Sugarcoat

Until dementia hits 😬

Hahahahahah it’s fun to read that vulgar flow state expression 😂 Interesting topic indeed

Nice analogy , I like the sugary too

Hahaah I’ve also been inspired to joke like that from those non dual talks. It’s so funny because it would be so unexpected

Not for me, can drink how much I want no problem, I use it more so for digestion than the energy boost

You’d get more drunk feeling from the latte I swear

I’m not no nobody

Reading that, it sounds like you naturally have just so much intense energy, I also have in some way but for me it's kinda the opposite of the sort of extroverted tendency im getting from you. For me, the intense energy inside makes me struggle to engage with the world at all, even sometimes with basic chores, or just with replying. It has been very exhausting at times, so ive always sort of had this tendency where I try to release the pent up energy. I also recently from this kundalini rising energy (it seems to be that, based on descriptions), have developed another thing keeping me "imprisoned " and its this "forced sleepiness". I can literally, it happened as I was writing this, I just get"wave" of sleepiness that feels like I dont have it in me to fight back, but I tend to naturally find way to wake up again (not literally but it reminds me of it) , for example saying something more authentic than what I said before the sleepiness wave. Very random but basically to sum this up what I said: I am so "inside", that I can feel very limited in my engagement with the world because if I do something that isn't properly "aligned", I either get sleepy or zone out. One of the most craziest examples I have of how strong it can be for me, is that one time when I was talking to my mom (she is textbook definition of neurotic, and people lose their shit on her so its not just me saying this) it felt like I literally "lost consciousness" for a few seconds. I mean like going unconscious and even losing vision for a few seconds. It was a bit disturbing to me actually because it fed this thought in me of feeling like I have the potential to be controlled if I dont do the right thing (for example in this case, trying to engage with someone with "bad energy"). Not controlled from outside by entity or something , but literally just like the most extreme versions of "zoning out" that I didnt even know was possible before i experienced it. I got the thought, what if you can just be transported into some other realm to "learn a lesson" and then come back here. Ok maybe later I'll read this again and regain some sense of "theres people around that can see this" and chose to delete, but whatever. I mean, you went on absolute rampage talking about your life, so then I feel theres not much rules in what I say, I can deviate off topic however much I want. Ok back to the topic ahaha. Or no idk what to say at all. Idk about you but when I write authentically like this without much inhibition I feel increasingly "emptied", maybe I said it before. Ok I can mention some thoughts I thought was funny when I read you insane life story. One of the first things I thought when you mentioned the sailing, was that it reminded me of Christopher Columbus😂. I dont know the details of what he did but I remember he sailed to America or something and thats insane, because in history class in school, even then I thought it sounded unbelievable. I almost couldn't comprehend that a human can do that, survive, and actually, just keep themselves attentive to what's happening for so long, because I imagine it requires so much attention, how do you not lose yourself in it, is what im thinking. Also the mentioning of military. I nearly had to go do it too, but I had epilepsy when I was younger, and it had healed, but the tapering off the meds took really long. So when I was filling in the form with the questions for the military screening or whatever it's called, I realized that being on the meds was this one single thing that prevented me from having to go. Actually, my memory tells me I even had quit the meds, but the question was "have you taken meds for one of the following conditions lately", so I was hanging on a thin thread with the hope of not having to do the military. Because I didnt want to at all, it would be such deep waste of time, is what I thought. So when I realized that the only thing that saved me from it was taking those meds recently, I thought to myself how the epilepsy was a literal blessing. "thank you lord" hahahah. I can also relate to this thing about people having suspicions , but not nearly as severe as in your case. But it is so ingrained in people, to judge what's outside the norm in a way that makes them uncomfortable, that even if im not argumentative barely at all, someone can still be creeped out or something and say judgey things. Its not a problem to be judged for me, but when they are involved in my life and I care about them and they have ability to affect my life happenings, then its relevant issue. In your case with your sister, thats next level. If I lived like that I would feel like id have to be vigilant every day or something about every move I make . But also the opposite could happen, what if you kind of came up with some "speech" or something ., You speak so much here on this forum, youre good at writing, what if you could channel it into some spectacular soul crushing speech to them. Basically gathering as much of those people that resent you for living like you do, perhaps bring them onto your boat if they dare. Then you tell them everything you want to say, and if they aren't convinced, if they still believe youre a psycho etc and you feel they could call police at any moment if they wish, then you could just throw them in the water maybe? Like the opposite of Noahs Ark (im not planning this writing idk where im getting these analogies from 😂) Because you wrote in that first sentence that the people in the forum could commit suicide, but what have they even done , at most maybe called you a charlatan or something?? It sounded very harsh to me that sentence, and im not an easily offended person. Consider, that there may be some discrepancy between how you think youre being percieved vs how youre actually percieved , and how you sense judgment that may not be there much at all from someone. I hope it's not too difficult to read, but I dont feel like revising it right now so. But just, you may be exceptional at this ability to access the open nature, but consider that you may very well be flawed more than you realize in your ability to percieve "self" in both yourself and others. Maybe you are good at describing the very basic structure of it, basically "the nature" of it, but then the things that are more about how it expresses itself, then there may be some misunderstandings there, hence why I get like a little hostile sense from you sometimes but it doesn't seem from my perspective that the other person is judging you barely at all (im thinking mainly of two users, you know, the white man with the suit that writes romantic sounding poetry and ends it with "inshallah" only to write "namaste" the next day, trying to be some kind of "mr worldwide". Then we have that one vegan, who wouldn't even hurt a sardine, and has written cute emojis at the end of some non dual texts, but still somehow you manage to percieve these two as if theyre judging you, rather than just finding it stimulating to discuss or something??) I could elaborate but, I feel I am putting myself too much out there now perhaps. Might revise later, but its good sometimes to just write whatever comes up, then post, notice the engagement or sometimes lack thereof (maybe feeling embarrassed, could pop up) but its okay for now. If you can write 17 k posts about nature of reality and that crazy reply you sent me about your life, then it's fine I write this soup I just wrote. Hope youre well, and perhaps also someone else out there who even bothered to read this mess

Some people I have genuinely thought even the strongest psychedelic wouldn't do nothing to them once its over theyd just bounce back like they got infinite walls so theres no point trying to break

That enlightened unknowingness

I can’t fully go into yoga stuff around people it’s like I am absent when I do it , so other people’s presence takes my attention out of myself/my body to some degree, disrupting that full presence in the body that allows for the most effective sessions. Yoga is like private ok , because sometimes the most effective movements be questionable looking, the real ones know what I mean…

There was this old man around that age in one of my courses in university who was total yapper it’s like you grow social skills dealing with him learning to end the convo smoothly. Maybe it’s compensation for knowing the end is coming soon….

Coffe shop is so lovely I have addiction to salted caramel lattes I had to break eventually. Joke aside they are so welcoming and you can’t assume yoga poga center is more spiritual . I’ve had encounters even at fast food restaurant that are unbelievable

Amazing depth there

👍🏻

ok now idk what youre saying

hahahaahahahhaahahahhaahahhahahahaahah i swear what you just said applies to so many yes. I can't tell you how many times I see poeple here or on internet talk about these things and Im in my head like "youre not really speaking from that place" haha

Damn, why I seem to keep having these commonalities with some of you "enlightened" people (quotation mark because its not always clear from my pov where someones at) but I have a obvious sense of self (albeit incredibly void at times, and subtle) every single second of every day all my life, pretty much. Yes. Not for once, ever, have I had that obvious non dual opening, at least what it seems from my experience. (ok yes theres some slight overrexageration but im making a point) Just putting that out there, might expand on it some day somewhere. But yea, adding to the point I just made, I have thought also like you say there, if I remember correctly, it rings a bell in me, altough not so explicitly as the zooming thing I mentioned. The thing about thoughts tho, yes I experience that very clearly and have naturally reflected on it.

You can hear the audience during the "satsangs" or whatever they're called asking the same questions over and over when the speaker already made it clear. It comes off as desperate, hence "ego".

Yea and it's logical too. When I was younger I thought of how if you draw a line in the middle of a paper, you could say the line is the boundary between the two halves, but then if you zoom in on the line, its broader so then the middle of it, is the boundary. And you can keep going forever, zooming in more and more, so I thought how it doesn't make sense there could be separation because where would exact boundary be. And that was just on logic level for me as I said.

But the scientists not acting like it tho..

You have a very strong presence on this forum. Personally, irregardless of how I'm perceived, I imagine I´d feel uncomfortable sharing such explicit things. How does that work for you, if you'd like to share. "But in background there is not a wounded psyche", maybe it answers my question already but still. Anyways it's special to read, it sounds really intense, like I have hard time imagining being able to suffer through all of that without you know... trying to exit (no pun intended) . But thats just how my mind works

Thats like scientific actually

Because I smell ego

Preeeeachh