UpperMaster

@OmniNaut Hey, thanks a lot for your response! I’m currently pursuing an undergraduate in business and economic, and there’s a chance I might have opportunities to work with companies like EY or PwC since they recruit heavily from my university. I’m really curious about many aspects of the job, especially given your diverse experience. Im interested in management consulting rather than auditing and accounting because numbers are not my strong suit ahaha. Some questions I have are: Are management consultants usually specialized in one field? I started reading a book about McKinsey, and it gave the impression that management consultants work on projects across many different industries. However, when I look at EY’s or McKinsey’s websites, they highlight the specific industries they operate in. So, I’m wondering if consultants usually end up specializing in one industry, or do they move across various fields over their careers. Do you think its better to learn skills and gain experience in a big company like EY or a smaller company? What should someone like me focus on during their undergraduate studies to prepare for consulting? (e.g., technical skills, business knowledge, soft skills, how much math is required?) From your interactions with management consultants, what are the most common mistakes new consultants make? How compatible do you think is management consulting with this self development work? I know this is a handful but I am very curious to what you think. If you have time I would love if we could speak on the verbally over a call, there's plenty l am curious about (no pressure). I wish you a merry Christmas, thanks for responding I really appreciate it.

I feel like I am fighting hard for nothing. I feel like I don't have control in the end of the day. I feel like I am coping with the fact that I have very little control on how my life will turn out.

@Leo Gura ok fair

Im starting to realise that I am not working hard at all. I haven’t even tried hard enough. I’m currently looking into management consulting I am seeing how hard they push you in some careers. If you don’t work, you will be forced to eventually. also I realise that once the expectation/standard is set, it’s easier to work much harder. I have to find a way to set the standard.

Didn't you mention in your 1st video on how to get laid that you know guys that pull every other day

this is so crazy

I watched this video. It's interesting because whenever this video came up I always shoved it aside. I knew that, I do a lot of people pleasing, but who doesn't right? Another reason for shoving this video aside is because I think a few years ago when I started getting into self-development, it was a huge issue of mine. I suspect I tackled it by acting like I didn't care and other shallow solutions. I never solved this issue, but I completely forgot about it so maybe I assumed I was over my people pleasing problem. Now I realize that it's one of my biggest sources of unhappiness. I thought the reason I am unhappy is because of how "unsuccessful" I am, but after watching this video I realize that its more of the fact that other people around me like my parents don't SEE me as successful. I think this is the case. Also more evidence for this is my obsession with competition and being better than other people. It's more for the validation of other people. I realise, especially the last year, that I don't do any activity where I can't prove I am better than anyone. Except philosophy I stopped doing things for its own sake, rather to show off to others. Even philosophy has now become something that I sell to people so that they like me. Super essential video. Reminded me of one of my biggest problems. Highly recommend.

I gave in

I caught myself fearing success and actively self sabotage myself to release the pressure. This is huge. Never have a caught myself directly in the act. Usually it be in retrospect so it feel like speculation. Fuck man, I realize I am afraid to win. btw how this played out irl was that even though I was having a productive day. Right before I could solidly today as a good day, I made a plan to stop working, go upstairs eat a fuck ton of junk food and jerk off. And I felt being uncomfortable with having a successful and good day. It felt like uncertain, like there was anxiety associated with it.

I want to figure out my life purpose asap. I need to. After I finish learning the local language and get my exams on track im working to buy the course. Then I have to actually do the course. Everything just seems so far away. Now that I write that, I also realize that this time will literally fly. Maybe I can use that as a frame of mind. because I swear yesterday I was at my first day of high school and hear I am in university. Yesterday I was a kid.

As I mentioned last time, this year I realize the impact media we consume have on our lives. This is an insight that I actually used extensively for the past few days. I've been making sure to consume a lot of positive media, like motivational video etc etc. Whenever I wanted to stop this process I reminded myself the impact that toxic media has impacted my life. One of the most impactful tools I've been using in chatgpt voice feature. Whenever I feel down, I would talk to it, ask it to give me motivation and help me get through any struggles. I honestly believe it's one of the best tools out there, this tool has really helped me get motivated. Conversations with ChatGPT made me realize a few things about motivation: Firstly I realized that I get motivated by the idea that opportunities I get today aren't always going to be there. For some reason I have been taking all the opportunities I got for granted. With some of the speeches ChatGPT has given me, I realize that I don't have infinite time to self actualize, this has given me a lot more urgency, and I feel it. Today was super productive. Another lesson that ChatGPT helped me with is the importance of competing with yourself and others. I will provide a screenshot of this conversation because I personally think it phrased it well. Competing with yourself is better for growth (especially in the beginning) , as competing with other people that are much better than you might cause you to burn out. Understanding real world standards and competition with others is still essential because being the best is what gets rewarded. Documenting this journey and actively taking steps to have a more positive mindset defenitly feels like progress.

Btw I forgot to mention some important life updates 1. I took comprehensive notes for the first episode on Leos how to get laid series. I decided that I would take woman my priority in life. Now I realize that's not feasible I need to focus on uni. 2. I got introduced to crypto by a friend. He made money doing it, and he explained to me how coins work. It's crazy to me how the price of coins are just based on speculation. Getting rich off crypto is basically theft. It blows my mind how big it is. I'm considering diving into it. Apparently a classmate of mine made a shitcoin and make a k during a law lecture. ahahaha. ethics are questionable ofcourse.

One of the biggest things I learned this year is the power of media you consume. I started consuming blackpill content after my relationship and it has completely destroyed my confidence. I think it was definitely one of the biggest impactors to unhappiness and even failing university. I didn't even consume so much, but I was at a low point and I was losing hope to fight on. Now I am thinking what if I do the reverse. I bombard my-self with positivity and isn't delusional. Just surround my self with good messages and positivity.

It's becoming increasingly apparent to me that I am a very ambitious person, and forcefully being less ambitious or not accomplishing ambitious goals makes me depressed. Sometimes even suicidal. I remember in one of Leos videos he mentioned that some people are naturally more ambitious and need to fulfill on that ambition to be happy. I believe I am that way. I absolutely cannot stand not being able to accomplish large goals. Its a great source of sadness in my life, even though all other parts are decent (I am very grateful for that).

I realize how all of Leo's biases and conclusions have rubbed on to me. I must learn to think more for myself.

Funny you say that. A lot of fascist media that I come across has now merged with blackpill.

Today I had a therapy session and I cried. We started talking about resentment. I began to tell her my speculation on what my "resentment" was and she stopped me as soon as I started because she felt like I was analysing and generalizing. I was being too politically correct. She guided me to share how I truly felt and not some politically correct theory on how I felt. I talked about the guy from high school and something he did to me. I cried. I was surprised the emotions were still there. after speaking for a while, we found out that I was blaming myself for the abuse that he put me through, and I wasn't able to recognize that I was a victim. She asked me "What would you say to the younger version of yourself?" : I remember slipping up and saying "I would forgive myself". Then she pointed out and asked me for what I was forgiving myself, I didn't even do anything wrong. And that's how my resentment towards myself was kind of exposed. It was so true. I was victimized. I didn't tell anyone about many of the things that were going on. I was a kid. I didn't know any better. And I was blaming myself. To stop blaming myself there was difficult, I felt resistance and even a feeling of disgust. Truly interesting stuff. I will continue to try to find ways of stopping blame onto myself.

Last few times I studied for an exam I actually started on time, but I wouldn't do enough work regardless. I think there should be more emphasis on doing good work in the time you have. Consistency is not enough, good consistency is needed. I've been consistently going to a language class for a year and a half, very little progress because I don't do it super effectively. Effectiveness matters a lot.

Man Im studying for the micro-midterm tomorrow and I am positive I would pass if I studied more. Now im sitting here accepting failure again. So much failure when will I succeed.

My best friend in middle school and high school made me hate myself so deeply and I am positive that, that is effecting my life right now so much. i realise how much I devalue myself because even though I got things going well for myself. I devalue myself because he made me think I am bad, even when I’m not. I think this defenitley has to do with something I am “resentful” about. I will discuss this with therapist.

One thing I got to admit that drinking alcohol does for me is it helps me detach slightly for the paradigm I’m in. Maybe paradigm isn’t the right word, I mean like world view. I’m drunk right now and I realise how imature and constipated my world view becomes when I become super insecure and competitive.

I care about philosophical matters as do I about my material success. But I realise that I am forced to put truth in the back burner because I am so angry about my situation. It sucks because it seems like I can’t have it both ways. It seems like I can’t properly do philosophical inquiry if I also keep trying to survive and succeed materially.

I hate that people don’t take me serious. People don’t take me serious because I don’t achieve anything serious (I know that). I’m seriously insecure about that. I don’t want to achieve just a high level of success, I want to achieve the highest level of success. I also hate how this looks to anyone reading. It probably looks like some angsty teenager that’s immature and is probably not gonna make a huge global impact, just another forum member that’s spends more time talking then taking action.

I was slowly taking myself out of the competitive and extremely ambitious self critical, self hatred state of mind that I’ve been in the past few days. I was trying to start a conversation with my mom about how unlike other things mathematics is very difficult for me, I have to spend much more time trying to solve problems compared to others. I was trying to communicate with her how I found that interesting, by saying damn I must put in 3 weeks to get a decent grade while others can put in a week. She heard what I said and then was “like yea three weeks isn’t shit, some people study for the whole year because it’s harder for them and they aren’t complaining like you”. wtf I am just trying to talk with her and she has to turn it into a lecture about how I am bad at everything and don’t try. I got pissed the fuck off. instantly felt insane amount of self hatred. My mother does everything for me, but I rather her not do anything and not make me feel so shitty all the time. I feel fucked because there’s truth in what she says, I am a failure. It’s just pisses me off when you shit on my efforts when I try not to be. Makes me hate myself more, and I hate that she keeps making me feel that way. I know she knows what she’s doing but she keeps doing it. I want to move out, prove to her I can succeed on my own. But I’m not even sure I can do it, I feel fucked man.

I caught myself having suicidal thoughts. I am scared on this. Its because I hate myself because I am not successful enough, and right now I don't have hope that I can succeed, especially as I am studying for this exam (and I can see how incompetent I am in learning). The pain of not being successful is very bad for me, probably because of some other traumatic shit. I just didn't expect it to be so overbearing that I have thoughts like this. I've thought of of not existing before but it wasn't that alarming because it was just un the heat of the moment. But right now I have some actual suicidal thoughts. The pain I feel of not being successful is super high, not being successful as I want to be is literally unbearable, and unlike some before me I am not able to use this pain to succeed, like I try but fail. So the fact that I am underperforming in life compared to others is killing me, as my standards are so much higher. I seriously feel hate towards myself.