Dear Fiona

@Razard86 It might be a bad choice of words. Its just that it's not part of my direct experience. Although being God is. If I understand solipsism correctly, that means it's only me. I think others describe it as like a lake, with ripples. I'm a ripple, but still the lake. Then there's other ripples. I know I'm God. As in there is no God "out there" But that's all I got so far.

@Leo Gura Yes. I agree. Not fully conscious of it yet, so is maybe why I say I'm not sold on solipsism. Just cos it isn't my own direct experience. That's all. In all honesty, I've found it all overwhelming in some ways. So right now, I'm ok with not knowing. Happy to just wait till it lands. Thank you for replying.

@Leo Gura Hmmmm.....I shall ponder this. Thank you. I'm still not sold on solipsism. So I'm just gonna see what comes, with my direct experience. I easily go to no separation, and oneness. And I'm ok with being God, and not freaking out anymore. But still can't get my head round, it's only me ! Haha. I like Berando kastrup. But again. Not yet my direct experience. I'm happy to just let it come to me. To be honest. So many things have dropped away this year, now things don't stick anymore, and having had no pre-conceptions, or being exposed to teachings, or taking psychedelics etc. It's been disorienting. And I feel like.....I wanna just let life happen for a while. Concentrate on my health and money and moving house and relationship with my lovely boyfriend. Being here is nice already. I've felt isolated sometimes. My BF isn't in the slightest bit interested in any of this. He very fondly, just takes the piss. EG, flips a light switch, then says "see ? Now I'm enlightened too !" He cracks me up, and holds it all lightly. I think I wanna lighten up a bit !

Thanks Leo. I'm happy to be here. After my initial shock. It's just ordinary. Yet extraordinary too. But also felt isolating. I was so happy to stumble across you, and have it reflected back to me. I'm not crazy ! Phew ! In fact. The opposite is true. When this is realised, other things start to make sense too. I really struggled with the free-will thing too. I know we have no control, bit like a leaf blowing in the wind, thinking it has control. I just could not let go of even a TINY bit of control ? Can we at least, have observation ? As in double slit experiment ? " When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change" But no. Whilst it's fun to "act as if" and is also certainly the way we have to live. As if we do make choices. We don't have free will either. I used to think I didn't like Jazz. Then my good friend invited me to a live jazz club. I've never seen anything like it in my life. All those musicians/singers, totally just improvising. Each musician, totally and utterly lost in their own world, almost like they were making love to whatever instrument they were playing, at one with it. But spontaneously tuning in to all the other musicians. Each jamming, as the music moved through them. It is simultaneously the most selfish, and most generous thing I've ever seen in my life. All of them, giving themselves over to the music. Stunning. This is how I see the free-will thing now. And how life is lived.