Adrian colby

1st April 25 Cannibis journey ive attached image interpretations of poignant moments from my journey. Before I arrived at the shamans ceremony space, I had a god Realisation on the drive over. Not the best place to have that kind of a realisation, driving a van. A thought had entered my mind that “Light is a sound wave perturbation in the aether” but why can’t you prove God? existence is necessary before it can be proven but if something is prior to the objectivity of a thing or even its subjectivity the only thing that can point to existence is existence itself. the very idea of proving something is that one is shown to another but in the realm where all is one undivided whole, there is no other to prove anything to. existence is itself, by itself and for itself. it must ‘be’ first before anything else can. It cannot not be. That is its only impossibility. but you cannot point to this existence, it merely experiences itself as existence at the most fundamental level which is not nothing but no thing. a void. and emptiness within which everything becomes known and manifest ( the light/consciouness/infinite mind) the void shines awareness out onto things and we call it light. a blinding golden white light but we cannot see it in this world so there is nothing to point to but the objects it illuminates. if you could see it, it would get in the way of everything and you wouldn’t see nothing (no thing) By its very nature to illuminate it must be itself invisible and unseeable and unprovable. existence before anything exists… and then I saw it. An emptiness that is full of life everywhere! and so I turned up at the doorstep almost in tears after realising and seeing the beauty of its transparency and the oneness of the light that shines from my empty dark singularity to illuminate everything I experience and the quality placed on everything by the filter of my mind. The Shaman opened the space calling in the spirits and gods and goddesses and resetting the vibration of the space by filling it with the vibration of the drum. As the compass points were turned to and blessed, the spirit that came forward were a ‘white stag’ (earth), ‘a cock pheasant’ (Air), ‘The phoenix’ (Fire), and ‘a white horse’ (water) that came from the ocean (possibly the Foal that is due). We went to the front door to smoke the cannabis. After I stated my spoken intention: which was to ask for guidance from my higher self/ dream master whether to dedicate my focus to compassionate enquiry and helping people heal childhood trauma wounds by tracing back their cycles and patterns of behaviour through their emotional reactions or to dedicate my focus to teaching higher spiritual practice for those already seeking (my prior encounters with the divine feminine or goddess isis had encouraged me to work with emotions As I was standing waiting to take the pipe, my body was shaking. It felt like a combination of having been up till 4am the previous night and not having enough rest and a flitter of anxiety about the process of being dissolved (pre journey jitters I call it). I took one and a half smokes but both were half breaths. I decided to sit on the seat provided as I didn’t trust myself not to collapse unconscious as it had happened before. I started to notice time dilation or loss of time and then I realised I had already dissolved before I came back to realise I had dissolved. I had been anxious about going through the process of dissolving but I had already left my body, gone around a bit of a realm and come back before I’d even noticed I had gone. When I got back, I informed the Shaman I was in the medicine and began to focus on a humming somewhere in the room. it was an electrical source in the laptop around 60hz but as I struggled to pinpoint where the sound was coming from I also became aware that my own hearing was asymmetrical. even though my hearing was elevated, one ear was more astute than the other and I noticed that one side of my Nadi system was more active than the other. My active Nadi was the Pingala (masculine). A nadi is not a verve but a channel in the spine where life force flows to give activity to the nerve. The two sides (the Ida and the Pingala) fluctuate in activity and if you are very focused in and aware you can tell which side is active at any one time. Shashumna is when both are balanced, empty and transparent that allows for better perception and energy flow. The pingala is the masculine on the right side that also represents the logical and Shiva. The Ida is the feminine on the left side that also represents the intuitive and Shakti. I was hearing with pingala active so later of when we got to the room, the first song was invoking Shakti to try and balance this one out. during a bout of lucidity, I made an attempt to get to the mat in the ceremony room so I used my memory of turning into the ‘chesire cat’ (the character that appeared on my first journey who walked my body in that form to the ceremony room) so I used this to get off the chair and down the hallway. Nearing the end of the hall I said to myself, that was just a memory and excuse so I got up onto my feet and walked normally the rest of the way in and then kneeled down on the mat. I swayed back and forth, moving to the divine feminine and bringing back the emotion to engage with the experience. My awareness went from realm to realm, through different states of consciousness and expanding into a totality of knowing and being. It went on and on and on. the universe was infinite and everywhere I turned there was more and I could see it all. Eternity in that moment, forever. The song finally came to an end and jolted us both out of the realm and back into the room as I tried to remember an eternity and how to write everything down in an intelligible way. I looked at the Shaman and said “Holy Fuck!” that was only the first song (which was just 12 minutes long). The Shaman had looked at the playlist because he thought it was just an extra long song because we had both been in there for what seemed like hours or as I say ‘eternity’. I looked at him and said “ this is going to be a long one! theres another 4 hours of this to go!”. He laughed as I settled down and said I was going to go back into the higher states. The second piece of music was a ghostly but beautiful chord progression so I sang my lyrics: “Close your eyes, drift away, let your spirit rise, let go, let go, I belong, I belong to this world because I’m the dreamer dreaming me”. I held two contradictions as I contemplated dissolving their duality till they were the same thing like a mirror image. I was lying both face up and face down in water seeing the cosmos and the world and being in both the mind and the manifest because there was no distinction as to whether i was lying in the water or face down, they were both the same. the centre point was my singularity. the horizon line of the waters boundary but both sides just a mirror image of the other. I was already looking at both but needed to become aware of both simultaneously. I used the music to connect back into the emotions to fully engage with the experience instead of just watching it. the following piece of music was a piece I had contemplated deleting from the playlist as it was a bit cliche for psychedelic music but , by god!, it completely threw both myself and the Shaman into a swirling dissolution of confusion and realm jumping. it was completely mad and a mind fuck. after that the music became calm, desolate and isolating. I slowly settled backwards and finally lay down as I let go and began to turn inwards. My higher self showed me that the area I had identified as anxiety wasn’t my solar plexus and that it wasn’t anxiety at all. The reason that i had been unable to release it during ceremony was because I was trying to relax a tension that wasn’t there at all. I concentrated a bit further to feel that the area was higher and to the left and that is where the sensation was situated all around that part. it was my heart. The feeling was the contraction of my heart and the struggle to get rid of this feeling that was like tension was because I needed to open it and love. I had opened it before but shut it down when my authenticity hadn’t been accepted but I was encouraged to open this. As I went through the relaxing of the body, my attention was brought to what my mind was doing. The very thought of relaxing a part of the body was what was creating the appearance of the body in the first place. I was trying to put it to sleep and dissolve it as a thought in order to break through to the light in a self induced mystical experience within the framework of the substance journey. The substance was assisting me in remaining consciously aware as I tried to put the body to sleep bu the mind was causing problems as it focused on body parts like neck and chest to try and relax it into a sleep. The medicine left me to practice this for a while, catching the mind and trying to stop it from creating. It was certainly easier to do this when sober and falling asleep than trying to do it while completely aware. While I was doing this, I was also in my higher self state of consciousness, guiding my lower self to notice that in order to release and heal tensions in the body, it was not about relaxing and releasing but about accepting and loving. When I accepted and allowed everything to just be and allowed myself to just love it, the tension just came and went. I understood the importance of love and acceptance. to just accept and love would release me from any grasping or attachment or tension and conflict. Sometimes when embodied this means allowing yourself to let go and love and feel into and engage with everything like a piece of music that you love. allowing yourself to dance to it, sing to it, express life through it. It dawned on me that my contracted heart was to the left and a suppression of emotion which was all the divine feminine and why my energy had shifted to predominate the right and become logical to avoid the pain in my heart. there was nothing to be afraid of because the pain would just go if I simply opened my heart and allowed myself to love freely. when the mind does not grasp or attach, then there is nothing to let go of and everything becomes peaceful, loving accepting, flowing, living. I opened up more and managed to let the body go more and started drifting into the music where the boundary of my head disappeared and I became the space in which the music was vibrating. I felt the depiction (although this was all formless) of my face pointing upwards as though I was about to break the surface of the water and peer through to another world. I could see the light getting brighter as I focused inward and tried to break through. I pushed up higher and higher and into the Bufo space where it was just contrasting black and white as the light was about to become the void of black. I didn’t quite manage to break through to fully go out of body into the mystical but I know how to get there. I only know this because I remember being there before. not once but many times. it is home. There was disturbance of voices from workers in the shed behind the house and it lifted me out of the journey. My mind began spinning a story of concern that they were so close they may come in the door so I struggled to get back into the higher state. The Shaman at this point asked me if I could stay in the room and body for two minutes and I was lucid enough I could stay. I talked about the conditioning of the child and the mechanism of how the child formed a belief that went along with the culture and belief of the family. a belief about who they are and how the world is. this belief conditions a persons behaviour and more often than not, blocks them from achieving various goals in life. it often happens when an adult finds a moment to impart their wisdom on their child but this is not truth. its a transmission of anscetral load or generational traumas and false beliefs that corrupt the young mind. unintentionally of course. More flow music came on and I asked if I had been for long enough and after the agreement, I tilted my head backwards and concentrated on my inner vision and the light. I saw the blinding golden white light streaming through my eye lids and I saw the shadow of my hand casting across the light as I waved it back and forth. The light spoke from the higher part of myself and explained: “I am the light. I shine and illuminate by creating ideas/forms ( this was referring to my hand.) You see it waving back and forth and it casts a shadow in my light. The shadow is your face.” I watched as the hand waved across the light casting a shadow onto my face and my vision as the face reflected back towards the light to try and see what the light was. The light spoke again: “ if you remove the idea/form (my hand) the shadow disappears (my face and my vision from the point of view of the face). It all dissolves and all I see, all I am is light but behind it is nothing but infinite black. I can be known in light but forever mystery and unknown in the void. just aware.” The higher self showed me the one and how when it shines out its light it forms a mind. the mind creates ideas and imagines everything, casting shadows within itself that reflect its ideas back to it. while the shadow is cast, it sees from the point of view of the shadow not the idea. when the mind goes quiet both the idea and the shadow that is cast dissolve back into the light and it contracts what it has learned back into itself to remember and recognise itself as light and only light. the light is its consciousness, its mind, its knowing. it shines from its source of existence which is a singularity of awareness that simply is for itself, by itself, as itself and it knows nothing. its empty but pregnant with dreams. “When the idea in the mind is gone, the shadow cast of the self also dissolves to no self. I am the light, I am the empty mind that things come to being within. Beyond the light is my existence. I shine the light from my existence. I manifest through you by being and loving and accepting, open your heart again!” Two contradicting things were held up again to create the realisation that they are a apart of the same thing. a mirror image of the other reflecting itself back from its shadow to that which casts it. the manifest reflecting back on the idea that cast it into the world. Me: the shadow, contemplating the idea that created me, cast me, in the first place. I as this smaller more limited mind was the bridge of understanding between the two. Lying face up or down in the water doesn’t matter. there is no up or down. you are always facing the same way (all ways at all times). I simply become the singularity in the middle. the awareness that sees the mind and its world of imagined ideas and I make it intelligible as it manifests into the world. The whole thing is imagined. even my face is just a form being imagined in the mind. I look out through the eyes (the eyes are imagined) I see me as a body (the body is imagined) I go back inwards and all is a singularity where there is nothing but existence awareness of itself existing simply being. “ watch the forms of the upper worlds ( pure mind and idea/form) and watch the forms of the lower worlds (the manifest experience). The symbols mirror each other. When you can read and speak this, your consciousness integrates both and transcends. you don’t ascend to another place, you are always in the now. you expand and become aware of more here and now. you can’t do this by dismissing shadows. you must learn, understand and integrate. you can quiet the mind and go to the light of course but if you bypass the shadow, you will have to deal with it when you go back until you integrate it and it becomes a part of the unity. The music started to shift to more energetic so the goddess isis or divine feminine reappeared to encourage coming out of the mind and going into existence living itself by reengaging the emotions, opening the heart and flowing with the music. singing , dancing and feeling it all in one unity. I sat up and sang with the Shaman. played with harmony and different types of emotion and just allowed the beauty and the good flow through it all. I criticised the playlist a little as it was a little too long and some could have been taken out of it but it was successful powerful music that happened in sequence at the right times and it was constructed with a knowing before knowing it was done right. The Shaman closed the space and we went out to the kitchen and had the famous curry! followed by me contemplating how I was going to remember all of this and write it down. somewhere in the middle of the journey I caught a very vivid glimpse of a friend that I loved dearly. She was sitting in a window seat with the porthole visible beside her. I dismissed this as I knew she was in South Africa, Cape Town. I shared an image of my journey followed by the caption “just landed back to earth from this place” with my spiritual group ( a group of closely bonded brothers and sisters who survived a disaster ayahuasca retreat but have loved and supported one another since) . The friend said ‘she wished she was there but was herself only landing in Berlin!. I said she may just have been there if she had snoozed in the plane as I saw her briefly in a window seat. we shared 🤯 emojis. It’s not the first time there have been unexplainable coincidences or meeting in trips or dreams that have been later confirmed in real life but alas I still question it. images below in order of appearance in the journey

@Majed there’s a biological basis to transgenderism. There are specific genetics and neurological structure identified with the condition including the way in which a person receptors interact with hormones that regulate cognition, mood and behaviour. It’s the same with people who have under developed gonads. The receptors don’t get the right ratio of sex hormone and they suffer disregulation as a result. That improves with HRT. Transgenderism is a variation of sexual component expression. ( amongst many other types of variation whether functional or dysfunctional). Biological variations are not mental disorders unless you are talking about a serious deformity in a persons brain. The diagnostics manuals have been instructed to keep the diagnosis as a mental issue for access to insurance. The diagnosis and terminology used is not morphologically correct. I was born this way and it’s been an eye opener to the delusion of the world. Removing my own identity to try and discover as objectively as possible what was going on was not an easy task and I was even conversationally attacked and socially excluded by other members of the trans community for questioning how the condition came about so I very quickly removed myself from the lgbtq culture and stopped identifying with the ‘trans’ community. Not even the doctors in charge of our care, tell the patients how the condition comes about. I’ve found myself educating locums and registrars in front of the consultants. I’ve been called to trans support groups to talk to patients about their own condition because no one has explained the biology of it to them. I find it highly unusual as most patients when diagnosed with a condition generally get the low down of how it works. it’s not wrong, it’s not a mental illness and it’s not an issue of contention. Publicity of the issue as it is circulating at the moment is caused by a lack of education or refusal to engage with direct study of it. There is so much conspiracy, misinformation and down right ignorance out there and I know this because I have the advantage of having to live it directly and taken part in studies to find out for myself what components this body I inhabit, is expressing. I’ve gone through the deconstruction process and dissolved my reality back to a singularity beyond the light of consciousness. I know ‘what’ I am beyond i and I understand the construction of this ‘me’ I experience now. I do not hold an identity other than to relate and interact with others. Besides that, it is a character I express through but I still honor the underlying biology through which it expresses. That biology has both male and female components and I cannot change that. Nor am I sorry for the people who are uncomfortable with it or who refuse to understand or even bother to study it to understand it. Unless someone is ‘told’, it doesn’t exist in my daily life. No one knows about it and I’m not affected at all other than when someone ignorantly imposes on me which is very rare especially since my legal documentation has all been corrected. I’ve had full reconstructive surgery which occured before my awakening and looking back it was to conform to societal stereotypes and to come into alignment with what was expected of me as a male. I would still do it after awakening as I accept and love who I am. It has acted as a catalyst for learning and exposing many things about the mind and reality. I don’t go around identifying as trans. I’m a man, a husband, a brother and a son. I don’t condemn people who choose to identify as whatever they want but I see it as just more identity on top of identity that’s drawing more conflict into their lives but that is at a social level. Their underlying biology is still valid. yes the entire thing is a spiritual illusion dreamed up by an infinite mind but it is expressing, exploring and feeding back the learning and growth of its mind by what it experiences through each of these unique lives and scenarios. Dismissing any of it is bypassing and failing to accept ( love) learn, understand and integrate it all back into a unity. I’ve gone so much further in my understanding of the mind and consciousness even to go beyond and glimpse the non experience of existence just being for itself when the light or consciousness contracts right back from a unity to just ‘the one’, because of the ability to drop identification with sex and gender. It’s just a part of the body and I am not that at the end of the day, I just inhabit and experience it for a life so I will express it to its fullest potential. I have moments where I wake up in the morning in disbelief that I’m actually one of these people and actually experiencing what it is like to be this. And it is absolutely baffling the amount of ignorance and hatred out there. Because in my own direct experience, most of the stuff that people say and speculate about a person like me… I have never once experienced. They talk n circles and speculate about things they quite literally haven’t got a clue about. . I know it’s easy to say just develop genuine curiosity and ask questions but most people who are trans and conform to liberal/progressive lgbtq culture as part of their identity, are deeply wounded by their groups generational trauma and have a very angry and defensive mindset. I know what that feels like. I was there before awakening. Most people are angry and in survival mode before awakening but you got to try to understand that from this point of view the anger stems from repeated and relentless dismissal, disrespect ( for years and sometimes it’s constant) or worse, actual attack, harm or situations where one wouldn’t be mistaken that their life was in danger. I’m not in agreement that any of that should be happening but if you go around proclaiming an identity rather than just getting on with your life, your going to cause problems for yourself but if you notice, that goes for everyone that’s more or less pre awakened not just the pronoun and gender identity brigade. ( I’ve been so angry and hurt by people in the past that it has caused so much accute stress I had manifested chronic skin conditions the doctors had no idea where it came from. It miraculously dissapeared when I started getting the correct treatment. My depression also lifted when I started HRT as my receptors were no longer being starved. Any mental health issues were secondary and a result of societal pressures/ marginalisation, not the condition itself. The condition itself is more like a genetic mutation similar to what gives you your eye colour. Everyone is a little different but that is what sexual biology evolved for: throwing random mutation so it could exploit niches. There’s nothing inherently or intentionally wrong with the different types of people out there. when I stopped using labels to justify my existence, I simply went back to fulfilling my role and living life like everyone else. When I didn’t go around telling people, nobody knew or had a story to create around me so the condition didn’t exist for them nor did their need to disrespect or offend me based on their own misinformed assumption about it. While it is still biologically there, it is not a thing that manifests anywhere other than in peoples minds as a story. I’m the reality of it. I’m what they experience and interact with. A man. I sleep with my wife and there is no difference. She’s been with several guys before me and she says there is no difference physically. Trans does not exist in my life and I am not that story. I’m the reality that exists before any stories or falsities can be attached to it. So I don’t create stories I simply live. I don’t dismiss it, I integrate and learn from it. had I awakened before I went through it would I make the same decision? What decision. I became into a body that was born that way. Before or after awakening would make no difference to going through trying to align or conform my body. The difference would be had I been awakened before, I wouldn’t have been as distressed going through it. The circumstances wouldn’t have changed. I know most of this is not what you are referring to but I’m writing it for other readers too.

Simpsons are claiming April 🫢😅

yup. I think the guy just Co opts philosophical works to suit his own belief system( based in conspiracy). It’s not even worth correcting him or even suggesting there’s another interpretation cause it’s just a massive angry ego backlash I get back. I stopped bothering with him. meh…

it reminds me of an argument I had with a fellow mushroom retreat member who pushed the idea of Plato agreeing that enlightened people be obligated to take responsibility in governance. I argued if that was really Platos opinion then he wasn’t as awakened as some claim him to be. An enlightened person wouldn’t seek governance that would ultimately corrupt them. They don’t control, they teach and at that they don’t push teaching on others unless they come to them asking for guidance. in fairness the guy didn’t know the cave in the allegory was a representation of the mind while it is trapped in its own feedback loop and had an almighty anger fit when I elaborated on what the allegory was about. ( his version sounded more like a new age conspiracy theory that outside the cave was the psychedelic realm. No idea that there are different levels of form)

@Leo Gura love the Plotinus lecture post, Thankyou. This is a lecturer who articulated the philosophies language well and I’ll be integrating this into my retreats as, like you say, Plotinus is the closest descriptions to what I experienced of ‘infinity’. I agree with the sentiment of the mystery schools in the second lecture and the importance of sorting out and strengthening one’s own psychology and discernment before going anywhere near higher spiritual searching. While I did a lot of contemplation for understanding and deconstruction to get back to the core or cause, I did fall into a lot of eastern philosophy and negating which almost vilified most of the lived experience instead of understanding its existence. When I came back from the higher states, I found I had to start from scratch again to understand through deconstruction,contrast, interaction and relationship anyway. it ties in with the end of the piece I wrote last week and the restructuring of my retreats/teachings to not impart higher spiritual knowledge but to go into the mind fuck of psychology for the participants understanding and stabilising before going near higher states especially when thrown straight into psychedelic experiences. The piece is not comprehensive but the structure or stepped approach I wrote could be improved upon by the platonic methods particularly in the second video you posted. Thankyou for a synchronistic link to my own current affairs 😉

Watching things unfold over the last few years within the spiritual community I noticed an infiltration of bizarre ideology. I’ve been trying to protect my retreats from it and I seem to be getting through to most wayward clients and guiding them back to introspection . There are some who are so blinded by their rage, there’s no getting through to them. I decided to sit down and write an essay I might do an audio recording of. I’d be grateful for feedback and constructive criticism. -edit- audio file now up for listening The Great Awakening: The Rise of Conspirituality In the past eight years, a narrative known as “The Great Awakening" has taken root, presenting itself as a collective spiritual ascension. The movement quickly gained traction within New Age circles and spiritual communities, as many seekers latched onto it as evidence of a global shift in consciousness. However, the origins of this movement were not spiritual. It did not emerge from deep introspection, self-inquiry, or authentic personal transformation. Instead, it arose from conspiracy narratives, political manipulation, and a reactionary response to global instability. It created a new category of ideology now known as “conspirituality”. A new religion. During this period, the Great Awakening movement became intertwined with conspiracy theories, particularly those surrounding: COVID-19 and mass vaccination (The belief that an elite-controlled oligarchy was using the pandemic to enforce population control.) The "Satanic elite" narrative (Accusations that global leaders, billionaires, and institutions were engaged in child trafficking, ritual abuse, and demonic worship.) The demonisation of progressivism (A reactionary push against cultural and political shifts, reframed as a "battle of good vs. evil.”) This movement capitalised on the fears of vulnerable individuals, particularly those already disillusioned with institutions. Donald Trump and his allies deliberately mobilised this demographic, using psychological tactics to target specific audiences via social media. He hired a Company called Cambridge Analytica prior to the 2016 election to identify an audience that could be easily manipulated. this company was quickly dissolved after the election was won. Troll farms (allegedly Russian) were used to infiltrate religious and spiritual groups to spread misinformation and manipulate the communities by preying on a believers tendency to emotional reaction instead of critical thinking.turning them against political opponents, societal minorities and anyone who could be utilised to induce fear, anger hatred to be perceived as an enemy. A significant portion of the demographic targeted by the rise of conspirituality comes from marginalised, economically disadvantaged, and socially stigmatised backgrounds. Many of these individuals have faced poverty, lack of education, and limited access to opportunities, leaving them feeling disenfranchised and unheard. The psychological effects of chronic instability, generational trauma, and systemic neglect create an environment where victim mentality becomes a deeply ingrained survival mechanism. These individuals are not just lacking material wealth (they have also been deprived of the critical thinking skills, self-worth, and psychological stability needed to break free from disempowering narratives.) Historically, such groups have been easy prey for religious institutions, charismatic leaders, and ideological movements that offer them a sense of belonging, moral clarity, and purpose. When exposed to conspiratorial and pseudo-spiritual narratives, they become particularly susceptible(not necessarily because they are unintelligent, but because their distrust of authority, compounded with a desperate need for meaning, makes them seek refuge in belief systems that validate their suffering. These movements provide them with a sense of identity and community, often offering simplistic answers to complex systemic issues. Rather than addressing their internalised victimhood and disempowerment, they are encouraged to see themselves as warriors in a larger battle against unseen forces, whether that be the government, science, global elites, or even abstract spiritual enemies like “Satanic forces.” This reinforces their mind traps, further entrenching them in a belief system that gives them comfort but ultimately keeps them disempowered. and its not just contained to this demographic. as a movement like this takes hold and builds momentum, individuals from all classes, achedemia and governance, jump on board whether the narrative supports their pre conceived beliefs or if they simply succumb to a herd mentality. but as a movement like this is not based on solid foundation it begins to consume itself and ultimately falls apart under its own corruption. How It Started Two key players stand out in the rise of the current Great Awakening conspiracy, though many other factors contributed to its development. This is not the first time in history that a "Great Awakening" has been proclaimed. From the mid-1700s to the early 20th century, various Great Awakenings emerged, each attempting to reshape society through moral absolutism and all of them based in religious dogma. While these movements led to some positive reforms such as the abolition of slavery and greater calls for equality, they ultimately failed because moral absolutism does not work in complex societies. Instead of addressing the root causes of social issues, they demonised the symptoms, leading to increased crime, social unrest, and forcing morality through law without understanding human behaviour leading to unintended consequences. This pattern has reemerged in the digital age, where movements like QAnon and the Cult of Kek have revived the same black-and-white moral narratives but adapted them to the internet age, using memetic warfare, online radicalisation, and conspiracy rhetoric to spread their ideology. The "Cult of Kek" emerged on the dark web forum 4CHAN in 2015, a notorious breeding ground for alt-right extremism, fascism, and bigotry. Originally, “Kek” was a slang term used as an alternative to “LOL”, but it soon took on a deeper, symbolic meaning. Users discovered that Kek was also the name of an Egyptian frog god associated with chaos and darkness, which they ironically embraced as a representation of their movement. During Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign, this frog-god symbolism was fused with Trump’s persona, portraying him as a chaotic saviour destined to dismantle the establishment and usher in a resurgence of alt-right ideology. This online subculture developed a loosely organised occult-style psychological operation, using memes, digital propaganda, and absurdist humour to shape belief narratives and manipulate public discourse. The internet meme Pepe the Frog, originally an innocent cartoon, was co-opted into this movement as a powerful sigil of “meme magic”, a concept rooted in the belief that repeated symbols and ideas can manifest reality. While the Cult of Kek was a chaotic, decentralised internet movement, it laid the groundwork for an even more organised belief system: QAnon. In 2017, an anonymous figure known as “Q” appeared on 4CHAN, spinning an elaborate conspiracy narrative that co-opted the language of awakening, spiritual transformation, and divine battle, all in service of pushing a right-wing authoritarian agenda. What many fail to recognise is that this entire movement (Kek-QAnon-Trumpism) was never a grassroots spiritual awakening. It was, and remains, a political and psychological power grab, disguised as divine revelation. In fact, it is the very epitome of "false light" (a deception masquerading as spiritual enlightenment.) The greatest irony is that the very people claiming to fight against "demonic forces" are, in practice, using the exact same techniques they denounce. A traditional Christian group would never engage in sigil work, "meme magic," or occult symbolism (as they would consider such practices inherently demonic) And yet, this movement openly embraced these methods while weaponising religious fear against their perceived enemies. This begs the question of who they really are. Ultimately, the Cult of Kek, QAnon, and Trump are not a battle against darkness—they are an extension of it, using the very tools of manipulation they claim to be resisting. What Went Wrong? How Did This Happen? as of 2025 an alt-right authoritarian presence dominates America and the global geopolitical landscape, many former Trump voters are experiencing disillusionment. The very policies they voted for—believing they would restore economic stability, traditional values, or "freedom"—are now directly harming them, leaving many regretting their decision. For those from the spiritual community that followed believing they were participating in a Great spiritual awakening… What happened? How did so many get swept into a movement that promised liberation but delivered oppression? The answer lies in a fundamental misunderstanding of spirituality, consciousness, and the mechanisms of belief. The Pre/Trans Fallacy and the Danger of Misinterpreted Spirituality At the heart of this phenomenon is the "Pre/Trans Fallacy," a concept developed by Ken Wilber. This fallacy occurs when pre-rational belief systems (rooted in superstition, emotion, and blind faith) are mistaken for trans-rational wisdom (genuine spiritual insight that transcends and includes rationality). This means that: People who have not yet developed critical thinking, scientific reasoning, or rational self-inquiry, Mistake their emotional reactions, gut feelings, and conspiracy-driven beliefs for higher spiritual insight. This is not a progress toward enlightenment—it’s regression. spiritual awakening is not about clinging to external beliefs but about dismantling one’s conditioned mind and experiencing direct awareness beyond ideology. However, when belief-based individuals misunderstand metaphorical spiritual concepts, they project those symbols onto external enemies, repeating a pattern that religious institutions have used for centuries to maintain control. This critical confusion has allowed authoritarian figures, conspiracy movements, and manipulative leaders to hijack spirituality itself—turning what should be a path to freedom into a tool for oppression and control. It has slowly infiltrated into the new age, plant medicine, personal development and spiritual community. Esoteric Truths vs. Exoteric Corruptions The irony of the Great Awakening movement is that everything it demonises (esoteric teachings, ancient wisdom, occult traditions) is the foundation of its own religious roots. Ancient mystery schools, Hermeticism, and Platonic, buddhist, taoist, vedantic traditions were centred on deep self-inquiry and the understanding of consciousness. This wisdom was later encoded into metaphorical spiritual texts but misunderstood by later followers, leading to the formation of rigid dogma, misinterpretation, and power-seeking institutions. Religions were originally symbolic representations of deeper truths, but over time, people mistook the symbols for literal reality. That is to put it another way, that trying to describe an ineffable experience from outside reality using metaphors and analogies from within known reality are not meant to be interpreted literally! Rather than turning inward and getting to know the functions, processes and mechanisms of their own minds, followers projected spiritual struggles outward onto demons, devils, and external enemies.(ironically demons, devils, angels and gods are all symbology for different facets and levels of the mind, consciousness and awareness. not actual literal objective entities) This is exactly what we see happening today with conspiratorial narratives co-opting spirituality. The "Satanic elite" narrative is a modern version of the medieval witch hunts The "global cabal" is a recycled anti-Semitic trope from centuries past The fight against "woke ideology" is a refusal to embrace an evolving, more nuanced worldview The entire movement isn’t about spiritual awakening—it’s a desperate attempt by those stuck in lower stages of development to cling to an outdated worldview because change, growth and understanding threatens their very identity as a person. What we are seeing now is not a great awakening, but an egoic backlash against the natural progression of human consciousness. The world is evolving toward inclusivity, diversity, and a more fluid, interconnected understanding of reality. Those stuck in rigid belief structures and black-and-white thinking feel threatened by this shift. Their reaction? A violent, fear-based resistance, misinterpreted as a spiritual battle. This is not about left vs. right, science vs. religion, or tradition vs. progress. It is about awareness in contrast to unconscious reaction. The ascension is about going from unconscious conditioned reaction to conscious aware and thoughtful response. This requires stepping outside the confines of a conditioned mind and gaining some recognition and mastery over it. Those who refuse to examine their own beliefs and subconscious fears are ripe for manipulation. They become tools for political agendas, religious fundamentalism, and regressive ideologies (all while believing they are "free thinkers" and "awakened souls.”) nothing could be further from the truth and the best way to spot them is their emotional reaction particularly fear and anger. Its also not just about the pre/trans fallacy. While individuals exist at varying stages of cognitive, social, cultural, and spiritual development, there has also been a breakdown in how spiritual truths are taught and realised. Including the reasons why people seek out spirituality in the first place. Are Secret Societies Evil for Hiding Spiritual Truths? Many assume that esoteric spiritual wisdom has been deliberately hidden out of elitism or control. However, the mystery schools safeguarded these teachings for a reason—much like how medical students are not immediately allowed to practice without extensive training. You wouldn’t let an unqualified individual perform surgery, and the same applies to higher spiritual knowledge. Not everyone is ready, nor does everyone have a genuine interest in understanding these truths beyond their own biases and desires for validation. Initiates of advanced spiritual knowledge were not exposed to such ideas until they had undergone deep psychological purification, developed mental stability, and demonstrated mastery over their own mind. Without this groundwork, exposure to existential spiritual truths can lead to existential terror, psychosis, or delusional belief. Simply listening to spiritual teachings does not equate to understandingthem, and those who attempt to force profound realisations onto themselves or others often end up distorting the message entirely. The foundational truth of spirituality is that consciousness is fundamental, and the experienced reality is a product of an infinite mind—a dream of sorts. A person’s perception of reality is not objective but filtered through their mind’s mechanisms. If their mind is primarily subconscious, conditioned, and reactionary, they are unaware of how their own thoughts and emotions shape their experience. Being exposed to spiritual truths without first mastering one's own mind can lead to complete misunderstanding or even psychological harm. The Modern Spiritual Crisis: Healing vs. Belief Attachment Most people do not enter spirituality through truth-seeking. They enter it searching for healing, purpose, or meaning because they are in pain, lost, or disillusioned. Rather than using spirituality to transcend their mind, they use it to reinforce their existing mental structures—attaching to new beliefs, identities, and ideological battles rather than dismantling them. This is why modern spirituality is filled with individuals clinging to conspiratorial thinking, manifestation culture, and spiritual bypassing, mistaking these distractions for genuine awakening. Real awakening does not reinforce identity—it dissolves it. However, many people turn spirituality into another ideological safety net rather than a means of deep transformation. This is why advanced spirituality can be dangerous for an unprepared mind. A person still carrying emotional wounds and unresolved trauma will only experience existential truths as either profound terror or a fragile new belief to defend at all costs. Historically, mysticism was reserved for those who had already undergone self-refinement. The mystery schools weren’t gatekeeping knowledge out of greed or elitism—they were safeguarding people from themselves. In contrast, the modern world has completely broken this structure. People are thrown into psychedelic awakenings before they’ve done any groundwork, latch onto spiritual ideas without deconstructing their own biases, and mistake intellectual concepts for direct experience. Worse, they become militant about their newfound beliefs—failing to realise they’ve merely swapped one illusion for another. The Path Forward: From Psychological Stability to True Awakening Rather than exposing unprepared individuals to higher spiritual truths, I shifted my focus to foundational mental and emotional work. Before anyone can truly awaken, they first need psychological stability. They must recognise how their mind was shaped, identify their emotional reactions, and understand that they are trapped in a self-created feedback loop. A Structured Approach to Awakening: Compassionate Inquiry → Tracing trauma and emotional conditioning back to their origins. Mental Deconstruction → Understanding how the mind constructs reality and identifying conditioned patterns. Dissolving & Reprogramming → Breaking automatic responses and self-imposed limitations. Creation & Expansion → Learning to consciously work with awareness rather than being blown like a leaf in the wind. Complete Awakening → Dissolving all attachment and becoming lucid within the dream of existence. Each step builds upon the last. Skipping steps leads to delusion. Most people want enlightenment without self-inquiry, awakening without psychological stability, and ego death without understanding what the ego even is. But awakening isn’t something you believe in—it happens when belief itself dissolves. The American "Great Awakening" Is Not Spiritual Awakening What is happening in America and the broader global conspiratorial movement is not a Great Awakening—it is a collective distraction. A true awakening is the turning inward of awareness to awaken from the dream of narratives and illusions. The so-called "American Great Awakening" is the opposite—it is an obsession with external enemies, fabricated stories, and ideological warfare. If you find yourself caught in this movement, it is not too late to step back and question: What drew me to spirituality in the first place? Was I looking for healing and understanding, or did I get lost in narratives? Have I been distracted by conspiracies and external enemies instead of facing myself? Am I truly seeking truth, or am I just looking for something new to believe in to justify how I already am? You don’t need to be “healing” forever. You don’t need to form an identity around spirituality. Spirituality was never meant to be a belief system—it was always meant to be about direct experience and awareness. If you came to spirituality because you were suffering, go back to that original moment. Before you got caught in conspiracies, past lives, crystals, spells, aliens, and endless mental distractions—what were you really looking for? That’s where you need to return. That’s where the real path begins. If you are still fighting, demonising, and labelling others as evil, you are not awakened—you are trapped in duality. Are we lost in the current situation? If more people operated from genuine awareness rather than reactionary belief systems, our entire social and spiritual landscape would look radically different. We wouldn’t see power structures built on fear, division, and ignorance—we would cultivate systems that enhance consciousness, self-awareness, and authentic exploration of reality. However, right now, we are witnessing the last desperate gasps of fear-based control systems clinging to existence. Those who see the larger pattern often feel isolated, disconnected, or frustrated by the world around them. It’s like being lucid in a dream while everyone else remains convinced the illusion is real. The worst part? Many of those still trapped in their conditioned mind structures believe they are the ones who are “awake.” But there is hope. The fact that I can see and name these patterns means that the shift is already in progress. Human consciousness is evolving. The backlash is strong, but it only happens because the shift is working. The old world wouldn’t be screaming so loudly if it weren’t losing its grip. A true Great Awakening does not involve external battles—it is the quiet, profound realisation that everything, including the illusion itself, is part of the same consciousness. The way forward is not found in more stories but in transcending the need for stories altogether. When belief falls away, awareness remains.

that sounds like dugins making a return to tradition argument out of fear that the balance of technology use won’t be kept. Like everything else, there is the ‘thing’ and then there is its creative and destructive use. Like what was mentioned in the post below ‘belief’ is said to be something to be dissolved because of its inherent nature in self deception. but fails to recognise its creative use in providing meaning to life and higher mind purpose for creating and holding onto reality by the very mechanism of belief. the suggestion of the subject being dissolved into an objective world… isn’t that what it’s trying to do anyway? Manifest itself into existence to experience ‘something’. 🤔 I think that’s the point. It’s claiming to be one thing while behaving like another. thanks for responding 🙏

Wow, I think chat gpt misinterpreted the end of that paragraph. I notice that it tends to make mistakes when it interprets the context in which the words are used. I did indeed mention that the issue extends to educated people, people in governance and other classes so it wasn’t oversimplified there. I didn’t elaborate on various aspects throughout the piece to try and keep it to a 20 minute read but that most of those issues are mentioned. The sociological perspective is implied throughout the piece in various sections: “Disillusioned with institutions”, “reactionary response to global instability”, “economic stability, traditional values and freedom” it would probably be beneficial to add technology alright! as in social media and its impact but it wasn’t necessary to make the point. again all the factors mentioned by gpt were mentioned. I do agree that there are real issues that are misinterpreted but that’s why the later part is concerned with introspection and discernment. I would also argue that a beings psychological and cognitive abilities are their filters for experiencing their reality beyond just awareness. The filters are where meaning is derived and if that is not working then everyone would only be dealing with interpretations and not the underlying reality. The point is trying to pull people back to ‘awareness’ I’ve had concerns about this and I’ve seen allot of hate and frustration towards maga people appearing on social media. I’ve tried convincing some ‘rant’ writers not to stoop their level but to try compassion and understanding as to why they are that way instead. People don’t respond well to a barrage of hate or judgment. They do need a bit of a gentler approach cause they are thin skinned. I was stuck in the movement early on around 2019 so I can see the real issues they are concerned about. It’s just that they started targeting things I was directly involved in so I knew the truth of it. I very quickly saw through the delusions from that point on and the whole idea of the movement fell appart for me. I won’t argue with that as everyone has a bias in order to hold a perspective to make a point. In order to see it though it requires holding multiple perspectives which ive been doing these past few years otherwise flicking from one side to another, experiencing the contrast, the issue wouldn’t have come to my attention. The point of the piece is not that there is a right or wrong ‘way’ or ‘path’ but rather spirituality and awakening states are about cultivating awareness not beleif. I’m not entirely sure gpt has the insight to spot that although my own interactions with it have been quite positive. the essay is addressing spiritual seekers not random populations. of course gpt would make this mistake. Transcending beleif also includes the use of beleif as a tool rather than an identity attachment. Transcendence is a recognition and integration of all prior factors in the processes of the mind ( just like the trans/rational fallacy mention where the trans rational also includes the understanding and implementation of prior stages) . I also mentioned not teaching advanced spirituality as in the workings of the mind of god ( beleif being a tool to hold the reality in coherence). As stated already a lot of people are falling into spirituality as a result of overwhelming struggle so the psychology needs to be addressed and stabilised first before throwing gods psychology at them on top of it. If a creator being is at the whims of its beleifs instead of creatively intending to use its beleifs to manifest reality, you end up with a chaotic hellscape. Just like the astral ( just what I refers to a vivid dream or altered state) if you are quite fear prone, your thoughts instantly form that way and you end up essentially running away and screaming at yourself. When you practice being more balanced, the experience of those states of consciousness become more pleasant and meaningful. Why dreams are great teachers to check on one’s own mind state. I personally wouldn’t trust gpt conclusion as it’s been mistaken on a few points but yes, some of the factors in its conclusion could be unpacked and added to the essay but it was already mentioned that there were other factors at play and that it wasn’t comprehensively going into everything. thanks for you time and giving me a something to expand upon if I need to go a bit deeper. each section could be turned into a book if it was comprehensively unpacked but I think we’d be loosing readers/listeners at that point. the individuals I’m hoping to reach with this essay don’t tend to understand nuance so it needs to remain a bit generalised and simplistic.

Thanks for dropping those names. I’ll check them out. Especially bannon. Do you think this happens when people enter spirituality as a way of ‘finding’ truth ( almost like a confirmation bias ) as opposed to a person who sits one day, has no interest in spirituality and just starts contemplating ‘what is true and how can I discern what is true?’ it’s the difference of a starting point whether seeking starts pointing at the external or seeking understanding of the internal workings of the mind itself before looking at anything external. I find the deception happens when there is no introspection and it gets easier to spot those individuals. They never reference the flaws in their own mind or having ever found any. In fact they don’t mention psychology at all. I’ll post up my piece on it somewhere else on the forum and hopefully get some constructive criticism ( it’s not going to be comprehensive, just pointing at another distraction that has thrown people off a path they claim to be on).

It’s interesting that this topic of Christian delusion came up on the blog last week because I’ve been working on a piece about the occult roots of the "Cult of Kek”(the internet-driven movement) that essentially "magicked" Trump into office by weaponizing conspiracy narratives.not comprehensive as there was a lot of 4-8chan involvement too. This whole MAGA / Great Awakening movementis an ego backlash from lower stages of development, ironically branding actual spiritual truths as demonic. It’s the perfect example of the trans-rational fallacy (where people mistake symbolic, mythological worldviews for literal spiritual enlightenment.) The New Age crowd has completely misread this movement, thinking it’s part of a grand collective awakening, when in reality, it’s just a reactionary response to modernity, cloaked in spiritual language. There’s also a disturbing crossover between the language used to describe actual transcendent experiences and the rhetoric used by alt-right conspiracy movements. The same words(awakening, light, truth, revelation) are being co-opted to fuel anger, paranoia, and fear. I’ve been pushing back against this in some plant medicine integration spaces where “Great Awakening” rhetoric keeps creeping in (and it’s always coming from angry people with a vendetta against corporations, governments, or institutions.) One particularly hilarious moment happened after a mushroom ceremony, where a guy was convinced that his life’s mission was to "awaken people" to the evil pedophiles, Satan worshippers, adrenochrome drinkers, blah blah blah… The mushrooms literally told him to stop projecting his beliefs onto others and focus on healing himself. and yet the irony was lost on him…

Was just watching the senate vote for shutting down federal government. That was an opportunity for dems to stop the destruction but they just handed trump a blank cheque to do what he wants without limits. It’ll be interesting to see what happens from here but I don’t think it would have been a chaos free outcome either way. All I can say is I’m sorry for the people those senators were meant to represent. They just stabbed them in the back and proved they serve the interest of corporation over people. it’s probably a pivotal moment that will be recognised in retrospect but no one really noticed it was even happening. in other news our Taoiseach got publicly humiliated at the dinner in the White House for the Patrick’s days annual pilgrimage to America. This year they decided to send a large number of representatives from the Dail ( Irish parliament) and they told the people a few weeks ago they were just doing it to keep the orange man happy and save face but not to worry, they don’t support his policies. A bit chicken shit only to get pie in their faces for the effort. Something about Rosie someone or other moving to Ireland and so sorry to do that to Ireland… and the Taoiseach had no idea what they’re talking about. besides that, an extreme right wing anti trans catholic family who have a family member ( teacher) currently in jail for bullying a student, threatening the headmaster of the school and then harassing the students when he was suspended and told to stay away, were found hiding behind some curtains at the dinner and started shouting at trump for help and then dragged away by security. How they got in is a mystery, but footage of the incident is providing a lot of entertainment at the moment. Don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

People who live in mainstream, who haven’t ventured outside their own minds yet tend to be bombarded with songs about love… low level or whiny songs about love and hurt not unconditional or universal. I think that’s what he was referring to. from certain perspectives, yes there are very few songs about truth but in more expanded perspectives and cultures you start to see more meaningful and deep expression

I don’t know if it’s about truth but I write music inspired by my journey and sing them at festivals and ceremonies. 😁

Have you done any practice to quiet the mind? You mention intrusive thoughts and a lot of your practice being based on contemplation.

It could be one of two things maybe. My mind is silent so I’m not thinking or imagining anything so no visual is manifesting… or it’s straight source. I’ve experimented with the first scenario on mushrooms and indeed no thought = no trip. It was almost like I got kicked out of it. the later scenario is bizarre like trying to describe an intricate understanding of a mental process without any form to describe. The way people go on about ‘downloads’ is kind of like a flood of realisations. i only really get meaningful journeys when my logical faculties are still functioning. The best and most hyper realistic have been out of body experiences during my night practice. I had a golden white light with that beautiful echo breath when I became aware one night while in Amsterdam. I was the only one on the holiday who stayed away from the cookies 🤣😅 but it had 5MeO vibes from the start❤️🙏

I had god realisation without drugs. It wasn’t even in relation to spiritual practice. It just happened one day during a deep dive enquiry into what I was cause I was trying to omit bias from my observation. My entire reality dissapeared including my body and sense of self. I still had the ability to question the singularity I found myself in which was beyond consciousness ( god) it was a singularity of awareness ( source) before god ( consciousness or knowing created itself by awareness turning back on itself making a self reference) it explored this formless and boundless singularity before recognising itself and remembering it was god. The shock shot me back into reality, body, self identity and left me speechless as a debunked atheist sitting in a chair wondering wtf just happened. I’d never heard of a psychedelic. I subsiquently did psychedelics to contrast the experience and with the exception of the buzzing energy, it was the same ( 5MeO) formless infinity before anything at all. I found myself using psychedelics to chase states of ecstacy because I knew how to move the mind to get there. I had already remembered being that which is, so never had a bad trip nor did I ever really have visuals or any of the journeys people describe. It’s mostly all formless in a realm of ideas before they are fractured and built up. But I was not doing it off my own efforts as a fractal of consciousness. It was the substance. I cut it way back and started disciplining my mind instead, right back to the very thought of dissolving the self being an inhibiting factor to dissolution. I did one marijuana ceremony where I dissolved all belief so much I couldn’t get back to reality until I recreated it all from scratch. I gained a more comprehensive understanding as a human of how I as consciousness was imagining everything into existence and was holding it there by believing it was real… self deception. Very tricky. I went off all psychedelics and substance including coffee and alchohol or psychoactive stimulant to try and become more acutely sensitive to mentation. On four occasions at work I lost the belief of reality and it dissolved into the singularity. To others back in the reality, that looked like the body fainting unconscious. The body was taking place in the others perspective. My perspective dissolved and joined back with the totology or source awareness. Black/white nothingness. I don’t have much to learn in that state anymore so I now create relative preferences from which to experience life. I don’t judge others nor do I feel emotional reaction to judgment of opinion from others much anymore. It’s just life living itself. That doesn’t mean that my little personality doesn’t create boundaries. At some point its perception of its own form in relation to another form has a distinction but it’s for the purpose of experiencing reality (relativity), not placing itself in a moral high ground. there are many stories and narratives to be explored here, including the varying states of consciousness itself and the realms one can go into. Removing one’s self from the senses and ceasing all movement of the mind goes back to the singularity but there is always another world and ego that forms. It seems that is what the mind does. Creates worlds to experience. ive woken up in realms I could have mistaken myself for having taken mushrooms or dmt. I’ve had a few 5MeO white light happenings. I’ve had one completely conscious out of body or ‘reality shift’ intentionally from start to finish and it was that experience that proved to me there’s nothing but awareness experiencing consciousness in a dream. I don’t control where I go but I know the frequency at which it happens diminishes when I stop routinely disciplining the mind. This last year I have done nothing at all and even my dreams have diminished. Only recently going back to quiet practice, has it started happening again. it depends how engrossed in the belief of the reality I guess but my being learns these things by contrasting between and making distinctions…

I had god realisation without drugs. It wasn’t even in relation to spiritual practice. It just happened one day during a deep dive enquiry into what I was cause I was trying to omit bias from my observation. My entire reality dissapeared including my body and sense of self. I still had the ability to question the singularity I found myself in which was beyond consciousness ( god) it was a singularity of awareness ( source) before god ( consciousness or knowing created itself by awareness turning back on itself making a self reference) it explored this formless and boundless singularity before recognising itself and remembering it was god. The shock shit me back into reality, body, self identity and left me speechless as a debunked atheist sitting in a chair wondering wtf just happened. I’d never heard of a psychedelic. I subsiquently did psychedelics to contrast the experience and with the exception of the buzzing energy, it was the same ( 5MeO) formless infinity before anything at all. I found myself using psychedelics to chase states of ecstacy because I knew how to move the mind to get there. I had already remembered being that which is. But I was not doing it off my own efforts as a fractal of consciousness. I cut it way back and started disciplining my mind instead, right back to the very thought of dissolving the self being an inhibiting factor to dissolution. I did one marijuana ceremony where I dissolved all belief so much I couldn’t get back to reality until I recreated it all from scratch. I gained a more comprehensive understanding as a human of how I as gif was imagining everything into existence and was holding it there by believing it was real… self deception. Very tricky. I went off all psychedelics and substance including coffee and alchohol or psychoactive stimulant to try and become more acutely sensitive to mentations. On four occasions at work I lost the belief of reality and it dissolved into the singularity. To others back in the reality, that looked like the body fainting unconscious. The body was taking place in the others perspective. My perspective dissolved and joined back with the totology or source awareness. I don’t have much to learn in that state anymore so I now create relative preferences from which to experience life. I don’t judge others nor do I feel emotional reaction to judgment of opinion from others. It’s just life living itself. That doesn’t mean that my little personality doesn’t create boundaries. At some point its perception of its own form in relation to another form has a distinction but it’s for the purpose of experiencing reality (relativity), not placing itself in a moral high ground. there are many stories and narratives to be explored here, including the varying states of consciousness itself and the realms one can go into. Removing one’s self from the senses and ceasing all movement of the mind goes back to the singularity but there is always another form and ego that forms. It seems that is what the mind does. Creates worlds to experience. ive woken up in realms I could have mistaken myself for having taken mushrooms or dmt. I’ve had a few 5MeO white light happenings. I don’t control where I got but I know the frequency at which it happens diminishes when I stop routinely disciplining the mind. This last year I have done nothing at all and even my dreams have diminished. Only recently going back to quiet practice, has it started happening again. it depends how engrossed in the belief of the reality I guess but my being learns these things by contrasting between and making distinctions…

Thanks! still learning how peeps argue relative world stuff and how they structure intellectual, language etc etc. you get me… I see another level to argument that he uses that I thought was interesting

Would anyone recommend ‘vaush’ as a good channel for opinion?

Kinda similar to increasing entropy through Co operation. The soup of consciousness ( chaos ) holding itself together in a relatively consistent pattern that changes and evolves . Like the description of the second law of thermodynamics, the organism holds itself together against the forces of the universe ( for a time) by making beneficial choices. In the case of consciousness, its patterns that stay around longer are the harmonious ones simultaneous to the overall good/love. The more there are harmonious ones, the more evolved the whole becomes. but outside of that is still the unchanging awareness witnessing it all. im still at the intellectual/conceptual point at understanding. No direct realisation yet. Need to get back to the meditation. It’s fallen by the wayside to build a house 😅.

I use it for “compassionate enquiry “ sessions with good effect. it doesn’t do the work for me rather it acts as a sounding board to bounce and explore ideas off. I give it the basic breakdown of patterns and emotions I notice and it restructures the write up more concisely for the understanding of the client. everything at the moment is online back and forth chat but once I develop the method more, I’ll move to face to face or live call sessions. It also helps when I do it in my own shadow work. I have a daily jot where it updates and informs me when patterns emerge.

I’m not putting much thought into this but could it be that this entire ‘great awakening’ conspiracy was a construction of the orange man to get into power by manipulating the most susceptible ( pre rational believers). The first election happened around the start of covid where he used Cambridge analytica ( a British company) to analyse profiles on social media. Then there was something floating around about him approaching Russia to use troll farms to infiltrate spiritual/religious community spreading a great awakening conspiracy about elites, Satan worship, etc etc spreading all the corruption that he himself is involved in but using it as a tactic to deflect from himself and put attention, even false attention on others. Putting himself in the position of a saviour and growing a group of followers. there were shreds of truth in the stories flying around the internet but nothing was what it seemed. I saw it slowly seeping into the spiritual community 5 years ago. I got caught up in it for two years till I saw through it. im actually greatful for being in the mindset so now I know how that mind works and how to try and stop it spreading into my other communities. actualized.org has been pivotal in learning to discern when a mind trap is happening but also that there are many differing perspectives here. All have their own shred of truth and help point to what is. so if it is coming out the orange man has ties to kgb, and this whole thing was a bizarre plot to attempt a power grab, then I may have to pay more attention to my intuition in future. it may not be the case, we’ll just have to see. min the mean time, just protect our vulnerable. It feels like we can’t do much to change or fight things but, I’ve just finished training in therapy so I’m going to be there for my communities mental health and integration.