Sugarcoat

Not for now. I’ve talked to therapist a few times but so far they’ve done an evaluation and gave me meds and asked me how the meds are going. I don’t know what they will do in the future when they see the meds aren’t helping me, so maybe

From my awareness I sense that I have very low desire, and I find my awareness is pretty much always inward instead of outward. Having it that way doesn’t strengthen the connection in my experience. I hope I don’t sound like I’m just negating everything but I’m just sharing my experience

I’m currently in regular contact with doctor. They gave me anti psychotic because my explanation for what I’m going through sounds so weird it sounds like delusions to them , and anti depressants . I’ve been on them for a while now, they make zero difference except make me a bit calmer. Two different anti psychotics made no difference I wonder if they will ever reconsider saying I have delusions

That’s what they said about me pretty much

I remember when I was a child. I had this existential anxiety, no matter where I was, what I was doing, (it was a bit better during the day to be honest when there is more outside stimuli) . It reminds me a little of my situation now, how I feel the same wherever I am or do, like I just came home from a month vacation, I felt the same there as here. Maybe I just function differently than others, because I can’t seem to be able to make myself enthusiastic. I can’t find a way to create that emotion in myself, can’t create any emotion for that matter

I know everything I write sounds unconventional so here I go again from my experience I don’t feel like there is something here that is being held back, like desire energy. I don’t experience any “blocks” to it either. All of that I’ve dissolved already. My lack of emotion and desire is due to the disconnect I feel from myself and my thought processes. That’s just my experience

I know I always write about odd things you mean I could just make myself enthusiastic?

It’s extremely low from my experience that’s what I can say at least

I can see what you’re saying

It doesn’t unfortunately 😕 I have zero libido literally

@Schizophonia mayo and beer cake *😂

@CARDOZZO thank you Cardozzo those are nice words

Right

🙏🏻

Id say it’s something purely in my brain going on

Yes. Life is extremely dull this way

Maybe it wasn’t the best wording. I mean I feel disconnected from ~both~ myself and my thoughts, it goes hand in hand for me

I feel disconnected from both myself and my thought processes. So yes I “hear” less of them. Not that I am my thoughts tho

Sometimes I can barely hear my thoughts so disconnected I feel from myself

Most cases it’s probably true

I didn’t quite understand what you meant to be honest hehe

Ok

I used to meditate regularly in high school but then stopped. That’s all. I didn’t really have these issues back then.

Is there even a soul?

We have a quite distant relationship. Other than that it’s fine. They don’t trust me after that happened though. yes I’m 21 thank you for your input 🙏🏻 I don’t feel in my case they contribute much to my mental state . But yes I am still working on my independence so that is slowly making its way