woohoo123

@the_void_of_chaos yes when I say ‘appreciate’ I don’t mean in a masochist way, I mean purely just making pain easier to process and accept by attaching some more positive meaning to it. I guess you are right in that I am looking for some kind of justification of why pain exists. But I am not sure if I will be able to understand it from my current perspective if it’s just a function of absolute love

Hi - I seem to have difficulty committing to others. In particular things like marriage, getting a pet, having kids. I get this 'icky' feeling inside which is like yes you will like it for a bit, but then you won't want it anymore. This results in massive procrastination and putting things off as I never want to commit to them. I think it is affecting my ability to move on with my life though. One part of it is I am afraid how I will change over the course of my life, and perhaps they will not be my priority anymore. I feel like each time I am committing to someone I am placing a ticking time bomb for myself in the future, I am afraid at some point I will regret it or I will no longer be interested and I will need to drop the 'baggage'. I feel like I am digging myself a hole which is not impossible (just harder) to get out of at some point in future. I am not a crazy or impulsive person. Actually I like routine, stability and predictability. But I think what happens if I get married, then one day I decide I want to sleep with loads of other women? What happens if I get a dog but then get fed up of it after 1-2 years? What happens if I have kids and lock myself down for the next 20 years? What happens if one day I am just like fuck it all and want to pursue a life purpose? I like having the freedom of being able to pivot and turn my life around (if necessary) - FAST. Thing is I think all these things will bring me joy, so it is something I 'desire' but it is these kind of fears which hold me back. I don't know who I will be in 5-10 years, and all this stuff I accumulate will be painful and very difficult to let go of. But at the same time, I am missing out on a lot of joy these things can bring as I feel like I am just waiting on the sidelines. I'm not sure if anyone has any interesting perspectives to share which may help me heal this?

Hi - I am in a similar boat to you. I had a porn addiction for almost 20 years (started at 11 now 29). Thing is for me shit got serious. Porn wasn't enough, I got addicted to seeing escorts for real sex as well. I wanted to live out all my porn fantasies in real life (I also did this whilst having a full time gf) Firstly I had to realise I had a problem, and I had to have some desire within me to stop. I am not sure if you are at that point yet? I am still very early in stopping my porn addiction, I have tried willpower/no fap but this always fails. Psychology/ trauma healing also didn't really work for me (people asking why do you want to fuck women? What deep trauma do you have my dear? I mean cmon bro I'm just horny and like naked girls ok) What has helped me is 1) Trying to connect with God. Contemplation, long walks alone in nature, focusing on developing an internal sense of mindfulness and love I still have urges, but I no longer feel like a ravenous dog that can't control his impulses and needs to fuck random women immediately for satisfaction. I start to focus on realising that 'I' generate that internal buzz, that sensation of lust and sex in my body. My thoughts do that, not necessarily the women. The energy from semen retention is mine, my creation, mine to own and a gift to me, it is something I wanted to cherish and not give away freely to others. The scary thing I think people miss is that porn changes your brain, changes your desires until you no longer recognise yourself. I do not believe it is my natural state to feel like a ravenous dog that wants to fuck hundreds of women a day and cannot control his urges to the point where I was fapping off in work toilets and seeing escorts even in a full time relationship. I think people get this confused with 'ok but what if I am polyamorous' or 'this is natural for a guy', I really started to question that... how in the hell can this be normal? Who am I really without porn? Do I even know? I was playing a game called Cyberpunk... in that game one of the side missions you help out some politicians who are drinking some substance but unbeknownst to them it starts changing their brains from the inside. Their desires, their thought patterns, their personalities changes... and the scary thing is since it happens slowly and over a long time they don't realize it. They lose their 'true' selves and they get lost in a world of lustful thoughts they really think is their own. They are unaware their brain has literally been fucked over and they spend all this time thinking... yea maybe I should have more of that it would feel good. Or they start thinking 'yes this is what I really want I am sure of it' I really feel it yep more sex please. Another analogy is like becoming Smeagol from lord of the rings. He desires the ring so much, it gives him so much pleasure, but it turns him hollow. I realized I wanted to be free. I wanted to be free from 'artificiality' like porn. Yes it looks amazing and glossy on the outside, its enjoyable to fap to hot porn not even gonna deny that, but it is hollow on the inside. It is like eating bread which sustains you for a moment, but 2 hours later you are hungrier than you were before. You literally become a ravenous dog. For me I started losing myself in this endless cycle, naively thinking 'maybe if I consume enough it will stop' (well its been like 20+ years and counting of porn for me ). For me it was the realization - what this is not really 'me', but then who am I really? Who am I without this? but only love and connection to spirit can heal that, not willpower. (sorry I am not that spiritual so apologies if I am being too woo-ey but I want to help you. For me this type of spirituality was the only thing that really helped me) I am still early in my journey, but I have started to be able to appreciate the beauty of women, seriously they are all goddesses. But I don't feel the need strip them down and fuck them senseless and 'get' some kind of satisfaction from them. It's just a deep appreciation for beauty, like watching deer in the distance, or a flower blossoming nearby. But I don't feel the need to take or ravage in order to satiate myself. I'm not saying you need to be constrained to 'one old pussy' for the rest of your life. But before you make big decisions lay off the porn for at least a good few months. Spend that time alone in nature and surrender. Then check in again, you may find your desires, thoughts, perception of this topic has changed since you stopped consuming porn.

I thought most people here would be INFJ but idk. I am INFJ too

Hi Everyone, I am having an issue linking the concept of burning through karma, discipline and sex addiction. The issue I have is I am conflicted, one side I want to have sex with lots of different women, the other side I want to raise a stable family and have those niceties. The classic 'have your cake and eat it too' . For me, I am currently trying to be in alignment as much as possible as the internal conflict is something that eats away at me, so I wanted to ask your opinions to help me find more internal peace please Burning through karma (up until a certain point) What does burning through karma really mean and how does it fit in with discipline? On one side I agree with the idea of burning through karma, go and have lots of wild sex until you no longer have the desire. But I feel this is a bit naiive. I have had a porn addiction for ~20 years. I have probably scrolled through tens of thousands of pages of porn in my lifetime, if I masturbate a lot then sure yep I don't feel like doing it again soon after, but that core desire never truly leaves me. Wait for a week and urges comes back. I feel it is naiive to expect someone to burn through their karma in this sense, because isn't that the point of addictions? you can never truly satisfy it. This is how I view my situation with having sex with more women, sure its something I want, but at the same time I recognize its this desire is not something that is going to go away by sleeping with large amounts of women (I am not a virgin btw, been with a few women). If you gave me a new woman every week I would gladly have sex until I am like 85. I don't really think it is something you can truly 'burn' through completely. I think you need to take it with a pinch of salt in you need to satisfy your desire enough to the point where you realize its never going to truly make you happy (so at least its not totally repressed). But that doesn't necessarily mean you don't have that desire anymore - do you guys agree? But that also means there will always be that slight internal friction. Discipline and taking no for an answer This is where I think discipline comes in and being able to take 'no' for an answer and deal with pain. Recently I have been very drawn to stoic characters. Typically classic heroic figures, think Japanese honorable Samurai type characters. I think what I admire about these characters is they can say 'no' to their desires in pursuit of something 'higher'. I feel like this type of character is shunned in modern 'woke' communities because we associate it with repressing desires and dogma. But in situations like mine, I feel it is very appropriate. In spiritual communities we are also often told we can have everything, which from what I can see is just not true. Think law of attraction, 'you can do everything', 'you deserve everything'. I generally find it BS, I find it much easier to accept the idea that - the point of my life might be to learn how to accept I may NOT have those things. For me I still find meaning in that but I do not think it is a popular opinion. Even though I want to watch more porn and sleep with more women, I need to get a grip and say no to it, and sleeping with more women and watching more porn (burning through karma?) isn't ever going to make my situation any better or make me any happier. As Leo discusses in his recent happiness video, there is also some kind of joy in being able to say no to your desires and trying to become someone 'better'. If I don't have sex for a long time, I find I get really horny until I release again. Sex becomes my number 1 desire. I fantasize about being single, having sex frequently with new women. But as soon as I release, I go back to being in a more 'normal' state, and I spend my time pursing living a better life and that stuff doesn't even cross my mind. I find it really disturbing and scary how my life priorities can change so drastically depending on the last time I released. This is one of the reasons I think discipline is so important and why following your desires is not necessarily a good thing. We are often told things like 'You're supposed to have XYZ and use your emotions as a compass, follow your desires' - but I feel like there is not much wisdom in actually what desires are worth pursuing. If you're addicted to sex or alcohol then pursuing your desires is not necessarily a great idea! (I am not talking about total repression, I just mean making making major life decisions around it like choosing to be a bachelor for example) When I see a man say in his ~40's+ (this is a massive generalization which I know isn't true, I am just trying to make a point so you get my message) who goes around and sleeps with women just for the fun of it I feel repulsed. To me I associate this with lack of self-control, someone who has allowed their base desires to dictate their life, and to me seems like the slob/easy path 'fuck everything I am just going to satisfy myself and what I want'. I don't really see that as an admirable character. Conclusion So I am choosing to go down the route of settling down (I am in a relationship btw) but yea I am trying to improve the relationship part of myself which still fantasizes about more women. I also feel its a bit unrealistic to expect people to be in 100% alignment within themselves. Like when you go to the gym there is a part of you that doesn't want to go, but if you try and 'wait for 100% internal alignment' or slob around to 'burn through that karma' I feel like you just ain't ever going to get there or do accomplish anything, although I feel like this is the general message sometimes that gets passed around communities? To me its like an unrealistic expectation which sounds a bit dumb. Like there is always a part of you that generally wants to fuck, kill stuff and gorge on food so there will always be some amount of internal resistance when you are not doing these things. Thanks for reading and welcome your comments and views.

I was thinking of making music for my life purpose. I keep having this nagging thought what if I put in all this work and in 10/20 years my YT channel or platform will not have reached anyone. When this thought comes up I feel demotivated, its like spending 20 years writing the best book in the world, but then shelving it and no-one ever reads it other than yourself. You never really get chance to share the beauty with anyone. You could say that the enjoyment is in the doing, which I guess is partly true, but at the same time I could've spent that time indulging in other sensual pleasures (I don't play any instruments btw so it will be a long road for me). Of course there is every chance I will be successful (by successful I just mean it reaches a large number of people to the point I feel satisfied I have had an impact, maybe tens of thousands) and I could do more vision boards, affirmations etc. but I feel like this is avoiding the issue at hand. I want to face it head on. Does anyone have any perspective on this? How can I not feel demotivated even if my projects fail to make the impact I had intended but still do it anyway? (and without trying to cling onto success of these projects as my source of fulfilment?) I think a deeper issue is I am motivated by appreciation and feedback from others. Although this is mentioned as an unhealthy motivation/value, I can't deny its still there, in almost everything I do. I want my art to be appreciated by others. Thanks for reading =)

Disclaimer: Apologies I know I sound extremely crude and shallow, but this is where I am right now. I do not mean to offend or disrespect anyone, appreciate sincere wisdom. Issue: Every time I open my social media I see my friends with more attractive partners than I have. We are in similar life situations, I feel like I should have a partner like that too. I feel jealous and I often fantasize about having a more attractive girlfriend. You could ask why do I feel jealous? Do I feel inadequate? I guess so yes. Their partner outshines mine. But at the same time doesn't everyone want an attractive partner? I have been with my current girlfriend for a few years now and things are going well. No issues there. She is by no means unattractive, its just I often see more attractive women and I wish I were with them instead. I am in my late-twenties now, and I notice a lot of girls who I had a crush on a few years back dating men who I consider to be 'lesser' than I am. I wonder how (the women) really feel, is this really the prince charming they had wanted all their life? Something tells me no, and they are just doing the best they can. I also feel jealous of the single men who can cycle through and have sex with those women. Like goddamn I wish I were still single so I could have the opportunity. Internal conflict I am conflicted because part of me knows I am buying into a fantasy. There is more to a relationship than sex. Part of me tells me the relationship I have is fine and I should continue nourishing it. I recognise I have a porn addiction and somehow it maybe fuelling this YOLO fantasy I have to have sex with more hot women. I am jealous of the single man because they have great opportunity to have sex and that is exciting. I am jealous of men in relationships with more attractive partners than me, because I wish your wife were mine (for the sex but also the status and pride you feel from having a beautiful woman by your side). I feel at a loss because its like I am never happy with what I have. A few years ago I set out on a similar journey, to have sex with women so I could 'get over this hump' as it were. So that's what I did, half a dozen women later... but I still feel the same as I did back then. I could sleep with a dozen more, 20, 30 I feel like I would not gain anything. My sexual desire is insatiable. I would get old having slept with hundreds of women....... and start to regret my life decisions. At that point I will probably want love. Maybe I have a sex addiction or something? What to do? If I break up with my gf and sleep with new women, I know it will be fun for a while but I will just end up in the same situation I am in now. Perhaps a new woman who may be (more or less attractive) and still getting jealous of people on social media. Getting a more attractive woman to make yourself feel better (to me) reeks of fallacy (especially if the woman you’re with now isn’t ugly), in the same way if you have money, chasing more money isn’t necessarily the answer. Yet at the same time, in my current state I feel saddened to see attractive women slipping through my fingers. I don’t quite know how to make sense of it, can anyone help?

Thankyou all for the responses. Reading through these has made me realize a few things. On further reflection, I also observed that somehow I feel 'better' when I see an attractive/successful man with a partner who people would deem not as attractive. It somehow makes me feel better about my situation, somehow as if it is more 'acceptable'. Almost like oh if he's happy and confident, then perhaps I can be too. The more I reflect the more I realize you guys are right, its definitely more about self-worth than sex. Somehow though it had not been as clear before. Thanks again

I guess you may be wondering how I even came to that. It might not be a perfect answer, but I guess I love listening to certain types of music (it has put me more deeply in touch with my emotions than a lot of things) and I guess I wanted to give that to others (even though I can't play). I think its beautiful and if I could wave my finger in the air and dream up something beautiful to give humanity, I guess it would just be a beautiful piece of music. I like it because you don't need words, language, or knowledge of spirituality or any of that, you just simply feel it. Of course there are other forms of art, and you may be right in 3-5 years I may be eating my words (its always attractive at the start), but I won't know unless I try, I could really say the same about starting anything new. That's a good point. I don't need this for money (I have a career) although I guess you could say it needs to have some form of financial sustenance to properly be considered a 'life purpose'. I think for now I am fine having it as a hobby I can nurture. For me (at the start) I find it easier to think small so the goals seem more achievable and realistic. I feel like I'm kidding myself when I think of big goals in something I have no skills in. You're right, music is just a medium for me to express beauty. I see it as a form of spirituality that doesn't involve lecturing others for hours on end but it subconsciously leads them places.

I am 29 now. I love listening to music, it has done some wonderful things for me. If I were to think of serving others, this is how I would choose to express beauty. I don't know for sure if this is what I want to do, but I need to explore it and its what has my interest over all other things atm. I feel like this is the right path for me now even if it doesn't lead to anything. Being hard doesn't put me off, I am not saying its easy of course but I don't think it is beyond me by any means. This is a great response. I guess fundamentally it is a self-worth/love problem. I think I am trying to use my life purpose (at least partially) to get love from others. I want to get a feeling of self-worth from the sense of accomplishing something. Part of me has always taken pride in my interest in philosophy/spirituality and I like it when other people can recognise and admire me for my insights in this area. This issue seems like another manifestation of that where I am trying to use my life purpose to try and fill that hole. Some of my motivations for even wanting to have a life purpose in the first place are questionable.

I got Bravo... Lol is there such a hierarchy for females? I don't think I have seen such a thing.... I guess its a very male thing to do to categorise yourself - you Alpha, you Sigma, you Delta

I got 13/40 - I AM SPECIAL

Similar to me... I got Primary 2.9 (higher than 72.84% of people who have taken this test) Secondary 2.1 (higher than 29.26% of people who have taken this test) Dammit... and I considered myself to be a very empathetic person