Cleopatra

Obviously not all men are liars, you haven’t gone through most men, take heart. There’s many men out there who don’t have these awful qualities. Who you attract is not as important as who you let stay. I think you need to improve your ‘cut-off’ game and know your deal breakers. Break things off at the first lie, first sign of not caring about your feelings etc. some things are clear deal breakers, lying, indifference to your feelings are some of them so just cut off the moment it happens, and believe people when they display these attributes. There are things that can be worked on/worked through but fundamental character is usually set for most adults so never assume that you are special enough to change a person’s fundamental way of interacting with the world.

It’s nothing new, I’ve heard the same from guys as well, generally people tend to be on their best behavior when trying to get with someone and a surprising amount of people these days, male and female are incapable of nurturing and maintaining satisfying long term relationships and even friendships. Once it’s no longer shiny and tickling to their ego that they have the person, they are gone lol. That said, I’ve found that dating older men tends to reduce the unpredictability and boyish behavior because they know what they want and generally have more consistent behavior. Just be careful to avoid the ones that just got older but never really “grew up”.

I don’t know why people are cooing over this making it seem like normal behavior. 9-5pm is obviously work hours and I can’t think of a time when someone was at my house or I was at theirs and they couldn’t leave me alone to work. If you’re living with an adult who can’t leave you alone when you’ve already said you don’t want to be distracted, then you’ve got a serious problem. Even a 10 year old child will listen when you tell them to not bother you while you work, so are you living with an adult with less impulse control than a kid or are you not making it absolutely clear that you need to not be bothered during this time?

I used to condemn pickup until the day I actually found myself recommending it to a young man who had written an article about his struggles getting a girlfriend and how dejected he was and how much his mental health was suffering. This seemed like good guy but his ideas of how to attract women were so disneylike, shockingly off and absolutely guaranteed to fail. Usually I don’t care about men complaining about their women troubles because I just can’t relate and the complaining is alway off putting but this guy got to me and he was so clueless about how to approach women so I recommend pickup, hopefully he’s smart enough to separate the meat from the bones. I think us women don’t realize or can’t relate to the sheer frustration and dejection not being able to attract someone causes men and also how much men are failed by their fathers and brothers or whatever male should how taught them what it takes to really get women interested in them. Women can easily remain single and celebate and still live content lives without feeling like failures especially in these days of the girlboss but I’m starting to see how the same isn’t true for many men.

One person doesn’t get to decide whether you are good enough, even if it’s your father. He’s just one person, one vote, and you can take away his voting power by no longer accepting his view of you. And no, it’s not typical for a parent to always tell their kids they are not good enough, that’s really shitty parenting. Theres nothing wrong with liking male attention, it’s flattering and very valuable when it’s coming from the right men. I think it’s good to enjoy when men validate your looks, it’s a fun part of womanhood. I personally cannot understand why men give us women so much attention but it’s fun. Just don’t outsource validation of your “core self” to anyone else male or female because we are all human and just trying to do our best. Everyone is just like you existing in a world we don’t control and trying to understand it and ourselves so don’t put people on pedestals.

To attract men, simple, look good. All (most I guess) men in general are attracted to women with good looks and most will give you a second look if you are wearing red lipstick/have long hair/wearing heels. So definitely learn your looks style and invest in it. But that’s just one part of the story. Smile, laugh at their jokes and listen and contribute to conversation. Actually take an interest in the human being in front of you. It’s really not hard to attract men. But what kinds of men do you want to attract, that’s the real question. Male attention is not valuable if it’s not the type of guy you want. I’ve found that socializing in the kind of place the man you want will be in is more valuable for your time. It’s easy to get guys from bars/clubs but do you want men who approach random women in bars? That’s up to you. No judgement in either case. Just know what you want. I’ve also noticed successful, mature men will rarely ever cold approach women on the street. They might give you a look but won’t approach. I’ve never been approached by a successful man just from the street, they usually ask out women they meet in their social circles like school, clubs they belong to, friends of friends, activities they do etc. Which makes a lot of sense because successful people have more to lose so who they let in is important. I don’t need to tell you that the dating experience with mature, successful men is better but with those guys you are usually going to need more than a pretty look. Being an interesting woman is just as important as your looks because that will get you past the first date. Remember this guy is going to eventually see you without your feminine adornment so you need more than that. Having hobbies and passions, showing your true personality and a clear humor style makes you more memorable as a woman than how big your boobs are. Finally ask yourself why do you want to date? Just for the experience or are you looking for a partner? That matters for us women because it determines who you say yes to. Get really good at judging character and where a man is in his life at the first conversation so you don’t waste your time or theirs. It’s human nature to present your best self on a first date or conversation so get good at also hearing what’s not being said. Good luck Preety_India, I’m rooting for you to find a really good one!!

Love it! Every advice you gave is good advice I’ve also gotten from good men. Unsurprisingly the advice from redpillers and pickup artists sounds different.

The problem with asking guys this question is that they will just describe their dream woman to you, which is a reflection of them individually and shapeshifting and morphing yourself to the desires of others is not a good long term strategy. You have no idea why that is their dream woman. What you probably see that you admire in those women is true confidence, and you don't get there by shapeshifting into what different men online claim they see as feminine. There's more to feminity than what men like. If you build your femininity around mens specifications what will you do when you are in your middle age and the male attention wanes? It's better to go for the feminine confidence that comes from within, and you only get that kind of confidence by really knowing yourself as you really are, and even if you have to adapt and integrate other things, you won't lose yourself or feel like a fraud because you know who you are underneath, it will come together naturally. Discover yourself by yourself, what kind of things naturally inspire joy to the woman you are? Are you a creative? An analytic? What brings out the goddesses in you? Find out what gives you joy as a woman and do more of it to develop that inner confidence. As for the feminist ideals of power success and ambition you can totally ignore them if you want to. I really feel sorry for women who think feminism defines femininity. It's a ridiculous idea that every woman should aspire to be powerful and ambitious. Not everyone can handle power. If you are naturally that kind person, you will know already and won't need to 'aspire' to it.

Personally, I can't for the life of me fathom how people sleep with people they don't really know or have any kind of intimate relationship with. As a lady, I usually wonder what the benefit is for me. If it's just a matter of sexual satisfaction, there's a plethora of sex toys to choose from for that, guaranteed orgasm too. Sure they don't offer the intimacy of another person but neither does sex with a man who just wants you for sex. Also there's the delusions to fall into that the situation will develop into a real relationship, which us usually not the case. I've so far not encountered a couple who started that way, so what's the benefit in the 'friends with benefits'? You're likely not even real friends because that's not how real friendships form. Tons of confusion. But obviously there's many people who do it, and happily too, maybe she is one of those people. As for the morality of it, a question is simply a question, either she wants to or not its a simple yes or no. If she says yes, be clear that she understands that it is not leading to a relationship, it's just for sex so you are both on the same page. Of course you don't have to do, some people (Male and female) will not make this clear and leave the other person thinking there's potential for a relationship but since you are concerned about the morality here, I'd say it's better to communicate that.

Escalating with a reluctant woman is coercive. If a lady is friend zoning someone, then she's not interested or at least not interested for any self respecting person to keep pursuing. Escalating until a lady has to walk away from you is a scummy thing to do. Also there's a percentage of women who will give in due to freeze responses or deceive themselves that its okay since the guy is trying so hard and then regret it later.

Yep, so true. I learned this the hard way when I met the 'perfect' guy but we were very incompatible when it comes to humor. Which might seem like a little thing but when it comes to long lasting connection, some incompatibilities become obstacles.

@Anders Saether be careful who you ask advice from. There's nothing wrong with your worldview, you just have to understand the consequences and decide if it's still worth it. It might be, it may not be. Also, you obviously will need to pursue women who also hold the same conservative values of waiting till marriage. Leo and some of the guys here have a lot of knowledge but they are not on the same "life track" as you. There's no videos on actualized about how to find a good wife/be a good husband, because that not what a lot of the people here are after, Leo included, so you should already know what kind of advice you are going to get.

@Thought Art In my experience the men who don't care about how young a woman is usually have something up with them. 100% of the old men (I say old because a 35 year old man was old to 18 year old me) who approached me when I was 18-22 were either man-children with the maturity of a 10 year old boy, men in their 30s with dead end jobs and no ambition for life other than getting girls, entitled successful men who thought that every young woman would drop her pants for them because they have money, men who had low paying jobs and little money but had fancy stuff that only immature girls would be impressed by, married men looking for a side woman, religious fanatic men who thought they were entitled to more "innocent women". None of these men were normal, healthy men and you could tell from the first interaction with them. Luckily for me I had a relatively healthy upbringing and many healthy male figures in my life and could see though the fake love and "mature for your age" lies. At 26 I cringe thinking about how immature and clueless I was when younger so there was nothing I could have brought to the table for any of those men besides my body. What I regret is not telling them off instantly, I was young and thought I had to be nice when declining them.