Spiritual Warrior

Today, you were far away And I didn't ask you why What could I say? I was far away You just walked away And I just watched you What could I say? How close am I To losing you Tonight You just closed your eyes And I just watch you Slip away How close am I To losing you Hey, are you awake? Yeah I'm right here Can I ask you About today How close am I? To losing you How close am I? To losing...

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #44 - Mon Sep 4th '23 - 1:56 PM Lower self: The statement nonduality is true is in itself a paradox. It's a paradox because for nonduality to be true, the duality of true and false must not be true.How about the statement duality is false? Higher self: How about this, what does it mean to be false? Lower self: To be false is to be not true. Something that is false... Well actually for something to be false. Someone must have thought that it was true at one point and then realized that it was false afterwards. For example, the earth is flat, this is a false statement. We know that the earth is round, but humans used to think that the earth was flat, then we realized that this is false. Then maybe one day we will realize that the earth isn't round and it's actually square shaped (idk). The point I'm trying to make is that these things are relative. In truth work, we are not looking for relative truths, we are looking for absolute truths. What is the difference between relative and absolute truths? Higher self: An absolute truth is something that without a doubt, cannot be questioned, it knows itself is true, it doesn't need anything else to validate that it is true. That is what we are after here, so let's not get stuck on all of these relative truths, such as the nature of the duality of truth vs falsehood. Lower self: But isn't this an important distinction to make? Why does absolute truth fall outside of the realm of duality?? Higher self: Because there is no absolute falsehood. For there to be falsehood, there must be truth, and that's just not what we're after here. We could find falsehood if we wanted to, absolute falsehood. Is that what you want to find? Lower self: Not particularly. But while we're in the subject, what does absolute falsehood look like? Higher self: Why does it matter? True and false are not opposites. Haven't we established this? That is what we mean by the statement dualities are an illusion. Falsehood still exists and absolute truth still exists, so what are we even talking about here? You are not using the duality of truth and falsehood in the work that you are doing. The duality between the two is the illusion, or the relationship between the two is the illusion. You are simply finding out what's true. That is it. Something being false has nothing to do with it. Lower self: Okay but if something is false, then it is not true, correct? Higher self: No! They're not opposites! That's the problem that you keep running into! Lower self: But can something be true and false at the same time? Nuh uh... I don't think so... Higher self: On the relative scale, something can be true to one person and false to another person. For example, one person thinks that God is real, that is his truth, another thinks God is not real, that is his truth. Who's right? Who's truth is correct? Neither! Neither is, they are just opinions. Lower self: Yes but if there is an absolute truth and an absolute falsehood and in this perfect example, we are speaking about God, one of these people is absolutely true and the other is absolutely false. Higher self: No! You are still using the duality! Lower self: What do you mean? Higher self: The duality of truth and false does not exist, correct? Lower self: Yes.. Higher self: That means that there is no difference between truth and false in the absolute sense, they are one and the same... Lower self: Then what the fuck are we doing?? What is the point of this work? Higher self: It's to get you to that point, where you actually understand what we're talking about here! You don't understand it, do you? Lower self: No! How could I?! It makes no sense! Higher self: Okay, let's back up here for a moment, do you understand what I am saying when I say that the duality of truth and false is not real? Do you understand how significant this is. Every time truth pops into your head, you are thinking of its opposite, falsehood. I am trying to get you to stop doing that. The reason for this is because we have already established the duality between truth and falsehood is imaginary, it is not real. That means that there is NO RELATIONSHIP between the two. Are you starting to understand that? Lower self: Yes.. yes.. I understand now.. Higher self: And that means that the word false does not belong here, there is no point in using it. We are looking for TRUTH. That is it, no attachments, no return engagements, no encore. TRUTH. Lower self: Yes, I understand..

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #43 - Mon Sep 4th '23 - 9:39 AM Higher self: Okay so we have realized that nonduality is closer to truth than duality. But why? Why is that? Lower self: Well the other day we were dissecting these paradoxes, in which a statement can be right and wrong at the same time, which got us thinking about all of the dualities in the world, ie all of the seemingly opposite things.. such as boy vs girl, positive vs negative, right vs wrong, right vs left, good vs evil. What we discovered is that it is really all one thing, everything is enveloped into one thing. Now what is that thing that everything is enveloped into... That is what we are here to find out.. to summarize, all dualities are an illusion that the human mind has made up in order to categorize things for its own survival needs. Okay now what is next after finding out about nonduality. I feel as though I am missing something there, I don't feel true clarity on the subject. Higher self: Why don't you feel clarity? Lower self: I don't know.. I feel as though I still don't understand what a paradox is.. Higher self: Okay.. then let's go through one.. non-existence exists. Two seemingly opposite statements yet somehow the statement is true, it's true and false at the same time (seemingly) Lower self: This is a paradox. It doesn't make sense to the human brain because we live in a world where we think dualities exist when they really do not. Dualities are not real, the world is non dual. These sorts of statements prove this. Higher self: How and why do these paradoxical statements prove that nonduality is more true than duality? Lower self: Because for a statement to have two polar opposites elements within it and also make sense or be accurate, that means that there must be an issue with the duality of the two opposite elements. If non existence and existence are actually the same thing at its core, then the statement "non-existence exists" would make sense because they do not contradict each other. Us humans have defined these two things as opposites, but in reality they are not. Higher self: Existence does not exist. Is this statement true? Lower self: Not true. Existence does exist. Existence is the existing of something, it is there, it is present, therefore "Existence does not exist" is a false statement. Higher self: What about true and false, isn't that a duality that, according to you, is "just an illusion?" Here lies the problem, you are saying that nonduality is true or at least more true than duality, but at the same time you are using the duality of true and false in the work that you are doing right now. Isn't that contradictory? If duality is made up or false then what is the difference between true and false? There shouldn't be any difference if there are no opposites, which means that there shouldn't be any difference between what is true and what is false, correct? Yet you are sitting over there saying this statement is true and that statement is false. Lower self: Hmmm...

Don't tell me that I am free Don't tell me that I am free 'Cause I have not been well Lately...

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #42 - Sun Sep 3rd '23 - 11:32 PM Alright, let's get back to what we were talking about the other day. To summarize, we concluded that we are no longer going to use the word "fact" anymore in our discussions, the reason being that this is a science-y word and science, at least the science that we do here on earth is done to uncover relative truths. What is a relative truth you might ask? A relative truth is something that can be disputed, it is not a truth that can be proven 'without a doubt' because it can be disproven. The very notion that if certain variables change within an experiment then you will get a different outcome is evidence of this. An absolute truth is something that cannot be disputed, it is without a doubt true, this is what we're after, and the word "fact" does not belong. Alright, next we have also discovered that truth is in fact not foundational, meaning grounded and rooted in something, it is actually boundless. Although it could be both foundational and boundless in the sense that it can be rooted in itself but at the same time boundless, although how does that make any sense? This is a paradox. Can truth be foundational? Is truth foundational? We'll have to come back to this. We also concluded that a thought is relative, but why? Why would a thought be relative and not absolute? Because it is always changing, there is nothing concrete in it. And put myself in a different situation and those thoughts would be different, correct? Yeah I guess that makes sense. Alright moving on... "There is existence in everything, everywhere. We cannot escape existence." This is a bold claim right here, we said that we Intuit that this is true, which I suppose is a fair answer. Is existence all that there is? Is existence truth? That doesn't seem to quite make sense, it seems like we're missing something there. We also claimed that God is synonymous with the universe which are both synonymous with infinity. And all three of these things are in everything, everywhere, all at once. And also God/ universe/ infinity is a sentient being, it feels things. Everything that we feel as humans, the universe / God feels as well. This must be the case because if this human body that I am living in is part of the universe or part of God and God is everything, God is infinity, then of course God feels whatever I feel. Now how can God be everywhere at once? I have no idea. This is unfathomable to the human mind without a mystical experience I assume. Alright that is a good summary, let's continue our conversation from where we left off because it feels like we need to dive into the paradox of boundlessness vs foundational. From the previous entry: Higher self: Ahhhh... There's that word again... Boundless.. what does that mean to you... The word boundless. Lower self: Boundless means that it cannot be held down, it is too massive, too infinite, too free flowing, it cannot be held down by anything.. Higher self: It cannot be held down by even truth? Lower self: No .. for something to be true, it must be free... Detached from its shackles, there fore, not foundational. Truth is not foundation, it is without a foundation. It has no bottom. There is no end. That is truth. Higher self: Okay.. there's a lot to unpack here and you need to go to work. Let's come back to this later... ------------------------------------------------------------------ Higher self: Alright, so truth is not foundational? Why can't truth be both foundational and boundless? Are these two things really opposites? Lower self: They certainly sound like opposites to me.. Higher self: What makes two things opposite of each other. Lower self: Two things are opposites when they are acting against each other, for example you have positive and negative batteries, love and hate, courageousness and timidness, fearfulness and fearlessness, existence and nonexistence.. Higher self: Yes but let's take the batteries example, don't you need both halves of the positive and negative circuit in order to create the power to charge the controller.. you need both halves in order to create the whole, and maybe you could say that about all of your other examples... You need love for there to be hate.. you need courageousness for there to be timidness, fearfulness for there to be fearlessness, existence for there to be nonexistence. Lower self: Yes that's true. In order for you to hate something, you have to love the other thing. For example, I hate the guy that is dating the girl I like because I love her or I love myself and think that I deserve the girl, I want the girl. In order for me to be courageous in a situation, I have to understand what it means to be timid, and shy away from that kind of behavior. In order for me to take a fearless action, I have to understand what is a fearful action. In order for there to be existence in the universe, the universe must understand what nonexistence is. Higher self: But I thought that we said existence is all there is, can non existence really exist? How the hell does that make any sense? If non existence exists then that means that it does exist... And it doesn't not exist... Oooh the power of a good old fashioned paradox... Here we go folks. Strap yourself in. I continually get my mind fucked by these statements and I really do not know how to handle them. Let's take a look at the two that we have come across. 1. Truth is both foundational and boundless. It is foundational because it is set in stone and cannot be disputed. It is boundless because it is endless, it is infinite, it has no shackles, it is free flowing and ever changing. Now how can something be both grounded, set in stone, cannot be disputed and also free flowing and ever changing? Hmmm... Not sure. 2. This is a good one: non-existence exists. The existence of non-existence would mean that non-existence does exist even though the definition of the word non-existence is that it doesn't existence. Jesus.. talk about mind bending. Higher self: alright, so how are we going to grapple with these things. Lower self: I'm really not sure. How can we grapple when the human brain cannot comprehend it? Higher self: I think you're just being lazy. You don't want to deal with it... When in reality some magical insights lie just beyond the emotional labor. Lower self: Okay... But I don't even know where to start. Higher self: What is a paradox? Lower self: A paradox is something that doesn't make sense to the human brain but at the same time it does make sense. It's like it's right and wrong at the same time. This is the duality of it. And that is what I hear about all of the time. That the duality is all an illusion. That is what these paradoxes are trying to tell us... That there is no such thing as opposites! It is all an illusion. But if they're not opposites then what are they? Higher self: They are one and the same. Existence is the same as non existence. Love is the same as hate. Courage is the same as timidness. Beautiful is the same as ugly. They are all the same! But why do we humans think that they are opposites? Lower self: Because we judge things... But here's the thing though. Ugly is the opposite of beautiful because you are looking at one thing and comparing it to another. Ugly is on one end of the spectrum and beautiful as at the other... So yeah they are opposites. Don't tell me that they're not.. they are.. Higher self: Yes they are opposites from the human perspective.. but we are going deeper than that, this is a relative truth, something that one person thinks is ugly can be seen as beautiful by another person. These are not objective truths, therefore relative. This work is moving past the relative. Ugly and beautiful are not opposites from the absolute perspective. Lower self: And why not? Higher self: Because everything is the same, there is no difference between beautiful and ugly. This is the thing, you need to start tapping into this second tier thinking, in which you move beyond how a human being sees the world and look at it from a higher, much more broad perspective. That is what this work will help you with, it will help you find the truth of the universe, and it will also help you to move up the spiral dynamics ladder. Lower self: That's pretty cool. Okay, so in this second tier thinking approach, we've realized that all dualities are really an illusion that the human brain has made up in order to categorize things and to move towards certain things in order fo fit its own agenda, or maybe more specifically its survival agenda.. Higher self: Yes that's correct. Lower self: Alright cool. Now where do we go from here.. Higher self: I'd recommend going out into the world and start trying to see the world from this new heightened perspective. Don't force it, just play around with it. You can put on the 1st tier human lenses for a little while, then try putting on your new and improved 2nd tier spectacles. Lower self: Alright sweet, thanks. I'll talk to you later.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #41 - Fri Sep 1st '23 - 3:08 PM Lower self: How do you know that anything is true? Is truth even attainable? Higher self: Truth? Well what is it? What does it mean when something is true? Lower self: When something is true, it means that without a doubt it is a fact, it is real and foundational and cannot be disputed, like God exists or the universe exists, something like that, something that has no bounds, no contingencies, no ifs ands or buts, it's just there, it's real. Higher self: Okay.. let's dissect that statement one by one... "It means that without a doubt it is a fact" what is a fact? What does without a doubt mean? Lower self: A fact is something that has been proven by science, i.e. a trial and error process in which a scientist finds patterns within the trial and error process (experiment) and then forms conclusions. However, I know that the science based approach does not uncover truth, it may uncover relative truths but not absolute truth so I am going to stay away from the word fact from now on... "Without a doubt" is what we are looking for here in truth work, we're looking for something that cannot be disputed, this is what I will uncover, believe it. Higher self: Okay next up: "it is real and foundational" what does it mean to be real? What does it mean to be foundational? Lower self: To be real is to exist, exist here in this present moment, anything that does not exist in this present moment is not real. That is why our thoughts of the past are not real. Higher self interjects... But the thought in the present moment is real, isn't it? Lower self: Yes... But not the meaning that we attach to the thought, that is not real but yes the thought in the present moment is real, it's a real sensation that occurs in the body. Higher self: Does that mean that thoughts are truth? Lower self: If they are happening in the moment yes I guess... Unless my definition of being real has nothing to do with truth at all and they should not be used in the same sentence... Higher self: A thought is not truth, a thought is relative... We need to go deeper... Which leads me to the other part of your statement, what does it mean to be foundational? Lower self: Foundational means that it is grounded, it is grounded within truth. Higher self: Truth is grounded within truth? Lower self: Sure... Yeah.. truth is grounded within truth. Higher self: How can one thing ground itself? Lower self: I don't know... Can't infinity ground itself in infinity? If it's infinite then it must be able to do that... Higher self: That's a cop out. Again, what does it mean to be foundational? And take truth out of the definition. Lower self: To be foundational is to be grounded, grounded on something solid, something that without a doubt exists Higher self: Okay... And what does it mean to exist? Lower self: To exist... To exist is to be Higher self: What does it mean to be? Lower self: To be... To be is to just be.. you are just there.. you don't have to do anything... You just exist... To be is to exist... And existence is in everything... Everywhere... There is existence all around us.. we cannot escape existence. Higher self: : Can't something not exist? Lower self: Nope. Higher self: Why not? Lower self: I just know. Higher self: Not good enough. Lower self: I just know because it's all I know. From my first memory, I existed, that's all i know, therefore it must be the case that existence is all there is. Higher self: But didn't you not exist before your first memory. Lower self: I don't know, I don't remember it! Higher self: Then how would you know if you existed or not?! Lower self: I don't know because I don't remember it. Honestly I feel like I Intuit that existence is all there is and that I have always existed. I am going off of nothing more than intuition, that is the truth, I cannot explain it to you. Higher self:That's a fair answer, let's move onto the next part of the statement, we'll come back to this another day. Next part... Oooh here we go with more existence talk, I believe that you are using these statements as hypothetical examples of what truth is. Regardless, let's dive into it: "God exists or the universe exists, something like that, something that has no bounds" does God exist? Does the universe exist? Lower self: I don't know if God exists. Like you said, it was a hypothetical statement. I also don't know if the universe exists. Higher self: Doesn't it? Aren't you living within the universe? Lower self: I'm living within something. Is it the universe? Is it God? I don't know, these are all labels. Higher self: All words are labels, we've gone over this. In order for us to communicate, we use labels, don't allow yourself to make excuses, try to answer the question. Does God exist? Or what is God? Lower self: God is in everything, everywhere God is the universe, but it is a sentient being. It feels everything that I and every living or non living creature feels. It experiences everything because it is the entire universe, they are one and the same. Higher self: "God is in everything, everywhere" let's dive into that. Why is God in everything, why is he/she everywhere? Lower self: Because it's everything, you can't get any bigger than God or the universe, this is as big as it gets, these words are synonymous with infinity.. and nothing can be outside of infinity... It is boundless. Higher self: Ahhhh... There's that word again... Boundless.. what does that mean to you... The word boundless. Lower self: Boundless means that it cannot be held down, it is too massive, too infinite, too free flowing, it cannot be held down by anything.. Higher self: It cannot be held down by even truth? Lower self: No .. for something to be true, it must be free... Detached from its shackles, there fore, not foundational. Truth is not foundation, it is without a foundation. It has no bottom. There is no end. That is truth. Higher self: Okay.. there's a lot to unpack here and you need to go to work. Let's come back to this later...

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #40 - Thu Aug 31st '23 - 1:11 PM Higher self: What is true? Lower self: Nothing. Everything in this world is a God damn lie. Everything. My cat is a fiction. My thoughts are a fiction. My body is a fiction. My friends and family are a fiction. My house is a fiction. My entire makeup is a fiction. My self identity, my personality, my physique, my height, my ethnicity, it's all not real, not true. None of it is true. If we're talking truth here.. none of it is fucking true. None of it. What else would we be talking about? What else is important? I'm sick of living in this fantasy world. I want the truth. At any and all costs. I want the truth. Success.... What even is success? It's just some lofty imaginary thing in my mind. What is looking good? Just some lofty fantasy in my mind. Some days I think I look good, other days I don't. What's the point? What is sex? It's a penis going inside of a vagina and you feel pleasurable sensations from it, probably while thinking about the clutz that you just scrolled by on Instagram. None of it is truth. My entire life is a lie. All of it. A lie. But how do I find the truth? How? I tried asking God but he is a lie too. What the fuck is going on? How does this even work? It is like decapitating myself over and over and over again. And if it is all a lie, what is it that I am pursuing? Why am I doing anything? Why don't I just crawl in a hole and die? Or maybe just because it is all a lie, that's what gives life it's dream like element. That is why you can have fun within the dream, because everything is a lie and you can do whatever you want with it. Ahhhh.. okay that makes sense... But it still doesn't give me the truth. No... Wait a minute .. everything is a lie... That is the truth.. that is what's true. Higher self: not everything is a lie... Lower self: How the fuck do you know? Sitting up there on your high horse. You don't know if anything is true. Admit it. What is truth anyway? Riddle me that? Higher self: Truth is everything, truth is all, truth is love. Lower self: That literally means nothing to me. Your just spewing shit out of your ass. I don't want to talk to you for a little while. I need to be alone to think about things. Higher self: You're wallowing Lower self: Stop judging me. I'm in a bad mood. Can't I be in a bad mood? Higher self: Why are you in a bad mood? Lower self: Because my room is a mess and my finances suck. And I'm disorganized. Higher self: Okay... Then go and fix those things. Just because everything is a lie doesn't mean that you shouldn't be taking care of your dream self in this dream universe. If you continue down this path without taking care of yourself and giving your dream self the satisfaction of fulfilling on his cravings then you are going to be deeply unhappy. You have to play both sides of the same coin. You've got truth work and then you've got dream work. Attain all that you want within this dream, the money, the sex, the big house. Attain it all, while at the same time understanding that there is no truth to any of the accomplishments that you achieve. Truth work goes much much deeper than the material, and I hate to break it to you, but you are only scratching the surface.

I want to post Leo's integrity video here because it is a foundational video to watch if you are trying to integrate healthy blue into your life. Stage blue is about integrity, honesty, being whole, keeping your word, walking your talk. "Integrity is who are you are when you are not trying to impress somebody or manipulate somebody or put on some kind of facade" What is the opposite of integrity? Opportunism. Corruption. Evil. Sin. Devilry. Wickedness. Badness. Hypocrisy. Bullshit. Untrustworthy. The willingness to lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, cut corner. Ego - the ego is trying to survive by any means necessary. When you act without integrity, this produces suffering within your life.

Transcending the Spiral - Journal Entry #7 -Fri Aug 25th '23 I have found another characteristic trait that needs to be worked on in stage blue. Something happened recently that has triggered this. I was not honest about my feelings towards this girl at work, and I tried to force the feelings to come out in a sneaky, manipulative way. I am deeply embarrassed and I don't ever want to see her again because it hurts every time I think or see her. Unfortunately I work with her so theres no way to not see her unless I quit. I'm going to try to only take shifts in which she is not working and the goal is to quit within two months. This situation stinks, but pain is a part of life. I constructed a situation in which I got a ride to a bar by some dude and then made it so that I left my car back at the restaurant that we both work at. I then got really drunk, got into an argument with a guy there, and then called her for a ride at midnight. She is so fucking nice that she agreed to pick me up. I was planning on telling her how I feel when she picked me up. When she got there, there was another dude in the front seat. I do not think that this was a significant other, but I guess I don't really know, if I were to guess, it was her roommates boyfriend. I did not say very much during the car ride as I was taken aback that there was a guy in the front seat and also very drunk. She dropped me back off at my car, and then I drove drunk 45 minutes to get back to my house. I am deeply embarrassed by my actions here. First off that I would construct this situation so that I can tell someone how I feel, this is very manipulative and not honest. I just can't believe that I stooped this low, I am really baffled by this and I didn't think I was capable of doing something like this. It also really hurts that she didn't trust me enough to come pick me up alone. She must have a perception of me that is slimy and dishonest, and she's right, I was being dishonest and manipulative. I did not have the integrity to just be straight up with her about my feelings for her. And if I can't be straight up then I don't deserve the girl. For this, I cannot help but feel ashamed of myself. I am really trying to love and forgive but this is a massive zit on my tract record of dealings with girls that is going to be difficult to forgive. Because of this situation, I am highly motivated to start developing some more integrity so that this never happens again. I never want to be manipulative of anyone or dishonest. If I feel myself liking a girl I am going to tell her. That is what being integrated is all about, so that what is going on inside of your mind and body is being shown or shared with the external world. That is what being whole is about, that is what being authentically yourself is all about. I know that I have a long and difficult road ahead of me, but I am excited that I have found something new to work on in my life. I am going to be in the top 1% of people when it comes to high integrity.

Whispered something in your ear It was a perverted thing to say But I said it anyway Made you smile and look away Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby Nothing's gonna take you from my side When we dance in my living room To that silly '90s R&B When we have a drink or three Always ends in a hazy shower scene Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby Nothing's gonna take you from my side And we laugh into the microphone and sing With our sunglasses on, to our favorite songs And we're laughing in the microphone and singing With our sunglasses on, to our favorite songs Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby Nothing's gonna take you from my side

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #39 - Thu Aug 24th '23 - 4:48 AM Ben: God, I'm really fucking sad and embarrassed. what should I do? God: Do you want to feel sad and embarrassed? Ben: Yeah... I guess I do. Because I feel as though I should feel embarrassed. God: And why is that? Ben: Because I did something stupid, really fucking stupid. God: Is there anything that you can do about it? Ben: Yeah, apologize and move on. God: Okay... Then do just that, nothing more. Ben: Why not more? God: What do you want, more drama? Ben: Yeah sure... I think that I like the drama. God: Why? Ben: It gives me a reason to live. Its like I want the pain and the loneliness and the hurt. It gives me something to FEEEEEEEEL. Is that messed up? God: No... not at all my son.. this is what being human is all about.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #38 - Wed Aug 23rd '23 - 7:57 AM Lower self: Hello higher self. It is nice to talk to you again. Higher self: Thanks. And how are you doing? I thought that you were busy talking to your new buddy God… I guess he's a lot cooler than me.. Lower self: I like talking to you as well. I just thought that I was onto something with the God talk. But to tell you the truth, Im unsure if I am really tapping into something real there. When I talk to you, I know that it's real because I'm literally just talking to myself. It's also nice to just switch things up sometimes. Do you know what I mean? Higher self: Yeah sure. Let's get on with it then… how do you know that when we talk that it's real? What does it mean to be real anyways? Lower self: I know that it's real because it's my own voice, it is me. There is only one voice going on in my head. I don't know whats going on in my buddy's head or my father's head. This is real because I experience it. Higher self: So… what is real must be experienced. If it is not experienced, then it is not real? Lower self: Yeah I guess that's what I'm saying yeah. But just because it's real doesn't mean that it has any meaning. Higher self: Okay so something that's real exists… wait a minute so does that mean that your buddies' thoughts do not exist and therefore are not real? If you don't experience it then it's not real… that's what you said, didn't you? Lower self: Yeah I did say that. And I guess that doesn't make sense. I know that my buddy has thoughts, that is real, those thoughts are real. Higher self: But how do you know if you haven't experienced his thoughts. Lower self: I'm assuming things. We have to assume things in this life, correct? Higher self: No no no, not in Truth work, leave your assumptions by the door. Lower self: Okay fine then .. I do not know that my buddies thoughts exist. I only know that my own thoughts, Ben's thoughts exist because I experience those thoughts. Higher self: Okay… and what is a thought? Lower self: I experience it as a voice in my head and it can even take the shape of a picture. I feel like we've gone over this before. It's pretty amazing how it works, isn't it? Higher self: These thoughts, can you control them? Lower self: Yeah sure, that's what positive affirmations are for, right? If I continue to say something to myself over and over again, I am going to instill that thought into my head. And that thought will arise more often. And furthermore… if I consciously think of a purple giraffe, then a picture of a purple giraffe will pop up in my mind. So yes I can control my own thoughts. Higher self: I'd be careful with that statement, I don't agree. Lower self: Okay… why not?? Higher self: Literally a million thoughts pop into your head everyday, are you consciously controlling them popping up? No… they just happen, they are happening to you.. there is no control there. What you are talking about is conditioning. With positive affirmations, you are conditioning your own mind to think certain thoughts, but you do not have control over them. For example, have you ever tried to shut your thoughts off? Yeah.. that's what I thought… you can't! Therefore, you have no control over them. Lower self: Hmmm.. yes that's true. So I am going to have this endless stream of thoughts running through my head for the rest of my life? Higher self: Well not necessarily, you get a break when you are sleeping. Can you think of any other times when thoughts are not permeating your mind? Lower self: Yeah.. sometimes when I am playing basketball or dancing or having fun at a party.. it feels like my mind will shut off and I just do.. man, I'd like more experiences like that. How do I get them again? Higher self: Flow state, it's all in the flow state. Lower self: Yes.. but how do I get there? Higher self: Contemplate it. There's also a book on it, Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihaliya. Lower self: You know what else I don't understand? Why is it that contemplation requires thinking consciously but then there is another state of consciousness, let's call it samadhi, in which you turn off your thoughts and focus on one thing, and everything else disappears. Which is better for finding out the Truth, these methods are polar opposites. Higher self: That is something that I guess you are going to have to find out for yourself. Lower self: Thanks, I'll talk to you later.

A Course in Miracles lessons of the first 6 days: Nothing I see I this room means anything. I have given everything that I see in this room all of its meaning. I do not understand anything that I see in this room. These thoughts do not mean anything, they are like the things that I see in this room. I am never upset for the reason that I think. (Apply this to any emotion) I am upset because I see something that is not there. "But you are waiting for something to happen or for some grace to descend upon you – you are still depending upon some outside agency. I can tell you that there is no power outside of you – no power. This does not mean that you have all the attributes that you read about of the super-duper gods; but there is no power outside of you. If there is any power in this universe, it is in you." "Your teacher must go, it doesn’t matter who the teacher is. The very thing that you are reading – that’s the very thing you must be free from." - from Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment by Jed McKenna

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #37 - Sun Aug 20th '23 - 4:23 PM Ben: Hi God, how are you?? God: I am good, how are you? Ben: I'm good, thanks.. how do I get in touch with the energy fields of the universe? God: You feel them. They are like currents flowing within and through everything, everywhere. You don't think about this or conceptualize it, you just feel it. Ben: But how though? How do I feel such a thing? God: You quiet your mind. Ben: And how do I do that.. God: By meditating. By going out into the woods, without your phone, no distractions. You can focus on your breathing if that is helpful, or focus on the speck on a tree. This is how you attain samadhi, by focusing on one thing for so long, everything else disappears.. and all that is left is the nothingness of the universe, the ox, Enlightenment. Ben: Okay, thank you.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #36 - Sun Aug 6th '23 - 10:03 PM Ben: Dear God, what am I? God: You are God. Ben: What is God? God: God is everything. Ben: What is everything? God: Everything is all Ben: What is all God: All is everything. God is all. You are everything. You are all. Everything is God Ben: Is anything not God? God: No. Ben: But what am I? What do I identify with? God: Whatever you want to identify with. Ben: What is this being that I identify with? God: It is the core assumptions that you have contributed to yourself as this human body, this human entity. This is not your true form. You have decided to identify yourself with this body and with certain qualities and traits. Ben: But this entity is better at some things and worse at others. It has strengths and weaknesses and has a personality. God: Of course. But that is not your true nature. Ben: I see… then what is my true nature? God: God, everything, all. Ben: But why am I not aware of this in my current state? God: You have decided to not be aware of it. Ben: Now why would I do something like that? God: Why wouldn't you? Do you realize how much of your beliefs and attachments you would have to give up if you were to realize your true nature? Most humans do not realize their true nature until death comes knocking on their door. You're not enlightened because you don't want to be. Realizing your true nature or becoming "enlightened" is like hacking into the Area 51 database. You have to literally hack your own brain. Because it is wired to not see what is true. That is the whole point of existence, to not know what is going on so that you can experience it with fresh eyes, from different eyes, from whatever kind of eyes you want. Life is controlled by a mastermind. A mastermind that's objective is to fully realize it's true nature. And how is it going to do that? By creating things. That is what I do. I create. Which means you create. I am that mastermind. You Are that mastermind. That mastermind is God.

I can see the entire universe in her deep blue eyes. I can see everything that I need to see, right there. I want to dive in, head first. But something is pulling me back. What is it? Its fear. I don't want to lose myself. I don't want to lose my ego, my self image, my entire existence. Please help me, I want to dive in but I am immobilized by fear. How do I detach myself from the grip of fear. Help me to release its grip, so that I can be freed. I want to be freed, but then I look down and see something startling... The hands around my neck are my own. Now how do I release my own hands from my own neck when I don't even know how they got there?

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #35 - Thu Aug 3rd '23 - 7:44 AM Ben: Hi God. I've felt some distance between us recently. Its nice to talk to you again. How are you? God: I am well. And how are you? I hear that you are still having girl troubles... Ben: Yes.. you heard right. You see, I started to put myself out there more, taking dance lessons and getting a job at a restaurant in order to meet more girls and get more comfortable talking to them. But now that I am in the thick of things, I feel conflicted because its like yeah I am getting more comfortable with these beautiful specimen but I keep falling for these girls so easily. Is this normal? The girl that I have a crush on now is a different girl than the last post. And I literally said that I was in love with her. But now I'm over her I guess and my mind is onto another girl. What is my problem? God: What happened to the girl from the last post? Ben: She started to request time off two days after I posted that. I saw her once and then haven't seen her since. Funny, huh? God: Yes... very funny how that works. Ben: Did you have anything to do with that? God: The universe works in magical and mysterious ways. Ben: Why do you have to be so cryptic? God: Because I am God. I am cryptic. Ben: Yes, but you are also Truth. God: Sure... is being cryptic not Truth? Ben: Sure... I guess it is.. wait, can I get back to my girl issues please.. God: Yes. Go on then. Ben: Alright so I like this girl but she is my manager. That already makes things a little tricky. She's around my age though, I actually think she's a little younger than me. I swear to God she flirts with me too, she's always staring into my damn eyes and getting super close to me. I can literally feel the tension in my genitalia sometimes. I just don't know how to handle this situation. I feel like the old me wouldn't express my feelings towards her, but I am trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone could entail me telling her that I have a crush on her. Is that what I should do, or should I just let things happen organically? Ben: God? Are you still there? God: Shut off your thoughts. Then you will hear my voice crystal clear. Ben: What? What are you talking about? How am I going to shut off my thoughts? God: Sit on your ass and try it. Ben: Okay... The problem with this is that I have several things that I need to do before I go to work. I need to give myself a haircut, I need to pick up a blazer from the dance studio. How can I clear my mind when I have all of these obligations that I need to attend to. God: Set a timer for 20 minutes. Just give it a try. Then go back to what you were doing. Ben: Okay... fine. Ben: I don't think its working. God: Try asking me your question again. Ben: What should I do with this girl that I like? God: Well... What do you want to do with her? Ben: Well... I don't know... I guess I just want to be around her.. and to get to know her better. I don't want to be possessive or anything though, I don't want to possess another individual, but it almost feels like that. I'm afraid of losing her. I don't want her to be with anybody else. Now thats not true love, thats not a true connection. Thats selfish. I don't want to do that to another individual. I just want to be around her. I want to be with her everywhere. God: Actions speak louder than words. If you enjoy her presence, then show her that. Be nice and kind and gentle. But don't do things for her so that she will think well of you. Be yourself. Be all of yourself. And feel into the connection between the two of you. You are doing it right now my son. Continue down this path and it will lead you to where you need to go. Ben: But where is it that I'm going? What path are you talking about? God: You have to go down the path yourself. I will be with you, I will carry you if I must. But there is only one path to go down. And you are heading down it right now. Slowly but surely, you are heading towards something. Something magnificent, something so awe-strikingly beautiful that you cannot comprehend or put into words. Continue down the path and you will find it. Ben: But I don't care about all that stuff. I just want this girl. God: If it is the girl that you want, then it is the girl that you get. Tell her that you want her. Ben: No... I can't. I'm afraid. I don't know how to express my feelings towards another human. God: What is it that you want my son? Do you want to be scared your whole life? Or do you want to step out into the sun and bask in its glory? Do you want to hide from your feelings and the people that you love? Out of fear that they will reject you or cast you aside or shun you? What do you want? Which path do you want to take? Ben: But I thought you said that there is only one path. God: Yes, my son. There is only one path but for there to be but one path, there must be two paths, 4 paths, infinite paths. Ben: Alright now it just seems like you're trying to confuse me. God chuckles. God: You are doing things correctly my son. You are trying to love. Trying to love people, existence, the whole universe more deeply. I can sense this in you. You are trying your hardest. Continue down the path. The path is not easy, you will take certain actions that you will deem as "mistakes" but know this, there are no such thing as mistakes, this is something that your mind as concocted. And on this path, you will find many treasures. You just have to open your eyes to find them.

Transcending the Spiral - Journal Entry #6 - Thu Aug 3rd '23 Lets take a step back and look at stage blue. What are you working on there? Hard work, discipline, greater purpose What can I do to make these things a habit in my own personal life? How can I embody these things? Hard work: By working a lot, taking a lot of things on. This will also help financially. I have a job at a restaurant, 20-25 hours per week. I started training to be a dance instructor, just started, only 3 hours per week so far - hoping this continues to ramp up. I have an opportunity to watch one of their competitions on Saturday, I am going to make sure that I go to that, I just need to buy a blazer - hoping that Duncan can let me borrow his - going to go in and ask today. I also reached out to my former IT boss - we had a meeting and he said that hes going to try to get me involved in some projects - hoping all of this starts to come together. I can also focus on working hard at every job, while playing sports, working out, socializing, just try not to lose focus and slack off. Attention should be on working hard, putting in the time, grinding. Discipline: Work out every morning Monday through Friday. Have a set morning routine that you do every day Monday through Friday. Weekends you can do what you want. What should the morning routine consist of? Wake up at 7 am. Shower. Meditate. Calisthenics work out. Drink a protein shake. then you can start your day. Greater purpose: I could ask myself morning, what am I going to work on today that will help me with my purpose in life. Once I feel as though I have instilled habits in my daily life that will help me embody these 3 things, then I can start to shift my attention to everything that I want at stage orange.

Lots of good points here. One thing that is missing though is that I think you are all forgetting that it took you a while to warm up to Leo's vidoes. You can't expect to be able to send someone one video and expect them to invest an hour into watching it. If someone sent me an hour long video about some topic and I'd never heard of the guy, I'd be like "fuck that" I'm not wasting my time watching this guy, I've never even heard of him. Thats exactly how a friend is going to react. The only reason we think Leo's content is so valuable is because we've been following him for years, watching hundreds of his videos, probably bought his book list and have at least read a quarter of them, taken his life purpose course. He has proven his value to us.. but he has not proven his value to your friend or anyone else. When I first started watching Leo, I was skeptical of his stuff too, but he eventually won me over. I'm always skeptical about wasting my time on creators that are new to me. That is exactly how your friend will feel. If you really want a friend to get into Leo's work, you've got to find a way to sell it to them. Market it to the person. You can't just tell them to watch it. Prove to them that it is worth their time.

Oh God. Do I need God? Who is God? I’ve never had God. Oh God. I don’t ever want to be alone. Maybe I should call my mom and say I’m moving home. I’m tired of saying bless this mess, but I’m too in love with Los Angeles. If I give up, I’ll regret it when I’m old. F***ing off and watching trashy TV. Spending all my twenties not believing anything. Oh God. Do I need God? Who is God? I’ve never had God. Oh God. I used to walk around downtown at night Start conversations with strangers when they’d ask me for a light I was smiling in the face of time I was a touch naive but it really felt sublime F***ing off at Starbucks. Cold brew coffee. Spending all my twenties not believing anything. Oh God. Do I need God? Who is God? I’ve never had God. Oh God.

Thank you for all the advice - lots of interesting and unique perspectives.

I think that this is the next puzzle piece for me. I want to open my body up more so that I can feel at ease in all situations and surrender myself to the experience. I find that my body will tense up a lot of times and I'll be unable to authentically act myself. The cause of the tension in my body is that I am afraid that I will say something incorrect or hurtful or stupid or embarrassing if I don't tense up my throat / stomach / shoulder areas. I have a list of things to work on, but any advice from you guys would be much appreciated. Also, if anyone else has a similar issue, might be useful to share your struggles / insights. Thank you in advance. Some ideas for how to deal: 1. Yoga - good for opening the body up 2. Read Peter Ralston's book Zen Body Being 3. Consciously let go of tension in the body during meditation practice 4. Affirmations / Visualizations : "I feel at ease in my own body", "I enjoy speaking freely and openly", "I am able to surrender my body to any and all experiences", Visualizing opening up to another person, visualizing speaking freely, saying whatever is on your mind, shmoozing with people, freely moving around the venue at work 5. Free talk exercise: Say random things for 5 minutes a day, practice having no filter

Captain Charisma

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #34 - Sun Jul 16th '23 - 9:57 AM Ben: God, I'm in love with this girl, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't get her out of my mind. I don't like this feeling. I don't like to be in love or to be infatuated by people. It is so distracting. They consume my thoughts, while I would like to be focusing on other things. I'm also scared of rejection, that I won't be enough for her, that I will find a way to screw it up, that she won't see me the same way. But I just want her to know that I like her exactly as she is. I think that she is an amazing, spectacular, beautiful person. How do I tell her this? Do I want to date her? Can I get her out of my head? I want to get her out but at the same time I don't because I love her. Ughhhhh... What is going on with this love thing, its so twisted.. What do you think of romantic relationships, should we pursue them or are they a waste of time and energy? God: Oh, my son.. It doesn't need to be twisted at all, you have twisted things up in your own mind. There is an energy field between the two of you. Right now, when you are together, this energy field is burning hot with love and compassion, playfulness and laughter. Explore this energy field and see where it leads... Ben: I'd like to explore this energy field, but I am scared. I'm afraid of where it will lead. And I've heard so much dating advice from all of these people telling me how to handle these situations and I just don't want to screw things up. God: Oh... I'm aware of some of these so-called "role models" that you have been receiving dating advice from over the years. Going out to bars and clubs with the sole intent of manipulating women into sleeping with you, there is no love in that, no real connection. All a woman really wants is a connection, a connection with a partner, and in an absolute sense, a connection with the divine. It is with a romantic partner that you humans can experience oneness and openness. That is how I feel about romantic relationships, it is the perfect playground to practice your love, loving something fully, with all of your life energy. And do not love someone only as a means to an end, like sex or attention or validation, to love someone fully, you need to be able to hold their wants and desires in as high of a regard as your own. This is true love, this is true empathy. And if this person wants to be with somebody other than you, if you truly love them, you will let them go and not feel any desire to manipulate them into staying with you. For you are not needy for their love. You love them so much that it does not matter if they are a part of your life in a physical sense, because love permeates all boundaries. It is in everything, everywhere. Ben: What if I don't want to love fully? What if I don't want to open up to another person. God: But you do my child. You long for this openness, you long to tell someone all of your secrets, deepest troubles and regrets, you long for the peace of mind that this will give you, to allow someone in to your life fully and openly, and to be accepted fully for it. To have all of the things about yourself that you deem as "ugly" be fully accepted and loved by another individual. That is what you are afraid of.. you don't feel as though you deserve this love.. That is what the issue is here. That is why you can't express yourself fully. You are scared of love. Ben: And how do you know that she will accept all of my warts and blemishes? How could you possibly know that she will not reject me? God: Because I accept you as you are, and I am Her. I see the beauty in everything about you, your empathetic nature, your anxiousness, your gentleness, your physique, your charm, your laziness, your devotion to truth, your entire life's journey. If I can see the beauty in your warts and blemishes, then so will she. There is nothing wrong with you my son, once you realize this, you will be able to open up your body more fully. The soul wants what the soul wants. And if the soul wants to engage in a loving communion with another individual, then your mind is going to have a difficult time sabotaging this desire over and over and over again, which is what you have been doing throughout most of your life by the way. Eventually, your mind will let go, let go in favor of love.