Sugarcoat

The less sense of self I have the less it feels I am the one driving my actions and I’m being moved towards the resistance its a hopeless cycle

Reality doesn’t care it’s brutality has no limits

I function 100% from inside, so nothing from the outside has any effect on my state at all basically Relaxation is the opposite of what I need. I’m not stressed in any sort of tense way it’s beyond stress. There’s not really a point in me even writing this because it makes no difference

never done psychedelics nor pursued spirituality much it all came pretty natural except whatever this misery is

I could say that it’s like what I am is this thing that is trying to maintain itself. So it doesn’t feel like there is a choice in it like I am clinging and could let go. And it is pure misery in a way that is beyond an emotion or state and it’s not identity in the sense of different qualities about me like I am this I am that way, I have absolutely zero attachments to anything but my literal own self and that is choice less I didn’t mean all resistance, but rather that there seemed to be a block between me and reality, me and something deeper in myself. then that block dissolves, it seemed like you would get to something you would like on the other side but then it realizes that there is nothing there and seeks to maintain and grow itself. And it found pushing against resistance is the only way , I don’t even understand this back in high school already I would have these shifts where reality seemed closer. “ Resistance “Layers of mind dissolving , then after awakening every day, so layers of mind, energy released, neurological level too, it all added up to a point it was like and still is like ~almost~ no center looking out, and it is desperately trying to maintain itself. Kind of like you have strings attached to you pulling at every moment but you are those string an impossible to describe but it is straight up misery. also everything I say barely feels real to me at all like it is so extremely vague. no non dual experience here. That sounds like a total wipeout that’s not what I’m describing here. the exercise thing with the resistance is very very real I go could on for hours describing this but it would not encapsulate what I’m going through My experience of everything is directly related to my sense of self so music included gets vaguer so I stopped listening . No joy in anything it’s the lack of depth and 3D to reality , extremely close . Not at all lens i don’t experience emotions no there’s not really much robustness in me that could be moved by anything Nothing I or nobody says has any affect on it whatsoever

I don’t know what you’re talking about but this is not that. But nothing from outside has affect on it so doesn’t matter what you name it like I’m at work right now and can kind of feel myself sinking impossible to describe

It’s not fully non existent that’s not possible to experience it’s extremely vague existence it’s in a way impossible to describe like this post doesn’t encapsulate it directly because it’s about literally your sense of self, the most direct thing ever Thoughts are no problem it is something more fundamental then thoughts which decides how thoughts are experienced I know I’m not answering all you asked but simply it is not that. Derealization could pass, come and go this is not like that. Panic and anxiety too music has no effect. Nothing affects it from outside

Im so struck by this thanks will definitely 🙏🏻

🤷🏻‍♀️

You don’t have a c*nt so then it’s not a problem 🤣🤣🤣

I feel like if you’re bothered by someone seemingly thinking highly of themselves it might be that you yourself have qualities about yourself that you feel are great but you’re not “owning” /embodying it and expressing outwardly so it’s an insecurity in you

It’s goes very deep , with enough awareness one might notice the dynamic playing out in oneself

I don’t know. Im asking because I’ve noticed this trend in some stories where it seems to me some women do things (even heard stories of them having sex) with men when they’re not even into it because it would be uncomfortable to cut it off or something, and in these particular cases it not even being the men putting pressure or something, which is crazy to me but I guess I’d have to ask women ..

Why did it end with a kiss if she wasn’t into you

Fair enough

Hahaha this forum is like some energy source I swear

No you can’t change I relate to your suffering

Mm u do u

Your desire to change others is distracting you from going deeper yourself

??

yea for sure, the mind that turns to itself is one type of genius just like the math genius but there seems to be a correlation like quite a bit of the major geniuses were quite “mystic” themselves, if I am not wrong , so this turning inward thing is major

A mind that turns to itself

This post mostly reveals how desires work for you and now you trying to apply it to others

All in one ??

It’s like they not even interacting with the woman in front of them , but rather some generalized idea of “women” (the women they want lol) in their head lol. Like hmmmm how does this woman in front of me fit into my category of women in my head ??