quite clear that ‘the system’ is there for a reason and it is part of what holds societal structure in a moderate balance. People with a lack of personal development and inability to see or be aware of unity or interconnected effect, do need to be ‘managed’ to prevent havoc and this system has been build up over centuries of trial and error and continues to change to achieve and improve this. part of the sovereinity story or narrative is that there is a different interpretation of biblical (Christian) symbolism and they believe it is referring to the legal/lawful system which has a division between land based law and sea based ( maritime) law which is currently being used on land to militarise containment of the people who are seen as ‘corporate’ ( dead) bodies signed over or registered to the Roman Catholic Church. There’s a bunch of papers and frameworks that are described basically describing a process of handing one’s identity over to a corporate body at birth and identifying with the registered ( dead ) entity unknowingly. the person I came across in Ireland ( unfortunately through ‘spiritual’ circles) seems to have understood the legal structure within the paperwork system in this country and has de registered himself from the system ( from public to private) by claiming a natal name of himself as a living entity devoid of family name which is the fathers and not his. He has been in the courts and claimed jurisdiction by implementing his own estate, status as postmaster ( postal system) and somehow managed to win and set a precedent which other sovereign citizens use to reference when they too go through the process. There’s a specific way that legal documents are drawn up, stamped and the language also used to write them. He has done paperwork for everything from his natal certificate to revenue, motor tax, council rates and even the car he drives which he managed to get the state to pay for… when he is stopped by the police here, his paperwork is always present and immaculate and his manner is always “honourable” and he is let go on his way. He schedules meetings with government ministers, or civil servant and the police super intendants in his local area to be transparent about what he is doing. He holds a “talk club” where he teaches people to go through the process and discuss other projects of tackling the system where there is regular feedback about how a project or court case is going. So far it looks like he has genuine private diplomatic status registered with a police department that does and does not exist or at least the police head is not allowed to confirm the presence of the department. so it would seem ( by appearances at least ) that if someone shows they act honourably and responsibly, that the system will let you go. This is in stark contrast to the videos of court cases where genuine criminals are simply using the movement to get away with crimes against others. its at this point I’ll say that this is either the case of this individual has created a status and paperwork that fits so snuggly with the current legal system that officials simply don’t know what to do with him so they leave him alone if he’s not causing any trouble. But it has been reached through trial and error as there was no way to know initially if the process was going to work. and now I move onto my own intuition and expand beyond the idea that is being peddled by this guy. I sit and listen and watch and feel the energy in the room. If someone asks a question that challenges the ideas he’s putting across, he immediately changes his demeanour from one claiming love, spiritual development, honor and personal confidence ( law of attraction stuff) to a person who is belittling, bullying, projecting, claiming the questioner is lowering the vibration of the room ( when the energy only changed with him), claiming he predicted it by “knowing it was coming” and then using his own interpretation of biblical/ spiritual texts or beleifs about Masonic rituals against him in the courts being the reason the questioner was negative or attacking and he then uses that to justify what I could best describe as disgusting behaviour towards the other person. It’s fear based, dualistic and conspiratorial thinking using the bible and the movie the ‘matrix’ to justify these beleifs. it’s an interesting perspective and I understand his reasoning behind removing such people from his talk group because I can see it too, but it all feels wrong. a person claiming to help, doesn’t have a drastic emotional reaction to a question and bully them so badly they leave the room in tears. I’ve spend many hours outside the building trying to build peoples confidence, self worth, happiness and well-being back up after such incidences as that’s part of my chosen purpose in life. To help people understand their mind and get back to their life purpose, passion and joy of the experience in this life. after a couple of incidences like that, I walked away from it altogether as there was nothing more to learn and I had seen enough. I do think at some stage, the ‘system’ will find a way to pull him in on securities fraud but the way he has set himself up in the legal framework of this country means he’ll probably get away with it. Each court case he wins, he clears a back door entry into the system that looks like it would eventually destabilise it and make it crumble. I don’t think that is a good thing but I’m waiting to see what happens. as far as the sovereignty movement in Ireland is concerned, someone seems to have actually cracked it. im pending information about his meetings with ministers and police chiefs so I can go into the offices and verify it for myself if these meetings have actually taken place there's one thing I notice about the last 5 years and that is ever increasing infiltration of religious rhetoric and conspiracy into the spiritual or personal development community. I think this is because of the transrational fallacy. id be interested in others perspectives or if my own experience of this can open up another perspective that’s not seen from this movement.

We start by identifying in the ego and it wants to be the same or part of the crowd for its survival, socially, animalistically. when consciousness evolves in the individual or there is an awakening to the nature of awareness observing a dream with infinite possibility, it would follow that to be ‘different’ or unique would be to cover one aspect of exploration of experience to be that as awareness ( in another individual) is already experiencing something else so why would it seek to experience something that it is already experiencing in another being.. if I am an infinite mind and I am experiencing a Hispanic dentist here, why would I duplicate it there when I can experience an African arts major over there instead. the persona typing now has no desire to follow or copy trends or others but to accumulate the experiences it likes, the looks and occupations it feels passion for and the relationships it can be challenged and grow from purely as an expression of its subjective nature. It’s uniqueness contributes to the multiple perspectives that awareness has access to. when it was fresh and stuck in the mind trap of the ego, it wanted to emulate and even be others it aspired to be like. Now it is itself and unique in its own right.

@SamC it depends on how honed your mind is. Some can get intellectual insight out of it while others can’t. I personally had the direct experience of how the mind imagines things into existence and what exactly the masculine and feminine energies are. The sequence of how undivided oneness breaks appart creating grater complexity as it delves deeper and deeper into justifying g the existence of each subsiquent level of consciousness. However once I learned that, any substance, even alchohol was able to do that, as long as it subdued the body. The stronger the beleifs in how damaging the substances are, the more the mind creates that reality. It’s difficult to hold a perspective because on the infinite side it’s just a beleif but in the human side it is certainly a brain cell damaging drug if used in an indulgent way. There’s plenty evidence showing that in the studies.

@Tristan12 hi tristan12: when psychedelics open your mind, you see the light ( symbolically speaking) when you come back to life here, you are in an enlightened state where everything is balanced. The ego and your old thought patterns which may still be unknown or unconscious /subconscious to you, will creep back in a few weeks or months later. That’s why the contentment disappears and thus is because you haven’t caught the ‘thoughts’ that lead to the emotions that make you feel like the world is not worth it. It is inherently meaningless but that’s not because it’s cold and dead, it’s because it is a blank slate for you to ‘create’. If your thoughts are negative or self deprivating, the associated emotions will follow. Don’t put responsibility in the psychedelics, take responsibility back for yourself and regain your own power. Turn that ‘love’ back on yourself. Use it to heal yourself from the inside. Allow yourself to l really love yourself again and regain that independent confidence. Regardless of what is going on around you, build the strength within. Liberate your mind from its negative thoughts and generate something positive for yourself. From that place of personal contentment you can venture out and create a purpose of passion for yourself. Don’t mind what others say to you at this time. You can deal with that later. Find something to love and be passionate about again. I understand completely and also feel this desire to leave the human life behind but there is so much to do here and this life is so short it will be over in the blink of an eye. You can teach all you have learned while perusing something you love.just love yourself first. And remember the universe loves you too. In oneness, I love you and hear you.

@Reciprocality it would be like ‘beauty’. It’s universal in that beauty is what one finds sensorily pleasing which would be a universal principle that is shared but when it is down to the personal, it is individuated by preferences ( what one finds beautiful, another does not) it is a result of separation to make distinctions and one could certainly become more universal by aligning with the ‘principles’ or archetypes. enlightenment in the platonic sense would be the return journey from transcendence with the wisdom of oneness and the process of integrating that with the lived experience by holding the universal principles so that preferences such as extreme dualities do not occur. Making extreme distinctions causes further separation. It’s tricky to master that but if it is held for long enough, the extremes collapse and one lives in a more balanced or enlightened state. certainly everything around is complexity out of oneness but it is still just a hall of mirrors. When someone reacts to me, it is not just their personality but a reflection of my own as well. Both sides are reflecting. When you are conscious of your own and you start to see your self in others by way of their reactions, you develop a mirror consciousness where there is only one looking at itself. Your post title caught my attention as I’m just beginning reading ‘monad’ by gallow glass books. It’s a collection of platonist as translated by Thomas Taylor. I’m not great with old English so I was getting it analysed and re written in ordinary modern English as well as querying some terms used that I don’t understand. As I contemplated and questioned, I decided to slowly study page by page with a contemplation on each and ended up making a distinction between transcendence and enlightenment. One being the seeking if the absolute and having the experience of the one and enlightenment being the return journey into the lived experience with the task of balancing the virtues till duality collapsed and a permanent state is achieved that allows bringing the principle of oneness as a unity with the person while integrating it into the lived experience where all is understood and preferences are still made but not because one identifies with but rather that the preference induces a certain desired experience. Not being manipulated by the experience but rather directing it consciously.

I’m grateful for Leo’s style or approach to spirituality or how I like to call it ‘deconstruction of reality’ by a more logical/rational/critical approach of contemplation of subjects. This meant that it wasn’t as painful as it could have been. having an expanded vantage point makes it easier to understand why people are the way they are and it also makes it easier to feel love for them.

Mental illness is when a person cannot function in their daily life. A lot of people with alternative identities are high achievers, educated, intellectual. allot of the ones in my country that make it into the media have their own businesses. a persons identity doesn’t ‘lead’ to mental illness but the way other people treat and dismiss them because of it can lead to mental distress. for a person who has a hormone imbalance either because of a simple imbalance or a sexual development disorder, the distress is a result of the brains inability to regulate mood, cognition and behaviour. This is a biological cause and not a result of a persons identity whether they have adopted it later in life or have always used it. the only exception to this is ‘rapid onset gender dysphoria’ which is when a teenager, who has no prior history of cross gender identification suddenly develops dysphoria at puberty. These people, if treated incorrectly or misdiagnosed as transgender, often de-transition when they reach their mid 20’s. The reason they report they become dysphoric is because they cannot meet the expectations of the stereotype they are expected to conform to by their society or culture ( for example a male who is exposed to the typical image of muscled, tall, strong, chiselled features, big dick, specific job, social role etc) if they don’t meet this they feel inadequate and worthless. Severe feelings in this area can make someone dis identify with their gender and or sex altogether and associate with the other because they can’t cope with the pressure of conformity. This is not transgenderism or anything to do with the other gender identities. It is certainly not caused by the list of gender identities. It is caused by social pressure to conform to unrealistic traditional stereotypes. Right wing affiliated celebrities and media channels give these people a platform to tell their stories and bring attention to the problem with the inability of gender clinics to tell the difference when diagnosing them ( this is old now and allot has been changed in the way the clinics filter the patients. I’m directly aware of this as I have spoken to physicians in clinics in my country and in Europe ). Media and celebrities exploit these people and use them to push the idea that this is the case for all people who present with a gender issue. It’s being used to dismiss the validity of sexual development disorders as if they are the effect of mental distress. It’s utter nonsense and has no evidence to support that claim. It’s been used to turn people against a minority for nothing more than fear and ignorance. so no the 50+ gender identities out there do not result in mental illness. There is nothing out there to support that theory.

It has been interesting seeing and understanding it from the inside. Going from atheistic to spiritual has revealed the level of self deception that everyone falls into. Being a left progressive hating the right and suddenly aligning with the right ( not identifying as) and hating the idiocy of the left but also transcending both to see and understand both perspectives to synthesise a higher vantage point and understand the dynamic leading to a love and acceptance of it all. Personal development and spirituality with hyper logic and reason alongside allowed me to remain vigilant but the one thing that showed me how delusional the spiritual community were was when my own beloved community started attacking people with gender disorders ( in conversation and debate) while I was sitting right there and known to them. It became clear that there was ‘religious’ infiltration of authentic spirituality which has slowly got worse over the last 5 years. Influence of individuals highly susceptible to belief who could be swayed by panic and fear despite the reality of the situation being a direct experience of me that had never caused a single problem… just thrown out the window with not an ounce of critical contemplation for a ‘let’s wipe them off the face of the earth because of the ‘agenda’ conspiracy. It was so easy for them to just play traitor to their values of live compassion and understanding. I love old Greek philosophy which painstakingly and methodically worked back to the ‘agathon’ ( source/infinity) using hyper logic and reason. Like platonic retroduction or the neti neti method. It was a very fast and intense pathway to having the elusive, sober glimpse of enlightenment. something I’ve been revered for teaching in my community and constantly tackling to bring them back into balance with. my personal battle is not devolving into any negative or judgmental mindset that would be associated with my characters predicament. At the end of the day, no one knows other than if I tell them which means it only exists as an idea. The reality is as I present to the world and even that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I remain balanced and continue to teach and encourage love compassion and understanding. If something is not known it is better to learn about it than become fearful and eventually hateful. It is all allowed and each individual won’t be coerced as it is their inherent right to just be until a time they are ready and enthusiastic to learn and discover, to become endlessly curious about everything. To find out how it works instead of forcing it to bend to their way. we learn and we teach but we never coerce a child to move beyond their educational level( people in general) and I found a lot of peace in that.

I’ve long been aware of identity being a false attribute to my existence owing to ‘The ship of Theseus’ philosophy. I’m embodied in an ongoing and ever changing ‘process’, a pattern that arises, stays moderately coherent and then will one day disappear into a larger pattern ( the earth and eventually back to stillness) so attaching a rigid concept to this doesn’t make any sense to me. clinging rigidly to an identity including a gender identity has been one of those limitations I’ve overcome on my journey and yet, to some extent, for the purposes of interacting with others ( or the preference/story/dream I participate in) I have had to conform to recognisable social and cultural concepts in order to be accepted and integrate into my local humanity. ( play a character or a role, as you will) This body is both biologically male and female but in order for it to be medically healthy, it has to adhere to the sex of its neurology and the feeding of receptors with the correct ratio of sex hormone that aids in the regulation of mood, cognitive function and behaviour. When this was not being treated, the level of ‘dysphoria’ was severe. ( it’s one of the main reasons that many sexual disorders are treated with HRT ) this manifested in the extreme expression of a ‘man’ gender identity and role to the absolute obliteration of anything feminine or female. This was a behavioural backlash to the constant dismissal of masculinity, lack of acknowledgment of masculinity, and constant insistence of femininity by others. You could say I was overcompensating for the ignorance of others which wasn’t psychologically or spiritually healthy. I knew at an intuitive level that my neurology was male and it was said to doctors and therapists several times before it appeared in research. over the years, things such as genetic mutation, neurology and in my specific case, gonadal dysgenesis were confirmed when I was both treated and participated in ‘transgender’ studies at various hospitals in Europe. my goal was to get treated, get healthy, get stable again, and integrate back into society( get on with life as ‘normal’ as possible). This meant NOT conforming to LGBT culture or creating a new identity. It was ‘man’ and nothing else. if I wanted to be accepted as being male then why would I go around claiming to be transgender or any of the 50+ gender variants and expect to be treated normally? It never sat well with me why the others did thus but I do understand now, why that is. My social and sexual role was to be complementary opposition to my female counterpart which I did very successfully until I started going through awakenings and the healing began. The fight to be accepted led to toxic masculinity and a spoilt ego. As I started to target methods to discern what was true, I tore the self apart and ended up facing infinity/ void/ awareness, whatever people like to call it and everything became clear. The structure and meaning to humanity was clear. I see myself at three layers. The ultimate awareness that encapsulates everything including the smaller more focused awareness that sees from an individuated vantage point ( everyone and everything is ultimately this when they contract consciousness back to pure awareness. There is no distinction, we are all individuated expressions of this one having a discovery of experiences) The second layer is a biological process that has manifested in a both male and female form ( even though allot of surgery has been done to align with the male, there is little to nothing female left). Even after glimpses of enlightenment, this has not changed as it is the form that this one is experiencing, choice or not. It is fully embodied, enjoyed and celebrated. And then the third layer is the identity through which it interacts, relates to and distinguishes itself, uses to navigate life, its preferences and choices to have experiences to learn and grow from. ( the little persona or mask that moves from one experience to another) . The personality is recognised as fluid as in behaviour/beleifs/epistemology and it is not so rigidly set that it cannot change that if something is not working and needs to be changed. ( I could elaborate into the self decepted or delusional but I won’t discuss it here as I think it’s part of a ‘lost’ or dominating ego pattern less present after awakenings or personal development) identity can be anything to distinguish someone apart from others for the purposes of interacting/ relating but the stress of rigidly clinging to it and constantly trying to defend creates a historical trauma or habitual bad behavior towards others. This is where so many go wrong and end up as entitled spoilt brats or the generic description of woke. the woke have realised owing to their stage of cultural development that they have been living in a conceptually constructed matrix and while trying to liberate from it, have trapped themselves in a more expanded range of identity. i don’t see it as wrong, rather, it’s part of a stage that the culture will grow out of eventually and as you say, people will eventually come to terms with the universe expressing itself in infinitely diverse ways and no labels needed cause you can’t categorise infinity. There are those that use gender identity to describe their personal and there are those who use it to describe their underlying biological manifestation ( which is not always just male or just female) perhapse the 50+ categorisations are an attempt by individuals to express that their biology is simply not the same as the next person and the ego really needs justification for that existence?

https://youtu.be/QSvnihB1jZ8?feature=shared mirror by sine latest to blow me into infinity during an unsuspecting trip.

to answer the question of why would god forget? When I lost my ‘I, let go of everything, everything dissolved. The void of No thingness ( awareness) had to reconstruct reality from scratch to get back into it.( it took what seemed like forever and each and everything was meticulously thought out). I came across ‘belief’ or ‘self deception’ as a reality creation tool. In order to imagine a reality and project myself back into it to experience it in a coherent, consistent and linear manner, I had to ‘believe’ it was real to hold it in consciousness. ( con=with science=knowing) that belief or ontological self deception is why I as a human, forgot who I was as the god or awareness. I did it to myself as I expanded from a singularity into consciousness and as I focused and solidified into a distinct and separate expression of that one. Each and every time I reincarnate into a solidified reality, I do it. And I forget. when you know you are a spectrum of infinite states of consciousness, you keep dissolving if you can’t focus and hold it. Belief( self deception) help hold a consistent state to experience something meaningful. i make a distinction between awareness and consciousness where awareness is a singularity or source of potential and consciousness is the god head or mind/ocean that forms out of that awareness. From that ocean forms patterns or the appearance of solidity triggered by the ripple of thoughts. When awareness becomes aware that it is aware, it is creating a feedback of ‘knowing’ on itself which is consciousness. we remember when we stop and become self aware and do inner work. prior to that we are always focusing awareness outward and expanding, grasping at the experience believing it is a world ‘out there’. this is not a rationalisation or logical conclusion but something I experienced directly when I unintentionally dissolved back into no experience.

A look at identifying self deception using an intermittent commentary of video of Jordan Peterson as an example. Also pointing out Leo’s self deceptions when pointing out Jordan peterson’s self deceptions. a helpful guide to identifying what self deception looks like in a real world scenario.

@Schizophonia and what if my penis was removed because of cancer? Am I no longer a male or no longer a man? Can I not perform my social role without it? and what if I was a female at birth who naturally developed a penis in their teens? ( yes it happens! There are populations in new Guinea where this happens and it’s common enough that it is considered normal to give birth to a girl and have it spontaneously turn into a boy) natural sex change in a human. this comes down to the same thing over and over again. Trying to pigeonhole reality into man made constructs to force the infinite diversity of the universes exploration of consciousness to become a limited sameness. It is already that at its core or source ( awareness) so why would it do that when it expands into infinite consciousness?