Jordan

March 10, 2019 I meditated for around 45 min in the morning and finished the last 15 min in the evening. I stopped because I felt like I needed to stop for some reason. I did end up having to go drive and pick something up which I had forgotten. I got lost in thoughts and forgot to keep labeling several times. I kept having a train of thought about what beliefs are and how they are often not true but they effect your perception so much. I had a sex dream last night which has been the first that I can remember having in years. The vivid taste, emotions and images come up when I try to remember the dream similar quality but not the same amount of information/sensations as if I remember last time I was in bed with my girlfriend.

March 9, 2019 I meditated for an hour this morning. I remembered to set my intention of being more disciplined and it seemed to help. I cracked my neck once and opened my eyes briefly during the last min. I think I forgot to mention I have been doing mindfulness meditation eyes closed. I was more focused today than yesterday. I seem to be aware of more things going on and have a sense that my experience is constantly changing and a single moment is much more complicated than words or memories can communicate very accurately. It makes me want to meditate more so I can tune into the present experience more fully. I had a dream last night where I saw my boss from a year ago at a place similar to subway and he asked me if I wanted to come back to work and I think I avoided answering or said I was somewhat interested. He had a new tattoo on his face with 3 words but i didn't read the words. One was on his forehead one between his nose and mouth and one below his mouth. I think there was more to the dream but I forget it now.

March 8, 2019 I did an hour of mindfulness meditation with labeling today. I got lost in thought a bit more than the previous days, I itched a few itches probably after 45 min mark. I looked at the time with around 7 min left. I also stopped labeling a few times to try to feel into some sensations but I think I should stick to labeling every breath to help me stay on task. I did not feel as strong emotions as the first time but I still ended up moving a few times and checking the clock for some reason. I'll set an intention to be more disciplined in my practice tomorrow right before I start meditating. I had a dream last night that I almost forgot in the morning but then I thought about it when I was in the shower so I remember it now. In the dream I was working in a grocery store in part stocking the shelves and organizing stuff. I also went for a run by the elementary school I went to and saw kids swinging on swings that went about 3 times as high as normal. I was also almost run over by a vehicle that was similar to a golf cart before seeing swings. The dream wasn't as vivid as the night before.

March 7, 2019 I meditated for an hour this morning. It was a pretty calm session. The insides of my legs were sore and tight from exercising so I sat in a little bit different position and my leg hurt a lot less in this position so that was nice. I had more inner talking than the last 2 days but not too much. My mind seemed to want to jump from one sensation to the next at a faster rate than the last 2 days. I had a vivid dream last night about my girlfriend and her kids going to my friend's cabin for Canada day. I woke up a few times and I knew I was dreaming or questioned whether I was dreaming a few of my dreams. In one I could tell I was in a dream so I kissed some random girl. In another I thought I was in a dream and I stared and this guy sitting at a table for a while and his face turned into my dad's face. I kept staring and he turned back. It has something to do with a card game they were playing. I have been having dreams in the last few weeks but forgetting them soon after I wake up.

March 6, 2019 I sat for an hour this morning doing the mindfulness with labeling technique. The time went by really quickly. I was surprised when the alarm went off that it had been an hour already. The way I have been doing the technique is I focus on and savor the most obvious sensation for 2 breaths and say the label in my head at the beginning of every breath. If it is still there and there is nothing else that draws my attention I focus on it for another 2 breaths. If I notice something else as I am in the middle, I focus on it at the same time with about 20% attention on the new thing and switch to it after the 2 breaths are done. I did not feel as much intensity of pain and emotion as yesterday so it was a nice break. My left leg felt a fair amount of pain going down it which has been common for me. I really think I need to massage it and my whole body more since I have really tight muscles throughout my legs and whole body. I felt an emotional sensation by my solar plexus that I didn't get yesterday. It happened when I thought something negative about myself or something I should do that I know I shouldn't then felt that it wasn't true. I forget what the thought was. I think the emotion was pride or anger or something. Internal talk was uncommon other than that labels.

March 5, 2019 I sat for 1 hour doing Mindfulness meditation with labeling as described from Leo's video "Mindfulness Meditation - A Complete Guide With Techniques & Examples" and the notes I made from it above. I used the label feel for outer feel, emotion for inner feel, see for outer see, image for inner see even if it is changing like a movie, hear for outer hear and talk for inner hear. I also use gone if something changes a lot or vanishes. This meditation was the most intense one I have had since starting meditating every day. I felt emotions by my heart and about an inch or 2 above my belly button that got very intense at times. They felt like shame, panic, disappointment, shyness, confusion, sadness, loss, fear, determination and the feeling like when you make fun of yourself in a joking way. I ate some spicy food yesterday and I felt pain from sitting right on my butt hole which rose in a huge wave of pain at times and was accompanied by a racing heart and emotions like panic and shame. There was a lot less inner talk this time than when doing "Do Nothing." Especially the last 15 min felt like I might not be able to take the intense sensations any longer but I just reasoned to myself that it is more beneficial and make the most gains when successfully practicing mindfulness with strong sensations. It was really uncomfortable and I am glad it is over but I look forward to doing it again tomorrow

Feb25 - March 4 2019 I have been sticking with the do nothing technique for an hour every day. I think tomorrow I will try Mindfulness with labeling instead. Mindfulness is experiencing reality exactly as it is. The practice is used to develop: 1. Focus on sensations. 2. Sensory clarity - How clear are you about the raw data you are receiving. 3. Equanimity - Ability to experience a sensation and not react to it in an emotional way. The instructions are: 1. Note that you have noticed something. (Whatever draws your attention the most.) 2. Label it as inner feeling, outer feeling, inner hearing, outer hearing, inner seeing, outer seeing. 3. Savor that sensation for about 5-7 seconds. The first 3 steps should take about 10 seconds. 4. repeat until the time is up

February 14 - 24 Wow I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted anything. I have been sticking to an hour of meditation per day. The last 3 days I sat without moving for the full hour. I have been keeping up the same method of relaxing for 2 min, focusing on the sensation of both my hands for 5-10 min then doing the do nothing technique. Sometimes I realize I have been caught in a day dream then I remind myself to relax, surrender control of my thoughts and appreciate the time I am sitting. Today I tried to sit as long as I could and set the timer for 3 hours and lasted 1 hour 23 min. I stopped mostly because I had pain going from beside my tail bone down to the side of my knee and it kept getting worse. I might need to massage and stretch the muscles around my tail bone and leg. I haven't missed a day yet so I am pretty happy I have been able to keep to at least 1 hour meditation per day since Jan 1st. 31+ 24=55 days so far. I am considering trying the mindfulness with labeling technique but I have enjoyed do nothing so I think I will stick with it a while longer.

February 12, 2019 I meditated in the evening. My neck was really sore after 7 min so i stopped and massaged my neck for 30 min with a massage ball. I started meditating again and my neck was much better after. I opened my eyes and moved around a bit after about 45 min. The last bit of meditation, it was difficult to sit still. February 13, 2019 I meditated for an hour this morning. I was able to concentrate much better and was much more comfortable sitting than the last few days. I have found my best meditations sessions in the morning after I eat food and drink some coffee. Relaxing for the first 2 min went as usual, when concentrating on my hands I was able to focus well. I told myself that it was the most important thing I had to do and I needed to put focusing on my hands as my top priority over anything else. After 10-15 min of focusing on my hands I just let my mind relax and there were less thoughts coming up than normal. I was able to feel into my body and notice really quickly when thoughts come up and I am being pulled into a daydream illusion. Noticing my thought stories weren't real broke the illusion and made it seem unimportant.

I didn't do my meditation for today yet but I don't have a free hour time this morning and I thought I would right about my previous days before I forget them. February 9, 2019 I meditated for an hour mid day but i stopped with 4 min left to crack my neck because it was getting really sore and uncomfortable. February 10, 2019 I meditated at night for 45 min then cracked my neck and back because I was getting a headache and I could tell it was coming from pain in my neck. I sat down after a short break to finish the hour. I was thinking a lot about the stock market since I have been making some risky plays which have luckily paid off really well. My portfolio went up around 26% in 2 weeks buying and selling FNGU and FNGD. It really has made it harder to concentrate when I am risking my money. February 11, 2019 I meditated late at night right before bed. Today my body felt very hot and uncomfortable after about 30 min of meditating. I had to crack my neck, back and wrists after 35 min. I got up at the 45 min mark to get a glass of water then finished up the hour. It was a really uncomfortable sit. I felt kind of frustrated and agitated and didn't want to sit still. I had to keep swallowing many times and my throat was a little sore.

February 7, 2019 I meditated for 45 min in the morning and 15 min in the evening. I don't remember that much of it. I stopped the first time because I felt emotionally uncomfortable and felt like taking a break. February 8, 2019 I meditated for an hour today. I started meditating more deeply when I told myself to just surrender control. My muscles relaxed and I felt like I was floating in warm water. I just sat there without expectations and without trying to do anything. It was a nice feeling. I was able to relax much more than when I just focused on feeling the tension in my body and trying to relax using my concentration and willpower.

February 6, 2019 I meditated for an hour in the morning. I felt quite good. I was able to enjoy myself just experiencing my feeling senses. I was a little unhappy when I knew it would be over soon near the end because I wanted to keep sitting there enjoying myself. I started to listen to The art of Meditation by Alan Watts audio on Youtube. I am 20 min into it. Leo shares a lot of the same ideas but I am understanding the information better from this audio. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TjCZRutOKY

February 5, 2019 I meditated for an hour in the morning. I watched Leo's video yesterday about what God is and was thinking about it during the meditation. I felt some strange emotions wondering if the stuff he said is true and if I understand what he is meaning. It sort of makes sense that there is no such thing as just a body by itself without the whole universe around it. There is nothing that is separate from the universe. It is all 1 thing. Difference and separation between things are just a concepts used to understand and predict outcomes but not actually a real experience. What reality is, is just the single ongoing present experience. Objective physical reality is just a concept that is part of your perceptions instead of your perceptions coming about because of an objective reality. I am not sure if it changes anything either way but it is a really different perspective to see things from and makes me think I might have been looking at reality backwards.

February 2, 2019 I meditated in the evening for an hour without moving. It went similar to the previous days February 3, 2019 This was a Sunday. I meditated for an hour 15 min in the morning then 1 hour in the evening. I think from now on I will meditate for 3 hours on Sundays and do it in 1-3 sessions. Forcing myself to do sits longer than an hour seems to make the hour sits much easier and more enjoyable. February 4, 2019 I meditated 1 hour mid day. This was the first time in a while I had trouble doing 1 hour at a time. I felt agitated and annoyed at myself for not getting any work done on the weekend or so far this morning. I was able to remain seated which I think comes from knowing I have done it so many times before. I guess I'll have to get some work done today so I am not feeling so bad about it tomorrow.

February 1, 2019 I meditated for an hour without moving today. I got lost in thought a few times but I could focus better today than yesterday. The time seemed to go by really quickly. I am not going to keep track on the unmoving count since this is 8 in a row and it hasn't been difficult for me lately.

January 31, 2019 I meditated for an hour without moving this evening. I was comfortable the whole time but kept getting lost in thought and when I was aware that I was sitting down meditating I would get lost in thought 15 seconds later. It felt difficult to feel into my body like I was a little numb. I completed the first month 1hr+ per day without missing a single day. It is much easier physically and mentally for me to be able to sit for an hour. I found a sitting position that is comfortable for me, my back is stronger and my knees are more flexible. I think this is good improvement. I hope I can increase my ability to focus a lot more in the coming months. Unmoving count: 15

January 30, 2019 I sat for an hour without moving. That makes 6 in a row without moving I think :D. I felt fine today meditating not feeling many strong emotions. One time I felt angry but realized I was just angry at a thought about something that happened a long time ago and didn't matter anymore and it went away almost instantly. By the end my knees and back were a little sore but I could have kept going much longer. I did about 2 min of relaxing my muscles on the exhale, 10 min focusing on my hands, 10 min trying to focus on my thoughts as they come up then the rest of the time I did the do nothing technique. I got a song stuck in my head that was annoying for a while then I decided I didn't want to listen to it anymore and I stopped it by imagining that it was being squished into nothing and disappeared. I knew I wasn't supposed to control my thoughts but I did anyways for that. Unmoving count: 14

January 29, 2019 I sat for an hour without moving this morning. It wasn't difficult today. My knees felt fine. I could straighten them pretty quickly afterwards. I didn't feel many strong emotions. I got lost in thought a few times but most of the time i was just sitting there feeling my body, thinking about how to do the do nothing technique and describing to myself how the meditation is going. Near the end I tried focusing my attention on my thoughts but as they started to come up they got cut off when i focused on them. I would only get half of a word then the thought would disappear. I could just feel myself alert waiting for any image or thought to come up then try to hear or see it as clearly as possible but it would only be half a word or a flash of an image then be gone. That was kind of interesting to me. I will try that next time I meditate and see what happens. Unmoving Count: 13

January 28, 2019 I did another hour sit without moving. I felt really good today. during some points I felt frustrated and that I should do some work and clean my place but I didn't take the thoughts or emotions seriously. My knees felt better today than yesterday. Unmoving Count: 12

January 27, 2019 Today is Sunday so I decided to see how long I could sit. I set my timer for 3hr this time. I ended up sitting for 1 hr 35 min 20 sec which is a new record for me. I wasn't extremely uncomfortable when I stopped but I was a little concerned about my knees and one of me feet being really sore. It took a couple min to just straighten my legs and lie down. My knees and foot felt fine after an hour or so. I am pretty sure I would have been fine physically if I kept going for the full 3 hours but I am not sure. I think I will set my timer for 2hr next time and slowly work my way up so I don't have to worry about getting injured. I did about 2 min of relaxing my muscles, 10 min focusing on both my hands and the rest of the time I was doing the do nothing technique. I seem to be getting better at accepting things and catching myself when I am trying to manipulate my thoughts or emotions. Unmoving Count: 11

January 25, 2019 I meditated the full hour without moving. I started falling asleep and jolted awake maybe 5 times but I kept sitting and didn't use it as an excuse to stop which I was happy about. January 26, 2019 I meditated an hour without moving the 2nd day in a row. I felt pain in my back most of the time which I haven't had recently. It might be because I exercised today and did some pull ups. I have still been doing the technique where I relax my muscles for 2 min, i focused on my heart today for 10 min then did the do nothing technique for the rest of the time. Focusing on my heart made me feel pain in my heart after about 5 min. The same thing happened before a few times when i focused on the point between my eyebrows I got a headache which felt like it was getting exponentially worse as time went on until I stopped focusing there and it went away after a few min. I will focus on something else to keep any issues coming up from my head or heart. I am not sure what is going on with that. Unmoving Count: 10

January 24, 2019 I meditated 52 min then after a short break stared at my right hand for 8 min. I didn't sleep well last night. I fell asleep at 2am and woke up at around 8am, meditated starting at 9am. I did not feel too tired during meditation today. I think it is because I set my intention on not allowing myself to take a nap or stop because of being tired.

January 23, 2019 I meditated for 45 min starting at 12pm then felt so tired I felt like I couldn't go on and then took a nap. I did another 15 min later on trying keeping my eyes open to see if I will be less tired. I found it really hard not to move my eyes around. My eyes felt sore keeping them in one spot. I'll still use the same eye closed technique tomorrow and try my best even if I am tired.

January 21, 2019 I meditated 1 hour. I meditated around 45 min in the morning then 15 min later on in the day. I am not sure why I stopped. I couldn't stop myself from getting up and stopping my meditation. January 22, 2019 I sat for 1 hour in the morning without moving. I felt pretty good for the first part and I was uncomfortable for the last 10 min. My legs felt pain going down them but there were no pins and needles. I was sitting further up on my butt which was less painful than Sunday's 1 hr 12 min sit 2 days ago. Unmoving Count: 8

January 17, 18 and 19, 2019 I meditated 1 hour per day. I wasn't able to get up early enough to meditate int he morning and meditated at around 4 or 6pm sometimes taking 1 break in the middle. I didn't end up doing the Wim Hof breathing method like I had planned to. I think it was because I didn't sleep well and would rather sleep in than do that. January 20, 2019 I watched 3 of Leo's video on the do nothing technique, strong determination sitting and concentration vs meditation videos. This is the new meditation Technique I have been using after watching those: 1: I sit with my left leg in font of my right leg both lying flat on my bed. I still sit on a cushion that is on a pillow that is on my bed. 2: I spend 2 min breathing in a little deeper than normal then relaxing my diaphragm to let the air out and at the same time relaxing my whole body except the back muscles I need to remain seated straight up. I focus on relaxing my jaw, face, shoulders, chest, arms, hands, legs, belly, butt, feet. 3: Then i concentrate as hard as I can on a sensation of a point I feel like focusing on somewhere my 2 hands are touching for about 10 min. 4. Then I spend the rest of the time accepting everything that comes up and lightly focusing on my body position so that I do not move. I do my best to not manipulate my mind and just manipulate my body to remain relaxed and still. Just accept and feel into any strong sensations, pain or discomfort that come up for the rest of the time. last night I went to bed at 11:30pm, I woke up at 4am and couldn't fall sleep so at around 5am I did the Wim Hof breathing method, took my cold shower, ate some food and had some coffee then did an hour of meditation. A notification distracted me (not sure why I didn't put my phone on sleep mode) and I got really tired during it and fell asleep when I was done. I wasn't happy with the meditation so after I woke up I decided to set my timer for 2hr and see how long I could sit without moving. I sat for 1 hr 12 min 30 sec without moving. This is my personal record. I think I will try every Sunday to sit for 2 hours and increase my time once I complete that a few times. During this sit I started to get waves of pain on my scrotum like the skin was being slowly sliding across sand paper. The pain would come in a wave for a few seconds then go away for 5 seconds or so over and over. I was able to feel like I completely relaxed my body while still sitting straight up and just accept the pain as it came to me as much as I could. Eventually it was too much and i stopped. After lying down that sore area felt just slightly irritated but was fine. Unmoving count: 7