Sugarcoat

I don’t have effects of trauma. I don’t have trauma in the conventional sense. I used to have chronic stress, but not anymore I feel disconnected, not particularly stressed. I am quite neutral or slightly worse than neutral most of the time.

The kind of loss of meaning I can experience, is related to that disconnect from self. It’s not really non dual in my case But the self can be shed, I don’t know if it can completely because I haven’t experienced it, but it can be dissolved to extreme degrees

What you’re saying might apply to the average person, they would need something biological in the body to happen to be in my state. (Perhaps not , maybe some have for example depression and are in a somewhat similar state like me) But in my case it’s not caused by biology in the body. But it is caused by my brain, so in that way it is biological , more precisely, neurological. From my own direct experience , from my own interoceptive awareness. What I suffer from is a severe disconnect from myself (feeling like I barely exist) This causes disconnect from everything else: my thoughts, my emotions, my libido, my desires, my sense of reality altogether. (That’s why I sometimes feel like I’m almost in a void) This disconnect from self, is caused by a neurological disconnect in my brain. It’s a kind of disconnect in the transmission of dopamine in my brain. It’s not a disease. It’s a result of extreme self dissolution (incomplete, so never reaching “no self) as a result of extreme amount of a kind of self inquiry (observation of self/mind). It took me several years to get to this point I would say I have good internal awareness. For example I used to have chronic abdominal bloating since childhood. Bloated after every single meal. I took matter into my own hands. I found through experimenting that it wasn’t the food that was causing it. It was a condition called abdomino phrenic dyssynergia (muscular problem) I managed to permanently cure my bloating using different exercises that I came up with myself. Using my body awareness i just used that as example of having good body awareness to be able to know if my body is healthy I still value health. I wanna optimize my diet more for example. And I know there could be things going on in my body I’m not aware of. But it’s not the cause You don’t have to understand nor believe me, no need to reply to this. I’m not here to prove myself to anyone. All my writing is just self expression. Even if I lack joy, I am kinda neutral most of the time, so it’s not super bad

What if you feel no emotions

I have healthy body. I eat healthy for the most part, exercise a little bit. Have no diseases. I can sometimes feel like things are stripped of meaning . But it’s not quite nihilism. I have pretty much no drive in life, no reason behind doing almost anything I have zero libido when im awake yes… Healthy mind too equals healthy libido, not just body. I feel a severe disconnect from myself, almost like I barely exist, which is causing my issues. It sounds weird but it’s due to too much thinning of the ego. So it’s like I lost big parts of my normal self, so I’m disconnected from myself, my emotions, my thoughts, my reality.

Yea you have a point

You’re strong for going through this.

Agreed. Cool that meditation is working for you. Great that you managed to have cool experiences during the retreat

Hahah thanks ❤️

I couldn’t imagine not resonating

I wanna bring it back too. It’s because of issues I deal with too, emptiness, disconnect within. It’s not fun

She should have said “now worship me” 😂😅

yea

I had a period in my teenage years where I had a TONNNN of sleep paralysis episodes, and feeling energy rise through my back and strong vibrations. It also happened once I talked to someone and opened up to someone and felt energy rising up through my face and releasing. I’ve also felt energies while doing positive visualizations of myself. I think it all connects to kundalini. It’s a process of dissolving the ego, but it’s very slow. It’s releasing tension in the system, blockages too, all that connects to the dense ego, the structure of the psyche. It feels like release of tension, can feel really good. I did meditation but didn’t find correlation to it, but if you do then it’s worth continuing. Maybe I just didn’t do enough of it. I’m lowkey impressed by people who do these retreats, like must be so boring to meditate for so long

If you dissolve the self enough the world almost stops being 3D but nobody is ready for that conversation

i imagine something like this: (I really like the music in this video too) Not the same vibe lol

It sounds majestic.

It takes a lot to “dissolve” that density. Much depth and layers to the psyche. Takes years to begin to scrape it

Yea I agree it’s probably an extremely small percentage in the world. And yea there are strong forces that prevent it. It’s like it’s fundamental to the brain to have a self

I see. I’ve noticed too that to see through the psyche it’s crucial to confront it and face your fears. Turning attention inward and observing yourself and your psyche. Breaking through those layers one by one. It’s not a natural process for most but if you have that inclination it can be

https://open.spotify.com/track/0bUa56UpL8ijeg7zxyvx4P?si=n1hwtnR6S56damSCMNc5Dw&context=spotify%3Asearch

It might have some value I’m not denying that

I’m not scared of death if death is eternal nothingness. But I do too believe in eternal reincarnation and oneness so that scares me, being trapped in eternity and experiencing horrible things. I’m also afraid of suffering, mainly physical suffering. You could work on making your mind a safe space, having thoughts that support you rather than bring you down. It could look like having positive mantras for yourself, it could be visualizing positive things, about whatever. It could look like contemplating suffering and death so it turns into a thing that’s “interesting” , it could look like investigating your fears and contemplating how they work, so you gain a better understanding of them. So basically over time you build a better mindset, so the content of your mind works in your favor. Thats on the mind level, but you could also go on a body level, utilizing deep breathing at random times in the day to calm your thoughts down when you’re stuck in your head.

Juliana Jendo - Bagiye (Assyrian music) this song is so “powerful”, need more music like this

Same