manuel bon

Thank you for sharing your story

@Leo Gura @Dazgwny ok thank you Damn sounds intense but good that you're okay. I think I'm also scared cause my dad has a brain injury and I'm always paranoid when it comes to hitting the head or these kinds of things

Wow man you got this! You're doing great, love your determination

I wouldn't consider myself unlucky if I were in your situation... Listen to your body, if you can't do drugs then don't do them, you don't need to know why

In this case I would open a window and breathe fresh air. I would eat something sweet and maybe stretch/focus on my breath. How is it going? How are you feeling?

Imo it can be good to have great experiences, but personally, I get addicted to it very easily. So I try to stay away from it, cause I can't use it only as a spiritual tool.

🟤 Quote by Osho: Orgasm There are moments, a few moments, far and few between, when ego disappears because you are in such a total drunkenness. In love it sometimes happens; in orgasm it sometimes happens. In deep orgasm your history disappears, your past recedes, goes on receding, receding, and disappears. You don't have any history in orgasm, you don't have any past, you don't have any mind, you don't have any autobiography. You are utterly here now. You don't know who you are, you don't have any identity. In that moment the ego is not functioning, hence the joy of orgasm, the refreshing quality of it, the rejuvenation of it. That's why it leaves you so silent, so quiet, so relaxed, so fulfilled. But again the ego comes in, the past enters and encroaches on the present. Again history starts functioning and you stop functioning. The ego is your history, it is not a reality. And it is your enemy; the ego is the enemy. Every person comes around this corner many times in life, because life moves in a circle. Again and again we come to the same point, but because of fear we escape from it. Otherwise the ego is a falsity. In fact, to let it die should be the easiest thing and to keep it alive should be the hardest thing, but we keep it alive and we think it is easier.

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: DAY #9 and #10 (dose day and no dose) Yesterday I dosed, and it was not an extremely great day. I went to work in the morning, and I was mindful in some moments, but not a lot. I was working, and I had fun. I didn't feel much of the truffles. And after work I came home, I taught guitar, I had a lesson with a student, and after that I went straight to my bed, eating and watching Netflix. It was not great. I felt really addicted to my dopamine. I was constantly looking at my investments. I am new to investing, and I made a lot of money this week, and then at the end I lost it all. I am not in negative right now, I am not in negative, so I didn't lose money, I lost just the profit, which is still not nice at all. But it's okay. What I want to say is that I really feel that I am addicted to stimulation, to dopamine. And yesterday after picking up my girlfriend Sara at a train station in another city, we went home, we had dinner, and I had a couple of more mindful moments, but not much. Today I am really limiting my stimulation. I am not watching anything, I didn't drink any coffee or eat bad things. I have practiced really mindfully, and I am feeling good about it. The only downside is that I am doing some work from my laptop, which I feel is still stimulating my brain, and my dopamine, which I don't love, but still it's not a problem. I am not procrastinating, and I am not watching useless things. I am actually working.

🟤 Quote by Osho: The Real Robbers There is nothing to fear because we don't have anything to lose. All that can be robbed from you is not worthwhile, so why fear, why suspect, why doubt? These are the real robbers: doubt, suspicion, fear. They destroy your very possibility of celebration. So while on earth, celebrate the earth. While this moment lasts, enjoy it to the very core. Because of fear we miss many things. Because of fear we cannot love, or even if we love, it is always half-hearted, it is always so-so. It is always up to a certain extent and not beyond that. We always come to a point beyond which we are afraid, so we get stuck there. We cannot move deeply into friendship because of fear. We cannot pray deeply because of fear. Be conscious but never be cautious. The distinction is very subtle. Consciousness is not rooted in fear. Caution is rooted in fear. One is cautious so that one might never go wrong, but then one cannot go very far. The very fear will not allow you to investigate new lifestyles, new channels for your energy, new directions, new lands. You will always tread the same path again and again, shuttling backward and forward-like a freight train!

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: (no-dose, and dose day) Okay, so now I will talk about my microdosing, about the 6th and the 7th day, Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday was no dose day, and Wednesday was a dose day, and on Tuesday I was not feeling good. I was not feeling good emotionally, I didn't manage to have a mindful day, and my awareness was not so focused, which is fine, it's not a problem. And yesterday, with the dose day, thanks to the microdosing I managed to be more mindful. I had moments where I was full into the moment, and that was actually really good, but I couldn't keep a steady or light awareness, as Osho says, throughout the whole day. I am not working on myself a lot, I am doing a little stretching, and sometimes writing about gratefulness, but I am not doing great, talking about that. I am doing good, speaking of investing money, which is also part of my journey that I want to learn, but apart from this, things are not going so well.

🟤 Quote by Osho: Nonjudgment When you judge, division starts. You may be talking in deep conversation with a friend when suddenly you feel like being silent. You want to stop talking. right in the middle of the sentence. So stop right there, and don't even complete the rest of the sentence, because that will be going against nature. But then judgment comes in. You feel embarrassed about what others will think if you suddenly stop talking in the middle of a sentence. If you suddenly become silent they will not understand, so you somehow manage to complete the sentence. You pretend to show interest, and then you finally escape. That is very costly, and there is no need to do it. Just say that conversation is not coming to you now. You can ask to be excused, and be silent. For a few days perhaps it will be a little troublesome, but by and by people will begin to understand. Don't judge yourself about why you became silent; don't tell yourself that it is not good. Everything is good! In deep acceptance, everything be- comes a blessing. This is how it happened your whole being wanted to be silent. So follow it. Just become a shadow to your totality, and wherever it goes you have to follow because there is no other goal. You will begin to feel a tremendous relaxation surrounding you.

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: DAY #4 & #5 (dose and no-dose) I decided to microdose also on Sunday, so I did two dosing days in a row, and then I didn't take any dose yesterday, and also today I will not, but I will tomorrow. On Sunday was not so great, and neither did yesterday. Especially yesterday I didn't manage to keep any mindful awareness. Yesterday I managed only in the evening before going to sleep, which is still better than nothing in my opinion, but overall I could have done more during the day. On Sunday I was not feeling so good. I also got into some kind of an argument with my girlfriend, which was not too bad, but for sure it didn't make me feel good. I was not feeling great these days. I am a little bit tired of having to practice guitar daily. It's kind of stressful and hard, and I feel like I am not living my life in general. I could live more, I could live better. But, I don't know, maybe I am trying to work on it, maybe not. I am not so sure, honestly. But it's fine. Today I will try to be more mindful, and... I will try to do more stretching, and work on myself a little bit more. I have to keep up with the gratitude journal. I always think I have to do it in the evening, but actually that's just an excuse. I can do it at any time in the day. So I can just keep it up. Even only one thing is good enough. Yesterday I was obsessed with the investments. I feel like I am really back compared to other people. Compared to where people are economically, and where I would like to be. I really don't like this social system based on money. I would like to create an independent life. I would like to have enough money to not care about it. But it feels difficult. Anyways, I will try not to get addicted by investing, and I hope everything will be fine in my life in general.

🟤 Quote by Osho: Laughter Why wait for reasons to laugh? Life as it is should be reason enough to laugh. It is so absurd, it is so ridiculous. It is so beautiful, so wonderful! It is all sorts of things together. It is a great cosmic joke. Laughter is the easiest thing in the world if you allow it, but it has become hard. People laugh very rarely, and even when they laugh it is not true. People laugh as if they are obliging somebody, as if they are fulfilling a certain duty. Laughter is fun. You are not obliging anybody! You should not laugh to make somebody else happy because if you are not happy, you cannot make anybody else happy. You should simply laugh of your own accord, without waiting for reasons to laugh. If you start looking into things, you will not be able to stop laughing. Everything is simply perfect for laughter-nothing is lacking-but we won't allow it. We are very miserly: miserly about laughter, about love, about life. Once you know that miserliness can be dropped, you move into a different dimension. Laughter is the real religion. Everything else is just metaphysics.

🟤 Book "A Monk's Guide to Happiness" by Gelong Thubten summary - Chapter Six: Building the Habit To get great results, the best way is to practice meditation every day, as said previously. Starting 10 minutes a day, and then building it up is a good way. There will be moments where it's difficult to keep the practice, in moments of sadness, sickness, stress, and more. But we have to understand that when we are in these situations, we want to take a break, and meditation is precisely that. It helps you take a break, relax in the moment and feel whatever you feel, without judgment or other comments. It's also good to build a mindfulness habit. The way to start is: to choose a couple of things that you do daily, that will act as mindfulness triggers (e.g. washing your hands, taking the stairs, washing the dishes, or anything else). The next step is: to be mindful of many more moments throughout the day, every time you remember it. The last step is to become mindful of the "easy" stressful moments, and to build awareness for the harder and more stressful moments in life. It's good and healthy to learn to eat mindfully, and also wake up and go to sleep mindfully.

🟤 Quote by Osho: Gratitude Feel as grateful to existence as possible for small things, not only for great things... just for sheer breathing. We don't have any claim on existence, so whatever is given is a gift. Grow more and more in gratitude and thankfulness; let it become your very style. Be grateful to everybody. If one understands gratitude, then one is grateful for things that have been done positively. And one even feels grateful for things that could have been done but were not done. You feel grateful that somebody helped you-this is just the beginning. Then you start feeling grateful that somebody has not harmed you he could have; it was kind of him not to. Once you understand the feeling of gratitude and allow it to sink deeply within you, you will start feeling grateful for everything. And the more grateful you are, the less complaining, grumbling. Once complaining disappears, misery disappears. It exists with complaints. It is hooked with complaints and with the complaining mind. Misery is impossible with gratefulness. This is one of the most important secrets to learn.

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: DAY #3 (dose day) Yesterday was the second dozing day, and it was not really great. I woke up, I practiced, and then I had lunch, and I ate a lot. I ate a lot of food, and I started watching a series, and I kept watching for two hours, that series. It didn't make me feel good at all, because when I watch too much screen, my eyes feel weird, my head feels a little bit spaced out, and I feel almost as if I am in a movie or something. So then I decided to go for a walk. It was a two hours long walk, and I managed to meditate on a bench. And after that, I had dinner with my roommate, with my girlfriend, and it was really fun and nice. Overall, I managed to be aware and mindful throughout the day. Not a lot as the day before, but sometimes I manage to remember to be mindful, especially during the walk. While watching the movie, not at all, but in some moments of the day, yes, so that is fine. I didn't do stretching or almost any of the other goals I wrote, but that's fine. I don't understand why I keep feeling bad or falling again into this habit of watching a lot, and I cannot stop. I stopped smoking weed, but this summer I started drinking again. I don't do it a lot, but lately, I have been doing it more frequently, and I am not happy about that at all. So I feel a little bit down for that. Apart from all of this, I decided that today I will dose again, because tomorrow I have a medical screening I have to go through, and it is better not to microdose on that day. I also decided to fast for 24 hours. I have never done this before, so let's see how it goes.

I'm grateful for: going out yesterday talking to new people dad getting better not giving up practice stretching every day

Many times in my life I started keeping a gratefulness journal, but every time I stopped. This time I have a goal: to keep writing at least 3 things a day I am grateful for. It doesn't matter what, I just have to do it daily. I might write what I'm grateful for something that happened during the day, or about my life in general. It doesn't matter, as soon as I keep doing it every day.

🟠🔵⚫ Microdosing Goals Here is the list of things I want to practice, achieve, and push myself to do. Body and Mind Awareness (Mindfulness): Develop a deeper connection with my body and thoughts, staying present throughout the day. Teal Swan’s Self-Love Course: Commit to doing the course and applying the teachings daily. Restart Meditation: Rebuild my meditation practice, even starting with just 10 minutes daily, and gradually extend the sessions. Daily Stretching/Yoga: Incorporate a stretching or yoga routine to enhance physical flexibility, wellness, and mental relaxation. Journaling for Reflection: Write daily reflections about my microdosing experience, emotions, and things in general. Emotional Awareness and Expression: Reconnect with my emotions, practice self-compassion, and find ways to release or express emotions healthily. Focus and Productivity: Improve concentration and productivity in my personal and professional tasks. Gratitude Practice: Cultivate gratitude by listing things I'm thankful for each day. Improve Social Interactions: Going out more, socializing and meeting new people. Creativity Exploration: Explore new ideas, hobbies, or projects. This microdosing month is just the beginning of personal growth.

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: DAY #2 (no dose) Yesterday was the second day of the microdosing month, I didn't dose. And the day was pretty interesting. I woke up, I practiced, and I went to work. After work I came home, I had dinner, and then I went to a house party. Somebody invited me to go there, but I didn't know anyone, except for my girlfriend who came with me, and my roommate and his girlfriend. And then we went to dance in the night. I was surprised that throughout the day I could maintain a body awareness, a mental awareness that I'm trying to achieve throughout the day in general. I want to always be mindful. This is also one of the goals of the microdosing. Actually, later I will write a goal, a list of goals that I want to learn, of things that I want to learn with microdosing, or thanks to microdosing. And mindfulness is one of them for sure. And yeah, I managed to keep this awareness, I kept my mindfulness on my body, on my mind. Not 24 hours fully, not the whole day, but still it was a really good job. Today I will microdose, and I will write about it, either in the evening or tomorrow.

🟤 Quote by Osho: Retrospective Wisdom The other is never responsible. Just watch. If you become wise in the moment, there will be no problem. But everybody becomes wise when the moment is gone. Retrospective wisdom is worthless. When you have done everything and fought and nagged and bitched and then you become wise and see that there was no point in it, it is too late. It is meaningless you have already done the harm. This wisdom is just pseudo-wisdom. It gives you a feeling "as if you have understood. That is a trick of the ego. This wisdom is not going to help. When you are doing something, at that very moment, simultaneously, the awareness should arise, and you should see that what you are doing is useless. If you can see it when it is there, then you cannot do it. One can never go against one's awareness, and if one goes against it, that awareness is not awareness. Something else is being mistaken for it. So remember, the other is never responsible for anything. The problem is something boiling within you. And of course the one you love is closest. You cannot throw it on some stranger passing on the road, so the closest person becomes the place where you go on throwing and pouring your nonsense. But that has to be avoided because love is very fragile. If you do it too much, if you overdo it, love can disappear.

I didn't want to put any pressure on you, sorry for that. Even if you relapse it's not something to be disappointed about, take note of that, and keep going with your journey.

I think the best way to stop is without taking these things... but of course it's a tool that probably can help, imo tho it's better to just continue naturally

🟠30-day Microdosing Journal: DAY #1 (dose day) So, yesterday I decided to start microdosing magic truffles, which are legally available in the Netherlands. I bought the Golden Teacher truffles. I bought 15 grams, so I can take 1 gram every second day for a month. Yesterday I woke up with some negative thoughts. I was not feeling great. But then I remembered a passage of a book that I am reading, which says that I can choose to be happy. And I understood that the kind of sadness and bad feeling that I was having was not because of something that happened, but just random thoughts that were happening in my brain. I decided then to think of positive things and nice things that happened the day before, the things I am grateful for. And I spontaneously and immediately started having great feelings of happiness in my chest. It has never happened so much that I would feel so much after just changing my thoughts. I was really surprised. Before going to buy the truffles, I ate a smoothie with frozen berries. And it was good, a little bit cold. And that made me feel a little bit weird in my stomach. But that's fine. At 3 I had to start working, so before that, I went to buy the truffles. And around 2.50 I ingested the first gram of the microdose. I was working from 3 to 8 and the experience was really nice. I didn't have any strong effects, but I could feel it. The colors were the same, maybe slightly more vivid. But somehow I was enjoying them more, I was enjoying my surroundings way more. And just looking at people that usually I don't particularly like or dislike, both physically and personally, I could see something more, some kind of different spark. I was happy the whole time I was working. And yesterday was not a really laborious day. And everybody had a positive energy, so that really helped me keep my positive energy. After this, after work, then I went to do some groceries with my girlfriend. And after when we came home we discussed pharmaceutical companies. And we were not agreeing on the topic. And it was really not nice, the conversation. I lost the kind of mindfulness that I was keeping more or less through the whole day. And after this discussion, I didn't manage to get back this awareness and mindfulness. Overall it was a good day.

🟤 Book "A Monk's Guide to Happiness" by Gelong Thubten summary - Chapter Five: Getting started Position: Meditation should be done sitting with a straight back, the specific position doesn't matter, as soon as the spine is straight. Eyes open or closed: In general, people meditate with closed eyes, but to some extent, it's better to do it with open eyes: like this, you don't get as sleepy, and you don't associate meditation with a dark image. With open eyes, you get used to meditate seeing something around you, this means that you're training your awareness and you can more easily learn to be more mindful in day-to-day life. Timing and frequency: you can start with a 10-minute alarm (with a gentle sound), and slowly build it up to 30 minutes. Once or twice a day is fine, when you get more experienced you can do it multiple times per day. Method: Observe your body, focus on the touch - the contact with the seat, floor, clothes, etc. Body Scan: from toes to head, and then back to the toes - focus on each small part of the body, slowly moving upwards/downwards like a scanner. Try to meditate without judging and labeling thoughts, feelings, etc. Don't question whether you're meditating or not, just observe what you are feeling.