Sugarcoat

I’m currently in regular contact with doctor. They gave me anti psychotic because my explanation for what I’m going through sounds so weird it sounds like delusions to them , and anti depressants . I’ve been on them for a while now, they make zero difference except make me a bit calmer. Two different anti psychotics made no difference I wonder if they will ever reconsider saying I have delusions

That’s what they said about me pretty much

I remember when I was a child. I had this existential anxiety, no matter where I was, what I was doing, (it was a bit better during the day to be honest when there is more outside stimuli) . It reminds me a little of my situation now, how I feel the same wherever I am or do, like I just came home from a month vacation, I felt the same there as here. Maybe I just function differently than others, because I can’t seem to be able to make myself enthusiastic. I can’t find a way to create that emotion in myself, can’t create any emotion for that matter

I know everything I write sounds unconventional so here I go again from my experience I don’t feel like there is something here that is being held back, like desire energy. I don’t experience any “blocks” to it either. All of that I’ve dissolved already. My lack of emotion and desire is due to the disconnect I feel from myself and my thought processes. That’s just my experience

I know I always write about odd things you mean I could just make myself enthusiastic?

It’s extremely low from my experience that’s what I can say at least

I can see what you’re saying

It doesn’t unfortunately 😕 I have zero libido literally

@Schizophonia mayo and beer cake *😂

@CARDOZZO thank you Cardozzo those are nice words

Right

🙏🏻

Id say it’s something purely in my brain going on

Yes. Life is extremely dull this way

Maybe it wasn’t the best wording. I mean I feel disconnected from ~both~ myself and my thoughts, it goes hand in hand for me

I feel disconnected from both myself and my thought processes. So yes I “hear” less of them. Not that I am my thoughts tho

Sometimes I can barely hear my thoughts so disconnected I feel from myself

Most cases it’s probably true

I didn’t quite understand what you meant to be honest hehe

Ok

I used to meditate regularly in high school but then stopped. That’s all. I didn’t really have these issues back then.

Is there even a soul?

We have a quite distant relationship. Other than that it’s fine. They don’t trust me after that happened though. yes I’m 21 thank you for your input 🙏🏻 I don’t feel in my case they contribute much to my mental state . But yes I am still working on my independence so that is slowly making its way

Thanks 🙏🏻

Yes a little 5 Meo dmt and dmt but my parents found and threw it away hehe