Sugarcoat

yea I’m rethinking stuff and contemplating dw

I want to share something I find important. So recently I made a post in a non duality forum talking about how I’ve experienced a gradual loosening of my sense of self and “realness” and once a glimpse of “nothingness”. (Once for a couple of minutes it was as if the back of my eyes was completely empty and the looker was gone) I’ve been very into spirituality since a few years back, and since one year back I transitioned from spirituality to hardcore non duality which resonated more with me. I meditated for some years, did other different spiritual practice. Thus, in my mind, this sense of weakening of the sense of self, the change in time, space, and other aspects of my perception: I thought all of this was related to the loosening of the illusion of self as if I was getting closer to “the natural way things are”. One person commented that I should look into depersonalization and derealization. I try to be very open minded always so ofc I did. I’ve read a bit about it years back and it didn’t ring many bells but this time I read a little about the symptoms and so forth and when I tell you….I was in shock . It was so accurate. I decided to stop reading after a little while to not run the risk of confirmation bias. I’ve decided I will see a psychologist first. for example I had epilepsy when I was younger, and I have visual snow syndrome now, both which apparently can be related to depersonalization. I’m not gonna self diagnose but oh lord it was spot on that which I read ive been like this since early childhood so I don’t know of anything else I’m not in any way speaking against non duality or spirituality . I still see value and engage in spiritually and non duality resonates but my message to y’all is: Maybe you don’t think you’re “one of those”. But why not be open minded? Maybe you’re making conclusions about your experiences that aren’t accurate. Just entertain the idea its very tempting sometimes to frame things in a spiritual way, when maybe perhaps sometimes what’s going on is more materialistic. This is a trap too I think edit : so still nothing makes sense to me I still feel weird even weirder now it’s not even negative like this is the weirdest I’ve felt ever

Yea or both

Damn… interesting. There’s not much known about vvs but I’m curious what’s going on there Quoting didn’t work anymore so I’ll just copy and paste your answer : (((((Im kinda similar. I thought I may have had maladaptive daydreaming disorder. I remember when I was really young, like under 10, my imagination was so vivid that I would essentially be completely in my mind and lose touch with the "real world." Been working on getting over my social anxiety though the spiritual work as helped a lot))))) Damn I wonder if there’s certain personality types that are more drawn to spirituality and psychedelics . But the daydreaming can be a real struggle…it consumes so much time and energy. And lowkey it’s based on a sense of dissatisfaction because if you were at ease there would be no need to dissociate. spiritual work can def help social anxiety, personally what helped most was just exposure I would say…over and over (((((((When i was 17-18 I started smoking and would get so high that I would have ego deaths and forget who I was. The days after I got that high, I always felt depersonalization and I didnt understand what was happening cause I had not found actualized yet. It actually made me extremely depressed, but there was a lot of stuff going on in my life at that time(peak of covid) so it probably just made it worse. )))))) damn…. Interesting that the depersonalization would come after. You mean actualized explained how it’s because of ego backlash? I’m sorry you went through that. Personally I don’t have much drug experience but I’ve been through tough times where certain belief systems fall apart and nothing makes sense and it’s disturbing (((((I then went to college and had access to LSD and then looked up on YT "How to do psychedelics for personal development" and found actualized. About 2 months later, I had my first real awakening on LSD and that gave me extreme joy instead of depression. It’s possible if I found actualized during when I was smoking weed I may have recontextualized the derealization as awakening, but the two states felt very different. ))))))) im glad you had a positive “experience”. but yea recontexualization can def make a huge difference but also cause confusion . yea maybe a sense of loosening of the sense of self or absence can be both disturbing or positive . It’s hard to label it and say what it is, a mental disorder or something else.

good take. I’m conflicted and confused as I’m not completely set on either one of them. yes it seems similar. Maybe there’s people who have been diagnosed with those disorders that had have awakenings, then there are those who have the disorders but think they’re spiritual… When you label something a mental illness it makes it seem like it’s “false” meanwhile something else is more “true” . So the normal state of solid sense of self is true and a accurate perception meanwhile the weakened sense of self is untrue maybe im sounding like I’m contradicting my post but I meant it just as a possibility what caused your visual snow? I’ve had it as far as I remember with no drug use could you go in more detail with your experience of these disorders in comparison to awakening I have struggled with my self esteem since early childhood. Have been addicted to daydreaming and for the vast majority of my life I have felt either a sense of unease or distress, or a sense of dissatisfaction. Been lonely, shy, socially anxious etc I’ve not had glimpses except that one time where the sense of a looker was empty . But I’m not sure what that was because it wasn’t profound . I wasn’t in awe it was more like “wait hold on what” maybe it’s both mental illness and spiritual , I mean you don’t have to be happy to awake and stuff like that ig….

So I just wanna write this to spread the message and maybe at least one person can use something positive from it. I’m telling you pls when you workout, which is great , please please please always no exception keep good form. Always no exception be mindful of your body and take weird sensations, uncomfortable sensations , pain very seriously and always be ready to alter the way you train for healths sake, even if that means giving up your favorite exercises or lowering weights significantly from maybe 13 to 17 years old I worked out very intensely at the gym. Luckily my lower back and knees are fine although my knees are kinda sore sometimes. But my shoulders are fucked FOR EVER. I didn’t do anything crazy but since I’m hyper mobile I’m already more fragile in my shoulders and I didn’t listen to warning signs I just kept going and now I’m living with fucked up shoulders for the rest of my life that I have to watch posture constantly and do very careful physical therapy to manage, all because my teenage self was in a neurotic rush to achieve certain things. I wish so much from the bottom of my heart I could rewind the time and prevent this and I would now live with nice somewhat healthy shoulders. I’m only 19 years old but my shoulders are worse than old peoples and I’m having trouble in simple things because of it and it affects my everyday life, please don’t do this to yourself . It’s not worth any ego boost from being able to lift a lot. It’s not worth any amount of aesthetically pleasing muscle mass. It’s not worth it I promise. if you think you’re already careful when working out , be even more careful. The mind is very sneaky and will come up with all sorts of excuses as to why for example you can keep going despite feeling something off. Or making you think you’re more careful than you are. always put health first. Nothing fitness wise is worth more than feeling good in your body healthwise I promise I’m warning you thanks

They’re such g’s yea holy mother that’s a lot , yea if you still feel fine that proves you’re careful enough Thanks for the tip

Yea I’m visiting a physical therapist soon. I still have hope.

Should've done it earlier …

No barely heard of it. I’ll check it out

so to ask in a male dominated forum how to make female friends might not be the best idea. I’m not relying on this ofc I’m doing some things to put myself out there, as for example I’ve applied for another extra job (to earn money ofc ) and that’s a new opportunity to meet new people too. Also I always go to social things I’m invited to (doesn’t happen often tho I don’t have that many friends) and always try to talk with more people when I attend such events. I’m quite introverted naturally and although I have decent social skills I can be a bit drawn back so I have to deliberately push myself sometimes , it’s much easier one-on-one and a bit harder in larger groups. also I’ve been on Reddit forums and discords with the intention of meeting new people but most there are males older than me… and I have made a nice male friend my age there and I’m glad but that’s kinda rare that it stays like that I’ve also been on tinder for a lil bit for both dating and female friends but the latter hasn’t really happened much to lllol (haven’t done it for so long tho haven’t been so active so I can’t disregard it already) So I have a couple of female friends but we don’t hang out as much as I would desire so I desire more. I’m open to make male friends too ofc not excluding that, but there’s the risk of him starting to flirt with me or something like that. Nothing wrong with that but it kills the friendly vibe It would be nice to have a solid social circle of females but it’s kinda harder with women I feel. They give more of a “I already have enough friends” vibe (maybe just my own projection) meanwhile it’s easier with guys sometimes who are more open I feel……. so how does one go about this except to apply for uni which I will in a year or more? Maybe I’m just impatient lol but I have high visions I guess lol I’m never satisfied

I’m glad you managed to find nice connections with women! I relate so much to being bad at keeping touch. Many of us feel like we bother people by taking initiative or we kind of assume by default they’d hit us up if they wanted to see us..but there has to be a balance. Sometimes one gotta push and take initiative even if it’s uncomfortable, I got really glad that a girl recently from my high school kept contact with me and asked to hangout. I’m sure there’s someone who would feel the same if I did that thanks for the tips, yes hobbies seem like a natural way to meet people.

Simple yet true

Lol I’ll check that out for sure

Hello! So I’ve been trying to meet new people. One thing I did was I joined a discord server for this purpose. This guy my age texts me and we start chatting. We chat for maybe two weeks regularly (friendly way) and decide to meet up. we clicked through text pretty decently so we decided that I can come over and leave my stuff there then we’ll go out and then come back and I’ll sleep over at his place so I don’t have to go home late. dumb idea for a first time So today we met up. Keep in mind two people close to me had said negative things about this decision and said it was weird so I was slightly down because of that I travel to his apartment and he welcomes me in. For some reason I felt a little weird already about it all . It was very fast from texting to now being at his place. (He didn’t act weird or anything tho) we talk casually and and sit a bit at his sofa and while it was not awkward. It was…… boring ? I felt we vibed more through text. I felt quite bored. And even had somewhat of an ick towards him and the whole situation. No offense though, just expressing what I genuinely felt. 90 min pass. We were gonna go out and eat. I still feel bored, I’m not feeling that we click and it’s not fun to me I’m not feeling the vibe. I think to myself that this will not change, it’s not like he’s gonna change in the middle of everything and also we texted for a while so I got to know him a lil i go to the bathroom. I decide to be straightforward and honest so I go out and I tell him “hey so I’m gonna be honest, idk about you but I’m not feeling it so i will go home” he comes to the hall, seems a bit surprised but still takes it good and is chill and accepting, he asks “don’t you like me or” I say “it’s not personal I was just not feeling the vibe” . I wish him the best and leave. so what you guys think? A part of me feels slightly bad but still I was honest and always try to be. also keep in mind I’m a female, which might contribute a bit to me feeling a bit weird about it all. I’ve learned not to go to peoples house the first time and definitely not plan to sleep over. I usually don’t do it, but he was just this super skinny non intimidating nerdy guy and based on his vibe there was no risk. I’ve learned to not take texting too seriously, just because you vibe through text doesn’t mean you do irl. This has happened before, I thought me and a guy vibed through text but I went on a romantic date w him and it felt like I was talking to a different person. thanks for reading

Hold on a second I didn’t read properly…..maybe these things are legal thanks for the tip

Funny is that I love cooking but because of digestion issues I’ve reduced my food choices a lot so there’s not much of a point in learning to cook when I won’t eat many things…. But lol I need to try more things like hobbies in general i live in Sweden ???? it’s far from legal. ??

Very good point that’s actually something I’ve thinking about recently! I’ve became aware of this tendency. I’ve suggested meetups in groups of friends but when it comes to one-on-one I’ve been much more passive because of thinking that they will reach out to me if they wanted to meet me. I’ve assumed this becuase my girls friends are in general more social and go out more than me meanwhile I’m the more lonely one in comparison so I’ve felt that they would reach out if they wanted to, which has happened a bit. But I’ve decided to be more proactive myself as I must understand that from their pov it might seem I don’t wanna be disturbed. one of my friends said this a week ago actually “you say you’re home alone a lot and wanna go out more but you rarely ask me, I’m the one asking you” . This really helped to hear so I’m def becoming aware of that its an aspect of my negative self image to by default assume people aren’t interested in interacting with me, especially women for some reason. But I’m working on it

I’m very passionate about health-related stuff in general. Other than that I don’t have many hobbies but I like to take long walks and listen to a loooot of music that’s a good idea tho I’ve def been thinking about joining more activities, but ofc if I find interest in them, would feel weird to force myself to do something I don’t like in order to meet people…would feel kind of forced and awkward in some way Yea I’ll see how the job goes… everyone in this forum talks so casually about psychedelics as if everyone can just casually obtain it without any problem lol ???? trust me I’ll like to try that but it’s a bit of a struggle to find

Fellow gymrat here too Would’ve been nice if I did this in time…. I did avoid the bench press for some time tho as it felt very off for my shoulders so at least I listened to my body to some extent but not nearly enough but too late now although I still do my best to improve my shoulders (I don’t go to the gym anymore tho)

I was mad okay ??

I don’t know. Okay this post was written in the heat of the moment I know people have it way worse but I can say that my shoulders feel really loose and I can clearly feel how my muscles around them even my jaws tighten up so im constantly very very tight despite watching posture and all . Some degree of injury for sure happened but idk what. It’s at the front it feels lose plus I had symptoms of impingement before when I worked out

Sounds like pretty solid advice. But it’s way too easy for the egoic desires to get in the way so you compromise form to reach some goal and it’s never worth it lol….

we texted a bit afterwards and it was made pretty clear that it wasn’t to do with a sense of danger. Nothing in what he wrote suggested that he thought it has anything to do with that, it wasn’t even mentioned as a possibility. he didn’t act weird or anything, I asked him how he felt and he replied positively. It wasn’t particularly awkward either just my own inner world feeling otherwise. So it was on my part, he seemed to enjoy from what he said so it was not like he noticed I felt off i didn’t worry about danger with him it had nothing to do with it. Me saying I’ve learned not to go to peoples house so early in this post has to do with it being more suitable to meet outside in case you don’t click. but safety is ofc another more important reason as to why one as a female should stick to that principle generally as I’ve done before

Yup ig