Jordan

Yes, I guess I was fairly far off from a threshold dose because I did not have reality leave or know what infinity or nothing is or anything like that. I think it is a good idea to slowly increase the dose still to get more comfortable with it. I was not too afraid but fears still came up which I think will diminish after a dipped my toes in a few times.

I plugged 8mg of 5-MEO DMT today. It was an interesting experience. It was like my concepts of who I am and my life would be there then disappear for several seconds. I was just left with my visual field of my ceiling or hands and tingling through my body. I kept alternating between the 2 states. Thoughts would come up slowly like “Am I still breathing? Can I even move my body? Did I take the right amount? It would be followed with taking slow deep breaths, slowly wiggling my fingers or raising my hands to look at them and reassuring myself that I was careful and prepared. My vision was very focused I lost sense of time and worries about time came up but faded away quickly after realizing that it wasn’t important if time seemed to move slowly or not. It lasted right around an hour when I felt the need to get up and eat some food. The main insight I got was that the present moment should be a higher focus of mine over concepts like imagining what I did or will do at work. It really seemed like I am waisting my life by imagining instead of experiencing. I need to work on experiencing more which includes a more consistent meditation practice. It was a small dose. I think I will try 10-11mg next time in 2-3 weeks when i find a good time to do it.

I am not sure how accurate the scoops are so I got a scale as well to double check. I took Friday Oct 22 off work for my first trip. I plan to meditate an hour before, experience whatever happens then journal about it and spend a few hours meditating and contemplating what I want to do with my life over the next few years.

@Alex_R ok spoiling the movie is not so bad to me. I always seem to need to make mistakes to understand why what I am doing is not ideal. Doing things in the “proper order” is not really my style. I have quit my job as an electrical technologist and get into construction work and also quit working for a couple years just selling some things on amazon. I traveled alone to costa rica, nigaragua, panama without ever traveling alone before and just letting my family know as I was leaving, I just do what I think is best and learn as much as I can from my experience. I appreciate your comment. Ahh maybe that is true. I have this belief in my head that is is cruel that other people don’t get to have sex around 2x a week like I usually have for the last 10 years but maybe less can be more. I’ll keep that in the back of my mind.

@Alex_R You saying that makes me more curious to try it. What benefits do you expect from taking LSD a few times first? Do you think it will make my experience with 5-MEO DMT less jarring? Do you have links that you think I should look at first?

Ahh I forgot I agreed that I will start going to brunch at my friend's house every Sunday. Maybe I can take a vacation day from work on Friday and do it then.

Everything I ordered arrived. I have: -100mg of 5-MEO DMT freebase -some 1mL needless syringes -a mg scale reading to 0.001g -micro scoops -one of those bulb things for an enema -vinegar I was excited to get everything and was considering tripping early tomorrow but I have a busy day tomorrow so I will wait until another day. Monday - Friday I work from 3pm to 11pm so it is possible to trip early in the morning during the week. Saturdays I play Age of empires 3 with my uncle and brother at 9am and am free the rest of the day usually. Sunday I drive my girlfriend's kids around to different things starting at around 1pm. My girlfriend also sometimes wants to come over on a whim to have sex during the week days or get me to play a videogame on my phone with her. I never really turn her down when she wants to spend time with me and she expects me to answer her quickly if she texts. I am thinking the best time to take it would be very early Sunday maybe starting at around 5am and spend the day Saturday meditating and getting an early sleep. I am not ready to talk about 5-MEO DMT with my girlfriend or other friends yet. My friends will be pretty easy to talk to about it with but I want some experience with it first. My girlfriend is not so interested in meditation or self development and would probably deter me from experimenting with 5-MEO DMT. So the plan now is to plug 7mg Early Sunday October 17

Haha no way that is a coincidence. Thanks for the messages everyone. I really appreciate them. I will consider an enema too. I can see how that could remove some variables.

I got a $25 microgram scale to doublecheck the weight to make sure at least I am not way off for my first time. Then I can use the scoop for a more accurate relative measurement for the future

Ohh, I did not realize It is half as dense. I saw something about that in some chemistry formulas that people were explaining about turning the freebase into a salt form that kind of went over my head. I will look into that a bit more to make sure you are correct about that. Thanks!

I was not able to load pages until now. I tried a few times over the day yesterday and a couple hours ago with no luck. It seems to be working as normal for me now though.

Ok so my plan right now is to take 5-7mg of 5-MEO dmt freebase measuring it using a micro scoop, dissolving it in a few drops of vinegar, adding a few drops of water and plugging that with a 1ml needless syringe . The micro scoop is expected to arrive Friday Oct 15 so I will have to wait for that. My girlfriend expects me to be able to respond to texts quickly at any time so I plan to do this early in the morning on Sunday. I will get up at around 4am, take a shower, brush my teeth, meditate for 1 hour then plug the 5-MEO and lie down in my bed. I will have a bucket ready in case I feel nauseous and a notepad and pen for writing anything down that I want to after. My purpose for this trip is that I am curious how a higher state of consciousness compares to my normal waking consciousness. I did meditate an hour a day for 100 days before and was able to imagine things very vividly and feel into my emotions maybe 10x more clearly and intensely than normal. I will see if things continue to move in that direction and be open to whatever I experience. I plan to make a video on my experience and share it here

@FlyingLotus thanks! those links are exactly what I was hoping to find

Ahh I read through 5-6 sites before picking which one to order from. I thought I got an HCL salt version but it is freebase. I was planning on plugging it. I have never vaped anything before. I saw Leo's video on how to plug on his blog: https://www.actualized.org/insights/how-to-plug-psychedelics He mentions plugging will still work for freebase but it might sting a bit. I will read a bit more about the method and dosage but I am thinking plugging 5 mg for the first time should be fine. @Thought Art Thanks for the tips. I did plan on meditating for around an hour before. I like the idea of writing down a safety protocol and recording dosages, dates and insights

@Leo Gura Haha I hope so. Thanks for responding. I will start researching a bit more. I will give an update here with my experience. I plan to be prepared to do my first trip the weekend after next

June 3, 2019 I did 35 min then too a break and did 25 min later. June 4, 2019 I sat for an hour but I kept moving and checking the time. I felt really uncomfortable emotionally. June 5, 2019 I sat only for 30 min June 6, 2019 I say for only 15 min June 7, 2019 I sat for 0 min June 8, 2019 I sat for 3hr to catch up for the missed time. I should be 1 hr average since I started now. My first sit was 1 min 15 min. I opened my eyes after thinking about losing in a video game I play on my phone. My other sits were shorter. I labeled a lot sometimes I tried just to sit still as long as I could.

I meditated an hour every day from Jan 1, 2019 into April 2019 and then fell off track and stopped. I am going to try to start up an hour per day again and update this journal every day with how it goes. I will be starting out doing the mindfulness with labeling technique. May 29, 2019 I sat 33 min before moving because I felt sleepy and tired. I stopped and took a nap. I sat for a full hour without moving later on in the day. I started thinking and contemplating while forgetting to continue the labeling technique. I felt like I was beginning to understand the interaction between our interpretation of our perceptions and our emotions. I also realized that there is an intelligence that is constantly judging and interpreting our perceptions and putting meaning behind them. It is done subconsciously. I know it is there because I can ask myself if i think something is true or not and feel the emotional reaction based on what that intelligence believes. I guess this shows it is important to increase your awareness in order to get a better interpretation of your perceptions. It might be a good idea to go over what beliefs I have and see if they are true or need to be updated. I'll think of some beliefs I want to have and think of ways of convincing my subconscious that they are true. Some Beliefs I want to be solid in my subconscious: 1. I can do anything I put my mind to. - I will start by setting small goals to do with finishing my website every morning to complete and slowly increasing the difficulty 2. My girlfriend and her kids love me. - I will be more present with them and study the reactions they have when we spend time together 3. People will be grateful for finding my website I am making. - Put myself in the perspective of my customers and give them the truthful information and products that I think will help them. Feels good to finally sit for an hour again. It has been over a month!

June 2, 2019 I did 45 min in the morning then forgot to do the last 15 min At least I have still averaged over an hour per day after doing 1.5 hours the day before.

June 1, 2019 I set my alarm for 2 hours and i sat for 1 hr 30 min. I stopped because I heard my house creak and my eyes flickered open. I was just doing mindfulness with labeling focusing on my body, my emotions, hearing cars, my fridge, my thoughts. 90 min was a bit difficult for me. I don't think I have sat much longer than that before.

May 31, 2019 I did 40 min and then I got interrupted by my girlfriend texting me. I did the last 20 min later on. I played too many video games today.

May 30, 2019 I sat for an hour from 9:30pm to 10:30pm. I labeled more than yesterday but still forgot to label for a lot of the time. I had a good amount of energy and didn't nod off. I felt into my emotions a lot of the time. I didn't have any strong emotional impulses to move like I sometimes get. It was pretty relaxed. I noticed today I was a lot more aware of the present moment when going about my day. Spending time in bed with my girlfriend was better than usual. I have found having a better time intimately with my girlfriend typically happens when I am meditating regularly and it seems to get worse if I stop meditating. I have started and stopped meditating many times and this is the most obvious change every time. Completed 2 days in a row meditating. I hope last longer than last time. I did around 100 days in a row 1 hour per day before missing a day. I'll do by best just to not miss a day ever. I'll see how it goes.

April 19, 2019 I meditated for 1 hour starting at around 12pm. I did the mindfulness with labeling technique. I spent a lot of time thinking about how to do the technique instead of actually doing the technique. I'll do my best to focus a bit better tomorrow.

This year I plan to meditate every day for 1 hour. I have been meditating off and on for around 5 years but have never done it consistently for more than about a month. I will update the journal at least once a week and probably more when starting out. I want to write this journal to help me stay on track. Today is January 2, 2019. Yesterday and today I sat for 1 hour in the morning from around 7am-8am. The method I used was: 1. I sit on a meditation cushion that is on top of a pillow that is on my bed, I sit cross legged in a way that I try to keep my legs from falling asleep. I put covers and a pillow on my lap so i can rest my arms. 2. For the first 5-10 min I take a deep breaths focusing on relaxing my jaw as a breath out, then I add in relaxing my shoulders, arms hands stomach legs and feet. I do my best to sit up straight without bending to one side. 3. When I am ready to move on I feel into my heart and stomach to see if I am feeling any emotions there and just watch what sensations come up. When i notice I am distracted by thinking I think to myself "thoughts are imagination, this is real" referring to the sensations that I am feeling in that moment and go back to feeling slowly through my body and focusing on any sensations that stand out. Sometimes I will switch to focusing on sounds or temperatures, pressures, pains , my heartbeat, my breath, my current body position or everything at once. Usually after 30-45 min I feel very uncomfortable and sometimes have to stand up or lie down in bed but I quickly sit back up and begin again. As I continue meditating consistently for a month or so I expect to be able to sit through the full hour the majority of the time even if it is unpleasant at the 45 min mark. I am looking forward to having this become a habit for me. The benefits I have found in the past doing meditation include: -becoming less stressed -feeling more positive emotions -enjoying everything I do more such as going for a walk, driving my car, working and spending time with my girlfriend. I hope to continue this list as I continue meditating consistently. -Jordan-

April 13-15 These days I still meditated right before bed and the sessions were not good since I was so tired April 16-17 I didn't meditated these 2 days. There were the first 2 days I haven't meditated at all since starting on January 1st. I didn't want to meditate at night and decided I would meditate in the morning the next day. On the 17th I got busy and focused on my website again and I didn't get around to meditating. April 18 Today I got back on track meditating for an hour doing the strong determination sitting technique from 1-2pm. It was really easy not to move this time compared to doing it before bed. I did have lots of thoughts come up but I didn't try to stop them. I started thinking about the answer to the question "what am I?" and trying to experience the answer to that. I was thinking about how you think you are making thoughts come up but in reality they show up out of nowhere, triggered by previous thoughts and sensations and are observed by you but not created by you at all. I will hopefully not miss any more days. I'll try waking up early and doing my meditation in the morning from now on.

April 6 - 11 2019 I have been slacking off in my meditation. I have been doing meditation late at night before bed because I have been working hard on a website I am making. The website is tendonitissolution.com. I have been working on it for the last 3 weeks and haven't wanted to stop to meditate during the day. I am pretty close to finishing it so I will get back on track with meditating mid day which usually goes much better. I haven't been able to sit without moving these days I was too tired and couldn't manage it. I often would lie down after a while or the whole time. I plan on sitting from now on and not starting my meditation at 12 or 1am April 12, 2019 I meditated at around 6pm for an hour. I sat the whole time but I was interrupted by 2 phone calls. I kind of wanted to take those calls and don't regret it. After the calls I couldn't sit still for very long and would open my eyes and scratch itches without being able to help it. Tomorrow I will try to find a good time to meditate with my phone on airplane mode and maybe I will try strong determination sitting instead of the mindfulness with labeling I have been doing. @Zigzag Idiot I think your paraphrasing is altering the meaning but I like hearing your understanding of this topic. I was saying that there are no physical things. It is like when Leo made the episode about brains not existing. If you consider that the present moment is all that there is, there only exists 2 things which are 1: appearances 2: the understanding of those appearances. The understanding doesn't come from a physical brain because a brain isn't on the list of 2 things that exists. For example if there exists an understanding that you can look down and see "your body." The truth is that you are not seeing a real body, that is just an appearance and your mind is wrongfully labeling that appearance as a body that was born and requires food to live etc. This is not true. It is just an appearance similar to other appearances you have in your memory that you call a body. It would be more accurate to say you can have the experience of looking down and seeing shapes and colors that resemble a body. I am not sure how useful it is looking at reality this way though. I think it is mostly important to focus on being more present to these appearances and removing the believe that your labels and concepts are real. That way you can more easily distinguish what is real and what is concept. I hope that kind of makes sense