Spiritual Warrior

I love the ending of this video: "But without power, you can affect nothing." So true, if you really want to make an impact on the world then you have to understand and play the game.

Is this rooted in Truth? I don't fucking know. What is Truth anyways?

Is my life purpose rooted in Truth? Well first, what is my life purpose? My life purpose is to become enlightened. To maximize my level of consciousness. This will open the door for me to make as big of an impact on people as I possibly can. To be able to enhance systems in this world in order for humanity to evolve. This is my purpose in life, to go as far as humanly possible in this consciousness work and then to be able to bring it down to a human level so that I have the ability to guide others towards where they are meant to go in life. That is why I need the duality of the "lower" and "higher" self in my other journal, Spiritual Autolysis. The higher self is the enlightened being, aka where I am headed. The lower self is the current me, where I am at right now and he has insecurities, issues, concerns, he's very emotion, and he has thoughts constantly bombarding his head. He's a mess, but a loveable one.

Bingo. This is how a human operates.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #63 - Mar 29, 2025 9:16 PM CHAPTER TITLE: Higher Self has a Meltdown Summary: The characters start to become aware of their own self-construction Higher self: Hi, how are you today? Lower self: I am good, just busy doing lower self stuff. Higher self: oh okay.... What exactly are "lower self stuff?" Lower self: Thinking. That's what I've been doing, I feel like it's all that I do. Think. And feel. Think. Feel. Think. Feel. It feels like that is all that I am, this floating ball of consciousness that has an endless stream of thoughts and emotions. Higher self: oh well okay then. Yeah, if that's what you feel like you are, then yeah good for you. Lower self: Thanks, I had to get that off of my chest. Higher self: I'm happy for you. Now what is a statement that is true? True beyond a singular doubt. Lower self: This water bottle is green. Higher self: *Looks taken aback* This water bottle is green??? That's the best you can come up with! I've waited two weeks to hear that?! *Looking dumbfounded* the water bottle is green... First off, water bottle is a concept, it is a label that was given to an object so that it can be identified and categorizing and given value to. Green... What the fuck is even that?*Using a mocking voice* Green. The color green is a label that has been given to an object that is seen by the human eye to have a shade that is similar to the color of grass or a forest or broccoli. It was invented so that we can distinguish one color as opposed to another. Pfft .. this water bottle is green. There is not an ounce of truth within that statement. Try again. Lower self: okay. Give me a second .... I.... I exist. I do in fact exist. I know this because I am moving my fingers, typing on a tiny little phone keyboard in order to write down a conversation that I am having in my own head. This is what I am doing and it is me that is experiencing it. There. I am fully aware that I do in fact exist. *Looks at higher self for reassurance* Higher self: I exist *scratches his chin* If I exist then that would mean that we exist. Then again I am just a voice inside of your head. But then again, who am I referring to when i say "your." *Higher self stares off into the distance, looking confused* Lower self: Yeah I don't know who you're referring to as your.. I am not running the show here. Higher self: What are you talking about? Then who's running the show here? *Growing frustrated* Lower self: My emotions and my thoughts are running things. I have no actual control over any and all behaviors and actions. In a sense I am a selfless being already because I have no control over what I am doing. Higher self: what are you talking about? Of course you have control. Lower self: I don't feel like I have control. I feel like I just do things without any real reason. It's as if I'm on auto pilot and I have been since I was born. That's why I should just let go. Let go of all control. And allows myself to float on down this beautiful river of mystery. Higher self: Why would you want to let go? Aren't you afraid of what will happen to you? Lower self: Yes. I am afraid. Higher self: Afraid of what exactly? *Lower self goes into contemplation mode* Lower self: I am afraid of losing something. Higher self: Afraid of losing what exactly? Lower self: I am afraid of losing... *Sits there in silence for a minute* ... My identity. Higher self: Ahhh okay. Now we're getting somewhere. And what is an identity? Lower self: An identity is a structure that I have built in my own mind in order to describe myself. I feel like I am different than all of the other creatures and things in this world. I identify with this body that is sitting here typing words on a screen. Anything outside of this body`s experience is "out there" and " other than me." Higher self: Now, tell me this higher self, what makes your perspective different than mine. Lower self: Ohhhh. That's a juicy question! Nice one dude! *Higher self gives lower self a high five* *Lower self smiles sheepishly* Higher Self: Now why are you say so self conscious? Why can't you confidently accept the praise and just be yourself? Lower self: Hold on a minute, what is the difference between you and me? Why do you act so confident and I don't? And are we both part of this "identity" that this "I" has constructed for itself? Higher self: I'm sorry, I just get so passionate about helping you. *Starts to settle in* Okay, let's take it from the top. I am a character that is located in this body's head. But I am imaginary. You can picture me as this tiny little version of myself that is able to zoom his perspective out so that he can see things from an objective viewpoint. It's as if I am in this Absolute realm. I am detached from outcome, from emotions, anything that makes you human, I am not attached to. That's what makes me... me. Lower self: Okay, then what am I as the lower self character in this story? Higher self: You are also a fictitious character that was created inside of this body's head. But what makes you different than me is that you have access to the feelings and thoughts and overall the human experience that I do not have access to. That is the only difference between you and I. I am not better than you. I fully accept and love you exactly as you are right now. You are perfect. Lower self: But are we both really the same thing because this I body is one entity, correct? And we are both inside of it. *Looks sad* I just don't really understand what I am though. Like what am I metaphysically? I must have some metaphysical make up. I mean I must be made of something, right? Metaphysically: relating to or concerned with abstract thought or subjects beyond the physical world, such as existence, causality, and truth, or the study of the fundamental nature of reality. Higher self: I don't know, why do we have to be made up of anything? Lower self: What do you mean? Are you saying that we are made up of nothing? What even is that? Higher self: Nothing? I don't know what it is. I literally have no clue. *They look at each other at first deep in thought, then they both grin in an eager way* Next chapter: Discovering Nothingness

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #62 - Mar 16, 2025 5:37 PM Higher self: Alright lower self, what's on the agenda today? Lower self: It is true that emptiness is all that there is. Higher self: What is emptiness? Lower self: Emptiness is a vast space that goes on for infinity. There is nothing in it, it's just an endless orb of silence. Higher self: What about sound? There is sound in the world around you why wouldn't there be sound within this empty void. And aren't we inside of the empty void? Lower self: When did I say there was sound in this world? And to what world are you even referring? Higher self: You hear sound though, you experience sound. Lower self: No I don't. What is it? Explain it to me. Higher self: Sound is... Hmmm... I don't know what sound is. Or I just don't know how to explain it. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Higher self: Does this orb of silence have structure? Lowers self: It is endless so there is no structure. Higher self: How can something have no structure? Doesn't everything have a molecular structure to it? Lower self: What makes a structure molecular? And what is a structure anyways? Higher self: A structure is something that makes a thing concrete, it makes it tangible, so that it can be measured. Does anything not have structure? Lower self: Yes, infinity goes on forever and ever, it has no end, no bottom and no top. Therefore it is without structure. Higher self: But you said that infinity is Truth and that Truth is something that is concrete and true without any doubt. Therefore, if structure is something that is concrete then how can infinity have any structure to it? But then again infinity is Truth and truth is something that is concrete which means that it does have structure. So it has structure and it doesn't have structure. How do we rectify that? Lower self: What is true then? Is infinity structureless? And you are infinity correct? Higher self: What makes me infinite? Lower self: You have no self, this has already been established. The idea of Ben is a concept, it is imaginary. Your entire world is imaginary. Higher self: Then why is there pain? Pain feels very real. Lower self: Pain is not real, it is something that you have made up. Survival is something that is made up. Your entire world is made up. Higher self: But who made it up? Lower self: You did. Higher self: How do you know all of this? Lower self: Because you are infinity. This is what an infinite being would do. It would make things up because it goes on forever and ever. Higher self: But how do I know that I am infinity. What makes it so that I am part of infinity? Why can't I be apart from infinity? Why do they have to be one and the same? Lower self: Because the self image that you have created for yourself. IS NOT REAL. It is NOT Truth. Infinity is truth. Not let's move towards infinity.

Ultimately the self and life are limited forms of Absolute Consciousness - there is no difference between Consciousness, self, mind, or pizza. Turns out it's all Nothing, and the self is Being. It is all a manifestation of the very Consciousness that is realized in enlightenment. A self, however, is designed to live and die in complete ignorance of this Truth. But it doesn't have to stay that way. - from Pursuing Consciousness page 289

The Self and the Thoughts that Make it Up The self is comprised of beliefs about who and what we are. What are some examples in my own life? I am a self. My name is Ben. I am 29 years old. I am a dance instructor. I have good intentions although I do hurt people some times. I have blonde hair. I am a short man. I am an attractive man. I am a good dancer. These are all beliefs that you hold true about yourself. They are all thoughts. Thoughts are a complete fiction, which means that there is nothing true about them. If the self is comprised of thoughts then the self is also a complete fiction. Now I can write this down on paper and guess what, it actually does make sense. However, how do I actually experience that the thoughts and self are a fiction? How is it possible to experience this reality when I am so used to seeing things from the perspective that they are true. I am so attached to this human being that I believe myself to be. He is all that I think about. It's actually quite gross to be honest with you. Why am I so obsessed with him and his life story? It's not even that interesting. It's not enough to logically point these truths out. I have to recontextualize my thinking, yet as of right now I have no idea how to do that. To awaken requires a direct experience into the nature of self and thoughts.

How are you? Perfect, thank you. I'm traveling incognito. Oh? As what are you disguised? I am disguised as myself. Don't be silly. That's no disguise. That's what you are. On the contrary, it must be a very good disguise, for I see it has fooled you completely. ~ Sufu Mullah Nasrudin

Honest communication, express exactly what you are thinking and feeling. No manipulation tactics.

Here's some mind blowing advice... work on both

Substitute teacher and ballroom dance instructor

The self identity is something that is constructed by ourselves. There is nothing inherently True about it. NOTHING true. Based on the simple fact that there is no self to criticize or scrutinise, every decision that you have made throughout your entire life has been perfect. It is exactly what you were meant to do at that current point in time. If we can figure out the make up of the structure of thoughts, then we can figure out a way to change the structure and therefore change the way that we interpret thoughts and hopefully have more control over them.

"We are enslaved by anything we do not consciously see. We are freed by conscious perception." ~ Vernon Howard

Very true. Then it's a question of does the human want to bring things into his or her conscious awareness. Does he really want to face the truth?

Your parents are willingly causing pain to another creature so that it will "taste better" for them. This is very selfish behavior. The universe does not reward selfishness, this will hurt them spiritually.

The Ego I find the ego disgusting because it lies and cheats and steals in order to get what it wants. Honest communication is not in the egos best interest. It manipulates others and it's environment in order to survive. This act of manipulating is very obvious in primal animals, such as crocodiles. A crocodile will hide underwater, deceiving it's prey that it is not there. Then when the prey is too close to the water to get out of the way, the crocodile springs up from the water and drags its prey underwater until it drowns. However, in human beings the act of manipulation in order to survive is a little bit different. A human not only has to survive in a physical sense and take care of it's body, it also has to maintain the self image that it has concocted, unconsciously I might add, towards itself. When I was a kid, part of my self image was that everybody liked me. As soon as I felt like someone didn't like me, I woul be triggered by a slew of negative emotions, I'd get angry and frustrated and upset. It felt like the end of the world because to the part of myself that believes that he is liked by everybody, this was the end of its world. That part of me cannot stay intact if I experience it to not be true.

The Enlightened Path I am going down a road that no one goes down. I say this because if I didn't think of the enlightened path as something that few people attain, then I wouldn't pursue it. The fact that it is so rare makes it all the more alluring. I am going to be a person that no longer has images of himself attaining any ego-driven goal. All goals from here on out will be for the betterment of other. Let's just start there. This means no goals of seeing your face next to the most beautiful woman, or seeing yourself dancing attractively on a screen, or your face on Instagram with a bunch of medals for winning dance competitions. All goals have to be about other. Your ego, your self does not exist. Therefore, it does not need to be fed. You have been feeding it like a fat disgusting pig all your life. It is full enough to survive for weeks. It wants to puke everything up. The way the ego acts is disgusting. Selfish and maniacal.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." - Rumi

It sounds like you died

Great job

Jed McKennas series The End of your world by Adyashanti Peter Ralston books

The motive is not to structure it yourself but to fully understand the structure of the self. Why has it been created in the way that it has? In order to do this, one has to detach from the self. It is impossible to examine the self without zooming out and looking at it objectively.