Sugarcoat

To be so in touch with your body, that you’re in touch with the fact of not being in touch with it So in touch to be able to tell that your perception of it isn’t what it actually is, to be able to tell that you cannot truly touch anything, hear anything, see anything, feel anything - simply put; experience anything, as it all gets filtered through this ~out of touchness~ which ironically enough, requires ~in touchness~ to be identified.

All my life I’ve noticed this seriousness about people, i notice it everywhere I go. I don’t know if it’s a neurotypical quality or something else but maybe this is kind of what you are referring to also

I’m pretty damn sure I am autistic myself (although a woman) by research and experience. I relate deeply to you regarding this fear of losing control because of this sexual desire taking over or something While it hasn’t solved fully for me. I can say that this desire isn’t some dangerous force that is trying to make you go out there and do shit you don’t want. That might be the mental fantasies associated with the desires - but those mental fantasies don’t reflect that desire itself - but rather they are kind of some attempt of releasing this sexual energy. In the same way a person who feels socially awkward and constricted in their social expression - they might have these fantasies of these ridiculous social scenarios where they are being social and charismatic as their ideal self - doesn’t mean that is what they actually wanna do and will do. Just when we have this energy stuck inside it can seem way more intense than it is you don’t HAVE to have “vagina” to release some of that sexual energy and feel some relief from this . Sure in the long run you want to have real sex sooner or later but there is no need to rush it . It is possible to release some of this sexual energy alone with yourself and your own body too. It doesn’t have to be masturbation necessarily but for example allowing yourself to entertain fantasies without holding back there, moving your body different ways along with this. You can play around with it, or it might happen spontaneously when you are alone or in another context that feels safe (in the same way someone might start compulsively talking to themselves when alone and imagining company as a way to try release this need for social expresssion ) . It might sound like this cannot work as some partial temporary relief but it can if you allow it to flow more and stop resisting it. OR another way to go about this (this I did in the past, the former - “going with the flow “- has been what I’ve been getting in touch with recently) is to work so concentrated and hard for this ideal self you wanna be that you genuinely gain enough reward from progressing along this path that the reward is enough to satisfy you so these sexual desires stop feeling like some insatiable hunger. Your mind is essentially intensely concentrated on this “pursuit of ideal” rather than those desires , and is gaining rewards from this progression Along this path you still want to release some of that sexual energy slowly and gradually in comfortable doses, alone or with others, some way or another - so just as @Carl-Richard said here in this thread - it is possible to hold and entertain ideals and desires simultaneously. People might say accept yourself and stuff like that, and for sure it can resonate but for some of us in some time of our life it doesn’t really. Instead, you can notice how all these negative feelings and negative self image you are having - there is actually a deep intelligence to this. This negativity is trying to “contain you”. It is serving a purpose, it isn’t actually that negative. You can use this “negativity” to FUEL this “pursuit of ideal” and go for it more aggressively and keep and keep accelerating and intensifying your effort. It can be extremely rewarding . You can ask yourself also: If, right now, you were your ideal self, exactly that ideal you want to be, would you then have problems with these desires? If not, that could give you a clue to that you don’t actually have problems with these desires — but rather with your SELF. (this self you hate isn’t really you tho but that’s for another day lol)

I don´t believe it is a necessity per say to make a bunch of effort to find out what you want. sometimes the desire comes to us instead of trying to find it so by making no effort at all it allows for that space and oppennes for it to find and latch onto us

So essentially none ?

That is if you assume those thoughts are yours

Well I would actually agree with you once again. What I would say tho is that I doubt that the majority of these guys with these conventionally unattractive personalities really are “authentic “ . So for example those gamers in moms basement are probably driven by some psychological addiction and perhaps past trauma acting through them making them be the way they are rather than that being their authentic self, even if they seem fully embodied in their personality. So being able to embody authentic self takes work to undue all those forces acting through you - and that authentic self would probably be different than that isolated gamer guy - probably more attractive to more women but maybe this is just my own disconnection from myself where I feel nothing is really truly me

Yea I see. I have my own struggles so don’t really know what to say here much.

I see your point here actually, and I agree. if your goal is to increase your likelihood of creating that early attraction with women in general then yes this is true But then when it comes to attracting just the right girl for you then this authenticity is crucial even if you have a not conventionally attractive personality . Because even if most aren’t attracted to it there will be someone out there. And whoever that will be will be just right since you’re showing your true self so it will be that deep resonance it’s perhaps a harder path in some way but simultaneously authenticity is effortless

Isn’t what is worth it the man you become from this process? ” That does not make girls give me choosing signals, “ well feeling shitty about yourself doesn’t either. So what is most preferable to you? “Having to "win them over" with my "personality" makes me feel unattractive. “ well then it isn’t your true personality . The quotation marks says it all what one could say is the basis for attractiveness is this authentic energy you are expressing rn so that’s something to build from I would say

That music go hard ngl

Lol

I cried writing it, crazily enough exactly what I wrote happened a few minutes previously so it was from pure direct experience .

Do you seriously believe you will be able to become some ultra actualized spiritual person who changes the world when you cannot even deal with one of the most basic human desires? you are deeply confused about what is the cause of your “incompetence”

Facts

We are so wise to have realized this no wonder our standards are high ?

Can you notice how somewhere deep down you actually love this shitty feeling? How it seems to serve you somehow in some weird twisted way What you truly want is to allow it fully, to bask in it so completely, and experience it dissolve in this allowance. Watch what happens if you do

This had me rolling for some reason ???

Okay I see your point here. It’s really an exception to the norm . I wonder tho…doesn’t it still feel a little humiliating to one’s sense of self to have to pay someone to do this. Don’t you deep down want someone to want you for free, because you are you. I understand it can feel hard to attain but isn’t putting in the hard work instead more satisfactory then buying sex ?

Well if it’s not fucked up and makes you the money you so want then why don’t you yourself go sell sex to a bunch of men and we’ll see what you think about it ??

I’m dying at your descriptions ?????

I’ll go first My intuition has made me dance on top of mountains in the woods by myself…no drugs involved your turn

That’s amazing ! Not to be that person but sometimes I believe even if we communicate with “love “and “openness “ it doesn’t guarantee that there won’t be a negative reaction I know my family enough to know I couldn’t possibly tell them all of this without inducing worry so I’m doing them a service by keeping silent ?

Wow imagine not having to keep all of this to yourself so your family doesn’t walk around in severe worry about you

I actually thought about exactly this when I wrote my post , how suffering can be equally as deep no matter the context of it. But I didn’t bother to edit as I still got my overall point across I think. Im speaking to the average sex buyer and about the average prostitute. Sure there are perhaps exceptions with these luxury escorts but the average doesn’t look like that I guess in a way I’m trying to highlight how actually both the buyer and the prostitute aren’t benefitting from it. I bet you most men who buy sex don’t actually want to be the man who does it, they don’t want to have this sense of self as this man who buys sex, it’s quite humiliating to their own self image. At most maybe it could be a temporary relief from deep pain but nothing more than that . Sure if you on the brink of suicide and buying some sex helps a little I understand but I don’t believe the average sex buyer is coming from that place so this suffering argument doesn’t hold there…. how can I know how the average prostitute suffers? Well firstly simply being a female gives me some understanding of female psychology I would say, also my own research into this topic that has somehow fascinated me from a young age (held a speech about it in 9th grade lol) . Reading inside stories from former prostitutes watching documantaries etc also another thing. I think what this all sort of boils down to is that I have this inherent ability to internalize my own suffering in some way, and then perhaps I’m holding other people to such a standard but perhaps not everyone has this ability to internalize their suffering so they do experience that their suffering is inherent to an external situation (for example lack of sex) . But maybe I’m trying to point out how you actually are doing yourself also a disservice because yourself don’t want to have that sense of self as a sex buyer okay I will stop here ? it’s exhausting to try to concoct all these perfect answers I’ll let them be messy asf. But also I’m not really defensive about this I’m just trying to share what I sense about stuff