Sugarcoat

Lol when I saw your notification I thought you’d say something against what I said. I have only tried a little dmt and 5 Meo dmt in small doses. I don’t remember the dmt but the 5 Meo dmt almost completely erased the border between me and the world, it’s almost like melting into the enviroment, not completely though, because I took a small dose. I guess on larger dose it would be full blown “no self. “. If that would feel “connected” I don’t know. But to me the small dose felt like I almost dissolved, so not more connected I wanna try different psychedelics but I live at my parents house so I gotta be sneaky and its hard to get a hold of

He tends to write in uncommon, complicated way with uncommon terms. Your English seems pretty good, English is also not my first but I’m still fluent in it. I agree. When I write I always try to write in a simple way that people can understand. And to make it shorter and more digestible is preferable too

Hahaahahah I swear. Do people read such long posts ever. (No offense, I’m impressed by such writing)

I haven’t read yet but damn did you write all that from your mind ?

I’m feeling kinda good right now ❤️I’m still kinda disconnected from myself (it’s normal for me) but it’s not super severe. Thanks for all the responses . ❤️I didn’t ask for help but it’s still nice of people to give their input. And I know many people enjoy writing in forums so it’s also for your own sake

It’s a bit weird. Because in my case, it can happen very occasionally that I get sexual dreams, and even more rarely, I can orgasm from them, without masturbating. But as soon as I fully wake up, the horniness goes away. And I never get horny in waking life since about a year back. I’ve tried maybe once or twice to masturbate exactly after waking up from a sexual dream, but it didn’t really work, the horniness just went away. I don’t feel sexual desire in waking life, but I wish to have it back, like I did in the past. I don’t have sexual repression.

Good point. I am naturally very inwards. I have done a lot of a kind of “self inquiry”, (observing of mind and self). It has mostly been in a self conscious manner, but I don’t see how else it would be done, self conscious can mean two things,” insecure “or just aware of yourself in general (which is a more neutral way), people use the term in different ways. I have done both of them. I have been neurotic. But I’d say it has been my awareness of it that has eventually with time cured it. What I experience now is a kind of “lack”. It’s not really “suffering” because as I said I lack emotion, and that includes negative emotions, but it is “unsatisfactory”. I feel this disconnect is a kind of “state”. My thoughts can affect my state a bit, or rather just help me to get through it without being so negative about it, but only to a certain extent. They’re not all powerful.

I don’t have emotions

I don’t have effects of trauma. I don’t have trauma in the conventional sense. I used to have chronic stress, but not anymore I feel disconnected, not particularly stressed. I am quite neutral or slightly worse than neutral most of the time.

The kind of loss of meaning I can experience, is related to that disconnect from self. It’s not really non dual in my case But the self can be shed, I don’t know if it can completely because I haven’t experienced it, but it can be dissolved to extreme degrees

What you’re saying might apply to the average person, they would need something biological in the body to happen to be in my state. (Perhaps not , maybe some have for example depression and are in a somewhat similar state like me) But in my case it’s not caused by biology in the body. But it is caused by my brain, so in that way it is biological , more precisely, neurological. From my own direct experience , from my own interoceptive awareness. What I suffer from is a severe disconnect from myself (feeling like I barely exist) This causes disconnect from everything else: my thoughts, my emotions, my libido, my desires, my sense of reality altogether. (That’s why I sometimes feel like I’m almost in a void) This disconnect from self, is caused by a neurological disconnect in my brain. It’s a kind of disconnect in the transmission of dopamine in my brain. It’s not a disease. It’s a result of extreme self dissolution (incomplete, so never reaching “no self) as a result of extreme amount of a kind of self inquiry (observation of self/mind). It took me several years to get to this point I would say I have good internal awareness. For example I used to have chronic abdominal bloating since childhood. Bloated after every single meal. I took matter into my own hands. I found through experimenting that it wasn’t the food that was causing it. It was a condition called abdomino phrenic dyssynergia (muscular problem) I managed to permanently cure my bloating using different exercises that I came up with myself. Using my body awareness i just used that as example of having good body awareness to be able to know if my body is healthy I still value health. I wanna optimize my diet more for example. And I know there could be things going on in my body I’m not aware of. But it’s not the cause You don’t have to understand nor believe me, no need to reply to this. I’m not here to prove myself to anyone. All my writing is just self expression. Even if I lack joy, I am kinda neutral most of the time, so it’s not super bad

What if you feel no emotions

I have healthy body. I eat healthy for the most part, exercise a little bit. Have no diseases. I can sometimes feel like things are stripped of meaning . But it’s not quite nihilism. I have pretty much no drive in life, no reason behind doing almost anything I have zero libido when im awake yes… Healthy mind too equals healthy libido, not just body. I feel a severe disconnect from myself, almost like I barely exist, which is causing my issues. It sounds weird but it’s due to too much thinning of the ego. So it’s like I lost big parts of my normal self, so I’m disconnected from myself, my emotions, my thoughts, my reality.

Yea you have a point

You’re strong for going through this.

Agreed. Cool that meditation is working for you. Great that you managed to have cool experiences during the retreat

Hahah thanks ❤️

I couldn’t imagine not resonating

I wanna bring it back too. It’s because of issues I deal with too, emptiness, disconnect within. It’s not fun

She should have said “now worship me” 😂😅

yea

I had a period in my teenage years where I had a TONNNN of sleep paralysis episodes, and feeling energy rise through my back and strong vibrations. It also happened once I talked to someone and opened up to someone and felt energy rising up through my face and releasing. I’ve also felt energies while doing positive visualizations of myself. I think it all connects to kundalini. It’s a process of dissolving the ego, but it’s very slow. It’s releasing tension in the system, blockages too, all that connects to the dense ego, the structure of the psyche. It feels like release of tension, can feel really good. I did meditation but didn’t find correlation to it, but if you do then it’s worth continuing. Maybe I just didn’t do enough of it. I’m lowkey impressed by people who do these retreats, like must be so boring to meditate for so long

If you dissolve the self enough the world almost stops being 3D but nobody is ready for that conversation

i imagine something like this: (I really like the music in this video too) Not the same vibe lol

It sounds majestic.