UpperMaster

Am I being a good person because I‘m weak and can’t cause harm or because I am genuinely a good person . heard this idea from Jordan Peterson but it didn’t click until today. I might just be a good person because I can’t cause harm.

This is more of just a reminder, Leo promised these episodes on the Psychology of being wrong video. Super super interesting concepts. Time stamp: 2:23:53

Leo on being positive early on in self-development journey Go to time 2:20:55

When I smoke weed and close my eyes I see patterns

I'm going to try to be more positive moving on. Being overly positive and deluding yourself with falsehood isn't good, but the opposite could happen too. I think my pessimistic attitude is a bit extreme, I tend to be overly pessimistic which is also deluding yourself with falsehood. I will try to be much more positive going forward and report changes I feel.

Difference between really wanting something and wanting something Despite my ADHD. Last year I lost 10kg in a span of a month. Why? I wanted to lose weight for a girl. I had a crush on this specific girl. For me liking someone like that is actually quite rare. When do like someone, I really like them. This girl is probably the most desire I ever felt ngl. I mean I never wanted anything more ty shi. Low-key weird but whatever it's anonymous and it's the forum so idc. I wanted this girl so much, I was ready to fear monger myself into losing weight. I said to myself if I don't lose this wait, I can't get this girl. Even if logically me losing the weight wouldn't have a huge impact on my ability to get the girl, I genuinely believed it. It was crazy, I tracked my calories and lost the weight (I don't recommend this high level of weightloss, I stopped getting boners it was a real bummer dawg). Point is, I wanted something so bad, it didn't matter what the price to pay for it for is. Even if I have ADHD, if I want it enough, I would probably do the actions required to get it. The ADHD probably just makes the threshold higher (threshold for how much I want something before I actually do something about it.)

ADHD Cure -- My call with Forum member (also additionally some advice on dating) I am grateful for the members of this forum. Last week I had a three hour call with a forum member discussing a problem I was going through. I deeply suspect that I have a form of ADHD, as the experience that I share is very similar to the experience ADHDers complain about. I also started a thread in the forum because I was getting quite desperate. To gain more clarity around my situation I contacted a friend on this forum to help me out, as I felt as if my ADHD was effecting my life deeply and I didn't know what to do. The gist of my issue was the following: "I have all the symptoms of ADHD, I feel like I have ADHD, one of the only effective strategies I found to motivate myself is by fear mongering myself, and my life is not improving nearly as much as I want to I am literally failing a grade please help me. Should I go to psychiatrist, possibly get prescribed? Should I perform chelation?" Ok so the call was very good. To summarize we decided that going to the psychiatrist and getting prescribed is an option but should be considered only after trying to fix my problem on my own. He elaborated on the idea that small things could affect my productivity and focus quite a lot, and I should first focus on making sure that I am drinking enough water, eating enough calories etc. Then we talked about bigger changes that I could implement. Here's a list: Sleep well (White noise for tinnitus) (Magnesium supplements) Drink Enough Water Eat enough food It's completely normal to want to move every 30 minutes, sitting down and working for hours on end is not something our biology is not intended for. Exercise once per day Check for Allergies Maybe a form of multitasking could work me specifically Dopamine Detox Meditation Nootropics (specifically modafinil) Heavy Metals Chelation Breathing We talked in detail on each one of them. I already tried everything before the call except Nootropics, Heavy Metals and breathing exercises . I couldn't stick to dopamine detox or meditation consistently so that could be the fix to my issue aswell. He recomended me to do one thing at a time. He also told me that implementing something like dopamine detox should take several months, and effectiveness should be judged only after dopamine detoxing for several months. I really want to do dopamine detox but I don't even have the confidence to try because of the amount of time I tried and failed to abstain from consuming social media. Like I cant say it's ineffective because I never properly implemented it, but I cant seem to ever be able to properly implement it. After discussing this we touched on dating. I told him about some of my blackball beliefs and he asked me to completely turn off blackpill content. He told me that unless you look like a Gremlin, looks don't matter as much. He shared with me his experience doing PUA, he told me that his wing was a dark skinned 150 centimeter guy and that he used to pull way more than him. I was low-key shocked, and hope he was telling the truth. I have seen not conventionally attractive guys get laid in real life aswell. We'll see, I'll explore dating on my more too. I think this part of the convo was really cool.

Reminder to self - don't forget to write about living with open heart aswell. Edit: Nevermind

Topics I should cover for this journal (Note to self so I don't forget) 1. ADHD cure -- My call with forum member (also additionally some advice on dating) 2. Difference between really wanting something and wanting something

I dropped my next test because I couldn't be asked

@Thought Art that's absolutley sick!!!

time to move to midwest

@Realms of Wonder Thank you for sharing.

In the video "The Avoidance Of Truth - Why You Fear Truth", Leo says that if he was completely real with himself on how much work it would take for him to achieve success in many of the sub domains in life like dating or business, he wouldn't do it (because it is way more than expected). He then admits that lies, and not facing truth is useful for success, and in the beginning you must be over-optimistic. I'm so confused on where to draw the line between when it's okay to lie to yourself, how to do so correctly for the sake of progress? More and more I'm realising how different your mindset should be when beginning to self-actualising vs later on in your journey.

@Keryo Koffa Thank you for your well written response. I have neglected many actualized.org videos as I currently feel that Im not at that stage yet, I'll get there soon hopefully. Yea it's becoming increasingly clear to me, especially after reading your post that I should study how my ego justifies certain world views. I am currently getting into issues of paradigm lock because I am only now learning more about the world and different idealogies. Damn, paradigm lock..I'll watch this video soon.

So many things have happened recently, I will cover main lessons one by one after my exam. One thing I do want to write about today is how my initial vision for this journal is unrealistic. I thought that this journal could be a way to show my journey detailing all the ups and downs, and show myself and other people that this process is very human and messy. That its not a linear progression. I don't think I can do that anymore, because there are so many insights and lessons that I learn, it's very difficult to keep track real time. Another thing is that technically I've started this journey years ago, so this journal paints a false image of where I currently stand. That said, I will still write the way I did till now. Just jot down thoughts. But I do want to remind myself that there is way more going behind the scenes (for when I read the journal later).

What does that mean bro? Ego-defense mechanism paradigm lock

Fair guys, so most of you don't believe in lying to yourself in any circumstance

@Realms of Wonder yea so its like almost a way to see how much you want a thing or not

I am literally just as lazy, my mom helped me through highschool. It's horrible to not achieve results, I feel you there really. Failure has caused me so much so much pain, but bro, I don't think its enough to consider suicide.

@Husseinisdoingfine Big bro, I failed 1st year uni now, there's a lot of people that change their majors. I am also somewhat depressed at my lacklustre results trust me, but I don't think you should throw your life away. Imagine if you followed sociology or some other thing and life becomes amazing. Like bro, I am very stubborn aswell, but your whole life bro, all that potential you may have bro. We in this together, lets make something off our lives innit. You articulate yourself well man, I think its clear your smart enough to be achieve success. I am almost certain you are capable.

@mmKay thanks bud

I just failed my first year of university. It sucks really. I relate a lot to your experiences taking tests, studying for tests and not doing as well in the exam. I've had that happened to me so many times I am so fed up with myself. I can't give you advice on how to find success in your life because I don't really have much achievement myself. Whenever I feel down, I really think about the ideas talked about here on actualized, I see how much potential it can have in changing my life and the whole world. I recognise how many people can't even try to get towards truth. I recognise this and I sit in gratitude, gratitude that I have a chance to go through this journey of truth seeking. It's really hard for me to write this cuz bro I can imagine there are probably other parts of your life that have led you to make this decision. I don't want to seem invalidating, or say any of this your dealing with is easy. That said Sociology isn't a bad choice. I hear a lot of people shitting on the humanities, sure it won't get you a degree that will lead to an immediate salary but it teaches you to think well. Sociology is also easier than physics so I can imagine you'll have more time to develop a skill that will earn you money, even find some good quality friends and social life (which in my opinion makes a difference). I really hope and pray that you chose to continue your life and create a great life for yourself despite the challenges.

@NoSelfSelf Is optimism lying to some extent. Like you are blocking out all negativity, even if its true no.

Today is my best friends, birthday. I wrote a letter for him and sent it at 12 am. He is a very good friend of mine, I hope is has a great year and life. I ordered a DNA test for him a few days ago as his birthday present. I remember not long before, we talked about DNA tests and I guaranteed to him that if he took it he would be at least 4 percent Afghani (he is Persian, and Persian people don't like Afghanis), and he was like hell naw. We bet 4k ahahahaha. So yea I'll be collecting money after he takes this test. I attached a map of Iran and Afghanistan, you'll see there in the same place so no way he doesnt have Afghani in him. Anyway so that and I watched half a video on why we avoid truth. It's very difficult for me to understand when Im avoiding truth or not, sometimes it's obvious but I want to get better at it. He says something very interesting though, that if he knew how much work it would take to get success in business or in dating, he wouldn't do the work. ahahaha. So he admits that he had to not face that truth, or lie to himself on what is required to get him started. For me thats fascinating. but I really want to know when to lie to yourself and when not to. Thats why I asked a forum question today. Other than that Il try to pass the next exam, either way I am failing the year but I only need to repeat the subjects I failed so if I pass the next exam it will be better. Anyway back to work I guess.