Inception

From “What Is Reality - A Radical Explanation”: ”If you were to fully accept what I’m saying here, and not just to accept it but to become fully conscious of it, you would have a mental collapse. Some people will call this a psychotic collapse.”

How tragic this all is.

I’ll make a video explaining it all. And giving away all my esoteric knowledge.

Anxiety and paranoid schizophrenia. I went to the psych ward and it ruined my life. Mental health issues was just an excuse. I was about to awaken from the real psychosis of egoic life. I pretended it was an issue. What we call mental health issues was the awakening.

Through love, although it never fully happened. I never did a psychedelic in my life nor any other drug besides alcohol.

When I was about to awaken I was about to go insane. My objects was “talking” to me, time moved unusually fast, things where shaking. It was clear that my reality was about to fall apart and the dream would end as i knew it. Yet, you’re fully awake and seem to be living a normal life. You’ve said it’s possible to continue life after you awaken, but it seems to me that awakening is the end.

It was perfect.

When you die don’t you automatically become the highest intelligence, so that you’re too intelligent to choose women. How would you land on that spot when you’re still less intelligent enough to imagine material comforts?

So that option never gets utilized?

In the universe * If you guys knew what I threw away.

All that work, all those videos, all that suffering for nothing

We’re meant to be together

I better do it

I’m full of it. Crocodile tears. I’m so selfish.

I’ll do it for her.

Our story was something out of a romantic movie. What we had words can’t describe. I ruined it all. WHY DID I RUN AWAY?!?!?!?!

I choose survival and “sanity” over the love of my life. I will never forgive myself. I was immature. How is it even possible to ruin something like this. I’m so sorry my love. You deserve better. Had i just stayed home. WHY!?!?!

I had one chance

I RUINED IT ALL. HOW COULD I’VE BEEN SO STUPID.

Post #10 I ruined it all. I was about to awaken completely naturally. I ruined what I had with the love of my life.

Post #9 I’m the biggest fool on the planet.

Post #8 It’s time.

Post #7 Let the grueling grind begin.

Post #6 I’ve got materialistic desires to exhaust, namely sexual desire. Listening to Owen Cook.

Post #5 I want answers.