UpperMaster

This mushroom trip kinda destabilized me. I am getting back, but I remember especially the first few days, I was just super fucked. I just kept wondering why I was a separate self, and everything seemed like a burden. I felt somewhat trapped. Now its better, but I still feel it.

I don't know why I am not enjoying life that much. I have everything I need to be happy I guess, except maybe a girl. I am not fulfilled, it's scary. I feel empty, unsatisfied sad.

maybe also journal about when you humble brag. I subconsciously do it a lot. Idk just ideas.

be around funny people. Absorb their sense of humor. Try making jokes. Fail 1000 times. And then you'll catch yourself spontaneously cracking a funny joke and it'll be worth it. By no means am I master funny, but I've improved my sense of humor significantly. All because I kept trying, make so many jokes that weren't funny and learned from people much better than me. Enjoy it too.

I absolutely flunked my macro midterm. Out of 10 points I got a two. I went to the teachers office to review my test, I was almost sure that the teacher made some mistake. I studied really hard, and on top of that I even got the midterm from last year. A lot of questions from last years midterm came on this one. When reviewing my test I saw all the retarded mistakes I made. I low-key deserved the grade. I remember asking the teacher what more I should do to study. He was like "actually use the workbook and the textbook". He said it in such a way where it was implied that I was irresponsible and didn't bother studying. I felt offended because I did study. I went to the library. Embarrassed as fuck. I opened my mail and I saw this (attached). The attachment below is an email I got from Alex Hormozi, discussing the theory of constraints. As is written in the email, every business has ONE constraint. Addressing the constraint leads to growth. Addressing anything else that isn't the constraint doesn't lead to growth. I already knew about the theory of constraints, but, after reading this mail, I thought about how it applied to improving any facet of life, not just your business. I thought about when it has technically applied in my life, and to what extent is it valid. Examples of when the theory of constraints worked in my life: 1. Sleep: When I had poor sleep (>3 hours a day), it was the one and only major constraint in life. Attempting to do or succeed at any activity was pointless. Eating healthy was more or less pointless in improving my day to day. It's only when I started sleeping better, that I started living better. I started making progress in the gym, and started focusing better. 2. Meditation: I had huge focus issues. fixing my sleep helped me a bit of course, it's much easier to do anything when you aren't sleep deprived. That said I still had major focus issues and ADHD symptoms. Using focusing techniques like Pomodoro, mental tactics, motivational self talk only worked to an extremely limited extent. I realized that my bottleneck might be physiological, and so I tried addressing it through meditation. It worked, now I can focus much better. Limitation of this theory: I don't think this theory accurately represents reality all the time, but is nonetheless an incredibly useful tool. For example, when I had poor sleep, my body was practically shutting down. But eating purley unhealthy food probably would be worse that if I ate only healthy. Another example, besides meditation I was also attending counseling which probably improved my day to day mental state and ability to focus. Point is, in reality there are many factors that produce a problem, however addressing the biggest one at any given time is probably the best way to go. Knowing now the power of constraints, I tried to find what my current major constraint is in regards to achieving my academic goals. I already knew the answer, but went ahead and asked Chatgpt to figure it out for me. Chatgpt also agreed with my diagnosis. It said: Your constraint is the rate at which you can effectively process and complete schoolwork. Everything else (time management issues, stress, unfinished tasks) is a symptom of this core bottleneck. I think it was spot on. Speed is my bottleneck. Chatgpt is great because it gave me an actionable plan, which I turned into a notion template. Notion template: 🎯 Daily Focus Board ☀️ Morning: Daily Priority Filter (5 mins) ❓ Question: What’s the ONE school task that, if done today, makes the biggest difference? ✅ Top 3 Tasks (Max): 1. 2. 3. ⏱️ Deep Work: 50/10 Sprints Instructions: • Work 50 mins → Break 10 mins • No multitasking, no perfectionism. • Set a timer and stick to it! Sprint Tracker: Sprint 1 Sprint 2 Sprint 3 Sprint 4 🧠 Smart Focus: Speed > Coverage ❓ Questions to Ask Before Studying: What’s most likely to be tested? What topic makes everything else easier? Where am I losing the most points? 🎯 Today's Focus Areas: 1. 2. 3. 🌙 Evening: End-of-Day Debrief (3 mins) ❓ Questions: What slowed me down today? How can I move faster tomorrow? 📝 Reflection Notes:

Okay so there has been many significant events in my life which I will go over. 1. Progression with Student Company 2. Mushroom Trip 3. Post trip weirdness --------------------------------- I realize I don't want to divulge too much into how the company is progressing as the details are too personal. But, the main take away is that I had to sell or present our student company (that has no service portfolio, nor does it even have a name) to a bunch of people in hopes of getting new members. 11 people showed interest in joining. This somewhat reinforces me as a salesmen, I couldn't believe my eyes. Secondly in terms of Student company, I will also contact other student organizations and ask for advice. This should really help us orient. --------------------------------- Shroom Trip Report – 3g Psilocybin Mushrooms Setting: Started at a bird reserve (warm, fresh day, good mood), then shifted to a more comfortable park under conifer trees. Onset: - Felt strong body energy (like Chi) centered in the chest and stomach. - Early emotional memories of deep love for mother and grandmother surfaced. Peak Experience: I began to remember my childhood self — not just memories, but the feeling of being me as a very small child. I realized that who I think I am today — 20 years old, into self-development and philosophy — is just a story. It's a recent narrative, constructed over time. Before that, I was someone else. Before that, someone else again. Back then, there was no "I" as I know it today. The "I" that I know today came later, the identity was crafted later. I took this process deeper — further back — before birth: Who was I before I was born? Where was I? At some point, it became obvious that I had always been there. Not "me" as a personality, but a deep, formless "I" that simply is. I couldn't define it. I couldn't put a form to it. Even calling it "source" felt wrong, it was just being, pure, formless existence. In that place, everything was perfect. I felt love, I think it was existential love, a bright, light, full feeling without any form attached to it. It was a knowing that everything is great, that there was nothing to fear. Fear, survival, separation, none of that existed there. Only being. Then, slowly, I opened my eyes. Reality — or the "physical" world — started pulling me back. During the trip, the physical world wasn’t even the main plot. Whether or not it existed didn’t matter. The main thing was my experience of life itself — and that was something I knew all along As I came back, I felt a heavy sadness. "Oh fuck, but why?" — because I was leaving that state of pure perfection, and returning to being a someone. I felt the burden of existing as an individual again. I felt the obligation to protect myself, to survive, to defend this separate body. I felt disgusted at the heaviness of having to be someone. I remember thinking "Why was I even born? Why did I have to be created?" Because now, having been created, I faced the fear of death, the burden of survival — but without creation, there would have been no fear. I wished I had simply never been created at all — no need for survival, no fear, no separation. Other Peak Insights: - Materialist worldview (science-first thinking) felt absurd during the trip; consciousness felt clearly primary. - Realized that separate-self satisfaction can never match the pure existential love of just being. Comedown: After the peak there were several thins I learned about my childhood etc, but that's personal. ------------------------------- 3. Post trip weirdness This trip is somewhat changing me. Firstly my priorities have been realigned slightly. I don't feel like chasing and chasing success. When I am on my own I feel the heaviness and the burden with being a separate self. Its annoying. It's not that now my life is worse. Its almost like this has always been a burden and now I am just realizing it.

Out of curiosity, and you don't need to answer. But how do you even have that much money? Does the Life purpose course alone really bring in that much that you'd be able to spend 100k on a game development side project and sea monster acquisition hobby?

Metapod

His business model is simple: he gives advice that helps people grow their businesses to the $3–10 million range. Once they reach that level, they’re comfortable with Alex and might even consider working with acquisition.com to scale. If acquisition.com buys their business, Alex Hormozi knows exactly how to scale it from $3–10 million to $30–50 million. Alex helps the business scale because of specific knowhow. That’s where he makes his money, but the original business owners also make a fuck ton of money. So honestly, I don’t really see where the exploitation is?

I wa gonna say something aswell. I think Alex Hormozi is fine.

sure

mhmmm. This is such an interesting point you bring up. I think regardless on whether she asked me out or not, I think in this scenario things would get boring quick. But then again I can totally entertain this narrative because prior to her asking me out the thought that she was boring hadn't occurred. I'm slightly confused on when you say "a man falls in love by doing for a woman" or that in a man - female relationship the dynamic should be one where the man does things to impress the woman. Isn't this almost people pleasing and shows neediness on the mans side which isn't attractive? Please clarify if possible, your response is appreciated. You've been more than helpful over the past few months whenever I post a question on the forum, really appreciate your inputs!

Hey guys, long story short: I wanted to ask girl out (she looked decent). Crazily enough, She asked me out instead. Me and girl go out. I meet her 3 times Girl likes me. I'm like meh. Me no like her. I have no experience in dating. Still a virgin. It's very heartwarming to see another person, a woman feeling attracted to you. I'll be honest I am not as attracted to her. Physically she's okay (not my usual type but actually quite pretty) but her personality really really really bores me. Humor and Deep conversation is very important to me and she doesn't understand my humor nor my deeper conversations. On paper she's fine, but the vibe isn't there. I am somewhat afraid that maybe I should capitalize on the relationship for experience (and I'm therefore hesitant to call it off), but honestly going out with her has been such a chore I'm not even exaggerating. Like imagine going out with a girl and feeling like it's a super complete drag, no excitement nothing. Do I keep pursuing her even though I don't like her for experience points, or should I ask someone else out? If I chose not to go out with her, how do I communicate that Im not interested without hurting her too much?

Really appreciate the response. Honestly don't want to end up in that position. I want to party and enjoy my life, and really only be in a relationship with a person a seriously fuck with.

Nah see absolutely. I agree with the last part. The thing is I would also casually date, but I just feel like I wouldn't even enjoy that, not only because it's boring but also because I believe she wants higher investment. I'm assuming but that's the feeling I get.

Yes, I don't plan to mislead her. From what I gather this is also potential her first relationship and is more invested.

For some reason, the notion that time flies hit me hard today. It's honestly scary. When you're aware of how fast time flies, all petty bullshit flies out the window. I really feel the desire to maximize the opportunities in my life and stop wasting time, stop taking things for granted, not one thing. I really really want to stay connected to this feeling. Is life really short? How can I stay more connected to this feeling, and not take life for granted? I really feel liberated by how petty human bullshit seems to be irrelevant when you realize time flies and that you must capitalize on the opportunities in front of you. I wish to live a long life 120+ years ahaha. But I feel like even if you live that long, time flies.

YOOOOOO Happy Birthday!

I dislike not being the best. I actually hate it. I am jealous of a girl, its the friend I talked about. I'm also somewhat jealous of my mother for the same reason. They have this ability to focus, do whats necessary and win. I lock in, but I can't get to that level. They both have this drive to finish the task. No matter what I will get it. I really hate not having that ability. I feel like slave the circumstance, whereas they seem to make things work regardless of the circumstance. I'm actually really upset I don't have this ability, I promise I will cultivate it and be even better than them. Then I can be the best. Then I can be so good, people cry. (my inner immature self coming out)

Thank you for taking the time to think and write this. This is great.

Wow. That's crazy. Yea full circle indeed.

I'll make 20 million way before I am 85 anyway so whats the point.

Defenitly thought about that possibility. Matter of fact, I am almost certain you are right. Several times now I realize I don't have the variety of new experiences to be happy. Im dislike doing and experiencing the same shit everyday. I am planning exchanges in university to fix that issue, I really hope it helps. I also believe that the fact that I still live with my parents severely effect my general freedom and autonomy in such a way where its harder to try the new things I want, but that could be an excuse.

Breaking down what you think the best way to live life depending w phases is nice. I defenitly agree about the "People in 20's are more into black and white thinking". I plan to spend my 20s doing a whole lot of new things, so Im glad we somewhat agree on how to young adults should spend their time.