Sugarcoat

Maybe it’s repressed things coming to the surface

Hahah

I think it’s productive to think about death if it motivates you to try to maximize the happiness in your life and minimize the suffering (sometimes this drive can backfire tho so there’s nuance). Basically using it to set your priorities straight. It could ground you in some way, like appreciate the present alive moment and your body. But if you just get neurotic about it then it’s a waste.

I guess a trap could be glamorizing a certain lifestyles aesthetic and using it to build a nice self image for yourself. So it being to boost your ego, which commonly has a backside to it, such people could become toxic somehow, not a truuue saint

Perhaps the nervousness was already there, it’s just that you were distracted by everyday life and didn’t notice it 🧐

Maybe the brain works and makes experience possible but it’s just that the self that arises is not real. So in the same way that before and after enlightenment: if you throw a glass on the floor it will break. That’s how that particular appearance/form acts. So you could say the brain is a form like the glass, and it has certain behavior: and maybe the behavior is that it makes the experience of a self and world possible, the conscious experience. I don’t know but it’s just so elaborate how the form of the brain is explained, I don’t see enough ground to just disregard it. You could still recognize a concept as just a concept: the idea of a chair is never directly the chair, but it doesn’t disregard the reality of the chair by realizing that. For example, something like exercise and psychedelics can change your experience (give you a kind of high). What they do, according to convention, is change the brain. We don’t have direct experience of this, but if we assume reality is not limited to our direct experience we could conceptualize that the appearance/form that is the brain at least contributes significantly to our subjective experience

I see static all the time because I have visual snow. Once on weed the static intensified and it was like a blueish pattern. It’s hard to tell what kind of sightings are just neurological effects vs tapping into something spiritual, depending on what you see could give you a clue, maybe they overlap.

I feel attachment is something the mind does. You could see that things are in some way inherently neutral, but the mind assigns good and bad to it, can form attachments, and it’s deeply wired in us so it can be hard to not do. And we are the ones engaging in our mind. So I think one key is observing your own mind very carefully, the stories it spins, how it overly focuses on someone, how it latches onto an idea, perhaps an ideal, how it adds like a layer of reality on top of a more “pure reality”, meaning it’s not inherent to the object (in this case a person). So it’s about mindfulness (or maybe “mind emptiness”) in regards to your minds activity (which is in some way YOUR activity). So becoming non-attached to someone could in a way mean to become detached from your minds activity, which kinda slowly will make it die off. That’s quite fundamental , but also it’s about emotions too. Like you feel like you can only access certain positive emotions when you are with someone in particular. So you’re attached to accessing those emotions, and the positive self image that comes with it. Here it’s also about observing the mind, because it plays a role in emotions. It holds ideas/objects it attaches emotions too. Detaching from your mind, letting go of mind activity ironically means spending a lot of time with it. Instead of being so interested in the outside world, become more interested in the internal activity, but in a neutral way. Like you observe yourself, so you’re more likely to recognize when you’re stuck in ego so the possibility arises that you can step aside from it

Some kind of inversion therapy , or even hanging fully upside down, could help you in decompressing the spine and releasing tension, that’s something I’ve done that has helped me a lot. Also make sure you warmup properly, keep good posture, activate the right muscles before training so the right muscles are doing the work and not being compensated for. Strengthen muscles that might be weak. Like upper back, glutes and core(glutes and core help support the back to de-load it)

I’m a little confused sometimes about makes people not end their life. It’s like, I’m not the only one who struggles, yet all people who struggle don’t get suicidal thoughts. There are even people going through worse than me who don’t consider suicide. Sometimes when my suicidal thoughts get stronger I can spend hours researching suicide methods. I even bought some things I could use to kill myself but I haven’t used them yet. Sometimes I feel “I could keep living through this” But then other times I feel, I have no will to keep fighting for life. I should just end it. It would be better So I don’t understand how other people don’t feel like this when they struggle. Am I extra weak? I mean I think I’m like the average person when it comes to how much I can tolerate. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I guess I just lack a strong enough reason to live Like some people have let’s say family they are attached to, and it keeps them wanna live. But I don’t have that, I don’t love anyone at all so I have nobody to live for. It’s like all I have is my own mind. Im stuck inside of this brain 24/7. All I have access to is a comforting thought that can give me some strength. But then my mind gives up and wants to end it all. It oscillates like that Edit: I should probably answer my own question. Why don’t I kill myself? Well mostly because my situation is not like absolutely unbearable yet, so I feel I can stand it for some time ahead. Also I am afraid of a failed attempt and the pain it can cause for example you could get permanent injury. Thats it mostly. Regarding the first point. I hear stories about people going through unbearable things, so they go through it even if it’s absolutely unbearable, I don’t know how they do. Suicide must have crossed their mind at some point

I wouldn’t say it becomes unattractive it’s just that if your own self esteem isn’t the best it can feel intimidating if you feel someone is too good for you in some way, too attractive, and/ or you start to doubt yourself when you’re around them, and feel you can’t own your attraction, so it can become more repressed because your self image isn’t good enough to host those feelings you have for them

I have thought about this and I think focusing on doing what is closest to the test that determines your grade is the smartest. So for example, im studying chemistry right now. And the exam that determines my grade (except for lab reports but there you can only get approved vs disapproved result, don’t know what it’s called in English) is 90% just doing calculations , and just a small amount of theoretical explanation of something. I did the mistake of focusing too much on theory, so I read a lot before the exam, thinking if I just understand it theoretically then l’ll be able to do calculations on it. But it was not a good method, because all the theory didn’t translate to being able to do the calculations, and with theory, reading just once isn’t enough, you need repetition, but I didn’t have enough time for that so most things I just read once. So it didn’t really stick in my brain. It would’ve been smarter to do many calculating tasks, and old exams, to practice that skill. And only learning theory when listening to lectures and if I’m really not understanding something then I can look it up online or in a book. So basically doing things similar to the exam before the real exam, if you’re shooting for a good grade. Also depending on the course, our teacher says that if she doesn’t mention something, we don’t need to know it. So basically all the theory needed comes from listening to lectures (taking notes and reading the PowerPoint) We also have a book for every course. But I found I had spent too much time in the book, and I read things that I didn’t even need to know so it was a waste of time. So if you know the teacher says all you know, reading extra might not be much necessary . I will try out this theory of mine irl and see if it goes better in next exam Don’t fall into trap of spending too much time thinking about how to study rather than just doing it.

I think it might be a trap to think that something outside of yourself is going to produce enlightenment. Even if it can seem like it, what it required was an openness inside yourself, which is precisely from inside yourself: comes from within not without. The excitement someone might feel for this kind of thing might be an ego boost from the confirmation of one’s own ideas, one’s ideas about what is and isn’t “profound” in life. The ego loves sensationalism, and can turn even the most noble concepts into it. I’m not saying this is of no value. But it can be a trap for some. I feel the source is truly from within: and it’s accessible anywhere, you don’t need a fancy retreat for it: but yet it doesn’t hurt …

I feel you have to experience it as distinct to be able to feel like, oh it’s like this all the time actually

My 5 Meo dmt experience was close to what I’d describe as death, it was empty, devoid of substance. I was like ? Is this it? It’s dead I don’t see the appeal. Its almost like the “illusion” is what gives things life, like you walk around feeling like you exist, others exist and the world exists, it’s a sense of “there’s life here”. But that all gets stripped under for example such a substance, it breaks down yourself and others follow. So even if someone is besides you , you’re all alone, because you barely feel they are even there. It’s like being conscious about death. Like you die, you’re in the void but you’re aware of it. But I am still open to that there might be deeper facets of awakening, I took only small dose may I point out. But the experience correlates to my natural experiences too: less self, more death

Good luck. I think I just failed my first chemistry exam in uni (haven’t gotten the result yet but it felt it went bad). It’s so fricking hard. At least where I live. Theres something valuable to doing hard work. It builds discipline. You really have to dig deep into yourself to find the strength to keep working at it, even when it feels you don’t understand it.

That’s good you have self awareness of that. Yea sometimes concern about our sense of self can block things from “flowing” so to speak

Yea I know it’s not the same but I just wrote something about myself that is within the category of sexual problems. But yea now that you said it, it got me thinking , maybe he didn’t mean he can’t get HORNY just that it doesn’t cause erection in particular situations . Lmao me and my thoughtful response…

I just have no libido in general except very subtle and stronger when I dream occasionally at night. It can be neural like your brain is comfortable releasing your libido when you engage your mind or randomly but attached to real human person you’re interacting with it can feel intimidating so the libido is like locked down by fear or insecurity. Or you’re just brain washed by media so it’s like your brain associates sexuality with imagery rather than real life or something. Also your self image might dominate in real life interaction meanwhile for you to get horny it’s more detached from self image/sense of self . It’s more “raw and physical” where it’s a sensory pleasure , detached from a particular self image. So you need to connect your sexuality to your sense of self more. Maybe doesn’t make sense. I don’t know, it’s not how it is for me though just saying some thoughts

To me that just sounds like simple muscle tension. Like if I sit for long or don’t exercise I will feel more tense than if I move around. I also have issues with my spine which contributes. A life of bad posture could put our bodies in non optimal positions and cause us to be locked into un-alignment so when we sit still we don’t sit in the right way for example , or when we move in yoga etc we move in the wrong way

Sometimes some path are harder than others, and there’s a greater risk of failure. But it might be what resonates the most, what the heart calls for the most, so if we don’t follow it, we might end up unhappier than we would if we followed it. There’s instant gratification, like quick dopamine, but then there’s the more long term happiness, and it’s more from the heath and intuition, and it’s worth focusing on because it’s longer term. But then on the other hand we have practical reality, and practical reality works a certain way, where we need to do certain things to survive. So if you find yourself needing to do something that doesn’t align with your heart, you could try to reframe it. What doesn’t seem to align with you, might simply be a stepping stone: it’s something you need to do temporarily, shorter term, in order to build yourself a more stable foundation, in order to later go to the thing that aligns with you more. So the thing you thought was unaligned actually becomes align: it becomes a stepping stone to the bigger picture. All the puzzles don’t have to appeal to you, it just builds the greater puzzle.

Wow it’s so cool that you share this Ive had exactly the same thoughts. I’ve had partial dissolutions of the ego , “awakenings” (maybe partial) and some of them I’ve felt some bliss and love. But when I took 5 Meo dmt (in PARTICULAR when I took it, I took small dose and it was the closest I’ve been to full ego dissolution) and my normal state nowadays , is more empty and “dead”. I have thought to myself when I’ve been in the most extreme states “this is almost like death “ that’s the best way to describe it: it’s like everything looses its fullness, it’s reality, things become flat and empty. I have wondered, where is the fullness, the love, the joy? It seems to be associated with the self: when you feel you are real, and others and the world feel real, that’s where the joy is. When the self almost or completely ends, that’s where death is. That’s the end of “your life”. You approach death, a nothingness: that has nothing in it for you . But nonetheless, I try to stay open, maybe I just experienced the partial thing, maybe there’s facets to it. There’s hope still. Don’t lose hope. Don’t judge all awakening based on your own.

I can relate to this. Might add more thoughts later but what came to mind was in high school my crush talked to me once (I’ve talked to him before but this particular moment I was nervous). He walked up to me and said hello and I just froze and said nothing and awkwardly looked away and he was like “hellooo😄” noticing I felt awkward. lol just know it’s possible to overcome, I worked at it and nowadays I’m not nervous socially I sound so silly by taking example from high school lmao but it’s just because it was that time I was shy😭

🤯🤯🤯🤯

It is indeed pretty common to feel happier during vacation that during work week 😂😂😂