Sugarcoat

Thanks for your honesty. That makes sense since your responses can be very elaborate, plus I know you’ve studied stuff so that’s where you get some of it from right? Some seem to effortlessly write smart texts. But maybe they have a lot of work behind it like having done a lot of contemplation . I have some people I spontaneously can think of.

😹😹😹😹In February I will switch neuroleptic so I’ll see if it just gives me severe akathisia or if it’s good

61: Sometimes I feel like that crazy scientist who has genuinely discovered something but that everyone just thinks is crazy

I know I still asked

60: Sometimes I feel a little dumb. Like I don’t have proper access to my brain. My thoughts have a very low volume and are quite sparse like there’s a long gap between thoughts. I have a hard time getting into a flow while writing, because of this. Sometimes I wanna delete replies because they don’t sound “smart” enough. Yes I’m guilty, somehow I wanna seem deep and smart, to whom I don’t know, just in general, to myself too. I want my replies to have substance, that’s a good thing in a way, it’s good for the forum to wanna give good responses. I wonder if others think like this or if they just write. I find myself reading people’s responses and wondering how they come up with so much to say, and can compare to mine sometimes. lol guilty.

Is that a good or a bad thing

Caloric deficit feels kinda spiritual too for some reason. Like you feel lighter . Maybe it’s not comparable to fasting though.

Once it happened I spontaneously asked myself, where is the I, and for a moment it was like I couldn’t locate myself. I’m not fully sure what that experience was but it felt kinda cool It only happened once though. Nowadays I have a hard time believing something like contemplation could penetrate this self-structure that seems so strong

Intuition in terms of what direction in life to take tends to be connected to what feels expansive for us. So it feels more true because it’s aligned with our newer higher selves vs the old .

The human self is inflammatory and we are full of tension in our entire system because of it, it’s heavy and takes energy to maintain. When you start dissolving and releasing all that tension you’ll start to see your health and energy levels improve. But it’s too weird to talk about.

The answer is obvious

That’s great you’ve realized that. I haven’t.

Maybe it is so

Yea for now it’s just all words for me

If “I” awoke then there wouldn’t be a me there to “not want” it. So it would be all good

I get all of that conceptually but it doesn’t shake this “sense of self” , I dont recognize it for real

Maybe absolutely, but I don’t recognize that. Another way to put it is that my sense of self (and sense of other and reality) feels extremely weak and subtle, and that the connection to myself feels very weak. My thoughts are very quiet and subtle, like the volume on them is low. Ofc when I say this I’m speaking as myself, from myself, from my own connection to myself, it has to be there for me to say “I”. But all of it feels extremely “weak” that’s my experience. Reason being that I went through a lot of self dissolution (but not complete). You can’t know it unless you experience it

The bliss didn’t last for long, but I remember and it was very blissful. I don’t wanna die all the time, like I’m fine right now. But sometimes I wanna die and am kinda depressed, I’d say I’m always just a little bit depressed. The reasons are quite weird so I don’t tend to write about it. But I can say I feel this severe disconnect from myself, kind of like depersonalization Thanks for asking

You can only hate women if you feel you ~need~ something from them

Well that’s why i said it was a basis from HIS side. But he felt it wasn’t reciprocated. Nobody unless they have low self esteem or something would like to give in relationship without getting something in return. The resentment he felt for her tells me he was needy yes. But it’s nonetheless reasonable to expect something back from someone. He could’ve left her if she didn’t meet his standards. Both men and women are conditioned to value romantic relationships and seek partner. How much of that is a biological is hard to say. So power is a more basic need for a man than a woman in his life? Can she be that proof that he has power? You mean they were mirroring each other like he was the insecure needy guy so his mirror would be a more distant cold girl ? As in they’re the same level? Or am I just off the tracks here with guessing what you mean😹😹😹😹 Could be, but we don’t know. Maybe he thought of leaving her but just hadn’t taken action yet. It’s slightly weird though he felt need to analyze why she left if she was so supposedly “cold” and he pulled back isn’t it obvious then. He said he didn’t miss her so maybe he surprised himself on how well he’d do without her Ill stop analyzing his situation it feels a bit odd to do despite him writing a post about it lol I’ll end it here😹

I had a blissful massive shift which was like the dissolution of my mental self, but I don’t know what to call it. Maybe I haven’t awakened but I’ve dissolved myself so much the world lost 99% of its 3D depth now try to beat that one

No, it can be funny sometimes your comment. Otherwise I feel pretty neutral about it. I’d be glad for you if it went well with girls irl.

I feel that’s a bit of an assumption from your side. From his side it seems love and pleasure was a basis hence this post, but it wasn’t reciprocated. Either he is too needy, or she genuinely didn’t love him back or she has a different style of loving and attaching herself which wasn’t matching his. That she broke up could be a sign that all that time she didn’t love him explaining the lack of giving love, or she broke up when he started to pull back which would be weird because why would she expect receiving when she didn’t give. We only know one side of the story so hard to tell. Limiting beliefs as in not believing they are capable of getting something better thus settling for less meanwhile women don’t tend to have these you mean? I wonder why he dint break up with her. Maybe he had it in the back of his mind but hadn’t taken action on it yet.

I don’t know what you mean by a demonstration of his social power

Obv it can work like that because op wrote about it. You also wanna enjoy your partner as a human being that gives their love to you, not just their qualities as objects. From his pov there was an imbalance and since she broke up she must have agreed. Or he was expecting too much of her, I can’t know enough to say which one it is. I don’t get your last paragraph