CoolDreamThanks

this is what I feel from most teachers -- there is no substance behind their words, they are shallow, empty, they have no authority.

Master here is Sri Ramakrishna, from Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna book.

Hm, in the urtext Jesus says that being gay is like an error in the mind. Then Ken said that was Helen's ego speaking. But in "The Bliss of the Celibate" Julian explains how when you are a man and you delve deep into sexual depravity, especially masturbating a lot, you develop a fetish for the male body and the male organ even though you are a man, and the next incarnation you can be reborn in a man body but still be attracted to men. So is that more wrong than being a heterosexual? Well, in this view yes. Is it ultimately true? Not sure. But gay men are very sexual and often ultra vain. Like Aaron Terrence Hughes, for example, of course has a career in perfumery, a thing of vanity, and he is gay and I bet very sexual. So this kind of explains it. Sexuality is kind of a sin if sin would be regarded as an act that pushes you away from god and towards hell.

Tried reading "Kundalini - path to higher consciousness" by Krishna Gopi, but couldn't. It's written in such an immature way. It's all about stroking the author's ego. No one cares about your day to day life, how you felt, etc. When writing a book one should write it to be helpful to others, and if some of your personal experiences help picture some teaching, then add that personal experience, but if not, then no one cares, except you.

I came alone and I will leave alone. Let me not be tempted by beautiful girls. Each moment I adore a female is a chain that binds me to this domain. Each love I experience ends in suffering. Let me be tempted not by beautiful and kind girls. Platonic relationships are the most beautiful ones. Let me not succumb to romance and lust.

The god of lust sent a cupid this night to my dreams. I was hit by an arrow. Upon waking I saw I realized again that love is grief. I came alone and I will leave alone. No more girl companionship. Full dedication to God and His Kingdom.

Purport by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada: The Lord, being the source of everything that be, is the origin of all austerities and penances also. Great vows of austerity are undertaken by sages to achieve success in self-realization. Human life is meant for such tapasya, with the great vow of celibacy, or brahmacarya. In the rigid life of tapasya, there is no place for the association of women. And because human life is meant for tapasya, for self-realization, factual human civilization, as conceived by the system of sanatana-dharma or the school of four castes and four orders of life, prescribes rigid dissociation from woman in three stages of life. In the order of gradual cultural development, one’s life may be divided into four divisions — celibacy, household life, retirement and renunciation. During the first stage of life, up to twenty-five years of age, a man may be trained as a brahmacari under the guidance of a bona fide spiritual master just to understand that woman is the real binding force in material existence. If one wants to get freedom from the material bondage of conditional life, he must get free from the attraction for the form of woman. Woman, or the fair sex, is the enchanting principle for the living entities, and the male form, especially in the human being, is meant for self-realization. The whole world is moving under the spell of womanly attraction, and as soon as a man becomes united with a woman, he at once becomes a victim of material bondage under a tight knot. The desires for lording it over the material world, under the intoxication of a false sense of lordship, specifically begin just after the man’s unification with a woman. The desires for acquiring a house, possessing land, having children and becoming prominent in society, the affection for community and the place of birth, and the hankering for wealth, which are all like phantasmagoria or illusory dreams, encumber a human being, and he is thus impeded in his progress toward self-realization, the real aim of life. The brahmacari, or a boy from the age of five years, especially from the higher castes, namely from the scholarly parents (the brahmanas), the administrative parents (the ksatriyas), or the mercantile or productive parents (the vaisyas), is trained until twenty-five years of age under the care of a bona fide guru or teacher, and under strict observance of discipline he comes to understand the values of life along with taking specific training for a livelihood. The brahmacari is then allowed to go home and enter householder life and get married to a suitable woman. But there are many brahmacaris who do not go home to become householders but continue the life of naisthika-brahmacaris, without any connection with women. They accept the order of sannyasa, or the renounced order of life, knowing well that combination with women is an unnecessary burden that checks self-realization. Since sex desire is very strong at a certain stage of life, the guru may allow the brahmacari to marry; this license is given to a brahmacari who is unable to continue the way of naisthika-brahmacarya, and such discriminations are possible for the bona fide guru. A program of so-called family planning is needed. The householder who associates with woman under scriptural restrictions, after a thorough training of brahmacarya, cannot be a householder like cats and dogs. Such a householder, after fifty years of age, would retire from the association of woman as a vanaprastha to be trained to live alone without the association of woman. When the practice is complete, the same retired householder becomes a sannyasi, strictly separate from woman, even from his married wife. Studying the whole scheme of disassociation from women, it appears that a woman is a stumbling block for self-realization, and the Lord appeared as Narayana to teach the principle of womanly disassociation with a vow in life. The demigods, being envious of the austere life of the rigid brahmacaris, would try to cause them to break their vows by dispatching soldiers of Cupid. But in the case of the Lord, it became an unsuccessful attempt when the celestial beauties saw that the Lord can produce innumerable such beauties by His mystic internal potency and that there was consequently no need to be attracted by others externally. There is a common proverb that a confectioner is never attracted by sweetmeats. The confectioner, who is always manufacturing sweetmeats, has very little desire to eat them; similarly, the Lord, by His pleasure potency, can produce innumerable spiritual beauties and not be the least attracted by the false beauties of material creation. One who does not know alleges foolishly that Lord Krsna enjoyed women in His rasa-lila in Vrndavana, or with His sixteen thousand married wives at Dvaraka.

This is not easy. The path of wisdom and renounciation requires strong will.

The Buddha warns especially young and healthy men against sloth. This is an issue that I have. When I stop enjoying the pleasures of the world, I tend to sleep a lot. I sleep so much I feel bad. I have to change this. I was thinking of what I should do in that time that I have. Should I simply sit and meditate, do yoga? Or should I do something intellectual? Next week I'm getting a Kindle e-reader. I plan to read the most sacred scriptures every day, at least a few hours. And the rest of the time I will try to do yoga and meditate. These notes I take that I give to ChatGPT via a voice message, and it gives me a note, are useful for me to consolidate my learning.

This oozes wisdom. Isnt The Dhammapada one of the books actually containing Buddha’s sayings?

Again, coming back to that time I was on LSD and I inquired what is the reason for why I can't stay in this divine state. The answer I got was that I should look at God as though I'm having a very intimate relationship with Him, even more intimate than the female partner I had. The answer I got was that I'm looking at God with less devotion than the relationship I've had. I wouldn't watch pornography when I'm in a relationship with a girl, so I can't, I definitely can't watch it if I want to be in a relationship with a God. But it's more than that, God interprets me cutting off my attention from Him and directing it to the world as cheating no matter what the form is, whether it's entertainment or junk food or video games. Pornography is the worst, but all other forms are also cheating. God requires total devotion. I asked about this of Keith Kavanaugh, the teacher of A Course in Miracles, supposedly, and he said, no, it's okay, you can play video games and reach God. It was so foolish of me to ask a teacher who isn't enlightened about how to get enlightened. He makes the same mistake most other Western teachers make. They take the parts they like of the teaching, mostly the meditation and the peace part, and omit the renunciation part. Jesus is very clear in A Course in Miracles that a teacher of God has to let go of all of the pleasures of the world, all of them. And Keith Kavanaugh said that, no, you don't have to do that. So obviously, he is wrong.

Nah it’s no good.

Trying this one, seems enticing so far:

The Bliss of the Celibate is a much better book than the Coiled Serpent. The depth of insight is different. The Coilder Serpent feels moreso surface-level, theoretical, speculative. Bliss of the celibate is very specific and i sightful. Concise and helpful.

Hmm okay, so my nightmared are just my deepest vasanas — deepest mental imprints. I played alot of apex legends, now I dream an amalgamation of apex legends and tv shows ai recently binged, like the Preacher. That’s a horrific combo. I’m always either chasing or running, by demons or plyers. It just feels so real and so intense. Video games and tv shows leave deep imprints in the mind.. that’s actually very bad. That’s why I should consume only sattvic content.

Damn insane nightmares again. I did eat before sleep. Never doing that again.

Dreaming day and night. Alone. Projecting everyone the same here and at night.

Lust is not only about sex. Lust is about all desires -- shopping, food, entertainment. All these are chains that bind to the illusory world.

The author of the book The Coiled Serpent states that things such as Tantra and teachings which proclaim that sexual union is akin and can inspire divine union are one of the most dangerous to a spiritual student, and I can see that clearly, how if you make this one mistake, you won't be able to transcend and rise to the highest centers. It's extremely dangerous, and it's what Lisa Cairns teaches, Tantra, Osho, and I believe many other teachers. The author also talks about how magic, how becoming a white magician, performing miracles depends on perfect continence. He says that only when you subdue your beastly nature can you become a perfect instrument for the divine. This is the core aim of the magician.

Onto the next:

Finished the book. One of the best books ever. Have multiple other alligned about celibacy. Waiting for kindle to arrive. But will also listen to audiboooks. Will attempt to maintain perfect celibacy forever. Allowing myself around an hour of comedy/social media dialy but that’s preetty much it. Sattvic diet started as well.

The author also talks about the more addicted you are to sex, the less discrimination you have as of the females you find attractive and want to spend time with. I noticed this in my own experience, that the more addicted I became to sexuality, the wider the range of females seemed attractive and good to procreate with. But when I abstain, I see those females as unworthy of my attention, impure, unwise. That is also why I didn't want to speak with men. You feel shame around men when you are addicted to sexuality. Anything becomes attractive to you when you are completely addicted. You become insane, demonic-like. Even blood can become attractive to you. And what is a demon than someone who takes pleasure when another is bleeding?

The author says that the transmutation happens when you learn how to raise that energy through your spine up to the higher energy centers. This is what I've learned from Jan Essman. And just in general, Kundalini Yoga, I believe, teaches you how to raise that energy through your spine. When on the in-breath, you raise the energy from the lower centers to the higher, and on the exhale, you just release and relax. That's the transmutation of the energy. If you are unable to do this, then the energy remains stuck in the lower energy centers, and you will feel extreme cravings. You will feel like such a powerful sexual entity, like you can please any female. And while that is true, it's a mistake to do that. It will only strengthen your vasanas. He says that you can even begin to practice some Tao practices where you circulate, where you touch your organ and you feel the pleasure without really finishing. He says that that damages the organ and further degrades you sexually and is an error on the path to purity.

The author further talks about an important point of how sexuality becomes perversed over time. If you are using your sexuality, it's a natural development that at first you might have been attracted by women's breasts, then their hips, then perhaps their vaginas, and then their anus. He says that when you're attracted to a woman's anus, you are established at the lowest energy center. If you keep going, if you keep your perversion going, then you might become attracted to even weirder things, like other men, or worse. He says that at any point you can realize how destructive sexual desire is and turn back. If you don't turn back, you might even lose the ability to reincarnate as a human in the next lifetime, if you die stuck to these lower energy centers. You are starting to become a demonic entity. You can contract physical and mental disease from watching porn and then an even deeper attraction from the demonic realms pull you.