KatiesKarma

No clue who that is

Yeah I guess I'll have to look into that

I really don't know what to make of these psychology concepts. They sound completely made up to me Idk. Let's say I have/ had Trauma, i.e. feeling completely abandoned by the world and my few friends. You would then think that friends and a lover will resolve the trauma, which is false. This trauma seems to have fundamentally changed my being and perception on the deepest level possible. Maybe a really competent somatic therapist plus a mild psychedelic COULD do something, but zero guarantees.

Been there done that.. ultimately, my first intimate relationship ended abruptly after the honeymoon because my inability to feel got even worse. I thought I was loving my partner, but then I realized it's an empty, so empty facade...

Basically after two years of intense talk therapy (utterly, utterly, useless in this case) I was so overwhelmed by this problem that I gave up on any other approach either.. it's also not so simple to find a competent therapist in the somatic field or so I think.. at least the last time I check I was quite disappointed. I'm from Germany btw

Yes but then this begs the question ... Why? It's not like I was raped and heavily beaten. I just felt particularly lonely and hopeless for a few weeks, why would that turn into such extreme dissociation for such a long time? It's been three years and counting... I don't know if this is some form of ego death without the awe.

It's hard to explain... It's not even that. Things feel neither meaningful nor meaningless to me, it's like I am 100% neutral most times. I can still get scared, but it's a superficial fear with no deep basis within my being. I know that life can have plenty of meaning, but yes things in the broader sense feel pretty fucking pointless, lifeless. I look at people and think: man, are they NPCs? They feel exactly like NPCs. It's like I am in a deep state of apathy but in a relaxed way. I distinctly remember that before my shift into this garbage, life felt significantly more alive. Which is also why during psychosis I thought that all of mankind had died in spirit.

I cried lots here and then but it does not feel geniuene. It feels as though I am acting. The feeling remains eternally suppressed if we can call it that way. It's so annoying to deal with this and I can't seem to get rid of this emptiness no matter what I do. It drove me to the borders of sheer insanity and back.

I would say before I got this problem I was fairly neurotic, overthinking, full of social anxiety, shame, pride... I don't know if trauma plays a role here, I was very lonely and depressed and then I stopped feeling. I am afraid of my mind, like I can sense this sort of crazy psychotic spirit in the far back of my mind which is why I am hesitant about more drugs.

Sure I have laughed, but it's always as though there is a thick fat wall between me and the outter world. The laugh might have been geniuene but the emotion, the joy, the dopamine is never there. It's really bothersome.

At some point the imperfect being shall reach perfection and they become one

Sadghuru and some other astral projection youtuber (Ryan cooper) say that suicide will simply trap you in the astral realm for a very long time, where you will work trough your karma by reliving your nightmares constantly OR upon death you will become disembodied and basically the first thought/tendency that pops up will be projected and magnified infinitely. So being fearful will get you to unimaginable paranoia and suffering. This game is rigged and not even death promises relief from the loneliness and sheer insanity of it all

Hello it's me again, I probably posted here the same thing a few times. I just don't know and at the same time do know why I am so unbelieveably stuck and trapped in this loop. You ever just unconsciously follow the "flow of Life" and then find yourself in this wonderful position: - some deep, deep attachment problem/ depersonalization. It feels as though I am dead but alive. Zero emotion, zero identity, pure emptiness but not the holy one. Psychs just intensify the unconscious patterns and then show me a ridiculous, funky cartoon world. My mind is literally stuck in unreality/childhood/dissociation. I cannot function properly like this - I've been stuck at Home reliving the same day for two years now, utterly alone. If i don't make some radical changes right now I will simply kill myself. I don't know when I socialized, when the last time was. I might have social anhedonia as well - I "joked" around with school. This and last year I went there for two weeks and then quit "due to depression", but really I just can't face the truth of my situation and a few other things. I didnt think clearly - I did not think that staying home would be that much worse. It's also not that simple to "just find a job" due to insurance reasons. So yeah, I am fuuuuuucked. I could do a "fsj" which is like this paid social Engagement but ugh I don't know what I am capable of at all and this whole school disaster haunts me. I wanted to finish high school, how do I explain myself. All of this basically happened because I have zero self-worth, really shit emotional/social development and basically zero support. De nada. I live in my own little existential hell called depersonalization and isolation and whatnot. It would be fun if it werent so miserable Therapy has been, uh, useless. Church has not been helpful either, imagine that

Profound mental problems and lack of social contact robs me of any meaning or joy to be found. Corona did it for md

Read Lsd and Mind of the Universe. Not recommended to do what he did unless your Life is really stable and grounded. (do really high doses, 73 trips in total, over the span of many years) Otherwise maybe some form of hypnosis like the life between lives regression (therapy) could get you access to these types of insights if the organic veil of amnesia you wear isn't too rigid

Is it sheer lack of information, because we are limited and lack omniscence? Is it because it was intended to be this way pre-birth, to be born in shit circumstances..? Lazy thinking, poor parenting? Karma? No access to intuition?

This is similiar to the question of how anything can come about in the first place, it's like 0 = 1 So if I remember correctly we have 9 Dimensions (/perspectives) (even though Leo says there is an infinite amount of them) and from the first and last one (I am + All is one) everything is directly willed into Being/imagined into existence. Awareness, that which you ultimately are and which requires lots of practice to truly spot, is formless and permeates everything. You are not inside the Universe, the Universe is taking place within you. Thoughts are form, an appearance. All the shapes around you are thoughts manifest into this physical form.

According to Erik H. Erikson. Stumbled upon this when I was trying to understand personality disorders

So my psychiatrist gave me Effexor for my depression, after I told her that all sorts of SSRIs didn't really cut it for me. So I was given Effexor, an SNRI, that can cause many side effects and I am rather sensetive. I really fear to go another hellish round of Depersonalization episodes. ( i have it all the time but I really don't need to get worse)

It's possible that the more miserable this Life, the more expansion of the Whole & your Soul occurs. Imagine that your Soul really wanted to come here and that it's a great honor to live even one human Life. This is a really, really dense plane of existence and not every Soul chooses to incarnate. Of course I am just repeating what more enlightened indiviudals have claimed to know, but it gives hope that after a long time of suffering, this will be worth it.

This is a great question and upon doing some research on personality disorders I found this definition that resonates: A healthy personality is...: - someone who actively masters his enviroment - a personality that shows a certain degree of consistentcy/integrity - ability to see oneself and the world as it really is And I would add 'ability to work and engage in true intimacy'

I agree. It's odd how we can just go about our day to day lives while being really ignorant of how fast and how bad things can really get.

Probably that I am in a low vibrational pattern and end up, especially at night where fear lingers, attracting borderline disturbing thoughts of demonic creatures or donald duck killing himself and becoming donald Trump and way worse and yeah How do I make them stop? Is it tied to dissociaton? .. do i need to cleanse my subconscious or something

I mean it's all subjective but I've seen videos of people finishing university and then literally becoming crack junkies and ending up with horrible health and skin conditions whilst sometimes talking like they are possessed. Terribly wrong is that which causes [horrendous & unneccessary] suffering, especially when the chances were good to become rather normal.

I watch those a lot too, just to reassure me that this place is not meaningless as hell. They are fascinating