Consept

To context what I'm gonna say I have had a bit of a shitty month so mood isn't great, not depressed or anything just not feeling upbeat. I've always had this feeling of not really wanting to settle down, if I'm honest I am an aviodant attachment style. I've tried to work on this amongst other and there has been progress, the main issue though is not trusting a woman to take care of me emotionally. This is obviously to do with my mum who definitely didn't do that and so I've always been very independent. I like having a woman be there and be someone you can talk to, do stuff with, have sex etc and I also like helping them with whatever, whether it's just being empathetic and giving advice or anything really. But I feel like I also really want my space, I also like meeting new people and I hate the feeling of being tied down. Because of this I keep getting in a cycle of getting attached to someone but not fully commiting, then either I realise it can't work or they get bored of no progress and it ends but I always feel terrible at the end. I've recently had this thought of like how the fuck do I just pick one and then that's it? I'm not saying I want multiple partners necessarily as that would be the same thing but more complicated, but I find it hard getting my head around just being with one person forever. I don't know if I'm weird because of this. My ex has just got with someone else and it is honestly such a shit feeling but I can't say anything because I either didn't commit or stayed with her way too long when I knew there were issues. So it's on me completely but still just feels crazy. Anyway kinda rambling but any input would be nice

Interesting, thanks for sharing man, if I'm ever in Toronto I'll give you a shout 👊🏾

OK got you, would you consider a monogamous relationship or are you set on the poly life? I think poly can be difficult, I wonder if it's something people just try for a while and then end up going monogamous if someone they really like comes along. I would be curious to maybe have 3 or so concurrent relationships but I honestly don't think it's that sustainable, it's often hard just having a normal relationship let alone 3+.

Just out of curiosity, are you living a poly life, what does that entail and how many partners do you have?

8 would be a bit extreme for me personally, but I do get your points on the evolving nature of relationships. Thinking about it though, I feel like there are a lot of unhappy relationships either because people who are not really fit for a relationship feel like they have to get in one or because simply it's the wrong person. People don't want to be alone and we've set an ideal in society of what a relationship should look like but it doesn't leave room for those that don't fit into those boxes. It will be interesting going forward and seeing how relationships change. Personally I think I will just date and see what happens and if someone comes along where I'm like 'this makes sense to me to be with this person monogamously' then I would definitely do that. I want to free myself of expectations in dating or even not limiting myself because I don't want to get to close.

What do you think 'healthy sex' without all the trauma and low self esteem looks like?

Lol ill take that compliment bro, thank you, add me up on insta https://www.instagram.com/biyid?igsh=MWwzdzB2MmZsejVlbw==

What about this one because its worked a couple times for me, you're vibing with each other and you can tell she's attracted to you and you are to her, then you whisper in her ear something like 'I want you now', can even be more explicit. This I can't stress enough takes a lot of being able to read cues, but basically it's a leap forward of the sexual tension because now the unspoken has been spoken but also it's like you and hers little secret.

Haha I literally haven't slept with a girl that didn't like getting choked or having their hair pulled, it's usually just the degree of forcefulness

Main thing, whatever you say, say it with confidence

I'm not even sure people need a change as much as theyve been convinced they need one. There was somewhat of a disconnection between politicians and the public but then I would say Obama, Clinton and even Bush to some extent were actually able to connect quite well, Hilary is the only recent president or should nearly president, that didnt connect that well. What I think has happened is the right, actually the further right, Christian theocracy type, has done a really good job at demonising the left. The reality is things like Trans issues, DEI, LGBTQ, dont really affect the average american, esp trans as that population is so small my guess is most americans have not even met one, let alone have them compete in their local sports team. But the fear of it is so outweighed with the reality and honestly its incredible marketing from the right. It taps into fears of an America that is now unfamiliar to many. Immigration as well has been exaggerated so much with claims of criminals coming over, the reality is America wont even function without this working class of people as they will soon find out. So them rather taking people like Trump, RFK, Gabbard is a purposeful thing, as in if we can scare you enough, you will think that these people should be in power because theyre offering a solution (even though its not a solution) to the problems that theyve exaggerated. Trump saying theres no only 2 genders, literally changes nothing but it makes supporters feel as if hes handled that 'problem'. So in one way you can say well played to the right, but it is completely devilish behaviour, unfortunately people have not really got to grips or understand what putting these people in power may lead to and sometimes we need that lesson. Its like going back to your toxic ex over and over, America is going back facism and they will do probably until it nearly kills them.

She could be the worst yet

I probably wouldnt tell people what to do in this case, you can, I'm sure that will increase their mental health

Ah right I got confused because you brought studies into it, but you're shifting the goal posts now that's fine. What I would care about is actual outcomes for people. If people are getting outcomes from the treatment they're getting who am I to say you shouldn't do that or have an opinion I gained from taking mushrooms to tell them it's a bandaid? I don't go around telling people that they shouldn't get nose jobs or liposuction or do extreme body modification, so why would it be my business to tell trans people what to do? Espeicially when you take into account that most of them are happier with their treatment? If I have psychedelic trip that working is bullshit, should I go around attacking people for working? My thing has always been live and let live, but I respect you feel different, it's your choice 🙏🏽

As I said, mental health, especially things like suicidal ideation, is not an all or nothing thing, if you're thinking about suicide everyday and therapy takes it down to once a week then obviously that's great progress. Most therapy is not going to cure mental health issues completely, it doesn't work like that, some people do therapy for trauma for years. A 40% reduction in mental health issues for someone would be considered an incredible improvement. Generally your post has lots of speculation and assumptions, do you have anything to back it up or it's just your belief? I can't really debate your beliefs if that is the case

They do that as far as I understand. Also I don't think you can have surgery under 18

I don't think you're understanding this study, it's not all or nothing, like you have stress or you don't have stress. Whatever their current stress level was let's say out of 10, 10 being the highest, all of them would be at different levels some will be at 5, some will be at 2, some will be at 10. The average reduction is 40% so no matter what level you were at, it would've reduced by 40% on average, if you were at 10 it would've gone down to 6, if it was 6 it would've gone down to 3.6 etc. It doesn't mean that they still have 55% stress that doesn't make sense. Do you have any sources that say the reduction is only temporary? How did you come to that conclusion?

If you quoting that study then obviously it's a success. You seem to be misreading it, it's saying on average there was a decrease in people who had surgeries had a decrease in suicidal ideation and psychological distress. It's like saying the average lost 42% of their body fat after doing a certain diet, you're not gonna say it's not a success because they didn't lose all of it. This is actually a better study than my example. Also different studies will have slightly different outcomes but usually if the size is as close as possible and there's a good number of participants you should see a general trend, you could also look at a meta analysis of all the studies to see a more complete picture. But at least from both the studies we've shared we can see positive outcomes. You don't have to of course but I'm just making the point that you don't seem to have the same concern for a much bigger issue that you have for the relatively small issue of trans surgery. Or maybe I'm misreading you and you really care I don't know.

Plastic surgery is a massive industry and it is encouraged a lot through social media. There are a lot more people who undertake that some of which is extremely dangerous, it affects a lot more people as well which means much more negative outcomes overall. Point is there's not the sane outrage over this much greater issue.

So if you care wouldn't you be happy to know that suicidality was 73% lower after gender affirming care for that group that was studied? Or does your care only extend to treatment you approve of even if its not as effective in regard to their mental health?

I understand where you're coming from in terms of an external solution may not improve an internal issue, but either way who are we to police that and say what's too far? There's people literally getting body modifications to look like lizards and aliens and there's not really any outrage for that, no one really cares. So I don't really get the outrage here. Also if you care about people's mental health would it affect your opinion if there were many studies that found gender affirming care improved mental health? "In this prospective cohort of 104 TNB youths aged 13 to 20 years, receipt of gender-affirming care, including puberty blockers and gender-affirming hormones, was associated with 60% lower odds of moderate or severe depression and 73% lower odds of suicidality over a 12-month follow-up." https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2789423 I'm not saying there are absolutely no issues around the trans topic, but I don't really understand why people care so much and get so involved. There are probably more people addicted to plastic surgery or try and get it cheap in foreign countries that has a lot more issues around it, mental health and the practicality of the surgery.

Everyone constructs an ego though, people identify as goths, some people get extreme body modification, tattoos etc, you could make the same argument you're making with trans in that, theyre not really a goth, is a mental illness thats led to them changing their body and looks. A goth could be mentally ill as well and a trans person might not be mentally ill but theres a special outrage for trans people. Everyone in society has a constructed identity, its just theres ones that loads of people subscribe to, mainstream identities if you will and theres some that are more niche, the ones that are mainstream usually seem to look down on the niche ones and in some cases question their right to even exist, especially if it threatens their own identity

Thats fine but you can have that argument for any distinction or identity, there is no race, there is no gender, there is no age etc etc. The issue is that if you're denied rights for being trans or for being a woman or man, or black or chinese etc. Your point is valid in a non-dual, spiritual realm and I agree, however we do have to live in this physical realm where distinctions do become important when people are treated unfairly because of a particular distinction. Therefore I would make the argument that any distinction is as important as any other distinction within the this societal context. Also the fact you bring this up specifically with trans and maybe not as much with other identities would suggest some kind of prejudice, this may not be the case but im just pointing it out. Even if you did bring it up for other identities it doesnt really lead to a productive dialogue, basically dont be that guy

This ones so wild he just pulls all this out of his arse

Whats you argument against it? I will preface this with I dont believe trans women (or men) are literally biological women (or men), but they are a category that is distinct from biological men and distinct from biological women. They are trans women which is necessary to label as such because of the obvious differences between how we classify traditional gender.