Sugarcoat

I’ll take that as a compliment then

Sure if it gladdens you see to it like that??

Each reply and each post caters towards a particular audience and person, where I try to sense where they are coming from by relating it to my own experience. The same words can mean many different things .

If you are in any way attached to the idea/experience of increased awareness due to meditation, that in itself is the very thing that stands in the way for even more awareness and spirituality. So letting go of it, perhaps even quitting does not mean the end of your spiritual path, but could actually be a key step in the process. Take it from someone who meditated maybe two years, only for my version of spiritually to one night after a 3 hour mediation, reveal itself as a layer of my mind (ironic huh?) I haven’t revisited the practice since. But went more in that practical orange direction as you describe, working on different facets on my human self. My “default state” now is wayyyyy more meditative than when I used to meditate back then. My life is way more mystical than before. My past self couldn’t even IMAGINE my default now. In a way I do meditations spontaneously such as when I dance I get really into it, sometimes when resting or sitting on the train etc, or I’ll have deep contemplations running effortlessly in my mind as I’m going through my day. To suggest the end of a meditation practice to be the end of spiritual growth is a very narrow view of spirituality to me. But I can totally see where that sense could be coming from You are obviously a very developed, disciplined above average guy, multi faceted and complex. The fact that you are able to recognize this battle between those desires shows to me you are very aware and in touch with yourself and your own mind. Don’t limit yourself to ideas you hear from people, in my opinion. Even ideas from people who themselves are very advanced. Doesn’t mean that has to be your path because it was their path and the way it’s suggested, the way people teach. Your “lack of interest “ in meditation isn’t for no reason at all.

Why u sound like the coolest chillest dude ever lol

Dance girlllll????

It can feel very forced and unnatural at least for me. It’s the best when it comes spontaneously, the notes app on the phone is great for that as it is available at all times

If you “master” the game it’s the same as ending it as now you’re no longer struggling

So I can’t say for sure why, but I can speak from my own experience and what I’m intuiting from reading your post. In the past I used to do daily sitting meditation and sometimes I would feel incredibly tense in my back/neck, tension headaches, pain in my shoulder. i ignored this and kept going because of my attachment to the experienced/believed benefits of the meditation mentally/awareness-wise. I realized tho that these physical symptoms was simply because I was sitting still so my muscles tensed up. Yes ofc awareness increases when you meditate so you feel your body more clearly - but whatever you’re feeling could still be just ordinary physical explanation behind it and nothing mystical about it i actually have a slight distaste for sitting meditation for this reason - I have spine problems and let me tell you - sitting doesn’t “sit right” for my body. My body doesn’t like to sit much . Actually it’s almost like a form of suppression - the body has a need for movement and I’m forcing it to sit for so long. yea for sure sitting meditation can have AMAZING benefits for you, but when it gets to a point where you keep going keep going despite it not feeling right in your body then honestly for me that is a sign of : 1. disconnection from the body 2. an mental attachment to the results meditation is getting you, so you feel you should keep going regardless. And for sure “bringing your awareness to your sensations” can dissolve some of that pain - but also what if you listened to your body instead. What is it trying to tell you? Maybe all that sitting isn’t the best after all? Let’s not forget about our physical bodies in this process. For sure something can do amazing stuff for your mind and well being and even degree of awareness - but the body can’t be ignored forever Recently I have naturally spontaneously danced a lot, and for me it has been way more meditative than the meditations in my past . During some dance sessions I’ve literally experienced layers of my mind dissolving as I’m dancing, almost like I’m melting it away with my free movements - just intuitively freely moving my body - here we are benefitting both mind and body - not just mind which is what I feel can happen with all this sitting meditation. People talk about how meditating increases awareness - and yea for sure. But maybe you get to a point where you become so aware that you start to sense your bodies signals more clearly- and it’s time to listen for sure if you are very active otherwise then sitting for long might not be problem (although it can still be unhealthy). But these physical symptoms might be your body trying to tell you something… and maybe it is time to try a different approach…

Preach my guy

Meditate on it

why wouldn’t you want to first and foremost resolve that social anxiety?

I love how loving your messages are

That´s probably what I was resonating with, that energy of it having "settled down" for you. It gave me old wise woman vibe haha. Soothing to read in a way because of this straightforwardness. I relate to this tendency of keeping things to myself (my creativity, and all sorts of insights, even "shifts" I don´t understand yet, if I ever will...) as I sense how it has not "matured" yet so whatever comes out would not be a fair communication of it. Lova that independence of you! Love this WORK For a long time ive intuitively doubted the importance of such drugs (have never used myself) . Cant know unless i try i guess. I love your "attitude" towarss life, can recognize a bit of it in myself. thanks for sharing!

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I relate to that in my own experience. Feeling this expansiveness after having fully felt and “soaked up” the negativity. All that u write comes off as very loving of tho

i get what you say conceptually and I can even vibe with it but how it reaches me isn’t really up to me but sweet anyhow

Like a healthier more embodied version of me

I tend to channel everything into pursuing my ideal self which for me is like the basis for everything in my life crazy ? Enough

Exactly

making friends is hard enough in Scandinavia (not that I try to but I can tell) so let alone romantic stuff ?

In my opinion this is actually very wise of you to be able to notice this. You’re smarter than you thing. A lot of people don’t see this. You’re more in touch with yourself and your own mental patterns in a way than a lot of these people. I did spirituality in the past because I was naturally drawn to it but I never strived for awakening. It doesn’t really make sense to me to strive for it when people over and over say “there’s nothing to get” etc. You want to end this pain you have and “awakening” isn’t necessary for that, nor who said it will be gone then? You can have a positive life and sense of self without that, which is what you want in a way. Or do both.

Throughout this thread you seem very stressed. Back in high school when I had social anxiety I used to meditate upwards an hour a day and it helps to calm the body down. Mental battle can create tension in the body that then perpetuates this mental battle even more so it’s like a bad loop. Sometimes it doesn’t really work that well to try to calm thoughts mentally so going more into our bodies can help. a good start.

Well for me, I never really found an explanation for my strongest desires. Why do I want it? Can’t say, I just do. That’s how they were for me, I didn’t have to look for them. It was just constantly being imaged in my mind, flashing before my eyes like hypnosis, and I just couldn’t stop wanting it. I don’t really think one needs an explanation for one’s desires. You can pursue something even if there is no justification for it. You want it because you simply want it. To come to that clarity, I think you’re doing great by questioning those desires, and holding off pursuing them a little. What can happen is that the strongest desires still survive - no matter how hard you question them and how long you go without pursuing them. You just can’t let them go and they won’t let you go. You could start by noticing if your desires primarily concern your sense of self or outer things. For me sense of self was always primary, I wanted a certain ideal self and everything else was secondary. I don’t think one can force this either, you’re naturally drawn to one or the other. also seriously question those standards you have about what is “higher lower more or less true/worthwhile” . Where do those ideas come from? For me I had so many layers of all these weird beliefs that felt so real. Aren’t they also just desires for something? If you have some “tricky desire “ then something questions it “is this really authentic and true”, then that could be just another desire for some more spiritual/actualized self image that is masquerading as “truth” and speaking against the other desire which involves another self image. So it’s a battle between desires rather than what’s true or not true. Something like that. also , what you want stands in contrast to what you don’t want. What don’t you want in your life ? Could you ask. And then what you want is the opposite. Could be anything, something about yourself for example. Also those “smaller” desires that aren’t so big and visionary, if you clean them up a little by pursuing them for a little while, in my experience that can clear your mind up a little and make those stronger desires more clear. lastly I want to add. What is the issue with not knowing what you want? If you feel there is a problem with it, it could be you have some diffuse idea of what kind of life/self you are missing out on if you don’t hurry up and find what you want to be able to start pursue it and get there. Look closely at these fantasies, what are they composed of, what are the characteristics of the self that is involved in them?

Well if you date neurotypicals then for sure it’s easier if you yourself are neurotypical so yea I think a lot of people genuinely desire that connection to the norm/society so for them it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice to “fit in” . But for us oh no connection is worth more than our individuality right ?