Clarence

Trip 29: 4-AcO-DMT 17 mg, 11.07.24 After that trip, I had to take a long break because of ear problems. I waited for a CT scan to make sure tripping wasn't causing any damage to my hearing, as I experienced intense pressure in my ear and head during the trip, as well as hearing loss afterward, which totally scared me. After this long break and the very bad trip I had as a last memory, I was scared of taking psychedelics again. The fear I had wasn’t the fear of psychedelics per se, but the fear of my own self. I was so scared of myself, scared of experiencing my thoughts, emotions, fears, and anxieties amplified… again. When I got back to it, the come-up on 25 mg of 5-MeO-MALT wasn’t easy at all. My body had lost its momentum. It felt completely sick, as the emotional and consciousness shift was so huge and brutal. It turned my whole self upside down, causing me to experience terrible nausea—for the first time on MALT. However, during the peak, I realized the courage I had to have even taken this psychedelic. I wasn't conscious of this beforehand, but the act of simply taking a psychedelic in this difficult mind space had required tremendous courage. This was a huge realization, as I have been struggling for years with a lot of negative thoughts. I keep repeating to myself, despite working hard to stop, that I am not good enough, that I am not doing what I should be doing, that I am not being who I should be being, that I am not thinking what I should be thinking. I keep telling myself that I am too weak, that I am too fearful and too anxious, that I am too pessimistic, that I am failing at everything and will always be failing, and that I will never be able to transform myself fully to become the person I would like to be. I am a master at negative self-talk. I am a master at not accepting myself. It was shocking to realize that I actually had courage. And it was a beautiful realization. The self-validation I felt for once was liberating. I finally had a break from my own negative self-talk, after two months (and a whole life) of intense turmoil. Indeed, taking this psychedelic while I had been feeling so scared and anxious required a lot of courage. I am now getting back a week later to where I was before the break. I’m not in fear or anxiety when it comes to psychedelics anymore. I look forward to it. I’m still always very careful about what I’m doing, but I feel at peace and confident again to continue this journey. Psychedelics are actually a need for me. Every time I take one, I realize this. It is not a crutch or a game. It is not something I take for pleasure or fun. It is a need, just like I need water and air to live. I need it so much because I need to understand. I need to understand life, I need to understand myself. And I need to understand in order to start transforming myself. I need to understand in order to start loving myself. I'm very excited about exploring all aspects of consciousness, but what I've been needing and lacking even more is love. I've been growing without love. My family and my friends love me, but I can't feel their love, I can't even comprehend their love, I can't accept their love, as I don't think myself worthy of love. And that, really, is one of the most painful ways to live. Trip 30: 5-MeO-MALT 25 mg, 01.28.25 Trip 31: 4-HO-MET 10 mg, 02.30.25 Trip 32: 5-MeO-MALT 31 mg, 02.03.25 Trip 33: DPT 20 mg, 02.06.25 Trip 34: DPT 35 mg, 02.07.25

DPT 35 mg: After trying 20 mg, I took 35 mg the next day. The effects were extremely similar—slightly stronger, but not by much. I was in a very similar headspace, which was nothing close to a breakthrough and more like a threshold to a light dose. However, one thing that was different is that I noticed some sexual energy, a desire for sexual release, which is very, very unusual for me and totally unexpected, as I have a lot of sexual blockages and restraints. I reject sexuality entirely on a very deep emotional and unconscious level, yet my conscious mind wants to like and enjoy sex. The issue around sex is so deep that I can’t think my way out of it, nor do I fully understand what is going on. I’d need total access to my subconscious mind. I have a surface-level understanding, but that isn’t enough to transform me deeply. It’s still a bit soon to tell, but based on my experience in this trip, I feel like this substance could help me a lot. I feel like something happened—it was very weird. But maybe it was just a one-time experience. I'll try 55 mg next time and keep increasing the dose gradually, as I want to gain a deep understanding of this substance at each level and intensity. I know I could handle more, but once I go deep with a substance, I find it harder and somewhat unnecessary to go much lower afterward. So, I prefer this methodical approach, even if it takes five trips to achieve a full breakthrough. For those interested, I might continue writing about DPT in this thread: Psychedelic Journey (Trip Reports). I'm not sure where I should write about it, but as it turns quite personal, it might be a better place.

@OBEler We'll see. 20 mg was like a threshold dose for me, similar to what 5-10 mg of 5-MeO-MALT or 5-MeO-DMT would be like (I've never tried them under 10 mg). I realize that it was very light, but I can't determine my sensitivity at 40 mg from this experience alone. The previous trip I had was on 30 mg of 5-MeO-MALT and it was a full breakthrough. I guess a similar trip on DPT would be in the 60-80 mg range. @LambdaDelta I'd be scared of doing something wrong. Plugging works great for me.

I know, I'll get there soon.

I'm six years late to this thread. I wish I could have participated sooner. But anyway, I am so excited about this new psychedelic. I was finally ready this morning to try it out for the first time. Since this thread, as well as the presentation video, emphasized caution, I wanted to build enough experience with 5-MeO-DMT, 5-MeO-MALT, and other psychedelics, as I am naturally very careful. But then, thanks to my last trips on 5-MeO-MALT, I realized that I actually was the kind of person who would benefit the most from such a substance. I realized that I had the right kind of mind and the right foundations, even though I haven't yet tripped hundreds of times. I already have a very deep understanding of Reality. My understanding isn't complete or perfect, but it is significant. My focus is now on going deeper and deeper. And so, I realized that I was ready for DPT. After waking up this morning, I took a shower, like I usually do, and prepared a 20 mg plugging syringe. This is the psychedelic about which I've read the most discussions on dosage, with a lot of varying quantities for light, medium, and heavy trips. I also read that Leo first needed 40-50 mg for a deep trip, which then turned into needing three times as much. This still confuses me. But as I err on the side of caution, and as I am rather sensitive, I thought it best to follow Leo's initial protocol, which I believe was the right choice. Quite quickly after plugging, about six minutes in, I started to feel the very first effects. It was very light, but my vision started to change, I felt some discomfort in my body, and weirdly enough, my elbows seemed to desire to vibrate. I had read about it, but I didn’t know what it could feel like, what a desire to vibrate one’s body could be like. At that point, its meaning became clear to me. It was rather light, and it only occurred in one part of my body, but I believe that was due to my dose being low. The come-up continued for about 10-15 minutes. It was very, very slow. I had never experienced a trip that as going so slowly. It was somewhere between comfortable and uncomfortable until it stabilized. When the peak was reached, I felt the same kind of comfort I feel on other psychedelics. It really just felt like a tryptamine, but different from the ones I’m used to. At this point, the huge potential of this substance became obvious to me. I didn’t experience anything wild on this trip; it really was just a starting dose, a little taste of it, and yet its potential was fully apparant. I know I will love this substance. I already do. I'm sharing my first experience in case anyone finds it useful. I will likely increase the dose to 30 mg before going to 40 and above. But I’m so excited. I can't wait. Another reason why I wasn’t in a hurry to try DPT was because Leo shared that his trips turned into a state of insanity consciousness. This both scared me a bit and sounded rather impractical, as he expressed. So, I hope this won’t happen to me too quickly—in case it ever does. Of course, I also desire to fully understand insanity, and I understand it to some extent, but diving deeper in that direction isn’t my priority for now. There is so much to Awaken to already. I feel like I understand a lot, and yet at the same time, I realize that I can understand everything at much, much greater depths. But this takes time. @Leo Gura Thank you for introducing psychedelics to us, and a special thank you for the work you're doing in this particular domain. It’s incredible. I’ve been rewatching your videos on psychedelics and your Awakenings, and they’re touching me so deeply. There is so much depth in them. I don’t have the words to express the extent of my love for it. I can feel your truthfulness and authenticity so deeply, and that alone transforms me. The symbiosis I experience from watching your videos and having my own Awakenings moves me so much. It is so profound to experience what I have been longing for for so long. Thank you.

@LambdaDelta Thank you. I'll try to do this. I hope it will work.

@LambdaDelta May I ask which method you chose to freeze the substances? I've read about using laboratory-grade zip bags or small glass vials with a silicone seal. In both cases, it is also recommended to add a silica gel desiccant inside, but without direct contact with the substance (which sounds a bit difficult). I also read that once defrosted, the substance will degrade more quickly at room temperature than it would have before being frozen, meaning that batches should be kept small. Did you do something like this? Or a combination of different methods? @OBEler Could you also share how you plan to store 5-MeO-MALT long term? @Leo Gura Do you have specific recommandations for properly preserving psychedelics long term? I'm really concerned about the ban (and potential future bans).

How do you now feel about being human?

I think the oral dosages listed on PsychonautWiki correspond well to the plugging method. I've plugged 15 mg, and it felt like it was right between a common and a strong trip—leaning more towards the latter. I can easily imagine 20 mg being a really strong trip. 10 mg would be a good starting dose.

I've not experienced aphrodisiac effects on 5-MeO-MiPT. I don't know if it can be qualified as aphrodisiac, but on 4-AcO-DMT, I've experienced intense waves of pure pleasure in my whole body. I can't describe how good that felt. But was it sexual, I'm not sure. It was more like intense physical pleasure without sexual thoughts or desire. I've experienced this on magic truffles as well.

It's okay. You've done it now, and that's what matters. I trusted the issue would eventually get resolved.

@Leo Gura Thank you for your decision and your explanations. I think the situation was handled in a very respectful and sensible manner. I also experienced disrespect and aggressive talk from him while I wasn't provoking him at all, and I couldn't make sense of why he was a mod. It was affecting my view of the community's standards, since I couldn't understand why such behavior, especially from a moderator, was allowed and not called out. It is a huge relief for me that the issue was addressed.

I've not tried 4-HO-MET yet, but between 4-AcO-DMT and 5-MeO-MiPT, I find 5-MeO-MiPT to be extremely introspective, and it is so loving, clear and centered that it is a great mindspace for contemplating. Yet, the trips are extremely profound and intense. 4-AcO-DMT is much more twisted and messy. I get a lot of insights on it, but it is not as good for grounded introspective contemplation. Insights and understandings come from all directions, but it takes effort to reflect on them. It can remain confusing too, especially until the peak has passed. Those are just general ideas from my passed experiences. I didn't trip recently on them so I don't have the clearest memories. In my opinion, they're both amazing psychedelics and both worth using. So it wouldn't be a mistake to go for one over the other, but based on your question, I had extremely deep, contemplative trips on 5-MeO-MiPT, while it it not what struck me the most on 4-AcO-DMT.

👍 Do you think you gained insights that you wouldn't have had from single trips?

What was your tripping schedule like?

Thank you! That will be highly appreciated.

@Leo Gura Thank you.

Have you found what works best to overcome this? Are there ways of thinking that can help, or some kinds of life experiences, or strategies? I really don't know how to accept everything as it is from a human perspective. From a higher perspective (God's point of view), it is easy. But this isn't the same as full acceptance from all levels.

The real challenge is to not become too discouraged and depressed. Not being too emotional must be of great help to find balance in this level absurdity and stupidity human beings display. I tend to wish too much that this reality was different that I tend to lose interest in it all. I don't expect things to turn out different, I wish they were different already. I geniunely don't know how to drop all of my desires for a different existence and accept things for how they really are. I don't know how to ground myself in this reality. Parts of me hate it. The road to acceptation is long for me.

@Leo Gura I currently stay single because relationships are very time consuming and I first need to discover who I am and what I want more deeply. I find it much harder to change and work on myself while in a relationship. I get distracted, tend to please the person to make things work, and I don't fall in love easily, so it is frustrating to waste time and energy for someone I end up breaking up with. I could feel okay in a long term relationship, I think, but it rarely comes easily or quickly. So I admit I'd have some interest in building a serious relationship with someone, but not enough at this time to invest a lot of time in dating. My priority is to develop myself. I might be some kind of a freak as well, though. I've always been quite different than the people around me, and I also am a philosopher at heart. As a matter of fact, I studied philosophy at university before I knew about Actualized.org. Overall, do you think women stay single for better reasons than men?

Don't you decide to stay single?

Thanks a lot for sharing your slideshow! That gives us a glimpse of the work you are going through to make a video. This is very interesting (and I've always loved behind-the-scenes). Maybe you could ask us once to try making the list before you make the video. That way, our motivation to sit, brainstorm, and write down our ideas would be stronger. We could also read others' answers and see if we can get somewhere. Making those videos must be an important factor for you to stay focused and diligent to do this type of work so exhaustively. Would you still do it if you didn't have an audience, were not making videos, or were not writing a book—so if you had no one to share any of your work with? Maybe you would, but for me, it is hard—I have an undefined cloud of answers inside of me which I can't articulate when you announce a new topic, but I also struggle to try harder to articulate it, especially when all the answers are just one click away. I am two hours into the video. Once again, it is great work. Even as I read through the slideshow, I can’t believe there are so many points that could be articulated.

I don't know the spiders from other countries, but here in Europe, the Tegenaria Domestica is very common. They can be quite big, but they are harmless. I'm quite scared of spiders, but when they appear, I know it's just temporary and that they will soon find a place to live and hide. So I just try not to disturb them and I avoid them. It can cause some me bad nights when they appear in my room before I go to bed, but I tell myself that they won't stay there and that they are as scared of me as I am of them. If it was an unknown spider, and potentially a dangerous one, I would catch it to release it outside, just to make sure.

That's a very deep experience you've had. I'm sorry I can't give good answers to your questions, as I've not been through anything similar. I've never tripped with people around, and the only time I kind of blacked out was on 5-MeO-MALT. The only downside of this trip was that I couldn't remember much of it, but nothing weird happened. Since then, I've been taking lower quantities of all psychedelics. Out of interest, as I also take this substance, may I ask what your dose and method of administration were? I also wonder how experienced you are with psychedelics and what your sensitivity to them is usually like.

@Leo Gura Thank God