Sugarcoat

Omg yes! I noticed if I kept my mind really positive, or neutral. I could even feel good from seemingly bad food. It wasn’t until I dissolved most of my mind, dissolved all my beliefs, that I found true health. Health independent of mental judgements. One time something crazy to me happened. I was listening to a video of a woman talking about how the body detoxes. I felt this “whole body resonance” with her video, and suddenly my stomach rumbled and I had to go to the bathroom like twice and had diarrhea. It’s very odd . It’s like my body kickstarted some kind of detoxing by listening to her! I could elaborate more but I can’t come up with much at the moment .

Understood

I don’t know why I’m writing this. My current situation is that I feel I barely exist I feel severely disconnected from myself. It has been going on for about a year. I have no emotions, no libido, feel no romantic or sexual attraction, almost zero sense of joy, almost zero motivation to do anything, no sense of purpose, almost no desire to do anything Im not particularly depressed, only sometimes, I feel a little bit worse than neutral usually. I’m not particularly stressed too I have no desire to date or socialize. That’s why I am a virgin at 21 and have one friend, but I have no desire to hangout with her or my family. I barely talk at all, because I feel so disconnected from myself. I just do what I have to : work to earn money so I can eventually move out, hygiene, sleep, eat, look at my phone. Me and my family travel sometimes and I will travel this summer but I feel nothing about it. I wouldn’t mind staying alone at home. That shows how I don’t enjoy things others enjoy. I derive pretty much zero pleasure from anything. Despite all of this: this is me on a GOOD day. Today I’m having a good day, even if it’s like how I’ve described. That’s how my situation is What else could I write? I don’t know Im going to doctors and they put me on anti depressant and anti psychotic for a year now but they make zero difference except make me a little calmer which isn’t too bad I guess. I also have suicidal thoughts sometimes when I feel extra disconnected from myself.

Thanks for honesty. Only think about it if you want to

I’ve changed my meal frequency lately. So nowadays I eat two small meals a day, and one small snack Monday to Thursday. Then Friday to Sunday I only eat two small meals plus if I want, dessert. So I make space for the eventual dessert. I have been practicing portion control, meaning I’ve reduced my portion sizes to small. I also follow , when the food fits it, the plate model. It’s good for reducing the calories because you’re filling half the plate with non starchy vegetables. For example if I’m eating chicken, rice and veggies. Only a fourth of my plate is chicken, a fourth is rice, and half is veggies. I like the feeling when I eat less. I also like to feel light. I might incorporate fasting sometimes too. That’s something I could play around with too. I don’t know how much I believe in true breatharianism. Maybe one would need extreme self/body mastery/awareness to be able to sustain it

I have a hard time seeing how it would be possible to willingly chose that the brain creates more self. My brain has a bunch of self referential thoughts and self-imagination, so it’s like it’s already trying to maximize the self. But it can’t create more substance to the self, and it seems when that substance dissolves it’s forever gone. So it might apply in the world of relativity. Have a hard time seeing that But I have extra. It’s constant for me I’m not particularly depressed. I’m more empty. Yea I get brain changes. But what exercise does is special

Thanks for being open minded!❤️

I like his straight forward and simple way It seems the brain constructs it. But that doesn’t mean you can willingly choose to make your brain construct it. I have had that thought too. Some school of thoughts believe that. I kinda believe every person is very slowly dissolving. But it takes lifetimes for most. Because the ego is kinda this “effort” to maintain, so it seems nature is moving towards more effortless states, like entropy haha. I don’t know this though, just a thought It would be a miracle if my self came back to how it was before My brain has a lot of self referential thoughts. So it’s like the “self neurons” are very very active. But there’s a disconnect in myself due to all the dissolution. Ideally I would dissolve my self fully I can stay like this too. But it’s unsatisfactory and dull, disconnected and numb. I only know of exercise that can grow those connections in the self to create a connected stronger self. I seriously doubt anything else compares to that. It would have to physically change the brain. I’m not denying something could though You know I wanna try. I’m open to trying things. I won’t lose by trying although I don’t believe in anything I’ve not heard of psychedelics increasing ego before.

My body feels very light and subtle. But the sense of a boundary between my body and the rest is kinda weak. This is a result of the severe degree of incomplete self dissolution I went through. The more my self dissolved, the lighter my body felt, because the self kinda creates this tension, or is this tension, when maintained. When I zoom in on an body part it’s a subtle physical sensation of that body part You don’t know whether I know or not. Sometimes when we tell our stories people try to fit them into their worldview, which is a view of the average person. But there are edge cases like mine which the average doesn’t apply to It is possible to be aware of certain processes inside your own brain through internal awareness. I experience things in my brain I’ve been able to confirm using simple google searches that it’s a real phenomena that happens. Maybe the average person isn’t so aware of processes inside their brain, but doesn’t mean it applies to everyone, once again, when something doesn’t fit into average experience and an average world view people will still try to fit it into it. The average person doesn’t have clairvoyance either. But I know it’s possible because it has happened to me. That’s just another example. I find no joy in writing this . So I don’t really care about it. Just responding .

Thanks very sweet of you. Maybe you just asked rhetorically but I can answer anyways briefly. The thing is I feel disconnected from myself like I barely exist so it’s hard to answer the first question. I have very weak sense of motivation. I’m not very driven towards anything at all. But it could be a subtle preference. For example now I’m laying in the sun, there was a slight preference to do that. I don’t really have much desires for anything. I know it sounds empty but that’s how it is now for me. I don’t really have spiritual practice but i naturally observe myself and my mind and have done that , and do that, a lot I have moments of peace sometimes yea

Hi. Very sweet of you to write such a thoughtful response I used to be insecure with social anxiety , but after working through it , I overcame all of that so I am not insecure in my expression anymore. I feel safe in expressing myself. Yes people around me can’t relate to me much, so I won’t talk to them about things they aren’t interested in unless they ask, but that is okay to me I do find that there’s something wrong with me. Something different about my brain. But thanks anyways.

Yes. Haha you finally acknowledge something 😂 That’s not a given I remember once a non dualist (Jim Newman) who have lost their self, got asked if the self can come back. And they answered no. Thats an experience I share. I’m not fully dissolved like him, I have a tiny ego left, but I don’t feel like it could ever go back to how it was. How would brain rebuild the self again? I know only one way to grow a self, and that is through physical exercise that grows the brain. This is the ideal self. But it entails a lot of suffering so I don’t wanna do that I will say to doctor that meds aren’t helping so might stop them this summer. I don’t think neuroleptics lead to self dissolution. They might block dopamine but that’s not self dissolution . Psychedelics attack the self though like 5 Meo . But neuroleptics in my experience doesn’t alter the self like that

Because it’s frustrating being separate

Celebrating gods infinite lifetime

I’d like to receive infinity for my birthday

If you are healthy. If you are in the prime years of your health. If you have strong healthy digestive system. If you’re not sensitive, then you shouldn’t really feel a difference when you eat a little junk sometimes. If you do, if you feel it makes you slower, sluggish, affects your ability to think, bloated etc, it probably means you are sensitive, don’t have the best digestion, maybe have some chronic illness, aren’t in the prime years of your health etc. So don’t blame the food…. It’s your body that isn’t in the best shape: Because a healthy strong body should be able to handle some crap. I notice this in myself. I can eat a little crap sometimes and I feel no difference in my state. Because I’m top healthy so my body can handle it. Dont come on here thinking you got some exceptional interoceptive awareness making you notice the most subtle changes. Maybe it’s possible, but most people don’t have that so…

Could you briefly summarize

I’ll just need a few years studying French then I’ll get back to you alright gotcha

It takes a lot to overcome one’s problems. For example I had social anxiety and it took me like 4 years of consistent work and emotional labour to finally overcome it. The weird thing is that for me that required a certain degree of self dissolution. Because think about it, if you’re going to change something deep about yourself, something has to die off, and for me it looked like layers to my ego. So it’s a bit of a spiritual process too. If I were to break it down to its core, I’d say it’s important to observe yourself closely, so you can understand the mechanisms behind why you do like you do, the thought processes. Neutral observation also becomes like a practice of detachment. Observing literally means you’re stepping back and simply observing instead of being engaged and feeding. Understanding can help. It’s like a good foundation. Some problems literally survive out of UNawareness of them. Also exposing yourself to your fears, challenging yourself , with things you find difficult, gradually, so you’re not too overwhelmed and it backlashes instead. Also medication can help in some cases if you don’t already take them. In my case they didn’t help me, but I still believe in giving it a shot.

Yea

That’s a lot of time

I see your point. I am the type that tends to experiment when I have problems, I did it with my skin and stomach. But it depends on the problem and what my conclusion about it is based on my understanding of it. I want to try psychedelics some time, I might discontinue medication as they’re not helping me.

My description of my experience is based on direct internal awareness.

I’m not here to prove myself to anyone. So I don’t mind you writing like that. But you are wrong

It will never happen. It can either stay the same or get worse. i don’t have a normal brain. That is coming from my own interoceptive awareness. There has not been one second of me having a normal experience since like beginning of high school (that’s approximately when I started to notice my self dissolving)