Spiritual Warrior

What are you proud of? As self help junkies, we tend to look for things to improve upon, but it is just as important to be proud of the things that you have accomplished. Please share some things that you are proud of about yourself. Here is my list: I am proud of... The fact that my socializing skills has significantly improved. I am much more likely to talk to strangers at the gym or in a grocery store. I used to feel so quiet and reserved, now I say what's on my mind. The fact that I am competing and placing in these dance competitions, it was difficult to imagine getting to this point a couple of years ago but here I am. My emotional mastery progress, I am much more in tuned with my emotions and allowing them to pass through me is much easier. I am proud of myself for attracting a good looking woman into my life.

Personal Journal ~ 3.30.26 I am starting to think that all of these circumstances that the Universe is putting me into is simply pushing myself to work on the things that I need to work on. For example, there has been a lot of growing pains in terms of dating and women, I am learning that I am not very good at any of this. I am not good at approaching, not good at escalating, not good at sex, etc.... this is an unfortunate truth and I REALLY don't feel like putting in the work to fix this area in my life. It is so fuckin scary and I know that I am going to have some very awkward encounters. But at the same time, I am going to have more free time in my hands because I don't have a dance competition that I am working towards. This is really nice honestly, if I really wanted to, I could drive up to Boston, see what I can do up there and then come back and go to work. That is an idea. They key is to be in a great mood, to have really good energy, that always works really well for me. Right now, I am simply not approaching enough women. All you have to do right now is approach these women and tell them that they are beautiful. Just go out there and do it. I am going to do this. And it is going to get easier and easier and easier. I will input this into my schedule so that I am constantly pushing myself. I could also go to El Santo every Thursday night, I've had some opportunities there. This needs to be a deliberate transformation so that I am making a commitment to take ownership of this area in my life. Steer into the uncomfortability. And you also need to start masturbating and circulating your sexual energy. You should also be working out consistently with a meal plan in place. I also want to have a complete handle on my finances so that I am saving money for a house one day or at the very least having a pad that I can bring women home to. But at the same time, I DONT want to bring these women home, I say that I do but I really don't and that's another thing that I am going to have to address. I forgot that I am house sitting this weekend for my friend. I could try to get my girl to come over after we dance... But she doesn't have a car.. I don't understand how I am going to get intimate with this girl, she has 4 fuckin kids at home... Dude just make out with her.. that is the first thing.. make out with her at the club or I by our car. Okay, fine so I will take her out to dance and I will attempt to be authentic in my behaviors towards her. If I want to kiss her then I am going to kiss her. That is your challenge, that is your intention. Okay, sweet. That sounds good. Now what's next? How about we figure out finances and meal plan. Okay so right now I am in the negatives which means that I've been dipping into the savings account that my dad set up for me so that I can pay for health insurance. He doesn't want me to dip into this which means I don't want to dip into it myself. How much are we talking? Well, it should have about $1340 in it and it has 1120 in it which means so have to come up with $220 to put back into the savings account. On Wednesday I get paid

Habits and Disciplines Journal Entry #1 Okay, it is 10.29.25 and I have realized that I have no discipline in my life which is setting me back from accomplishing my goals. Listed below are the habits that I would like to integrate as well as the reason for doing so: 1.Read when I get home (no electronics) this is for the purpose of having better sleep. I also have a larger vision of being very well educated, which starts with reading lots of books. Just a little bit every night will go a long ways 2.No sexual stimulation from internet No sexual stimulation from the internet. I see no benefit in watching porn, I have a history of being addicted to it and have therefore had struggles having an erection with a real woman, this is a no brainer. Stop with this nonsense. 3.Workout at gym 3 days a week Workout at the gym 3 days a week. I want to get really fuckin hot, like really fuckin hot. And the best way to do this as a man is to hit the gym and do it in a strategic and intelligent way. I am going to go 3 days a week, I am going to work out my chest on Monday at 11am - 12pm, this will be barbell bench press, dumbbell incline press, and that one with the cable that stretches your chest, it is going to be 4 sets and the first set is a warm up, so 3 real sets. Next is legs, I would like to use the angled leg Press, 4 sets, then the leg extensions, 4 sets, then use a calf machine, 4 sets again, next is back and arms. I want to start doing deadlifts again, I love deadlifts, then a barbell row and then a dumbell row, I really want to get my back jacked for dance. 4 sets of each again and this will be the workout routine for 3 months. Then I will have a de load week, in which I take the whole week off from weight training and I reevaluate how far I've come. I will also need to measure how much protein and carbs and calories that I am in taking and also weight myself on a daily basis so that I can track my progress 4.No ejaculating for 3 years No ejaculating for 3 years. This has to do with my goal of having sexual abundance in my life. I want to have sex with real woman, not with my own hand. Not ejaculating also gives me more energy to shift my focus into other things in life, such as having a bigger impact on people, reading books, meditating and overall being a healthier human that people look up to. I lead with integrity. 5. Approach and hit on 10 women every week for 1 year Approach and hit on 10 women every week, which would equate to 500 women on the year. This would be a great milestone for me and it would make me very proud. This coincides with the goal of wanting to have sexual abundance in my life. I want lots of sex with lots of women. That is what I genuinely want. I don't want to fake that anymore, I want this and therefore I will have it. Thank you God for allowing me to have an abundance of sex with an abundance of women. - Half time: as you can see, we already have an interrelated system at work, the no ejaculation goal supports the hitting on 10 women every week because not ejaculating will give me more motivation and energy and time to hit on several women a week, on the flip side if I hit on 10 women every week, watching porn and ejaculating becomes a lot less appealing, both cogs in the system are supporting each other. Nice job there. - 6. Eat 150 g of protein every single day I have learned that eating a lot of protein is imperative to building lots of muscle. I want to build lots of muscle in order to become the sexiest man I can be. This is required, therefore I have to eat enough protein. 7. Meditate every morning for 30 minutes moving past physical attractiveness, I want to be attractive in a sense that I am magnetic as a human being, people want to be around me, and I also want to be able to stay present and within the moment both for dance and also for the people around me, such as students and friends and family and co workers. The more I meditate, the higher my consciousness grows, and the more I understand the truth of reality, the more I am able to make an impact on the world. Overall, this is mainly for better mood and mental clarity, the motivation is NOT towards enlightenment, although I predict that is what it will turn into 8. Wake up at 7:30 am every day this challenge has two benefits: 1. It is going to build self discipline and character, and 2. I have to wake up that early in order to get everything done that I want to ( I've already mapped out my schedule accordingly) 9. Brush teeth morning and night this is also building self discipline and it is also for the betterment of my hygienic and overall health and well being. I am also a dance instructor, I work very close to people, therefore it is imperative that I have fresh breath. I may even want to pick up a toothbrush and toothpaste and keep it at the dance studio. 10. Floss teeth every morning another habit for self discipline and overall wellbeing 11. Shower and groom hair every morning this is similar to the last two, it is building character to stick to a habit. The main thing that I'm trying to do with this morning routine is that there are no grey areas here - no - I wake up at 7:30 am, I brush my teeth and floss, then I take a shower, then I groom my hair and beard, then I go downstairs and meditate for 30 minutes on the floor, then I do my push ups and pull ups, which is the next thing on this list and there is no wiggle room, there is no being wishy washy, no I am doing this every fucking day, I don't care if I get kidnapped and wake up in Antarctica, no - I am going to follow the same routine no matter what. Fuck variety - life is chock full of surprises, a routine keeps you grounded and focused and stable - this is the true masculine power - to have the self discipline to stick to this routine 12. Do 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of pull ups every morning again, this is self discipline and it will also have a cumulative effect in turning me into a sexy, attractive man. I am going to make these things happen every single day like clock work. There are no excuses. It is time to start living with integrity and purpose and direction. This is the desire that I have been suppressing and distracting my self from with spiritual pursuits. I don’t really want to be enlightened, at least not yet. I have been using enlightenment as a distraction for many years because hitting on women and developing discipline in life is scarier and more uncomfortable to me than reading spiritual books and meditating. If I do these things, I will become the quintessential model of healthy masculinity. And this is what I truly want. I want to maximize my masculine energy to its absolute full potential. Then once I hit that peak, I will move into something more selfless, such as spiritual enlightenment, or whatever else I want to pursue. I am going to need a checklist that I have to check off every single day. This needs to be made public so that I can feel the embarrassment of missing a day. I want to do this on actualized.org, my favorite forum. Thank you God for allowing me to become aware of my authentic desire of being a vessel of healthy masculinity in this world. Thank you God for allowing me to create sexual abundance in my life. Thank you God for allowing me to create a life filled with love, laughter, joy, purpose, and gratitude. Listed below is my checklist for the first two days of my challenge. 10.31.25 Morning routine goals: Brush teeth Floss Shower Groom hair Eat breakfast Meditate Work out Night time routine goals: Brush teeth Wash face No electronics before bed "Whole day" goals: No porn No ejaculation Eat 150 g of protein Weekly Goals: Weight lift 3 days a week Approach 10 women I did a good job on everything except for no electronics before bed and eating 150 g of protein. I was on my phone before going to sleep and I am going to have to figure out how to incorporate 150 g of protein into my diet. The weekly goals are going to be assessed at the end of the week on Sunday. I am going to actually keep a counter of how many girls I have approached. I would also like to create a counter so that I can keep track of how many days I consecutively stuck to my habit. The higher the number, the more fulfilled I will feel.

Personal Journal ~ 3.29.26 ~ Part II I have been noticing that I am constantly thinking about what the person that I'm with wants. It's as if I don't think for myself. What she wants trumps everything and I am a constantly worrying myself about if she is taken care of, is she having fun, where is she? Is she looking at me? Does she hate me? Does she like me? Is she annoyed? What does she need? How can I help her? In a sense, this is nice cuz I am being empathetic but it is stifling. I am so worried about her that I am not thinking for myself and worrying about my own desires. It's not even empathetic either, it's selfish because I need her to be and feel a certain way. She must feel this sort of energy. But if I can look and act towards the world with dispassion and detachment, that is what is truly impactful. I feel so lost right now and I want some time to get my shit together and figured out.. unfortunately we're not getting back until 3 am tonight so basically I am going to go straight to bed when I get back and then I have to wake up and get ready for work . I don't understand how these other dancers have only been dancing for a year yet are so much better than me, of course some of them have had dance experience so there's that. I also feel like I'm in a hole in my dating life and I don't understand how on earth I'm going to get out of it. I need to turn into a different kind of man, a highly attractive man that is expressive and courageous and disciplined. I want all of this, but I'm just not sure if I believe in myself just yet. If I were to take that aspect of my life very seriously, I would actually move to a city, either Boston or NYC. But I really don't want to. Can I just visit these places and work on my social skills in that way? I also just don't want to improve my social skills, I don't feel like going to clubs, I'll hit on women during the day... But at the same time I don't want to do that either! How about you go out next Saturday or Sunday back to Boston and just see if you can muster up the courage to talk to some girls... You might surprise yourself. You want growth. And that is all. Your mind is lazy, it wants to weasel out of emotional labor. And your job is to focus on your vision, on what you are trying to create, this makes decision making easy, it is so simply, if I do x, I will get y, i.e. if I hit on 30 women a week, I will get very good at this. Is this something that I could actually do? Yeah maybe... But I'm scared... So fuckin scared. I don't want to do it! Why can't there be an easier path?! Now, I really want to get back on track with some kind of habit as well as taking out unhealthy habits. Firstly, what is it that you are trying to achieve right now or more specifically towards the future? I want a highly conscious girlfriend. I want a nice house with a porch in the back, secluded, I want to be an attractive man that is highly socially calibrated and respected. I want to have a thick face and a black heart. I want to go through a period in which I am cheeky and confident around women, swooning them with my charm, I want to have a shredded physique and I want to be spiritually enlightened and a world champion dancer. I want so many things! Now how on earth am I going to get started on them.. I'll be right back...

Personal Journal ~ 3.29.26 I will say that I had a VERY interesting weekend. Lots of points of growth and interesting things happened to me. The thing is that I really want to play to my strengths. My strength is dancing so if I go out to a night club it has to be dance related. I should also be going out with someone. I also just don't know what to do about my dating situation. Like I don't want to go to nightclubs, I really don't. I also don't feel like approaching women. Id much rather just work on my dancing and build wealth that way rather than approach girls because I am terrified and I don't feel like socializing in that way. Id much rather just meditate and work on my dancing and things of that nature. However, if you don't go out, you'll never understand how to flirt and how to attract women. This is the thing, I want to have an abundance of women in my life but I don't want to put in the work that it is going to take to get it. That is where we have a disconnect. Where else in your life is this applicable? I am willing to put the work into my dancing to become a world champion dancer so not there. At the moment, I am not willing to put in the mental energy to get super ripped and I am not willing to put in the mental energy to get my finances handled. But... The main thing is the dating life, I am not willing to put in the time or the embarrassment at this moment. Although you did approach someone over this weekend, it went terribly, but at least you did it. There is so much fear and anxiety linked to this is the problem. But I know that I have to deal with it. I cannot skate around this issue, I have to dive in head first. I can visualize myself approaching in a smooth and confident way and it probably starts with just complimenting a woman's appearance. I also really want to escalate things with the girl that I'm dating, that is your next challenge, escalate with her with intention, you are trying to get intimate with this woman, now let's put our big boy pants on and figure out what that is going to take, and bring a fuckin condom, go into your next date with the intention of fucking her. This is the thing right here, I am too damn nice... Wayyyyyyy too nice. The cool thing about last night is that my friend wanted to go out real bad, we went out to a nightclub, she was dancing with this guy and they started getting intimate with each other. I have some sort of feelings for her but I was able to not become emotionally triggered by it, which is a positive thing. I allowed the emotion to roll right through me and we ended up hanging out a lot the rest of the night which I loved because I love spending time with her. I am always like, "is she up?" "What's she doing?" "Is she looking at me?" Etc.... I am also noticing that all I ever want to do is leave and go home and go to bed or do something less social, this happened at the night club and at the after party later on. I would like to dissect this and figure out what I should be doing. I believe that I should be pushing my limit and staying out as late as I can because it is these uncomfortable situations that help grow you the most. Should I continue to go out with this friend because it is going to push me out of my comfort zone? I just want to be good at approaching and to have all of these kinks figured out so that I can be smooth with it, but of course this is a valuable skill and requires time and energy and practice. I didn't approach anyone at this nightclub but I did approach a woman earlier in the day at the hotel, I want to do this more often, it's just so difficult to do a smooth approach, this shit is not easy but I am willing to practice. I would like to approach someone at the airport today, just fuckin' do it man, you have nothing to lose. At the club, there were girls that I could have went up to and started dancing in front of, or at least asked a question to start some sort of interaction, I just don't know what to do and I am riddled with fear. I also don't hold eye contact well. At one point, I passed this woman and we made eye contact, I involuntarily let my eyes flutter away and she was verbally annoyed that I didn't engage with her. It's moments like these that require attention. I am also noticing that I REALLY care about what people think about me, like REALLY care. I thought I made a lot of progress on that front but I really haven't.... I mean I have but it's like I thought I completely dealt with it but I have my much farther to go.

Personal Journal ~ 3.28.26 Dude my life needs an overhaul. For real. I am so proud of how far I've come and I'm really into this new book "A Million Thoughts" and I want to start taking mediation MUCH more seriously. But at the same time, I have a surgery coming up and I don't have an abundance of women in my life. I want to start socializing again and to bring back lots of discipline into my life so that I can actualize what I want to in life. It's been difficult for me to get a handle on things because I had an overnight dance event last weekend and overnight dance event this weekend too so it's just not stop action and I just want to take a breath and get my life together. Of course, I am going to have SOOOOO much breathing room when I go in for surgery. There is a cute girl right across from me... Okay I just approached her and I said "excuse me, you're really pretty" and she said "I'm 18." Hey, at least I approached. My two main passions are dancing and meditation. The next passion I would say is attracting women and having sex. This is just something that I REALLY want to overcome in my life, which is being able to authentically express my attraction towards women. And of course, at the end of my time here in this materialistic era, I want a high quality WIFE that I will marry and make my queen. I am infatuated by women and I just want to snuggle up with them and feel their loving energy. That's really all I want, I want to feel their love and also to be able to experience multi orgasmic states. Unfortunately, I am not approaching new women on a regular basis so I am not currently getting the experience that I want.

Personal Journal 3.27.26 I have a dance competition tomorrow morning. We are going to get a massage in the morning, then head to the airport and fly into New Orleans. My dance partner has her hair appointment at 4:30 am which is absolutely absurd and then we go out onto the floor at 8:30 am. I am used to these comps at this point as I've danced in front of people many times throughout my young career. I am more excited than anything. The intention is literally to just have fun with it. Having fun is what excited the judges, the better we can exemplify joy and connectedness, the better we will place. You know what I really want? I want a woman that I can build an empire with, that I can travel the world and conquer things with, that I can grow with everyday, that keeps me in check and is honest with me and highly conscious. I want to build something with someone, not just use them to fulfill a sexual craving, I want this to be a powerhouse couple that takes the world on by storm. Now that I have set my intention on that, I will attract this woman into my life. In the mean time, I am going to consciously work on approaching, socializing, and attracting women and eventually I will start a relationship with one lucky girl. I have realized that I am not very good at escalating things, even just kissing a girl is difficult for me, I overthink things, the girl likes me but I just don't authentically express the fact that I want to kiss her, this is what I am going to consciously work on. I did something interesting yesterday, I posted an Instagram story of a picture of the girl that Im talking to. I did this because 1. I wanted to brag about this beautiful woman that I've attracted into my life 2. I love creating things, every Instagram story to me is like a work of art 3. I would like to see how the women in my life respond to this - I am trying to understand what attracts women, I truthfully don't get it and I would like to understand it from my own direct experience. So sit back and take a look at what happens. It is possible that they will act differently now that they see you with someone, but I'm not sure... Mind you I am not trying to manipulate, truly I really don't want to do that, but in order to figure these man to woman attraction dynamics out, I have to try things and observe what happens. Namaste. I need to pack.

I like that you remained proud even though you fell off, you're right, this is still quite an achievement. And the next time you go for it, you will last 6 months!

Interesting perspective, and I do remember that emotional model that has pride quite low, I think it's from Ken Wilber. The problem here is in a sense I am asking everyone to write down things that they are "grateful" that they accomplished, I just happened to use the word "proud." I think the reason "pride" is so low is because you are feeding your own ego, you are "proud" of yourself and yourself alone, and there's nothing wrong with that, I think that can be a very positive thing, but to be "grateful" for what you've accomplished is recognizing that you are not the only one that steered the boat, the universe allowed you to create these amazing things in your life and you are "grateful" for them. So a better way to phrase the post would be, "what is it that you are grateful for having accomplished in your life?" Thanks for your perspective.

Nice work everyone, it's important to appreciate how far you've come and you all have lots to be proud of👏

Personal Journal ~ 3.26.26 As you can see I am not tracking my habits at the moment. This isn't necessarily ideal, but life throws curveballs at you some times and I am going to take this as an opportunity to hit the reset button and I will come back to this with a propose. I would really like to start journaling every morning again with the habit tracker and also an intention for the day. For example, I am going to try to be content and completely non needy today, I don't need anything from anyone, I am content within my own space, ready to make an impact on others. I also really need to find my smooth vest, I hope it's in the wash because I can't find it in my room. I pray to God that I didn't leave it in the hotel. I should really check and make sure I have EVERYTHING before leaving a venue. Let's go check right now if it's in the dryer. I am proud of... The fact that my socializing skills has significantly improved. I am much more likely to talk to strangers at the gym or in a grocery store. I used to feel so quiet and reserved, now I say what's on my mind. I am so proud of the fact that I am competing and placing in these competitions, it was difficult to imagine getting to this point a couple of years ago but here I am. I am very proud of my emotional mastery progress, I am much more in tuned with my emotions and allowing them to pass through me is much easier. I am proud of myself for attracting a good looking woman into my life.

Personal Journal ~ 3.25.26 Hi, I am very happy to be journaling right now as I have a lot of things that I am trying to work out in the internal and the external world. As you can see, I haven't been keeping up with my routines in favor of a lack of structure and sleeping in. This has given me two perspectives: 1. When I get enough sleep, my mood improves significantly 2. When I fall off of a habit track, I like to completely shift to the other side and throw it all away. I would like to get back into some habits and holding myself accountable but at the same time I have three areas that I would like to hone in on as well as some non negotiable things to figure out as I prepare myself for a dance competition in New Orleans this weekend. Okay, so the three sticking points right now are 1. Finances 2. Working out and 3. Schedule Finances: The goal is to obtain a better handle on these three areas of life so that I can stop wasting my mental energy trying to figure them out on the day-to-day. First is finances, so I have $700 in my bank account right now and another $1000 coming in tomorrow. I owe my mom $1300 which would be great to completely pay that off. This would mean that I'd have $400 left over for spending in New Orleans as well as the $70 that is in my wallet. I think that is doable, okay, let's move onto something else. Immediate concern: having clothes for New Orleans this weekend Okay so I need a smooth shirt and vest, dance shoes, Latin and smooth, my rhythm shirt, dance pants, a black suit jacket, black dress pants, a tie, a charger, a watch, a kindle, a bathing suit, and some clothes for going out, some jeans and a button up shirt so I definitely need to do some laundry. After work today, I am going to go to the gym for like 30 minutes because I want to have a fit bod for this weekend and when I get home, am going to feed my cat, throw in some laundry and then go to bed. I am going to make sure that I have every thing that I need in that wash. Working out: Next is working out, I am proud of... I would also like to say that I have had moments of complete clarity and focus in which I am zooming out my perspective and taking "other" as a higher concern than "self" - these states are liberating and fundamental to your growth

Personal Journal ~ 3.24.26 Myself and my dance partner came in 3rd for smooth and rhythm at a dance competition. This is the best we've ever performed and I am very proud of us. I have until August and then I will have aged out of the category. On the flip side of this success, my room is a mess, I've had berry little downtime and with the little downtime that I have had, I've been doing unproductive shit like smoking weed and watching Instagram videos. This will have to stop if I am serious about my spiritual material pursuits. Something has to give and I look forward to that day coming, this is just where I'm at as of right now. I have turned myself into a solid competitive dancer, one that is competing and standing out on the dance floor. The objective is to carry that into the next level, where I will be facing the pros. Of course, I am a pro right now, but I am still in the minor leagues. The cool thing about my situation is I have the utmost confidence in myself that I am going to become a world champion dancer. Some people don't want this. I KNOW for a face that I do, and therefore I am going to get it. There's really no doubt in my mind. Now let's contrast that to your desire to have lots of sex with lots of women. See, you say this and I tend to believe it, but your actions speak differently. You get attached to one girl very easily, whoever you are around so I think you really just want a girlfriend that you can hang out with and have sex with. I don't think you actually want the lifestyle of abundance, you really just want 1 high quality girl. Now, in order to get this "quality girl," you will have to live in an abundance because in order to attract her and to FIND her you have to head out into the ocean and cast a large fishing net and see what you catch. Now, I feel like my life is a mess right now. Why's that? Because I have no grasp on my schedule. I know I have a bunch of shit going on, I also know that I have bills to pay, I have lessons, I need to do laundry, I need to work out, etc .... And on top of that, I'm leaving for New Orleans this weekend in which we are going to compete. What are doing tonight? I have work for 4-10 and then I am practicing with B***** at her studio. So I'll get home around midnight. From there I will go straight to bed after brushing and flossing and washing my face. Tomorrow I am going to get to the studio at 10 am, do a coaching with Izzy until 11 and then practice w Bella again at 11. I need to ask both girls and coach if that is okay, which I will do today when I get into work. Tomorrow, I would like to take a look at my schedule on a computer so that I can get a sense for what is going on with it. Then I will be at work all day until 10 pm. When I get out then, I would like to come straight home and go into a computer until 11 so that I can get a grasp on my finances, understand those a little better. The next day, I get to see this girl that I'm talking to. This is important as I would like to add some intimacy to my life. Last time I visited her, she invited me back to her room but I couldn't because I had dance practice. This time, I will be free until 3 o'clock so I'm trying to fuck. I am going to take some maca pills beforehand so that I am more into it. Sometimes, with all of the other cool things that I'm working on, sex just doesn't excite me that much anymore. This is actually a positive thing, especially for me, it means that sex isn't nearly as fulfilling as some of the other things in life, such as meditation, reading high quality books, developing connections and relationships, dancing, etc.... Okay, I have to go actually but I would like to get back to this habit tracker, I am going to have to reset a few counters though as I definitely skipped a day of journaling. This is unfortunate but I want to be as truthful as I can be.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #140 I don't think this girl likes me at all. It's as if everything that she pursues is out of survival, out of self preservation, out of wanting to be comfortable. Is this how I act as well? Am I any different. I want to stop thinking about this woman, she doesn't like me like that and I therefore would like to rid myself of all romantic thoughts and feelings towards her. Shes not even that great, I don't know why I have to subjugate myself down to obsessing over someone that wants nothing to do with me. It's pathetic. But at the same time, it's sweet, you like another individual, this is a great thing. You like her so much that you want to spend every weekend with her. This is what it's about when finding a life partner, you want someone that you genuinely enjoy spending time with. I have so many fuckin lessons today, which is great and all, I love teaching, but now I have to get my shit together but I'm tired from the dance event. I really want to post that thing on Instagram, I want to shower and meditate, and get some gas and get some food and coffee, etc. I am starting to try and look at things from a zoomed out perspective, in which I am looking at the studio as a system or a group class as a system, even if I am in the class myself, I want to zoom out and act in accordance with what would be beneficial to everyone or even just a specific person within this moment in time, and then move onto the next person that you are interacting with. There is a clear difference in your behavior when your focus is on yourself compared to when your focus is on other. The other thing is you are noticeably more happy when you are able to think about "other." Now, I have a lot of things that I would like to get a handle on. You're doing great, don't get things twisted, you are doing awesome, but some things require maintenance. Things to do: Pay Geico Create meal plan Create schedule for this week Start honing in on finances 3.21.26 & 3.22.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 0 Journal: 139 Brush teeth streak: 139 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 113 Meditation streak: 2 Nighttime Routine Goals: Brush teeth streak: 0 Wash face streak: 0 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 143 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Right. That is very possible. He's attaching meaning to a situation that doesn't have any meaning to it.

Ehhhhhhh this seems like a stretch to me Sorry about your past, sounds like some people were not very nice to you I'm struggling to see the point of mentally masturbating about this topic though, what is the purpose? How will this benefit your life?

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #139 3.19.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 0 Journal: 137 Brush teeth streak: 137 Floss streak: 1 Shower streak: 111 Meditation streak: 1 Nighttime Routine Goals: Brush teeth streak: 2 Wash face streak: 2 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 140 Total number of women cold approached: 5 3.20.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 1 Journal: 138 Brush teeth streak: 138 Floss streak: 2 Shower streak: 112 Meditation streak: 2 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 3 Wash face streak: 3 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 141 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #137 I want to have sex soon. And I want to have my room and mind organized. I want a shredded and big and muscular physique. I want a clear mind and a good healthy relationship to the other human beings in my life. I want to be courageous in every thing that I do. I want to exude authentic masculinity energy. I want to ask for what I want. I want to stand up to people for being mean to me. Why does this woman trigger me? For starters she is your boss so there is a power dynamic and secondly she's just crazy. Is she actually crazy though? Morning Routine: Make bed: 0 Journal: 136 Brush teeth streak: 136 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 110 Meditation streak: 0 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 1 Wash face streak: 1 No electronics before bed: 1 "Whole day" goals: Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 139 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #136 I just really want to get this meditation habit together, the other affirmations are great and all but let's get this meditation streak up to 100. I have a good grasp on what I want to do with my students today, but I feel like I don't have a good grasp on the habits in my life, in waking up whenever I feel like it, no meal plan, no workout regimen, etc... this isn't how I want to live, I want more structure, but at the same time because I've allowed myself some leeway, I've been getting much better sleep and am therefore MUCH happier so I'm finding that this is highlighting an imbalance in my life. All the structure is causing em to lose sleep, which effects my mood and therefore my relationships and my work. So I've got to find a balance of staying disciplined and also taking care of my body. Morning Routine: Make bed: 0 Journal: 135 Brush teeth streak: 135 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 109 Meditation streak: 18 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 0 Wash face streak: 0 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 138 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Very good point

Lmao thanks man, never been called a "gangsta" before

Hi, Im a blonde American with a red beard.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #135 3.16.26 I LOVE this book that I'm reading called A Million Thoughts by Om Swami. The girl that I'm dating texts me constantly, like bro give me some space. I feel obligated to text back quickly because she texts back in literally mintues every single time. I just don't need that much human interaction. I like my space, my alone time. I am still high right now. I smoked a joint this morning despite having to go into work later. I do love my job so much. So much that I want more than anything to make a career out of it. I feel bad taking my co workers students, building lessons with them, but at the same time "I am ruthless, I do whatever I need to do in order to make it here and get ahead. One of my students wants to go to a dance o rama. But my boss would rather them go to vienna. But I want them to go to dance o rama. It is going to cost her $18,000. Isn't that insane?! I want to talk to the student about it. She must have the money for it, no problem I just can't even imagine. That is literally half my paycheck for the year. Anyways, how did I do yesterday? Morning Routine: Make bed: 5 Journal: 134 Brush teeth streak: 134 Floss streak: 6 Shower streak: 108 Meditation streak: 17 Approaching women visualization: 1 Abundance of sex affirmation: 1 Funniness affirmation: 4 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 4 Free talk exercise: 4 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 9 Wash face streak: 9 No electronics before bed: 2 "Whole day" goals: Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 137 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #134 3.15.26 So I had a dance event on Friday into Saturday. These events are great, don't get me wrong, I get paid, I enjoy them immensely, and they never fail to grow and inspire me. But they are so tiring. I got back from the event and I was exhausted, of course I had to spend time with my family for my birthday so I couldn't even relax. Sometimes I do things for other people even when I don't feel like it. The next day, I had another family thing in the morning which I didn't want to go to, but it wasn't too bad. My dad gave me $400 for my birthday as he knows I'm going through it financially right now. I got hit with an $800 hospital bill taking care of some tests before my heart surgery. I cannot believe how much they charge at these hospitals, its really ridiculous. I still don't have a good handle on my money situation. Luckily, I will be getting a big paycheck for this event we just did, but at the same time I still have a lot that I need to do. I have to start earning another income, I don't think theres any way around it. Its funny, I was listening to Trump on the radio and I was really trying to give him an open mind as maybe hes not so bad after all, but then he started talking, calling someone "pathetic," "not a smart man," and I was like oh.... Okay yeah this is one underdeveloped motherfucker... and he is leading this country, no wonder I'm struggling so much right now. Anyways my dance partner really wants to practice but I still need to shower and meditate so I won't be able to get anywhere until AT LEAST 11:10. I also feel weird about this DM that I sent to a male dance instructor. So we have this "sam sex" competition at an event in August, all that means is that you partner up with someone that is of the same gender and create a routine to dance to. But now I'm thinking that maybe he thought that I was asking him something weird, of course I don't know how it came off, I'm not him - trying to not let that worry me. I'm also not in a good workout routine and I have another dance practice tomorrow morning, but I can get the routine back on track while also getting my food prepped... see this SHOULD have already been done though.. that is the frustrating thing. ugh.... oh well.. just do what you can. For some reason, when Sunday comes, I don't feel like getting my shit organized even though I know it would benefit me. My mind becomes lazy and doesn't want to deal with it, and I allow it to have its way. Morning Routine: Make bed: 4 Journal: 133 Brush teeth streak: 133 Floss streak: 5 Shower streak: 107 Meditation streak: 16 Approaching women visualization: 0 Abundance of sex affirmation: 0 Funniness affirmation: 3 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 3 Free talk exercise: 3 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 8 Wash face streak: 8 No electronics before bed: 1 "Whole day" goals: No porn: 0 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 136 Total number of women cold approached: 5

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #133 I don't need anyone or anything to keep me happy. I am comfortable "just being" being one with the universe. Being one with the moment. Surrendering to the moment. Surrendering to the body. Breathing in. Breathing out. I want to be a yoga instructor. This will help with my dancing and I will be around more women. More women around me, the more experience I get being around them, the more women you meet, the better there is a chance to meet a girl and get intimate with her. I want to have sex. I want to experience what it's like to be inside a woman. I feel I have a weird relationship with women. I feel lots of shame. Lots of shame about my sexuality. I am very possessive. I didn't like myself when I was in a relationship. It gets too heavy. Emotions are flying everywhere. Sometimes you can't handle it. I love her dad for some reason. He takes care of business. I have to win her dad over. That is the secret to this womans heart. This girl acts like she's schizo. She doesn't remember anything. Like how? Is it the alcohol,? Im having a hard time understanding. Are you going to be honest with yourself for once? Then of course, Im not comfortable enough with it. Life is about embracing, surrendering, an ever lasting letting go that has to take you down the hill and into the valley with the sharpness of breath. 3.14.26 Morning Routine: Make bed: 3 Journal: 132 Brush teeth streak: 132 Floss streak: 4 Shower streak: 106 Meditation streak: 15 Approaching women visualization: 6 Abundance of sex affirmation: 6 Funniness affirmation: 2 Independent of opinions of others affirmation: 2 Free talk exercise: 2 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 7 Wash face streak: 7 No electronics before bed: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn: 0 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 135 Total number of women cold approached: 5