Sugarcoat

My guess is that meditation calms both the mind and the body on a physical level. So normally when you go about your day you might be heavily engaged in your thoughts, but when you sit down and meditate you are trying to observe your thoughts neutrally so less engagement in them so they can calm down from that. And it calms the body on a physical level and stress can be stored and maintained through tension in the body so staying still calms that down and can dissolve that tension

I’d say sit down for a while and really contemplate what it is that you want. Also don’t have pressure on yourself to be passionate, being less passionate (which I have been lately) is another way of living, it might be a more relaxed mindset and approach to life, nothing wrong with that. Doesn’t mean you have to settle for mediocrity you could still pursue something beyond mediocrity without having a burning desire for it, at least having some interest, that’s what I do as I struggle with feeling that strong passion too. So you could take upon something without feeling that strong passion, to at least be moving in a more desirable direction in life. Sometimes we might fear that we are getting too old to succeed in life or if we’re not passionate enough we won’t have enough motivation to succeed but that’s to me just unnecessary suffering for the most parts and could come partly from ideals from society about what’s the ideal life etc. So deconstruct those too if you have them, so that you can find for yourself what you truly want regardless of what feels like a hindrance and what society says. It seems to me some brains are more visionary than others. Doesn’t mean you can’t be if you don’t have this type of personality but I’ve always had a vivid imagination naturally and some I’ve talked to just don’t seem to naturally. You might have a desire for something you feel would boost your ego, you could try to identify that. Like maybe you have some idea of some self image of being a certain way that seems cool to you. Like maybe being rich. That could be a part of your vision and doesn’t have to be dismissed as just ego stuff

Perhaps you could date several women and keep it on a dating level until you find someone who you think is compatible for a relationship. Also investigate which you probably already have the reason to your resistance to fully committing. Maybe there’s some “fear of missing out” playing a factor. Maybe you feel more secure being distant because then you can’t get hurt and deep close bond might seem a little scary becomes it comes with being very vulnerable. Situationships seem to me to be a way to get all the pros of a relationships without feeling particularly locked down and responsible to the other person that a relationship would entail. It could in some cases mean the person isn’t mature enough yet to handle a relationship . Or as you mentioned growing up the relationships around you can model for you what a relationship entails and leave a bad imprint

It’s not really possible imo to accept everything some things are so inherently suffering that the only way to escape it is to try to reduce it. That’s the reality of humans. We are wired to not wanna suffer. Maybe some superhuman levels of mindfulness is possible in some cases but then that would require tremendous practice. But even then there might be still an aversion to great suffering I don’t think one can truly ever overcome that. Humans are wired to relate to others, themselves and the world with attachments which necessitates the appearance of suffering . Like how we get attachments to people or performing well . It’s physical and mental self survival. One way in my experience to almost completely eliminate mental suffering is to dissolve the many layers of mind, dissolve that mental self

What is awareness? It sounds like duality to me. Awareness being aware of self and being aware of something. The self possesses awareness of itself and other. I think that’s the conventional use of the word. Ive been wondering this too. Such a thought can be scary when it feels like you’re stuck in eternity experiencing itself over and over. But “experience “ is only possible in duality, when there is a self having an experience. Without the self I assume there would be nothing, not experience. So in that case you’re not trapped in infinity, because who would be? But when there’s a sense of self it’s like you’re trapped in experience, in consciousness

Ok I’m sorry. That’s why I wrote “I thought”. Because I have a vague memory of reading about it that when you pluck them in nature you need that quantity

Ok then good that I learnt something from you

Ok I’m getting lectured here😹

Ok didn’t know that’s cool but wouldn’t the psilocybin dose be too high to reach that amount of opioid though so it would be toxic as you say

Didn’t know, so in high doses you get some opioids do is that what I’m getting at here?

Ok I just spoke from my weak memory I don’t remember exactly what I read

It is but that’s language. I get that nobody can experience it

Ofc nobody experiences no self. It’s just language

I have a weak memory of reading before when I was interested in picking magic mushrooms outside somewhere that you need about 100 or something to get enough psilocybin. But I’m not fully sure

It was a fun lucid dream

I had a dream last night about solipsism. In the dream I thought to myself how the other characters are figments of my imagination, and I went around and told them that. That’s what I think solipsism is, like a dream, where you are the only conscious being

This feels intuitively true /conceptually true even though I haven’t “experienced” full no self I can’t tell for you if this is coming from a place of true realization or intuition/conceptual understanding which it is for me In the latter case I think it’s a good idea to be honest with oneself when it’s purely intuitive /conceptual so as not to get it confused with the “real deal”

I did vaping but felt just a tad bit uncomfortable from the ego killing effect so my assumption was that a higher dose would make me even more uncomfortable but who knows maybe a higher dose would knock out the ego that feels uncomfortable counterintuitively

Yea but to transcend these constructs of the mind you need to dissolve the mind/ego. At least what I think

So a higher dose leading to direct no ego would be better to feel no anxiety is what I’m getting here?

It’s crazy what it does, one small dose and you’re almost gone. I don’t understand why it’s uncomfortable though, like if no self is the natural state how come it’s so uncomfortable to get there. I just know i wanna try it again, properly. Only if i lived alone

I think the key is transcending yourself, dissolving yourself, then you can. But as long as you live on the human level you can’t, only to a certain degree can you accept “evil” but not fully. Some things you can’t accept , if someone puts a knife to your throat you will be afraid because you are human. Only if you dissolved the self fully could you not care; but hey even then you might react to it who knows. I don’t know becuase I haven’t dissolved myself

Knowing intellectually that from an absolute perspective there’s no evil doesn’t take away your preferences for things you deem as “good” and aversions to things you deem as “bad”. Evil and good are a duality like any other duality . Might as well say a chair doesn’t exist becuase a chair is a made up distinction. The fundamental distinction/duality is the one of self and other, and it gives rise to all other duality. As long as that “sense” is intact you will inevitably have dualities like good and evil. It’s not really possible as a human being to be completely neutral towards everything and discard that duality . It exists as long as you exist, or as long as you “sense/feel” that you exist

Maybe trying to love your shortcomings is a bit too far, it’s not necessary, but rather you could strive for a neutrality about them. If you are genuinely interested in your own nature, then when judgements or other flaws arise you can view them with this interest and be interested in their nature. You’re observing them from a neutral view instead of being caught up in them. Know that the way the human mind functions is that it has to judge, it has to have flaws: you’d have to literally break yourself down to be able to be free from those flaws. It might or might not be possible for you, that’s something one could strive for. But as long as you’re not there, there will be flaws and I suggest you meet them with this self interest as if you’re a scientist studying your own nature. Interested in finding your “authentic” or perhaps ideal self

I edited. It’s not important