Sugarcoat

I wonder the same. Like if the self is the veil wouldn’t all of reality be revealed when the self is seen through or “drops”. The non dual nature of reality. And devoid of a veil what could be hidden? If awakening includes realization of infinite love, nothing, infinity, wouldn’t that all simultaneously reveal itself after self is dropped because it’s the only thing that has ever veiled it? Its one of the deepest questions you could ask

Years and years of self inquiry led me to a point of being almost devoid of a self. Stuck in this “in between “ state of life and death

🤫

I find the subtle depression (it’s hard for me to tell how depressed I am, but it’s not so severe) to be linked to it but not the rest

I have neurological issues that cause physical pain. Doctors haven’t came to a definitive diagnosis yet. Meds don’t help. Suicide can simply be because someone can’t bear their suffering. Even if the suffering isn’t permanent per se it can still be going on for a long enough time. If someone is suffering in unbearable ways, why does it matter that maybe in 2 years it will improve? It’s still unbearable in the present moment and for a long enough time. Some may not find it bearable to go through at all On top of the physical stuff I’m in this constant 24/7 state of feeling like I almost don’t exist at all, like nothing exists almost, severely empty, slightly depressed, like I’m walking around in almost a void. Zero emotion, zero libido, romantic nor sexual (that’s why I can’t date for example). Meds don’t help it either. I can have a positive thought but the thought is so weak, it doesn’t change my state both mentally or physically. A thought cannot create a positive emotion, it cannot fulfill me, it doesn’t have that power. That’s how it is for me at least. I find that the reason I haven’t killed my self yet is that it hasn’t gotten to an unbearable point yet The mental part is bearable. I can handle being empty and slightly depressed and devoid of emotion, libido and human connection. The physical has been kinda bearable too. But it could get worse Until then I’m holding on.

I can’t know if my problems are due to ego because I don’t know if they would be there if my ego was fully dissolved. But it does seem to me like my problems are due to ego, the self reacting to a disconnect within the self/lack of self Self dissolution is self dissolution, it means what it says. My self almost completely disappeared: and it hasn’t came back to normal for over two years. It feels empty because there’s a lack of a sense of “something”. The appearance lacks significant substance. My skull feels hollow like I’m barely there, same with other people. I used to feel bliss when my self got thinner: but it was a temporary bliss. Ultimately it led me to an almost empty state. You can’t really compare me to Ramana because he reached full enlightenment and I’ve never been there.

I deal with physical pain and I have been able to shift my mindset to think less negative about it but only to a certain degree . It’s like it’s so deeply ingrained in us to have aversion to physical pain it feels extremely difficult to think positively about it. I have been trying to stop resisting it and have found it help a little bit I find I understand why I’m suffering I am in a quite unusual state. Years and years of self inquiry left me in this very empty disconnected state that I’ve been in constantly for over a year now. Its not caused by my thinking. No I don’t expect life to just be handed to me. I don’t know why you’d ask such a question

Strong🙏🏻

I’m coward to actually do it 😆

Thanks

I have also found changing your mindset can help in overcoming some of the suffering. But then it’s also so ingrained in us to feel negative about certain circumstances so it can be hard to stop the mind. Emotional numbness is a symptom of the state I am in. I am slightly depressed and that’s also a symptom of the state I am in. The enjoyment I feel from connecting with people on here is like a 1 out of ten in strength. It’s really weak. I have a subtle wish to live To answer since you asked I am alone sometimes but it doesn’t bother me. I can talk about my struggles to my family but I don’t feel the need to. I don’t have much of a need to talk about it at all. I have a more casual view of suicide than the average person. I believe it’s up to me so I don’t mind having things around that could help

It seems to me letting go is a big piece of the puzzle because there’s a lot of energy that goes into maintaining the self But I don’t feel like it’s the entire puzzle. It seems to me like my mind/brain somehow maintains a kind of core self without my own effort or doing

That’s what this community is for

I think the openness you describe will lead to a gradual dissolution of the human structure, and all the neurosis that comes with it. Some non dual people talk about how there’s natural change to the human structure that happens after enlightenment. So in the end it will lead to what spirituality talks about, the elimination of the human structure, at least to significant degree. Because the human structure is deeply flawed in the way that it causes a lot of suffering, almost any pleasure except sensory pleasure comes with attachment, so it has its backside, when someone is on vacation they’re afraid of having to go home. When someone is performing well they’re afraid of failing. Even the sensory pleasures that has not to do with self image has a backside: addiction. It’s wise to want to eliminate this structure. Because a lot of what you are , are your attachments. So to undo the attachments goes hand in hand with undoing what you are. It’s attacking the source of your suffering : you. It’s just that the approach fails. Because spirituality becomes another idea to get attached to, another identity, so it’s acting from the same structure you’re trying to dissolve. Unless it’s seen clearly it won’t be transcended. You need a kind of different approach, and the openness you talk about is an example of a different approach. That goes beyond the human structure. And it will lead to its undoing because there’s no longer energy directed into its maintenance

Smooth rizz .

Same that’s why I changed my profile pic to a more anonymous one because if someone who knows me looks for me they can’t identify by picture

My parents found out about this forum as they’ve asked me and I’ve answered , otherwise I wouldn’t talk about it. Some of my family have a negative view about it, like they have a stereotype of this isolated person disconnected from the world that hangs out on online forums, like a loser or someone who risks getting radicalized. Some of it is close mindedness, like they have a set idea about something in society and views it negatively because of that. Also judging some aspects of spirituality as just being people’s delusions, which could be due to a lack of spiritual experiences themselves. Also a judgment of psychedelics as just feeding into people’s delusions and viewing anything significantly mind altering as “dangerous”. It’s like they have an idea of what’s normal and things that deviate are judged

LMAOOOO

I’m still waiting for the full alive and love part lol

It will all be intellectual if you don’t experience it yourself, regardless of what anyone said. I have had some spiritual experiences which have showed me what’s possible so that’s what I’m going from

Lol the insecurity

haha

I also thought it’s like “SOS mite aaaah” like someone is warning that there is a mite and is reacting by screaming aaah

It takes a special woman to recognize special men sometimes… Ceo as in Leo? LOL I swear when I was like 16 and started to watch Leo I have fantasized about him. I guess I’ve always been a special woman To not derail the thread….. Leo gura is a cool name because it sounds like guru

I agree! Usually I am doing okay, but in my worse moments I’ve researched methods and I always feel hesitant because I’m afraid of failing and ending up injured. I can’t access fire arm either so it’s not an alternative In my experience deconstructing the mind has helped me suffer less too! For me self love is difficult (and love in general) because I kinda suffer from depersonalization/derealization so my identity and experience of reality isn’t normal Something that has helped me is change my mindset into a more peaceful one. So both deconstruction and building mind can help I don’t have trauma affecting me luckily Thanks, I see your point. Sometimes though, thinking about how others have it worse can help in the way of “if they can survive that, I can survive this” I think my experience of emptiness relates to my kinda depressed state in the way that the psychedelic experience might reflect one’s normal state somehow Also when I tried psychedelics I didn’t dissolve the self completely, so my ego was still there to react to it. If my self was gone 100% maybe the experience would have been more alive like some describe