Allah

Hello, I am a 23 years old boy and I still live with my parents. I've been in college in IT major for 4 years and I'm still in my first year, college tuition in France is very cheap. My parents now want me to finish school but I have no love for what I'm doing. I'm planning to change the subject of my study to Management so I can make a lot of money. They always say money is not important but how am I supposed to live independently without money? I spend most of my time smoking weed, overthinking, playing video games and skateboarding. My parents have always seen me as a failure, or something that they don't want, at least that's how I see it. Probably because of the fact that they've always beaten me from the age of 8, until I'm 17 or something, I've always thought it was normal, since I'm from Vietnam originally. I used to blame my parents, but I don't anymore, because they say you shouldn't blame and accept things as is. So that I'm trying. I used to be a good friend, and had good friends, but I'm always moving, so I don't usually get to stay with them for more than 3 years, but I still keep in touch with some of them, some of them are really good friends. Now I find it harder to trust people, afraid of what people think of me, I'm always hiding in my room, I don't want to talk to my parents because it always end up in shouting and rage, I don't think I rage as hard as my parents though, I always try to keep cool on the outside. My mind is a mess though, always telling my I'm gonna fail miserably at life, but now I know that my mind tells lots of bullshit too. I've got to say I've learned lots of things about my mind but it doesn't help with the situation that I'm still dependent on my parents, and they don't appreciate it. I know that my parents love me anyway because I am their son and I am grateful for what they gave me. I feel like I'm just alive and drifting around without really living. I've never been in an intimate relationship with a girl even though some do like me. Feel insecure, used to wake up midnight but lately it doesn't happen as often. I think that my financial independence is more important than my enlightenment, for now. What do you think? Feel free to comment.