Day 6, March 7, 2016
I meditated today after taking a shower and drinking some water. My mind was thinking about what reality really is and how far off memory is from actually observing it. I noticed that when I put my focus on my thoughts looking for what their content is and not accepting it as the truth my thoughts stop mid thought. After 40 min I got restless and looked at the timer. it took about 10 min to calm down again. I think my mind's ability to focus on being aware gets depleted and it is easier to get lost in thought which is why I get so restless at around the 40-45 min mark. It could also be because I know I should be pretty close to finishing.
Some insights from my self inquiry yesterday were that my memories are really far off from reality but I still believe emotionally they are true especially when I am not aware I am lost in thought. When I realize that my thoughts are not the same they lose a lot of their emotional influence. For example I looked at my fridge, looking away while still having the memory of the fridge in my mind feeling I know exactly where it is in space and what it looks like then look at the fridge realizing there are many details of it that were not part of my memory of it. Also i traced back some of my insecurities such as fear of talking to strangers and not working hard when getting work done to a belief that I am not good enough. I believe that this belief is not benefiting me as much as it limits me so I will find ways to prove to myself that I really am good enough such as finding examples of how I am and reframing the examples I have supporting it.
