Sugarcoat

I wonder if it’s more extreme in America where you live. Here in Sweden I haven’t heard such things happening to that extent. I see pretty women everywhere it’s quite common. That’s something a lot of men could work on, how they pedestalize women’s beauty That’s great you’ve been able to identify so clearly what it is you want to get more in touch with and express. You showcase a lot of self awareness too. I too have experienced wanting to get in touch with and working to become in touch with a kind of effortless authentic expression. I haven’t got much experience of feminine vs masculine at all, but rather this insecure vs confident effortless self. Trying to break through the insecurity to reach that authentic flow. So I relate to that you wrote about wanting to show up as yourself. The way we express ourselves and especially in discussions that are more heated there’s so much identity entangled in it, emotions, and this can breed that defensiveness and trying to maintain a safe self image, filtering our true expression to protect ourselves etc. So it’s a lot to unravel there for sure… And since masculine energy and men dominate the intellectual spheres it can be hard to show up more feminine

It’s a weird situation because beauty is something that is put on a pedestal so one would think it only comes with benefits both from inside oneself and from others but it is something that can make people treat you in a dehumanizing way. I can imagine that sucks. So there can be that dilemma of a woman wanting to be beautiful because of that boost in identity and empowerment you mentioned, but at the same time suffering the treatment of others because of it and unwanted attention that is not always positive. I can imagine it leaves traces all that previous treatment from people. Hopefully you’re able to work through that eventually. I think your “light shines” in this forum at least. It seems the older a woman gets the less beauty is central to her value from societies pov and she herself might become less concerned about it too. Because youth is associated with beauty so older women are more invisible to society. This can both be positive and negative for a woman. Positive because other qualities of her can shine more and she won’t get those negative consequences that comes with being a pretty young woman but negative because who wants to feel devalued and invisible

The thing is women want to be beautiful but don’t want the negative consequences of being beautiful such as increased risk of harassment, potentially not being taken as seriously, men wanting her only for her looks. So it might sound counterintuitive why she wouldn’t want to make herself less beautiful to suffer from it less. But she values beauty so much that she wouldn’t give it up despite the potential negative sides that’s why, partly because she has been ingrained from society to value it, and perhaps partly from biology. But I wrote before how being beautiful for a woman is like an end in itself, she wants it but can’t necessarily answer why. It gives a pleasurable boost in identity, it’s a symbol of status and even power in a way, is the top thing that matters for her sex appeal etc

I have asked myself the same question. I think for men it’s a bit more broad, and several things are up at the top of values for a guy. I’d say masculinity, but then the question is what is masculinity. It’s also pretty broad so doesn’t answer the question. Some things I could come up with is charisma, leadership maybe, ugh it’s hard. I don’t know. Maybe because I’m a woman.

It’s fine to think about seemingly “obvious” things. I do too. But yea you’re absolutely right. And this pressure gets ingrained in the very identity, in the structure of the self, so it’s got you on a hook like nothing else. That’s perhaps the hardest part, letting go of pressures that have become internal attachments . Like for example how you can have outside pressure to look good, but it’s when it’s inside yourself your very identity is attached to looking good then it has the strongest grip on you

I think this kind of mindset is good if you wanna feel good for your own mental healths sake, and sure there is positive things going on too, but we can’t deny the tremendous amount of suffering in the world now. We have a bunch of diseases linked to the lifestyle in the modern world, poverty in third world countries, natural disasters etc etc the list goes on. I would say it’s reasonable to see the current state of the world in a negative light. But sure if it makes you feel bad, and you don’t plan on using that to fuel you to make a change, then changing your mindset up is good, because simply feeling bad in itself doesn’t help anything nor yourself

Disagree about the denial part. But that’s fine

By physical you mean physical appearance? Nowadays I don’t worry too much about it all. It’s very subtle for me. I’ve told you I’m trying to loose a little weight (although I’m already slim) so maybe I give of that impression but once again it’s quite subtle for me not something big. Me writing about for example our looks obsessed society is not a complaint, I don’t feel anything about it when I write it. It’s just discussing a point. In the same way me writing about how women can easily sleep with men but that doesn’t mean she finds men of quality is also not a compliant . Once again I don’t feel anything about it when I write it. It’s discussion. I don’t have an emotional relationship to these topics. And it is true that I don’t worry about finding a partner at all.

Ok I understand.

Not having the Prince Charming is the least of my concerns 😹

I find if you approach people with an open mind and from a place of non judgement, you can find subtle things about almost everyone that you like. Maybe how assertive and clear spoken someone is, how they find humor in things, how they do their job so well with such focus, how positive they are etc etc.

You could make it your purpose to improve the world in some way. Your reaction to the state of the world is totally reasonable, but instead of feeling helpless you could use it to fuel you to make a change if you feel it’s for you to do. Maybe for now feeling excited for life is too high of a standard for you, maybe you could start with feeling peaceful. How can you feel peaceful while all of this is going on? Care about your own mental health too at the end of the day. So if reading about things that are happening upset you maybe stop reading about it (if you’re not gonna do anything about it not much point in reading about it anyways). Do things that make you feel good.

Confident in the context of attracting women and “performance” in bed you mean?

Yours was somewhat elaborate and showed you have self awareness Maybe developing a neutral attitude towards your own lust so just allowing it to be there when it arises. So to avoid all that conflict inside. Then if you wanna take it into action that’s up to you to decide. But the decision being made from that conflict free state. Exactly If that’s your own mindset and not what society taught you then for sure if you feel it’s valuable you can pursue it. You could question though why you think it contributes to social confidence. Why you perhaps base some of your self esteem on lay count, if you do

Don’t know what that means

So much to unpack here

Thanks for sharing it lowkey answered some questions I’ve had in my mind, of for example why guys slutshame. What I can say is don’t demonize your own lust. You’re just creating a bunch of resistance within yourself. It’s natural to see a beautiful woman and perhaps feel lust. So developing a better relationship to your own sexuality. Doesn’t mean it has to be acted upon though ofc. Also you may have some societal conditioning affecting you, you know we live in this hyper sexual culture in the west so maybe that contributes to you feeling like lay count matters. So that’s something to try to undo, that potential societal conditioning

50: It’s funny how I have the power in my hands to just write the weirdest posts and lowkey shake up the whole forum with them but I won’t. And it’s not even me trying to be weird it’s just me speaking of my normal experience which is weird

Lol it’s very useful yes. It doesn’t exist in English

Difference between me and you I just write from my own mind you write from material you’ve studied , not saying one is superior to the other just a thought .

Why u trying to make me more like you

Giving off attractive image doesn’t have to equal seduction

Can also be things like status. Self esteem and self image boosting.

Ofc men do the same thing, so my question could be for people in general.

I’m not denying that women can dress to look good in men’s eyes, it happens too depending on the context and it can make up a portion of a woman’s reason for making herself look pretty (in the eyes of men she would desire more specifically mostly). But what I’m saying is that looks is so heavily valued in and of itself in women in the west, so women value looks as a quality in itself, they just like to look good. Ask a woman why she likes to feel hot and she might not be able to answer you. It’s so deeply engrained, it’s probably both stems from biology and societal conditioning. Simply existing and looking hot is something women derive pleasurable identity from. Then one could ask why doesn’t a woman do make up when she is alone in her room and only when she’s around other people, that’s a valid question. There are some women who try to make themselves beautiful 24/7, things such as plastic surgery and lash extensions that are more “permanent” have become very popular. So that shows some women do truly wanna look good 24/7 regardless of who sees them. But in those cases where she makes herself pretty only around others such as when going out to work or in the night, there are other factors that come into play such as wanting to look presentable in front of others. Also kind of the human identity exists in relation to others so she feels she needs to make herself look good around others to preserve a good self image in relation to others. Kinda hard to explain what I mean but yea