UpperMaster

makes more sense.

These are some more questions: 1. Have you taken the life purpose course? Would you call your business a life purpose. 2. Are you fulfilled now that your rich? 3. Is there any business guru/material you recommend? 4. How do you deal with jealousy from other people? I know I will become financially free, I am scared of how my friends might take if I become rich and they don't, have you had any experiences around that? 5. Do you live a balanced life? Or do you believe is seasons? (Example, being season of 3 years for work, season of dating after) 6. Is networking important? How important? 7. What is some of the most overlooked advice in your opinion? 8. What is the most corrupt part of your job if you were to be completely honest? I know I asked a bunch, if you answered something elsewhere or don't want to no need to answer. I'd appreciate a lot if you can answer the bold text questions. Thanks!!

Awesome

I wonder what your guys opinion on the role social media companies have with this event. I don't use instagram or Facebook, but a lot of my friends tell me that they've seen the footage of the shooting immediately after opening the app. They told me that unlike before, there is no warning or even attempt at censorship. In general I was aware that gore videos are more frequent on instagram reels, but seems like everyone saw it. Does the fact that more people are exposed to the video affect politics? Do social media apps do this deliberately or was this simply because everyone was reposting the video?

How much luck is needed to become a millionaire?

I was continuing to leverage my superstitious OCD in order to become super productive. I don't think I will ever do it again. So basically to recap, the way this works is the following: I make a superstitious deal with the universe where I have to do action X or something bad will happen. The bad thing that "will happen" is chosen by me at the start of the deal. The bad thing is what motivates me to do action. This deal was initially started by me with the efforts to completely eliminate any procrastination, and has been incredibly effective. Recently, I made a "deal" where if I don't go to bed by 11 pm everyday that a rival of mine will be luckier than me in 2026. When making the deal, I also outlined few exceptions to when I can get out of bed. These exceptions are: 1. Going to the bathroom 2. If parents call for an emergency or there is some sort of crisis I thought this was a clever contract, because it gave me room to use the bathroom and also took into consideration possible disturbances. Yesterday however, a timer that I forgot to remove started going off in the middle of the night. Completely unwarranted. I waited till I needed to take a piss, stood up and while going to the bathroom also switched off the phone. Problem is, I am not sure whether or not the "deal" is still on or not. Because if I were to be truthful to myself, one of the reasons I got out of bed is to switch off the timer, which isn't a proper reason for getting out of bed as per the specifications in the contract. But at the same time, I needed to use the bathroom, which is a proper reason as per the contract. With these sort of things, I always ask whether or not my past self who made the contract would allows myself to look at my phone while going to the bathroom. Honestly I don't think so. So maybe my contract is broken. See how much of a clusterfuck mechanism this is. It's like I am creating problems that didn't exist in the first place. When I started using the mechanism, I was desperate for results, so desperate that I was willing to sacrifice anything, tell myself anything to be able to achieve some form of success. Now I realize that maybe I should go back to developing self discipline normally. Although this mechanism works, it isn't without cost. I'm scared it will ruin my life because there can always be events like the one aforementioned (alarm ringing), that are out of your control and can ruin the "deal" I set. Like now, I actually might start believing that my rival may be luckier than me next year. What if I had made a more serious deal, like "I wouldn't be able to have children" that would be super motivating, but if it went wrong, then I would actually start believing that. Whether it's true or not I can't say, as I am legitamitley superstitious that's why this mechanism works. But even if the mechanism isn't actually true, simply believing that a bad outcome will happen could become a self fulfilling prophecy. Truthfully, I haven't investigated other possible drawbacks in using mechanisms like this. I suspect that it could worsen OCD (therapist suggested). But the aforementioned drawback is a pretty big one, enough to never use it again. I've used this mechanism to be able to work 6 hours a day for 30 days. Now I know I can do it. Fear really drives me, I think I might still use fear as motivation, but I will not use it through this mechanism, as I suspect it will cause many other problems. So no more of this. This is decision is based on intuition + the fact that if I fail to fulfill any of those deals, it actually has psychological (or real world) impacts on me (which are not worth it).

Hi guys., I have a spiritual mentor who is specialized in Ramana Maharshi's practice. I am having a heated discussion with him on the topic of Consciousness during sleep. He says that (I am simplifying): Sleep is a state where we are aware of nothing but our own being. To back up his claim he says that: When you say “I slept”, you mean “I was not aware of anything” but how could you know that we were not aware of anything unless you were aware of being in that state. He says: "If awareness ceased in sleep, we would not be aware of any gap between successive states of waking and dream, so we would be aware only of these two states, and would have absolutely no awareness of the fact that our awareness of phenomena regularly ceases in gaps between successive states of waking and dream." He says that I am confusing “absence of awareness of phenomena” with the “absence of awareness itself.” This makes absolutely no sense to me: I don’t believe I’m confusing the “absence of awareness of phenomena” with the “absence of awareness itself. Matter of fact, I am claiming that there's no such thing as an "absence of awareness of phenomena” In my view, the mere recognition that we’ve slept is not evidence of awareness during sleep. The only reason I know that I slept is because I remember the moments before falling asleep and after waking up from bed. Going into bed, then waking up hours later feeling well rested act like external cues, along with a sense of time that passed and continuity, confirm that I slept. basically my experiences suggest that I have slept. Hypothetically let’s assume I somehow slept, but all my experiences say otherwise. If your point were true, then even if all external cues suggested I hadn’t slept, I would still know I had slept simply because I was supposedly “aware” during sleep. But that does not seem to be the case. In my opinion, I only conclude that I slept because of the before and after context, not from any awareness during the sleep state itself. Movie analogy: His analogy: "As Bhagavan said, mere awareness is like the screen on which cinema pictures are projected. Whether pictures (awareness of phenomena) appear of the screen or not, the screen always remains unchanged and unaffected, so rather than attending to the phenomena we should try to attend to the background screen of awareness, on which they appear and disappear." My counter analogy: In a movie, scenes may change to show time has passed, but the projector keeps running through-out the movie without stopping. What he's describing sounds more like the projector switches off (leaving an empty screen) entirely during sleep and then turns back on later. But for me, there’s no sense of any delay at all, theres no pause. The moment before sleep and the moment after waking feel directly connected. It doesn’t feel like the projector ever stopped. Sleep feels more like a shift from one scene to another rather than the projectors stopping temporarily. I am just looking for different perspectives so I can bring into the discussion with him.

Bro this guy. No way. I don't understand how one can take someone who says things like this seriously.

Thanks for all the replies. My bad for my late replies I was not feeling well the past couple days.

I'll be honest I didn't understand that much

Yes exactly, I am struggling to conceptualize lmao. Makes sense. Have you experienced this state? How does it feel? What changes has it made to waking state?

What you said here is very interesting. I didn't know about the "High Consciousness" state. I thought the main state to attain was pure consciousness or the understanding of consciousness during deep sleep. Also you mentioned the soul? According to you we have a soul? How does it work? Your view seems very different from what I am used to. I have no idea how karma works, what spiritual path have you chosen so I know more about it?

I can't even conceptualize what that means. I am struggling to even conceptualize void of nothing because by definition there is nothing to characterize it.

Very hot. Many women. So for me not optional I guess.

I just realized one more thing. I can't even describe awareness without any phenomena. When describing something, you would use phenomena to describe it. Like shape color, even time, there's always something. But awareness without phenomena, is nothing, except itself. I am not sure how to continue from this realization though I'll be honest. I am not sure why or what proof can be given to suggest that this absence of phenomena is occurred during sleep.

I am sorry, I don't understand when you say that because I'm not even sure what sleep "is" for it to be imaginary. To me sleep is also phenomena. Sleep is what I call going to bed, then randomly teleporting to the future with no loss of continuity. (so I guess sleep is imaginary, idk if you view it the way I do tho) Yea see I researched a bit more, Rupert Spira was explaining how even time is an imagined dimension within the waking state. This actually makes sense, as then there's only the present, and it's everlasting. I am not sure if I am going in the right direction. Past could have never happened, I have memories of the past but that's about it, only the present moment is available to me. There is no proof beyond memories that time actually exists. So it makes sense that maybe time doesn't exist and its always the ever present and basically going to sleep means you get back to ever present consciousness without even aspects of time and space. idk if Im going right direction. Its not crystal clear yet.

Also what does it mean to be pure awareness, "during" sleep. What is time in all of this??

One thing about the previous guy is he has his bar set high. As in he actually does the, no junk food, sleep on time, cutting out social life. This almost gives me the "permission" to implement this discipline in my own life and be unapologetic about it.

I met a friend of mine that I haven't met in a while. Both have a self-improvement bias. He was already ahead of me in terms of life success and self development from the last time I saw him, but now it seems like he is way ahead. This could all be bullshit, I don't actually know how much he has improved his life and what results he's been getting (in a holistic sense). That said it was apparent to me that his demeanor has changed, its apparent to me that now women isn't an issue for him. He seemed happy about his life and direction. It was clear that he was already a much more attractive man than 90 percent of other guys his age. One of the few times I feel somewhat jealous. I want to feel proud of myself like he seems to be. I want to achieve results like he has. Now it seems like I've just been completely left behind. I don't think he's doing much if not any of the philosophy work. but still, women is a big part of life this age. It's seriously fucking me up now. I am still a fucking virgin. No hate to the guy. Wish him best always, very good dude and kind to me. Im just being honest about how I feel. I feel bad that I haven't gotten the results although I put so much intention and effort. No women is really invalidating my worth in my eyes. I want high class girl, but not good enough yet and it hurts.

What is your favorite character from a movie/TV-series? For me, it's Gus Fring from Breaking Bad. Not because he is an evil drug lord, but because his level of attention to detail is inspiring. I feel that attention to detail is lost in most of the work that the general population produces. I would be lying if I said I was good at it. Nonetheless, the trait of being highly detail oriented is something I plan to incorporate into my daily life. I encourage you to pick a task, and attend to it with the intention of completing it with the utmost respect to detail. I encourage you to be meticulous, strive for excellency. Leo is right, there is a sort of satisfaction that comes from excellent work, detailed work. I love how Gus walks with attention to detail, wears his clothes with attention to detail, blends in to society with such amazing attention to detail. I love how he executes his small everyday actions, and his grand plans with the same level of attention to detail. It's so satisfying for me. If such attention to detail could used towards our goals and truth seeking, how far could we go?

I know Leo is against luxury or whatever. But I'll be honest. I love luxury. I want luxury. I've seen how lower income individuals live. The hardships. The struggle that's imminent in every moment. Many places in the first world is a bubble. The richer you are the more you seem to be in a bubble. But god is living in that luxury bubble just amazing. I love luxury. I love being treated like royalty. I love the idea of going in first class. Great hotels. So much more opportunity. High fashion. Don't get me wrong, I also love the idea of renting a van and traveling that way. That's super cool too, Im just saying being rich and having luxury is just great. Luxury means when I turn my computer on to use it, it never crashes. it's seamless. It means that I have 4 screens, a comfortable desk. The experience is different, the experience is amazing. I feel like that is what Apple sells. Man I love apple products for that reason. Its just seamless, everything works. Android isn't as luxurious. I remember as a kid rooting my phone, finding ways to root my phone putting in a custom rom. I mean I jailbroke my apple swell, but there is less need to. I remember playing watchdogs 2 in some shitty laptop. I went to the settings and increased the pixels significantly, to the point where I was playing in a completely pixelated screen. I didn't care, I still played and had fun. Luxury means playing in the best specs. Maybe the pursuit of perfection is what gives satisfaction. idk. Im yapping but whatever that's what I have the journal for. People who are rich live is a different world. It's so much more green. Probably because their lifestyle stands on the low income laborers. I want to be rich. I want to be able to afford the super oversized coffee and 300 meal in a restaurant every single day. No worries. I can worry in luxury. Money would protect me low-key. or not. One of the last things my grandfather told me was that : Money is always a problem, if you don't have it, it's a problem. If you have it then your busy protecting it from people so its a problem.

Sucks though. Same problem for me.

I just meditated. And did visualization...after a 6 hour study session of course. The meditation that I do now is body awareness meditation. In one of Leo's videos..I forget the title, but it talked about how we store tension in our body unconsciously, and that directing awareness to a specific part of your body could rid it of unnecessary tension. Body and mind is connected. Holding tension in your body can mess with your mind, and trauma, mental trauma, can be stored as tension to your body. I am not sure how much all of this is true. But when I did the exercise shown in the video (I was asked to direct my awareness to different parts of my body) I realized that I was in fact storing so much tension. And what was so cool was that my tension evaporated as soon as I directed awareness to that part of my body. Body and mind are in fact connected, psychomsomatic or whatever you call it. Anyway so, because of that video and nice it made me feel I decided to change my meditation style from simply fociusing on my breath to body awareness, After every body awareness session I feel so different. What really slaps is if I do body awareness meditation and then right after go for a walk. It's so amazing. im so curious. I am at awe on what is going on in the world. Im at awe that reality exists, that everything is so complex but complements and works together, im at awe that I am human, that I live in a society, so big, so relatively advanced., Im at awe that I might have had ancestors who lived I such a different, radically different world. I am at awe at the possibility of history being so much different then what was thought to me. Im at awe at the birds. At the fact that ideology exists. Im at awe that there are so many different paradigms, that language exist. Im at awe at all the complexity. How is this nothing but amazing. This is crazy. Those walks were the best I have ever had (2 so far) Other than that. Today was slow. Again I don't want to keep sobbing or whatever but yea I felt negative at times. Now I feel positive I just meditated. I feel pretty good. I want to write all my thoughts down. Yesterday I had great sleep and I thing writing down my thoughts might help. So that when I am asleep I don't stay awake thinking.

I feel super numb. I have contacted a Ramana Maharshi teacher. I am learning about that now. Plan is to finish this math exam, then language exam, then cram Ramana mahrashi for two weeks to I can make the best use of my teacher. I want to spend two weeks getting a good foundation on the theory, so I can turn it into consistent practice and get value from it over time. In addition, I need to learn another language as I am going on an exchange program. And while doing all the things I just said, I need to also go to the gym. I am out of shape. I really want to find a girl now. Long overdue. I feel so empty, I feel like I should be doing these things. What's really fucked for me is that I have been on this path for so long. The path to self development. But it seems like I keep taking step forward and two steps backward. Ironically, I have problems with women, whereas most people that don't have such a bias towards self-development have girlfriends and seem to be reasonably fulfilled. Im just venting. To be fair, I've had to deal with other struggles along the way that other "normal" people didn't; have. But I guess they had struggles I probably don't have too. I'm not sure. I'll be honest I just want to keep writing. I don't want to stop. It's giving me some closure. I'm not particularly sad but not happy, like numb. I want to feel something, with depth. Maybe it's just the exam season talking. It's constantly exam season. I need to pass this exam, so I can climb out of this situation . I want a women in my life, that I really like and a women that really likes me. It's really bothering me now and I am embarrassed by the situation I am in. I just hope that this journal is beautiful in retrospect. If and when I become successful I can imagine reading these paragraphs and feeling pride. But we're not completely there yet. We've made progress but there's so much more to do. I hope I get it done in time.

I leveraged superstitious OCD to make me study mathematics. I've been studying very hard, 6 hours a day, very intensely for 25 days now. The tactic works. I'm exploiting it. I hope I make it. I haven't journaled here for a while. I want to organize all my thoughts. I want to write here. Just without pressure. Although I studied very hard there's a topic I didn't fully cover yet. I had to chose between just focusing on what I know vs studying this topic (probabilities). I decided to commit to the topic. I am still empty. I want that "winning in life" feeling. I don't have it yet. I know some people have it. I know some people never feel it. I want to have it. I ignore problems temporarily just to get through my studying. I have some hairloss. It started due to poor sleep in the past. No-one in my family went bald early. My hair is falling a bit more now. So much effort to preserve it I am honestly scared. Will it affect my results on women. Can I fix it? Maybe I should just focus more on sleeping better and lifestyle. But Ive tried so much. I forgot how much I tried. You try so much you forget. Im so sick and tired of being worried of these disturbances, like hairloss, like the fact that I am not fit...the fact that I have so much work to do in therapy, the fact that I don't know what I want to do, and most of all, I am so worried. Am I even going to make it. Is it all just a pipe dream. I want to be successful. So successful. So successful. I want to win in all fronts. Can I even have it all? Wait I gotta go eat