Sugarcoat

I don’t know if it’s obvious that my post was a joke (the torturing yourself part)? I think the same as you, although maybe you have realized it directly, which I haven’t. I heard a story about a guy who transcoded physical pain through extreme amount of mindfulness practice (kind of like focusing attention on the pain or something). So he probably rewired his brain, achieved some altered state of consciousness when he did that

Some say no-self is equal to suffering , so if you die before you die then you might be freed in this life at least

I agree

Reasonable suggestion I find self expression comes naturally for me. It’s like an impulse. And I follow that impulse

Well since you ask Last few years I have been working almost full time with different jobs, kindergarten, restaurant, basically jobs where you interact with humans Other than that I have been physically exercising Also doing things with family sometimes I do contemplation sometimes naturally Have gone on a lot of walks outside in nature or in city. Periods of having step goals for the day Occasionally met a friend or relative. I don’t socialize much outside my family at all Other than that yes I’ve spent a lot of time on the internet. Also sometimes I sleep for a long time This autumn I will start studying full time in university, so that will be a lifestyle change. You might evaluate my lifestyle and draw correlations to my mental wellbeing, but you do that because that’s how the average person functions. They need to do significant things and meet people often enough to feel good. So you automatically apply that to me. But I am different than most.

I lack that truly

I lack that strong drive to live. I am very causal about the idea of death

There was some stress in the beginning but I find it was a reaction to it, rather than a cause. But reasonable suggestion anyways! The doctors evaluated me but didn’t find a diagnosis as of yet, for example they did autism evaluation

The highest goal

I’ll just try it for myself

Did it do anything?

@Schizophonia Have you tried or it’s just one of your theories, Freud/jung inspired, appendix complex?

I’m being honest I don’t know and haven’t met enough people in order to draw a conclusion about women like that. If Leo has approached 1000+ women then yes he has more say in the matter Im a lone wolf that’s why But it’s not about protecting my gender. I’m not offended at all. I was just a little suprised because it doesn’t fit the women I’ve met in my life, I thought this crazy hot woman was like a stereotype, a minority of like influencers in Miami or something

So you mean if you get enlightened you’ll be enlightened forever?

Maybe im boring you with my ridiculous torture questions sorry i just can’t help thinking about suffering

It seems as long as there is self there will be suffering But as long as we are here maybe we could practice mindfulness on the suffering, as you say “witness”

It’s hard for people to be open minded partly due to attachments

And one particular form cant be forever either or? For example could infinity create a reality where there is a conscious being that goes through torture for all of eternity Why am I even asking this, if you answer no that doesn’t make it much better because 500 million years of torture isn’t eternal so then that could happen 😂😂

Maybe you can end seeking but how about ending the avoidance of suffering? That’s where I feel I am. I feel my entire life revolves around me avoiding suffering. But I don’t really seek any pleasure

I mean it makes sense because let’s say you’re in a coma for years it’s like no time passed for you when you wake up

Thanks for the tip

What does awareness mean here?

That’s reasonable

It might be similar to those things yea. I was feeling stressed in the beginning but then stress lessened. It lessened by me changing my mindset about it I can feel connected to others it’s just very very subtle I could try to focus my attention on things outside myself (doing the opposite of what my mind naturally does) I don’t know what would happen if I did that consistently a lot. The partial loss of self feels like an emptiness, it’s mostly neutral but I lack joy so that’s negative

Thanks I feel I have always been inward all my life that’s how I function, activities don’t really pull my attention outward. I have to do it actively (like focusing on a sensory perception like some object in front of me). What would happen if I did that a lot I don’t know. My brain would need serious rewiring to stop being inward