Jordan

Hello, I wanted to share some insights on emotions that I have had over the past year. The video that I am referring to in the title is: This video is not fully the reason for years of chronic pain. Possibly it would have happened anyways but I believe it did contribute to it. Luckily I am basically free of chronic pain now so all's well that ends well I guess I believe Leo didn't know the dangers of this technique and I have gotten 100x more benefit from his videos overall than negative effects including the years of chronic pain. This video basically explains that anger can be controlled through wholistic understanding. It explains about how you carve out your own partition that needs to be defended. People refuse to go out of their limited point of view to see other perspectives. Leo talks about moralizing and should statements and recommending acceptance instead. Anger can be loved to death by going meta and seeing how anger works and that being angry at little things can be understood and handled by seeing that the person or situation making you angry did it out of ignorance or that in the big picture, things are exactly how they need to be. I started using this technique back near when the video came out 9 years ago, seeing things from different perspective and accepting things as they are. It worked great. Lets say I go to the store and I go on the escalator, I want to walk up it but there are a bunch of people standing on it so I get a bit angry that I have to stand and wait. Then I would go meta and see from a more wholistic perspective and see it is not worth getting angry over something like this because in a few seconds I will reach the top of the escalator. The other people probably enjoy standing and riding the escalator so it is fine if they want to do that, I can accept this as it is. Then the anger goes away and I feel content and go on with my day. This all happens within a couple seconds and overall I am mostly feeling at peace. Doing this whenever anger or stress comes up, I was able to live many years feeling quite peaceful and felt emotionally quite good most of the time. After several years of this I started getting wrist pain. Nothing seemed to fix it until I figured out massaging my back with a massage ball seemed to relax my back muscles and stop the pain in my wrists. It took over a year of trying different things before I got over that wrist pain. Then came knee pain when jogging, Stretches and exercises didn't help. I avoided running and got by without aggravating it most of the time. A few years after that I started getting back pain. It lasted 6 months and got to a point where I was in pain the majority of the time whether lying down, standing or sitting. I went through every video I could find on getting rid of back pain spending hours per day trying different things but it kept getting worse over 6 months. One day I joined this online meditation sit and at the end it was open up to questions. I couldn't sit due to the pain and paced back and forth during the meditation. At the end we had time for questions, mentioned I was struggling with back pain and the guy leading it asked me if I ever get angry. I told him not really. He asked me if I thought I might be suppressing my anger. I basically looked back and told him yes maybe I am. He said that he was basically 90% sure this is a psychosomatic issue and recommended I read a book from an author from a guy called Dr Sarno. I looked up the book and found healing back pain: the mindbody solution I think it was called. I found it on Youtube and listened to it on 3x speed. I spent a few hours bringing up anger and feeling into it. By the next day when normally I couldn't sit for more than 5 minutes due to the pain, I sat with that meditation group for over an hour pain free. It appears that using the technique Leo shared in the video did allow me to control my anger as advertised but even though I did not feel anger anymore, it still was part of my subconscious. It created tension in my body causing chronic knee and back pain and wrist pain before that. I think this technique does work very well to control your anger and it is very useful but it is very important to know that this technique does suppress emotions that can have negative effects months or years later. Basically if you are going to use this technique I wouldn't use it to keep from getting angry but to decide how you behave while fully feel into any anger being careful not to suppress it when it comes up. It can take 45 minute or longer to feel through some anger that comes up from a small seemingly insignificant occurrence but after the torture I went though with chronic pain, feeling through that is preferable than suppressing that anger. I just wanted to share if anyone has chronic pain or knows someone with chronic pain that might have a similar thing going on. Here is the audiobook that I listened to and basically fixed my back in 1 day: So yea I have been free of chronic pain for around 9 months and really life is amazing having that contrast I feel like I have unlimited potential compared to before.

@LordFall I hope the Video helps. I have no clue if this issue is common or not but it sure did take me a long time to figure out. For me I never really felt rage that made me act in a way I would regret. I suppressed it so much I never really felt it that much so I am guessing I have done this for much longer than this video has been out so maybe this just gave me another method of doing this. I never conceived of it as suppression, from my point of view the anger is completely gone when I start thinking wholistically and it seems taken care of and I don't have any thoughts come up that indicate that I am still angry. Making that connection it makes sense but it is hard to connect something you have done for years with an issue that has come up much more recently.

Yes of course an ego itself is not god but the ego can see that it is imagined and that everything is god including it. I don't have everything figured out yet but this is how I see it. The entire experience you think of yourself as having right now is god, the sights, sounds, emotions thoughts physical sensations as they are right now are absolute truth. Even the part that believes you are just a human on the planet earth. The meaning of that belief is imagined and is not true but the belief itself as being is also god. When you see someone's face as you walk along the street, that face is as much god as the sensations in your body and the self conscious thought about making eye contact, the experience of that thought is also god. Any thinking with language is an illusion. The reason we can't see this is because we are conditioned to believe raw being is not real and what is imagined about being human on the planet earth is what is actually real when that is what is imagined. I still need to contemplate some more to iron out my understanding because beliefs end up allowing you to predict what is experienced which makes it seem like truth.

But what else are you going to do? Isn't it more interesting to imagine others instead of just being yourself all alone?

@Leo Gura Thanks, I feel like I benefitted a lot from this trip I feel very lucky. You are the best for sharing all the amazing knowledge you have shared. As a follow up since 6 days ago when I posted the opening post, I have been feeling really good. I find it easier to go meta and view things more wholistically. I feel really great about being able to feel things like sadness and emotions like this don't feel so bad anymore. Behind my forehead has felt really pleasurable and if feels amazing when I put my attention there. It seems easier than before to intersect. I want to ride this momentum and spend much more time experimenting with meditation, contemplation and intersection. Instead of keeping a written journal which I have tried before but never really had any desire of reading it, I would like to try making daily video journals so I can listen back on them on maybe 2 or 3x speed and use that as feedback as I do my best to live a good life.

As I am writing this, I plugged around 25mg of 5MEO DMT 1hr 22 min ago. I wanted to take some time to write down some things that I noticed and share with anyone that is interested. There is a lot of avoidance of looking at things wrong with my health and taking it seriously. My heart does a double beat very often, my feet hurt after 5 min of wearing steel toed boots which is a requirement at work but I don't wear them and people are turning a blind eye to it. My sleep is not great, I haven't been giving myself time to feel into my emotions and destress. I really need to take 2 hours a day feeling into my emotions to destress and get my heart working properly. I need to exercise more too. Both those should help sleep. I can probably fix my feet by massaging them every day and doing exercises for the foot muscles. I noticed that I really have a strong desire to help people. I noticed Leo has that desire too. I noticed people I spent time with recently really desired to have someone take an interest in them and be curious about them. I noticed there are many things my girlfriend brought up but I avoided communicating about and getting into. I noticed I have a lot of curiosity about things but am afraid to ask people questions to find out. I really should find ways to help out more at work, ask more questions and express my curiosity there. What is important seems to be to find a way to help other people as much as possible. Time and energy I spend on things that feel good but that aren't helping anyone seems like a trap I would like to avoid. To anyone reading this I wish you the best. I am going to feel into my emotions for 2 hours then go to bed.

I mentioned to a friend once that I noticed that there was no me here while on 5MEO-DMT and described other things about how it was which I don't really understand in the same way in my normal waking consciousness so it isn't surprising that that friend of mine wouldn't be able to make sense of it. He basically went silent and it seemed like his mind was rebooting for a while. If you don't intersect all that much have no idea what a paradigm is or practice going meta, it sounds crazy and likely many friends or parents would think you should stop taking these "drugs" if you told them because it seems you are harming your mind. Since people aren't going to understand without hours of explanation and practice, I usually don't bother talking about those things and introduce more introductory topics to see if they are interested like states of consciousness and meditation, open mindedness, insight, which they might have some reference point for.

Of course you can't just say one word to explain those things if people don't know anything about those topics. You can explain what is involved with those things and experiences you have with them and why you find them interesting and why they sound lame but have more to them than you might think. Metaphors help.

@Yimpa Thanks, I saw your message from my phone before bed but I am not logged in there. It was nice to hear. I found it hard to just feel into my emotions. I think I need to purposely bring up emotions I am suppressing like anger, loneliness, anxiety, shame, guilt. I know I suppress these because I barely ever feel them haha. That might work better then just sitting there trying to feel however I feel. I can try that today while massaging my feet and getting those fixed up a bit. I worked out for 10 minutes this morning. I am really out of shape compared to when I was exercising a bit every day doing pushups pull ups lunges at home.

Ahh I keep hearing what awakening is then forgetting the answer to what it is. Thanks for explaining it to me again. I guess to associate or disassociate with something you would need to assume you are a thing which is not ultimately true. Even though there may not be a step by step process of awakening, I still am drawn towards associating with all parts of experience because it seems to be better than disassociating. I guess that duality can be seen through by going more meta to see what is going on there.

I didn't read through all the comments but I found a way to enjoy myself pretty much whenever I remember I can. Basically enjoyment is when you want things to be as they are so the trick is to find a way to desire for things to be exactly as they are. The way I do this is cultivate the desire to know how things are right now in my experience which is something I can do so I just do that and my desire is fulfilled. Also I look for evidence for the fact that things are perfect the way they are right now from god's perspective. When it comes to anxiety absolutely do not detach from it. I am a master at dissociation and could teach some tricks but that has caused me a huge amount of chronic pain that I found out early this year was linked to it so I would not recommend that. I recommend that you associate with your anxiety as much as you can. You need to accept that part of yourself and really appreciate all the good it has done for you in your life to keep you safe. Really if you can sit with that emotion for several hours and give it your full attention without turning away you will be able to process it and all that tension you are holding in your body will finally be able to relax. Anxiety will come up again depending on what is going on but you can get really good at processing that emotion through giving it your attention and continue enjoying your life.

Does dissociating from your ego have something to do with enlightenment or awakening? Isn't it fully associating with everything including your ego? I am just saying that your ego includes the selfish parts of yourself that you do deny as part of yourself. I will admit I don't know much about enlightenment. I still consider myself an intermediate noob even after watching most of Leo's videos and taking 5MEO and meditating and contemplating a decent amount.

The ego wants to survive more than anything so if you threaten it, it will get scared and make sure it is safe. It is difficult to outsmart because it is smarter than you and knows everything you know. It is you as you believe yourself to be plus all the parts of yourself you disassociate from.

These are some that stand out to me as being very impactful and I would say are some of my favorites: 1. Guided Exercise For Realizing You Are God 2. Content vs Structure - Going Meta Is A Super-power 3. What Is The Devil? - The Mechanics Of Evil 4. Understanding How Paradigms Work 5. Contemplation - The Most Important Tool For Sages 6. Mindfulness Meditation - A Complete Guide With Techniques & Examples I plan on rewatching a lot of Leo's videos maybe I will listen as I am at work.

I have taught meditation and some stuff like contemplation, insight, open mindedness, going meta, content vs structure to friends and family that seem interested but don't go into god or solipsism because it will be misunderstood and because I don't feel I understand those topics well enough anyways.

Nice, I forgot about that one, not sure if I watched it before but have listened to the guided exercise to realizing you are god video many times which is very similar to this one. What I do to meditate is feel into my negative emotions that I have been suppressing until it is processed or contemplation on whatever I want to contemplate.

week 2 day 4 Meditation I meditated for an hour and recorded myself just like yesterday. Recording myself seems to make it easier and I take it more seriously. Today my intention was to feel my emotions especially any that I have been repressing. I came up with a model in my mind with how emotions seem to work. It is similar to the game The King Is Watching. The land that the king is watching is the only land that gets any work done. If you do not put your attention on your emotions or deny that they are there then those emotions stop moving and they get stored as tension in your body. The energy that they are does not flow. If you pay attention to the feeling of those emotions they flow and express themselves and allow their energy to circulate in the body and that tension is let go of after a while as it completes it's cycle. I have suppressed a lot of anger, hatred, anxiety, arousal, shame, embarrassment, sadness and it seems when I feel into those emotions they fairly quickly circulate in my body and become energy. It is like I am eating them.

Hello, I just finished a 12 week meditation bootcamp with Contemplative CrossFit. I decided to not join the next daily meditation bootcamp but I joined their once a week discussion/meditation recording to keep in touch with people there. I plan to continue meditating solo and recording my notes here. I also will be recording the exercise I do. I will start today as week 1 day 1. 2026-04-20 Solo meditation Week 1 day 1 Sitting time 5:55am-6:45am, 50 minutes Main takeaways, The body and all experience is constantly changing, for constant change to happen, it requires in a sense the old to die to make room for the new. There is constant death and birth. The only thing not in this process in knowing itself. Knowing how things are now. I noticed some anxiety sensation in my heart. I am not sure the cause of this feeling. It may be the fact that I don’t know much which leave the possibility open that I could die or be injured sometime soon. If I hold the hypothesis that I am not a human experiencing reality but I am instead the knowing that knows through being, then it seems there is little need to take anxiety too seriously because in the end no appearance can harm me. After a while the anxiety feeling seemed to go away I felt, saw and heard reality as it was. I had a sensation to stretch and look at the time a couple minutes before my alarm went off so I did that then stopped. I feel more conscious now than yesterday. Considering that I may be just knowing through being itself, which is not equal to but not separate from conceptual understanding, seems to help increase that amount of knowing/level of consciousness. It sort of prioritizes how things are up above just how to survive in a better way. I still prioritize the survival of the body above truth but truth is still above needing to survive past a minimum need I have set for myself.

I am creating a video journal to help insights sink in. Here is day 1. It is the unedited video. I might make an edited version speeding through the silent portion of the sit. Week 2 day 3 Meditation I meditated with the intention to contemplate enjoyment and find a way to remove the separation between myself and my experience. Enjoyment for me is an emotion similar to satisfaction. Satisfaction is more when you have a desire for something your done have then finally get it and feel relief and the absence of dissatisfaction. Enjoyment is more having a desire for things to be as they are. I often enjoy myself during meditation by developing a desire to know how things are. I develop that desire by letting go of beliefs and that compels me to want to know how things are so I look and see for myself. As I do that, my desire to know how things are is fulfilled and I feel enjoyment. It seems to work very well. This can allow me to experience a lot of discomfort and still enjoy it. As for being one with reality, dropping beliefs such as you observing reality, you being the observer of what is observed, you being a living creature, that there is something other than what is being experienced now, that allows you to really take a look and see how things are without having to see them through that lense of beliefs. This brings a sensation of being the experience as it is now and the concept of there being something apart from it doesn't make sense but also the belief that there is nothing separate from it is not a belief I hold I am just open to what is now. Recording the video seems to help me remember my sit in a lot more detail compared to my other journal entries here. It also got me to sit for an hour which I think all my other sits were shorter. I took it more seriously too. Seems like there are a lot of benefits to it.

Week 2 day 2 I was really tired when I got home from work. I cooked and ate some food then went to bed from around 6pm-9:30pm, got up tried to figure out how to do my taxes since I usually get an accountant to do them but this accountant screwed me over and didn't file my business taxes since 2016 even though I paid them to do it. I am pretty sure they made mistakes in my personal taxes too. I almost finished but I needed a code from my CRA account and the website is closed from midnight to 3am every day for some reason. I should finish my taxes today. I went to bed again 1am-5:30am and didn't meditate yet today. My mind feels super slow. My body feels like it has energy but my mind feels like there is a 3 second delay. Maybe I will meditate after work after I finish my taxes. I have still just been doing finger exercises 2x per day 10 minutes each time. Maybe I can exercise after work today.

Week 1 day 7 exercise I did 1.5 hours of indoor bouldering. My lats were still very sore from last week when I finished off the climb with a set of pullups. I overdid it more than I thought still being sore a week later. I did a V4 but the rest V3s. I was hoping to do a V6 climb. Hopefully it is still there next weekend. Week 2 day 1 Meditation I didn't meditate on the weekend. I did today for 55 minutes. I set a timer for 1 hour but I had an alarm that went off at 5:30am. I was recording myself for a video but it stopped the recording when the alarm went off so I decided not to use that recording. I was meditating, contemplating enjoyment and seeing how much I could enjoy myself. I enjoyed myself a lot. I found out the way I see enjoyment is desiring things to be the way they are. It is similar to satisfaction but that is more relief from not having desires anymore. Enjoyment feels pleasurable in the heart. I also thought about the moral dilemma problem of having to press a blue or red button and you live if you press red and if less than 50% pick blue all the people the press blue die. Initially I felt blue is the obvious choice but thinking about it I could see why people would pick red. Before I thought I would pick blue but I am not sure what I would pick in that sinuation. Probably still blue but there is a chance I would pick red with my life on the line.

A list of things I could make a video on for a Can you enjoy series: Can you enjoy talking about meditation for 8 hours - Make many 1 minute videos talking about meditation, review them, figure out how to make them better then try again for 8 hours. Show one of my first videos then one after 8 hours. Can you enjoy getting from platinum to masters only using queens in SC2 Can you enjoy doing 500 pushups Can you enjoy doing 100 pullups Can you enjoy a cold shower Can you enjoy getting out of bed or getting up at 3am counting to 10,000 Can you enjoy meditating 4am-5:30am every day for a month?

Night King slayer.

I did the voiceover and posted the video last night. It was fun making the video. I see I have a lot I could improve on but I am still happy I posted something. Here it is: Week 1 day 4 exercise just 2x 10 minutes of finger exercises again. I should try to do my normal daily exercises again now that I have given my body time to recover. Week 1 day 5 meditation I was distracted a lot with thinking about the video I posted. I felt an uncomfortable emotion in my belly and tried to feel into it as much as I could. I probably sat around 30 minutes.

Week 1 day 3 workout 2x 10 minutes finger exercises Week 1 day 3 meditation part 2 I filmed the 3 hour video of me sitting staring at a wall I guess that counts as meditation. I will do the voiceover of it tonight and maybe post it if it is ready. Week 1 day 4 meditation I only sat for 12 minutes today. I was running late because I slept in because I was up filming that staring at a wall video. The meditation went well. I felt into my body and reflected on the sit I did last night staring at the wall.