Clarence

@Leo Gura Thank you for your decision and your explanations. I think the situation was handled in a very respectful and sensible manner. I also experienced disrespect and aggressive talk from him while I wasn't provoking him at all, and I couldn't make sense of why he was a mod. It was affecting my view of the community's standards, since I couldn't understand why such behavior, especially from a moderator, was allowed and not called out. It is a huge relief for me that the issue was addressed.

I've not tried 4-HO-MET yet, but between 4-AcO-DMT and 5-MeO-MiPT, I find 5-MeO-MiPT to be extremely introspective, and it is so loving, clear and centered that it is a great mindspace for contemplating. Yet, the trips are extremely profound and intense. 4-AcO-DMT is much more twisted and messy. I get a lot of insights on it, but it is not as good for grounded introspective contemplation. Insights and understandings come from all directions, but it takes effort to reflect on them. It can remain confusing too, especially until the peak has passed. Those are just general ideas from my passed experiences. I didn't trip recently on them so I don't have the clearest memories. In my opinion, they're both amazing psychedelics and both worth using. So it wouldn't be a mistake to go for one over the other, but based on your question, I had extremely deep, contemplative trips on 5-MeO-MiPT, while it it not what struck me the most on 4-AcO-DMT.

👍 Do you think you gained insights that you wouldn't have had from single trips?

What was your tripping schedule like?

Thank you! That will be highly appreciated.

@Leo Gura Thank you.

Have you found what works best to overcome this? Are there ways of thinking that can help, or some kinds of life experiences, or strategies? I really don't know how to accept everything as it is from a human perspective. From a higher perspective (God's point of view), it is easy. But this isn't the same as full acceptance from all levels.

The real challenge is to not become too discouraged and depressed. Not being too emotional must be of great help to find balance in this level absurdity and stupidity human beings display. I tend to wish too much that this reality was different that I tend to lose interest in it all. I don't expect things to turn out different, I wish they were different already. I geniunely don't know how to drop all of my desires for a different existence and accept things for how they really are. I don't know how to ground myself in this reality. Parts of me hate it. The road to acceptation is long for me.

@Leo Gura I currently stay single because relationships are very time consuming and I first need to discover who I am and what I want more deeply. I find it much harder to change and work on myself while in a relationship. I get distracted, tend to please the person to make things work, and I don't fall in love easily, so it is frustrating to waste time and energy for someone I end up breaking up with. I could feel okay in a long term relationship, I think, but it rarely comes easily or quickly. So I admit I'd have some interest in building a serious relationship with someone, but not enough at this time to invest a lot of time in dating. My priority is to develop myself. I might be some kind of a freak as well, though. I've always been quite different than the people around me, and I also am a philosopher at heart. As a matter of fact, I studied philosophy at university before I knew about Actualized.org. Overall, do you think women stay single for better reasons than men?

Don't you decide to stay single?

Thanks a lot for sharing your slideshow! That gives us a glimpse of the work you are going through to make a video. This is very interesting (and I've always loved behind-the-scenes). Maybe you could ask us once to try making the list before you make the video. That way, our motivation to sit, brainstorm, and write down our ideas would be stronger. We could also read others' answers and see if we can get somewhere. Making those videos must be an important factor for you to stay focused and diligent to do this type of work so exhaustively. Would you still do it if you didn't have an audience, were not making videos, or were not writing a book—so if you had no one to share any of your work with? Maybe you would, but for me, it is hard—I have an undefined cloud of answers inside of me which I can't articulate when you announce a new topic, but I also struggle to try harder to articulate it, especially when all the answers are just one click away. I am two hours into the video. Once again, it is great work. Even as I read through the slideshow, I can’t believe there are so many points that could be articulated.

That's a very deep experience you've had. I'm sorry I can't give good answers to your questions, as I've not been through anything similar. I've never tripped with people around, and the only time I kind of blacked out was on 5-MeO-MALT. The only downside of this trip was that I couldn't remember much of it, but nothing weird happened. Since then, I've been taking lower quantities of all psychedelics. Out of interest, as I also take this substance, may I ask what your dose and method of administration were? I also wonder how experienced you are with psychedelics and what your sensitivity to them is usually like.

@Leo Gura Thank God

I didn't know there were two different concepts and so two different meanings. It makes sense now how I got the definition so wrong. Half-jokingly in the sense that you didn't make it sound serious while it should have been made serious? I never got that you were half-joking. I always thought you were being very serious. Or in the sense that you agree you were speaking seriously, but we should have got that you were half-joking (which I missed entirely). I'm very confused about the true meaning. It isn't obvious to me which one it is.

Oh wow, with this definition, it’s obvious that I am not. Thanks. Then, is that also what you pointed to when you talked about content that could blackpill us? I don't know if it is the right place, but I also wanted to apologize for my reaction (if you remember it). First, I didn’t imagine the right kind of content, and second, even if I had, it wasn’t wise to respond while under the influence of my emotions.

Ok, but I still don't get it. I've dated people and made both male and female friends despite being blackpilled (according to this definition). This lingering feeling of depression is obviously hard to live with and has an affect on my life, but it doesn't fully prevent socialization. Actually, meeting people with a different outlook on the world has been highly helpful to me. It at least helped me recognize that there were other ways to live. I guess it can reduce socialization, but not always, as both are not incompatible. I'm currently very satisfied with the friends I have and am not interested in romantic relationships at the moment. But when I desired to date, I did.

I thought Blackpill was a form of depression and negativity caused by the overwhelming suffering and injustices in the world, such as wars, animal and human torture, pollution, environmental destruction, humanity's low level of cognitive development, etc. As long as this dark lense of viewing the world isn't completely out of control and proportion, I don't see how it would directly affect one's ability to socialize. I perceive it more as a lingering sense of sadness, despair, or anger. Of course, it can intensify at times, but it would broadly affect one's life and not necessarily prevent socialization or talking to woman. Did I get this wrong?

I love rats.

@Davino But why couldn't God know? If God was fully unlimited, an impossibility to know something would be a limitation. I understand that God can choose to forget (when taking a human form, for example), but couldn't a part of God, a "higher part", know absolutely everything, such as why it created this reality the way it did or why and how this human came to exist as it does? It doesn't make sense that such a major thing would exist, yet "no one" would know how or why it happened. I believe there must be an Intelligence above knowing things we don't. From my perspective, the impossibility of reaching this knowledge while in human form doesn't prove that it's impossible for God to know it in any way.

@Ero I'm not asking about the micro per se, but about a more fundamental question, which is: why is this reality the way it is? For example, why are we human and not another species? Why do we live in a material world and not another kind of world? Why were we created with such limitations, mentally and physically? Why are we so unconscious and evolving so slowly as a species? Why did we come into existence the way we did, and what was that way exactly? Why are we on this planet specifically and not another? Etc. I wonder how all of this came into existence, why it happened the way it did, and why it is the way it is. Those are the kinds of questions I'm thinking about here.

But God must know the answers to all possible questions, right? Does that mean we could also know them if we were to reach the most Absolute level of Consciousness and Omniscience? Or would we need to completely forget about ourselves, with no possibility of remembering, to access such answers? But then, it would mean the same as being unable to know. I don't understand why we can know so much about the macro level but so little about the micro level. This is really weird, as they are both One and therefore deeply connected.

Do you think it would be possible to access the answer to that question with psychedelics?

I think there was some misunderstanding. I was actually trying to express the opposite of your post. I deeply desire to learn everything Leo has to share about those extremely deep topics, which contain life-changing understandings. What hurt me is that he said he wouldn’t record those videos. I was just very disappointed.

You absolutely excel in your domain. And I don't see anyone excelling so well at it. When we talk on the forum about other thinkers and spiritual people, none of them come close to your understanding of Consciousness and Humanity. No one is capable of equivalent depth and accuracy. To me, your domain of mastery is the most important one, but then again, humanity is not there yet to value it. If your domain was chess or a sport, it would be much easier for you and for everyone else to see how good you are. Deficiencies don't reduce any of that. They give you humanity. They don't make you any less exceptional at what you're doing or in who you're being. I don't exactly know what deficiencies you're thinking about. I know about your health problems or the extreme shyness you overcame, but I honestly don't know if those are the kinds of things you have in mind, or if you think about stuff like not being good enough at ''understanding complex technical stuff like math, research papers, or computer code" (as if this even mattered). I mean, who would expect or want you to master all those things? And who would expect or want you to be perfect? You're already far more advanced than most people, and that already creates a great gap. Many people don't understand you, they criticize you or try to diminish you because what you say flies far above their heads. But many others see you and your worth with more clarity. You can make mistakes and be imperpect in some areas, that doesn't make a difference. You also are human. All the greatest men and women have made mistakes and were imperfect in some aspects. I think you have some wrong perceptions about (your) deficiencies and what they mean. Whatever those are or whatever you're thinking about, they certainly don't outweigh your qualities and your giftedness (and the fact that you're the best in this). Yes… you have very, very unique genetics.

To me, you are a genetic freak. I think most genetic freaks are absolutely exceptional in one domain (sport, music, mathematics, or any other), but rather normal, or even below average, in other domains. You're talking in this post as if your kind of intelligence and the understanding of mind weren't a big deal, but it is such a big deal. If you didn't have all those important qualities and interests, at such depths, and all combined, Actualized.org would not exist, or it wouldn't be of this quality. You're not just a bit good at what you're doing… you're phenomenal. Literally no one can match your quality of thinking and your understanding, and the broadness of it. Isn't that what we mean by genetic freak? No one can beat the most talented chess player, the most talented cyclist, or the tallest man in the world. They all have something so unique about themselves that they end up alone at the top. And I think that's where you are. Alone at the top. No one can match you or catch up with you. No amount of tripping or thinking or contemplation can bring others to where you're at. Almost no one (or no one) even desires to understand mind as much as you do. There is something so different about you, and I think that difference comes from a very deep place. You remember your blog post about "Spawn Count"? I know you don't like this kind of spirituality and that you don't even believe in souls, so I apologize for bringing this up, but I think that you are so different because you aren't of human origins to begin with. It makes a lot of sense to me that you are from another place in the universe, whatever that is and whatever that means. It looks like you've come here to accomplish something important… but that this planet isn't your home. This planet is no one's true home, as we're all "spiritual beings", but this looks even more true for you. - As a side note, I am hesitant to write these three last paragraphs, as talking about souls and the like is a rather sensitive topic, but to me, it's no wonder you're the one who discovered Alien Consciousness, Alien Intelligence, and Alien God. Who else could have done it? You're not just any Alien, you're a masterful one.