Sugarcoat

I express myself freely all the time. But I don’t feel it’s coming from my heart. It’s just coming from me.

Euw

Maybe he likes butter so much it doesn’t feel forceful for him

Yea I see. You give good responses

Why intake so much saturated fat? It can increase the bad cholesterol in you.

Maybe I sound close minded or insane by saying this but in my case there’s only one cause… But I get your point

So fear to take the leap and go for what your heart desires? What if you have zero desire like me?😹😹😹 I just exist (kind of)

Why do you need people to care about you?

That’s not what I’m going through at all. If I wrote what I’m going through I’d be considered literally INSANE

So you consider we have this driving force for exploration etc? What do you mean “fear of survival” you mean the opposite right fear of death?

I’m very natural. So my reaction to my situation is a very natural reaction imo. You differentiate between pain and suffering . I lump those two together, they’re the same, unless maybe you’ve become some extreme yogi and mastered mindfulness so that pain isn’t suffering anymore. Maybe that’s possible, but for the rest of us, pain is equal to suffering. I can locate suffering in the body when I feel it. I don’t consider myself to be the creator of my state. Doesn’t mean I can’t change it, but I didn’t come to this place from my own action. If I wrote about what I’m going through it would become more clear. But I’d be considered insane. So you consider thoughts to be more than passing thoughts and internal dialogue and imagery? That’s all I have that I consider thoughts. It used to be different in the past and I would have maybe what you call a “taken for granted operating system for your experience”. But all of that dissolved for me. So now thoughts from my experience are just those passing things. What do you mean by delve into the “place” where you are at the center of the activity? You mean a kind of self inquiry to try to locate yourself? I see my state as prior to thoughts so there we disagree. But the last question you proposed is still valid.

It’s the basic survival instinct. That’s why it’s so hard to kill yourself. Do you mean people suppress their desire to live?

That’s so difficult. To surrender and accept the bad things. But we have no other choice if we are going to keep going. Because sooner or later the suck stuff comes and we have to face it to overcome it. That’s where the strong mindset comes in to play.

I feel some of my suffering comes from this disconnect I feel from myself. And that is beyond thoughts. It’s a state I’m in. I have physical suffering too that I feel is beyond thoughts, it’s felt in the body. What I do recognize as thoughts is the anticipation of that physical suffering. That I probably have a role in stopping. Meditation could perhaps help. I’d have to do it for longer to notice a change.

Thats a good mindset to have🙏🏻Very strong. Especially if you’re more of an independent kind that isn’t attached to other people or things so you don’t have anything outside yourself to live for, like I feel I am . The thing is though a lot of time I feel like I’ve lost myself so it’s as if I don’t have myself even to live for. I’m not asking help with this post btw so I don’t expect any solution from others I know I’m the only one that can help myself and maybe some doctor.

Thanks

I don’t feel like that for my situation. I think about suicide all the time. I don’t wanna live like this. I feel so weak

Nothing is funny about it being hard Ok I see

All you’ve ever experienced is what is right in front of you. Thoughts, sights, sounds, not even those things, the immediate appearance. How come then when you for example read the news you really feel like there’s a real world out there with real events and people? How come when you are in history class you really feel like there’s a past with real people and real events? And why can’t you shake this seeming sense of reality? How come you can discuss all these topics in the forum and feel like it’s all real? Because you have a self. That’s it. The self is the basis for everything. It’s the sense of I’m here and the world is out there. Real solidity here creates real solidity out there. This one separation, this one border between you and the rest gives rise to all else meaning. You can talk shit about this but are you really ready to give it all up? Because it includes everything, all your meaning making, all your sense of a society existing and events happening and people existing. All relating, relationships etc. It all goes down the drain. All your discussing about this and that and feeling like what you’re discussing is real. Are you really ready to give up your entire reality? Because that is what you give up if you give up your self.

That sounds amazing You seem calm when we met

Do you see that kind of mindset as a positive thing? I posted the topic in the mental health sub forum btw

Main point?

That is a very strong mindset then. Are you really serious though that you’d prefer being tortured? I’d much rather die than that I know for sure.

What do you mean by having way too much ego ?

Yea