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Thanks for the positive messages everyone! Minor update since I had my initial session. I was told the first session would mainly be for the counselor to get an idea of who I was and what was bothering me so. We spoke for an hour and there wasn't much to take away since they were mostly just asking me a series of questions on where I'm at. I got a random message from them afterwards requesting payment for this initial session. This confused me and it's left me miffed to be honest because in our first email exchange I specially asked them if there was anything I should expect in terms of payment/time and so on. They only told me what date and time we could speak for an initial first session. Had they said from the onset that they would charge I would've been okay with this but I'm annoyed they didn't tell me upfront and I'm now on the fence about continuing forward. I don't feel inclined to pay what they're asking when they didn't really give me any advice.

If you play your cards right you could live until you're 80 or even 90. There's plenty of time to still turn things around in your favour. In terms of being financially independent/having your own business, it might be harder as you get older, but it's still possible if you're of sound mind. It's not an even playing field. Some people live off their parents until they've laid the foundations for their own enterprise. Just focus on what's best for you going forward. Keep your head on you and don't compare yourself to the success of others.

You can always nab the Adobe suite on a free trial to start. Afterwards Shotcut is a free video editing program that doesn't have strings attached to use.

@TheCloud If it turns out not to be effective then at least I can say I gave it a shot. I feel like I'll also be able to fallback on self improvement a lot easier since I'll know for certain that it's the best thing I can do to better myself.

You define what success is on your own terms, but even then, late 20's is still pretty young. You get people in their mid 30s who only just started going to college and stuff. I wouldn't compare yourself to other people and beat yourself up. Things tend to fall into place with virtually no effort when everything aligns itself.

As someone who's personally skeptic of conventional treatment due to bad experiences, I read a book on CBT and it does have some value. CBT can touch on mindfulness which was one of my first openers to spirituality. If it works for you then by all means incorporate it into your day to day life. The only thing I didn't like was that CBT kept me inside my mind, attempting to solve problems on the same level of the mind. I had to go meta a bit to realize that sometimes the brain will 'solve' a 'problem' and it can be a bottomless pit. Psychology seems to have this pitfall where some people continuously race around in the mind and forget that there's a lot of cases where stepping out the mind and simply just being and give massive feelings of bliss and relief.

I'm not a professional but when I had back pain from a pretty big sedentary lifestyle I started standing nearby the window while I drank my coffee in the morning instead of sitting down at my PC, seemed to really help.

Different substances effect different people in their own, unique way. It's worth giving it a few tries in low doses. If it's really not doing it for you then at least you can say you gave it a chance.

When you realize you are God, you know there's a distant separation between the real you and your ego. It's only the false/lesser-self who projects and creates bias, which can cause mental problems.

Keep large gatherings to a minimum and just accept that other people might not be on the same level of you in terms of personal development.

I'm actually fucking sick of this. Done everything I know in the book so far. Meditation, learning forgiveness, mindfulness practices, letting go. I have constant flashes in my day to day about shit with my mother and violent arguments that transpired. It doesn't matter whether I'm in good spirits or having a really depressive episode - it always happens. I've watched almost every actualized video related to this predicament. I can understand things like letting go and that the past is a concept on an intellectual level. But I don't feel it. I can't FEEL. All I feel is VIOLENCE and SHIT day after day. If I'm truly this far gone then what else can be done? Are some people just lost causes? At this point in time I feel I can either check myself into the emergency room for the fucking fifth time for having a manic episode like this. Or if suicide isn't part of the equation I can just self-medicate on alcohol/drugs and become a zombie again. What am I doing wrong here? I keep telling myself just to stop thinking about it all. When that doesn't work I tell myself to let it in/just allow it. Neither seems to work. My default state is a fucked up loser who just physical juts and reacts as if the fights are happening for real over and over again.

During high school I was way too socially awkward to ever ask anybody out and I felt much the same way throughout college in my 20s. I've had sexual flings here and there but I've never been asked out and I've never felt compelled to partner up with anybody. I was wondering if this counts as an issue for personal development or does it not matter whether you're single or not in general?

It depends on the contents of what's being written and what the intention is. Something dead simple like a single-line entry on what made you happy today (drinking a coffee, eating an ice cream etc.) has value. If you feel writing too much isn't doing it for you then just keep it short.

What are the things that normally make you laugh? Is there anything you've enjoyed doing in the past? Anything that makes you lose track of time?

Thank you both for the replies. I'm noticing a pattern where I feel pretty alright for a few weeks and then certain memories bubble up to the point where I start to spill out emotionally. I don't wanna turn into someone who only comes on a forum just to rant so I'll be sure to more vigilant in future. The past happened and some things I can't change, better to just accept the here and now and let go as @hyruga said.

@Dauntment I'm a male irl

The fact you're aware of it is pivotal for keeping it in check; you're only a douchebag if you don't realize it. Just know you can keep your ego self in check and you're all good ?

I was concerned this was 32g dried and was like what the fuuuuuuuuuck You might have a more mellow/pleasant experience if you just tone it down a little. 1.5g or something.

Peace ❤

It's okay to not have a clear answer off the bat. It helps sometimes to observe the things you know you don't like or don't want to incorporate in your own life and think of what the opposite could be. For instance, if a person believes they were neglected as a child, if they ever have a child of their own they may have a much greater tendency to take responsibility as a parent and be there for their child as often as they can. Or a person who knows someone close to them who suffers from an illness, there might be a inkling to study medicine and become a nurse/doctor, since healing others from their sickness feels most authentic to them.

Sexuality isn't something I'd rationalize that much. You like whoever you like.

It's been years since I've looked up anything but Udemy had really nice courses for Python. If you check in every month (might be every 2 months, can't remember) they do promotional offers on pretty much all the web scripting/programming courses so you can pick up a course worth £200 for like £20. If money is super tight you can't go wrong with Youtube. Traversy Media and Net Ninja were the two channels that taught me 90% of what I knew about scripting.

I had this happen recently - you just move onto the next person. Stay active and let things fall into place on their own.

If you have a background with mental health issues or traumatic past events - both avenues can lead a person to the concept of suicide - then it's possible for a psychedelic substance to bring that out in you during a trip. This isn't necessarily bad imo. It's an opportunity to face it from an elevated state of consciousness head on if it pops up in your head. It's when a person doesn't consider this a possibility that could occur during their trip that can lead to them feeling disturbed/freaked out. To give a personal example, my first trip was 1g of ecuadorian cubensis mushrooms. I had a long record of passively thinking about death and feeling like my day-to-day life was numb and shitty before taking them. Not once did my mind throw me anything like that during the trip though. It was surprisingly smooth sailing all the way through and I came out the trip feeling restored and healed. As long as you set reasonable expectations (go with the flow, don't fight whatever thoughts come up) you'll be fine.

Spirituality is about easing your suffering and healing old scars incurred from past/childhood trauma. Personal development is about finding new, more functional methods of coping with every day challenges and discovering a higher purpose. While you can mix and match the two, you can choose to focus on one over the other depending on what you feel is currently best for you.