UpperMaster

I have crippling self doubt. I feel so unsure of myself. How will I ever actualize, I don't want to keep failing. I am moving too slow. How will I get a good girl. I'm scared. My sleep hasn't been good lately. My motivation is just to do whatever it takes, pay whatever price I need to pay, so that I can live the best life possible.

Same here. the topic of free will fucked me up, and all I cared was to find truth. No girls, no interest in school no interest in nothing. Seriously everything was erased in my life except trying to understand truth about free will. Most motivated I've ever been for anything. But it hurt. It was painful. It was super painful. I wanted to know the answer so much it hurt and nothing else mattered. Does it have to be painful?

An idea for life purpose might be to create the ultimate education system. I think today's education system isn't the best. Specifically I think that it should incorporate teaching through practice. What I mean by "teaching through practice", is that a subject is thought while doing it. You learn the laws of physics while observing it. You understand chemistry as you do it. Modern education does incorporate this for sure, but much less than I think is ideal. Epistemology should be thought. I actually had Theory of Knowledge and epistemology in highschool as a mandatory subject as part of the IB system. It's a great subject, but I don't think anyone got out of that class with an understanding of why it is even important to understand the Theory of Knowledge. By everyone, this subject was disregarded as an extra bs school mandatory thing. I think execution was poor. I don't think many teachers questioned these things enough themselves. My grandfather was like a one in many type of guy. He unlike other people was awarded a scholarship education due to his abilities, and studied engineering, which in those days was something super special. An education completely separated him from the pack. An education gave him new perspectives and opportunities, and as a result he lived his life super differently, and the family took an alternate direction. What if I can help provide people with an education that will enrich their life to the same effect (or even better effect). How good would that feel? How much better would the world be? Not only that, I see an opportunity here with AI. Maybe I can leverage it to build a school. Where students learn to live life to the fullest.

If I slept well as a teen I would have been taller and much better looking. Maybe even smarter. Now Im short and fat. I wanna kill myself Im so unsuccessful.

Should discovering my life purpose and pursuing it still be a priority? Or would it be wiser to first focus on finding a good job and making a lot of money? You once said the ideal path is a balance of both, but in today’s world, it feels like the smarter move might be to first aim for financial success and get into the top 5%. That way maybe I am more safe to practice other things like spirituality and life purpose knock on wood. Plus you said it yourself, AI devoids people of purpose. Maybe I should just focus on money then no? Edit: Seems like you answered my question already as you said you don't know how to maneuver through this. Mb for asking.

I have a tendency to do things slowly. I rarely ever complete tasks on time. I'm always late to things. I've discussed speed before but actualizing faster work speeds have still been challenging. A good trick for this may be to do things before I think it's the perfect time. So basically to do things earlier than I believe necessary. I came up with this when I realized that I almost always sleep too late which is problematic, as sleeping too late also means I miss the time window where I sleep the fastest. As a solution, I realized it's best to go to bed even before my scheduled "sleep time", I go to bed even before the tiredness hits. Maybe this trick will help with procrastination of other kinds too.

I've been learning a language for the past 2 years. I've been taking classes for 2 years. We've moved super slowly. I wanted to reach B1 level, but I can't even pass A2 exam. I don't think my teacher is any good. I was concerned by the pace of his teaching. But now I took a practice exam at an institute and failed. It's as if the last two years was for nothing. So much money spent. I need advice literally every piece of advice that helped any you guys master languages?

My grandfather passed away. I just experienced my first funeral. My grandfather was one of the biggest reasons I started doing philosophy. He was the biggest reason I now find value in what Leo teaches. I love you Gramps. You changed my life. I am so grateful to have had you in my life. You lived life more consciously and intelligently then most. May you rest in peace.

I really want tattoos like even permanent ones, but the idea of heavy metals are keeping me from doing it. How long do temporary tattoos last? Have you tried before?

Thanks. I hope that learning to grasp one language leads me to grasp other languages faster.

Okay thank you

Im thinking of maybe going to some camp where the target language is spoken a lot and pretend that I don't know any English. This way I can just speak using target language. idk Just an idea. Great tip. Yea I am already seeing some patterns in target language. Why one word sounds like another one. The origins are related. My teacher explains that to me.

Great takeaway from your message.

There are a few things I want to record in the journal today. Firstly, I talked about my mushroom trip with my therapist. I explained to her the existential part of it. In the beginning when I confessed I've taken psychedelics, she wasn't too judgmental, she communicated her skepticism around psychedelic substances and how it leads people to make "truth" claims. In her view, we can't know what "objective" truth is. Anyway, then I explained to her my experience, I told her about the peak existential part of my trip. I told her the feeling of disgust I felt after retracting from the feeling of love. I told her how I felt bad about the idea of being created, how now I felt as if survival was a burden. She responded by connecting it to the challenge of becoming your own person, of forming a separate identity. She explained that it’s similar to what happens when someone grows up without strong personal boundaries, often remaining emotionally enmeshed with their parents. Many adults never truly separate from their mothers or fathers and end up living according to their family’s expectations and norms. It’s safe and familiar, so they cling to it. But when they marry or have kids, they’re suddenly forced to define themselves, and that’s when they need help. That’s often when they come to therapy. She said what I’m feeling, the discomfort, the destabilization mirrors that same struggle. It’s the pain of becoming sovereign. When you lose something profound, like that sense of unity or love, and realize you can’t get it back, it creates space for depression. She encouraged me to reframe the experience: life isn’t a burden, but a chance. A chance to survive in my own form. It’s tough. Being a separate, sovereign self is hard. But it’s also an opportunity. And that’s how I need to move forward. Secondly. I want to discuss Learned Helplessness. Over the past few years, especially after starting high-school I started getting worse academically and every other area in life. I started getting a sort of learned helplessness. Before when I had to meet a deadline or pass a test, I would sit down, grind it out without taking any breaks, Taking a 100 percent shot was worth it and easy to justify. Now thats not the case, and its only become increasingly apparent as I've fixed a lot of my sleep and focus issues (so the learned helplessness is the main thing that I suspect that it bringing me down). Nowadays, if I have a test or anything, I just rather not try, because I've failed so many times before. I really suspect that this is causing me to not give it my all when working towards my goals and exams. To clarify and confirm my learned helplessness I asked ChatGPT to diagnose it for me. This is its response: You don’t have pure learned helplessness (which would look like all 4s and 5s), but what you are carrying is: It described my condition perfectly. Now that I know this, I aim to remind myself and keep myself aware about this learned helplessness. I hope that awareness is curative here, and I can take steps to move forward with my life.

Thank you everyone who answered. These replies really comfort me, feels good to know that other people here either already went through are currently going through the language learning process . I read everything, I'll reply what I think soon.

I'm scared

Hurt my lat muscle in the gym. Went to the doctor has pain was still present after two months, and the doctor gave me a prescription, telling me to take it for a while. It's a prescribed medicine, but I'm not sure why it was given to me. How do you decide whether to take prescribed medicine or not? To what extent should I be skeptical? I want to know how to balance trust and skepticism in this scenario

Before an exam I always have a habit to distract myself with something that seems more important. Usually it’s like an existential topic. But that’s all a trap. I know that. I’m not gonna fall into that trap anymore. I might also stop working out temporarily just to focus on school.

Shroom Trip Report – 3g Psilocybin Mushrooms Setting: Started at a bird reserve (warm, fresh day, good mood), then shifted to a more comfortable park under conifer trees. Onset: - Felt strong body energy (like Chi-ish) centered in the chest and stomach and everywhere else too. - Early emotional memories of deep love for mother and grandmother surfaced. Peak Experience: I began to remember my childhood self, not just memories, but the feeling of being me as a very small child. I realized that who I think I am today, my personality: 20 years old, into self-development and philosophy —> is just a story. It's a recent narrative, constructed over time. Before that, I was someone else. Before that, someone else again. Back then, there was no "I" (I as in perceived identity) as I know it today. The "I" that I know today came later, the identity was crafted later. I took this process deeper — further back — before birth: Who was I before I was born? Where was I? At some point, it became obvious that I had always been there. Not "me" as a personality, but a deep, formless "I" that simply is. I couldn't define it. I couldn't put a form to it. Even calling it "source" felt wrong, it was just being, pure, formless existence, or even rather deep formless non-existence, or Im not sure something in between I can't explain. In that place, everything was perfect. I felt love, I think it was existential love, full feeling without any form attached to it. It was a knowing that everything is great, that there was nothing to fear. Fear, survival, separation, none of that existed there. Only being. Then, slowly, I opened my eyes. Reality — or the "physical" world — started pulling me back. During the trip, the physical world wasn’t even the main plot. Whether or not it existed didn’t matter. The main thing was my experience of life itself — and that was something I knew the source of all along (I remember thinking of "course its me and I already knew this"). As I came back, I felt a heavy sadness. "Oh fuck, but why?" — because I was leaving that state of pure perfection, and returning to being a someone. I felt the burden of existing as an individual again. I felt the obligation to protect myself, to survive, to defend this separate body. I felt disgusted at the heaviness of having to be someone. Because with it came the obligation of survival. I remember thinking "Why was I even born? Why did I have to be created?" Because now, having been created, I faced the fear of death, I don't want to die, I faced the burden of survival — but without creation, there would have been no fear. I wished I had simply never been created at all — no need for survival, no fear, no separation.

im losing my shit. I am not studying enough. I got a 2 on my midterm. I don't want to fail the year again. Im actually losing it. I know I strategized with a plan or whatever. But I am not able to work long enough. fuck fuck. I should get my shit together. I am lowkey panicking,

My mother started ranting about how the younger generation is incapable of feeling uncomfortable for a long period of time, and demand quick fixes to all their problems. She explained how this tendency to want to fix problems quickly can lead people to be emotionally reactive which intern leads to rash and wrong decision making. She gave an example of this in my life. I agree with her. She said that "its okay to be uncomfortable or have unresolved issues in life for an extended period of time" and that "problems take time to fix". I initially didn't take this seriously but upon reflection I agree with her. I think this is a powerful message.

I've been slacking on meditation the past week. Im slowly getting into it again.

Success in life is all about strategic sacrifice.

3 grams bro

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